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No other version of me I would rather to be tonight Lord she found me just in time

I’m just enlightened. I was introduced to the turducken last year. It was the most unnecessary thing on the planet, but by the gods did it taste really damn good.

I’ll tell on you.

That’s too much of anything. Like......that’s just so much. Why are you this extra?

Oh what? I’ll let it slip about your turducken.

I draw a hard line at tofurkey, Rivers. Give them something sustainable.

I don’t care what your license says. I’m your brother and I’ll try to kick you when I feel like it until the day I die.

It can be done well, East. Tofurky’s not bad, you’re just rude.

And as your brother, I have no problem making you kiss a sweaty mat when you do.

Oh you know I know. We were taught that at like, what? Seven? I feel no guilt participating in office Secret Santas.

If you pull magnets out of your pockets, I’ll kick you.

Oh, younger than that, I think. I just give a bonus, rent’s just insane here and my trainers work hard. I think we’ll bring back the potluck though, folks liked that a lot last year.

Do you think that's wise?

When I asked her about Thanksgiving, she called it a “gluttonous holiday”, so Christmas is a safe bet. Even though, by then she’ll revisit her anti-capitalism stance. But I’ll go home for Christmas. I do miss those crazy Midwesterners waving from their drives.

Oh god no, she said she’s spending Thanksgiving at an action anyway . There’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, you know that. I’m thinking I might too, it might be nice to go see some trees at home, be one with the earth for a second.

The volume with the thin texture. It’s a blessing.

Which means she won’t be ‘round for another month.

Oh shut up.

Probably not, she said something about Christmas, though. I think she was trying to be sly and say we should go home.

I avoid those too, actually. It’s this new conditioner. I don’t like it. Weighs my hair down.

I’m even putting it on, get this, sourdough toast. She’d faint if she saw.

I found only one kind of conditioner that works for my hair, it’s too thick for anything else. You have Mom’s hair.

I’ll keep your secret. She was here last week.

They’re not worth anything if you don’t turn them on, Rivers. It smells like a swamp in here.

I know it’s healthy and stuff, but I only just earned the choice to eat butter twelve years ago and I’m not going back.

It’s no different than a gym smell. They’re both on, go and stand in front of them. Anyways, you’re wearing too much cologne and it’s irritating my eyes. A single spritz is enough.