Rizu's Poetry @rizuuspoetry - Tumblr Blog

I disappear these days a lot

which I always did anyway,

but somehow this time it was different.

Different as if I didn't care anymore,

Which is the alternate truth, I don't.

I've become so good at letting go of people

That now it feels as if its nothing.

As if it's a daily chore, people come and go.

But you? I gave my heart to you one last time.

To check whether it's still beating or not,

Guess not only did it beat but that to be so violently.

And so strong it swiped me off my feet but only to fall,

To fall into my own mistakes once more.

To fall into a love that wasn't written for me.

To fall into the shallow end created by you.

And I had to let go of you as my final test.

That I knew you were never mine to keep.

That you were here to test my last straw.

And you became another testimony of

letting go in my life.

-Rz

You said sorry as if the word mattered more than this bond between us,

as if sorry will not only erase your mistakes but as well as my feelings for you,

as if all this mess , pain , hurt and ache will be erased just from a word 'sorry'' by you.

Because it can. Because I loved you enough that it can.

But why is that, because it can, is causing me so much distress,

Is it because that is the only thing that can be given by you?

Is it because that is the only thing you're capable of offering but not love?

That my ''i love you'' will never meet their ''i love you too'' back?

That my efforts will go but never to be reciprocated back?

That I'll always reach out to you first but never to meet you halfway?

That all I can do is shout at the top of my lungs,

and expose to the world of how far my love goes for you

but only to be met by silence at your end?

Is that it? The fate of my love?

Destined to be a lover girl but never to be loved back?

To be left on her own and to suffer till the end?

So this is how every unrequited love ends,

It never ends to be exact but maybe now I know ,

that the remains of our love, the ashes left by the fire,

never leave their places, just the wind carries it next to them,

so that even though I'll not exist for them anymore,

but I'll will watch over them until their last breath.

Because what is love, if it is not selfless till the very end?

-Rz

What should i do if not dwell in the past,

as if the reminders of your voice doesn't haunts me anymore,

as if the ruins of the past doesn't calls me anymore,

as if the haunting of your voice doesn't caresses me anymore,

as if the image of your smile hasn't appeared before me anymore,

as if the longing of your eyes doesn't pierces me anymore,

as if the laughter of your heart isn't echoing anymore,

because it does. It still does,

and I desperately long for it once again.

-Rz

Cry as much as you want,

for you are allowed to feel,

to feel this aching pain and grief,

the scars left by the other but not to hold it forever.

For, it'll ruin you forever and leave you to ashes.

But if you keep on holding despite the burning,

it'll leave you to ruins and the more you ruin yourself,

the more you'll be left in pieces scattered everywhere,

so let go and surrender,

for this pain deserves to be cremated, not to be killed by.

-Rz

To think again,

But not to poison my mind this time.

Instead to tell her,

That it's okay.

You're safe now,

You're loved,

You're worthy,

You're okay.

You are.

Trust it.

Trust yourself.

- Rizu

I don't know what I'm writing at this point

Something to make a meaning out of it

Something to make a meaning out of this pain

Cause if not that,

then what am I even worth of?

Or am I meant to be nothing?

Just scattered all around,

into this endless abyss.

- Rizu

Sometimes all I wanna do is shatter,

But even then nobody is there to hold me.

Sometimes all I wanna do is scream,

But even then nobody hears me out.

Sometimes all I wanna do is to be understood,

But even that is not possible with words.

Sometimes all I wanna do is perish away slowly,

But even death doesn't wanna spare me at this point.

- Rizu

It's happening again,

The pain, the ache, the memories,

It's rewinding again.

Taking me back to a place,

I never wanna visit.

But here I am,

Visiting the old grave again.

But it's as if everything is still new,

Feels too raw and open,

As if the wounds never healed,

from the first place.

It's like that one phase of life,

You know you're over it.

But at the same time , not really.

How badly I wanna hurt myself,

For allowing it to happen.

But as the same time,

How badly I wanna comfort myself,

Cause I knew I didn't deserve any of it.

If I looked over the time,

I'd say I'm doing well right now.

But I'm starting to question that too,

Whether if this all is just an illusion,

To keep my mind from getting shattered,

To keep my mind from going insane,

To keep my mind at bay,

and to be a damn normal human.

Not a mental patient who requires,

24/7 care and attention,

cause that's kind of pathetic, you know?

Maybe, I don't really know.

- Rizu ( unfiltered thoughts)

It feels so strange

Yet so familiar.

Like I've been here before

Yet so far away.

It's like a deja vu moment

I've seen it

I've felt it

I've loved it

But also hated it

That same feeling of being wanted

and unwanted at the same time.

As if somethings wrong with you

As if being yourself is a terrible sin.

And you just wanna disappear,

into an endless void and never look back.

I wish I could tell what was wrong with me

Or was it the world wrong this time?

- Rizu

I wonder how much can a heart handle until it eventually disintegrates into nothingness.

- Rizu

I often forget there's this magic that exists here

That breathes life into us.

That propels us to go forward.

Despite the hate , self loathing and no desire to live,

that no matter how many times we fall down, something is always there

that ignites this little spark in us.

Even if it's dead , the ashes don't fade away.

Maybe that's why we're still alive,

and trying to somehow make through it.

I hope this magic finds you and others too.

- Rizu ( pieces of life )

Everybody say " move on, you'll find someone better "

Cause it's easier to say that rather than to sit down and comfort somehow enough until they feel okay, maybe alive.

We are too selfish, ain't we?

- Rizu

Love is destructive and cruel.

But if it means I get to be with you,

then I'm ready to burn together in any fire even if it's hellfire itself.

- Rizu ( from my delusion)

People get ostracized for being unique,

and here I am, envying them for being special,

for being different than others and for being a rarity.

Which I am not.

And it is disappointing being normal, average, lame

and not having any extraordinary skills.

Sometimes I wonder what's my role here?

Or am I just an accidental extra brought up here?

Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here.

Maybe I was indeed a mistake.

But if every person has a reason to be here,

I wonder what's mine?

Or maybe I am just another tragedy waiting to be completed?

And waiting to be told to the world of her little sad tragic story.

That must be it.

Cause if not that, I don't know.

I don't know my purpose for being here.

I envy people for being different.

Cause I'm not.

And I wish I was different or maybe special ?.

- Rizu ( pieces of me )

I look at the sunset shimmering down,

breathing through everything.

I say the words "Hey, it's been so hard right?"

The small hand held in my mine squeezes

So I squeeze back and look at the small child sitting beside me

I tell her " Hey, everything's gonna be alright,

you have me here with you and I have you here with me."

"And I have myself " we say together.

As we smile looking at each other.

My inner child and me.

-Rizu ( pieces of me )

I stopped writing.

Not because I hate it,

just everything feels empty.

Life feels empty.

The colours have worned.

The dreams have stopped.

The miracles are gone.

Not cause God has abandoned me,

maybe I have.

I look at everything,

and everything feels either too deja vu

or nothing, just grey.

I wonder where all the colours went,

the magic of life, the purpose to live a life I desire.

I may be living now but it's more like a void.

Like a life of nothingness.

-Rizu

Tuesday.

#poetry #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #writers and poets #literature #literary quotes #original poem #spilled words #poem #excerpts from a book i'll never write #artists on tumblr #dark academia #light academia #dead poets society #the tortured poets department

As he held me

I succumbed to every thing

His warmth, his heat

The way his body dipped into curves

I silently lamented to God

" Oh lord please stop this time forever so that I could live this moment an infinite times with only him and I "

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