crying at all is humiliating, let alone in the presence of someone else. is it better or worse that he thinks he and hyunggu are in the early stages of a promising friendship? hyunggu could think he’s crazy and this might ruin everything. it’s undoubtedly awkward, made even worse by the fact that hyunggu thinks he’s apologizing for getting the move wrong instead, which admittedly, daniel probably would. yeji’s voice comes into his mind, saying don’t apologize, just do it right. he wonders if she’d tell him not to apologize for crying either, or to just suck it up and do what needs to be done. probably the latter. it’s why he tried so hard to fight back his emotions in front of the others, and why he feels like such a failure and burden now.
hyunggu is kinder than daniel expected, anxiety always painting out the potential to be so much worse than reality. “thank you,” he mutters, and dabs at his wet cheeks. “i’m sorry,” he apologizes again, on impulse, this time for the inconvience– for interrupting their practice, and for the uncomfortable position he’s put hyunggu in. does he want to talk about it, though? daniel hesitates in uncertain silence.
he’s all nervous energy, always, but he trusts hyunggu more than most in sphere. every time he thinks of him he thinks of that time, seated next to him, on the mgas, following sungwoon and eunji’s mistakes that eventually led to their elimination. he remembers how he tried to lighten the air, and he always appreciated that, and still does. maybe, hyunggu could lighten the weight on daniel’s shoulders again. he just fears that his worries will sound so foolish to someone else, like he’s grieving nothing, overdramatic and irrational. he doubts hyunggu would say that much, though, manners preventing it.
maybe that’s enough. “i don’t know,” he admits, and heaves a deep breath, trying to compose himself, but still irredeemably overwhelmed. “you remember my band, right?” maybe empty enigma made less of an impact on the mgas than he thought. he doesn’t know if it would be a shame or a relief. maybe the former, for how much they suffered because of their appearance– for how much daniel is to blame for the way everything fell apart. “and how kenta and woojin got signed?” it’s clear that woojin isn’t a trainee anymore, at least.
he stops. how does he say the next part without seeming undedicated? how does he continue without showing the fact that he isn’t cut out for being a trainee, and never was? “well, they aren’t trainees anymore, and…” i only signed my contract because i didn’t want them to be alone. he only signed his contract because he made sure they didn’t go into the mgas alone, and never imagined a scenario where they would become trainees without him. before long, they weren’t trainees without him, and now..he’s a trainee without them, instead. “it’s hard.” he wipes at his eyes again, then switches gears suddenly. “i’m sorry. i feel ridiculous; i just need to focus.”
he thinks he would consider them friends. they’ve known of each other for a while now, and had even participated in the mgas together, despite never being on the same team. he doesn’t dwell on many things concerning the mgas because those are in the past now -- and also, because he had won. he doesn’t even care about what a lot of the comments had said at the time, pushing those out of his ind now that he was a trainee and was working hard towards a goal, a dream, that he had had since he was much younger.
and it never hurt to be friends with people he was going to potentially debut with in the future, considering the fact that he probably would end up debuting with a majority of the sphere male trainees -- there had been so many trainees coming and going that if they didn’t include the convex members, he would probably be considered one of the seniors. which was strange since he had only been signed a few months ago. but he’s used to it, used to the turnover of trainees and the fresh faces that would come and go and the older faces that would leave sometimes too. he hopes that the friends he makes wouldn’t be leaving.
“it never hurts to talk about it,” hyunggu reassures the other male, not minding the break. he had thought they probably needed one anyway, the adrenaline making him bounce on his feet as daniel starts speaking. “yeah,” he answers the question he’s asked, remembering the band well. they had been notorious this season, though he doesn’t know why they had gotten as much hate as they did, considering he had met most of them and had thought they were all pretty cool people.
he remembers noting that woojin hadn’t been coming around anymore, having signed within a week of him and remembering being lost and confused together though they hadn’t spoken much during those beginning days. then he had skipped off to seocho and befriended other trainees, and hadn’t kept up. “i get it,” he tries to reassure the other trainee, clapping a hand on his shoulder just for a moment of solidarity. his past hasn’t come up, but he was a trainee in another company before sphere and his group had been dissolved right before debut. the bitter taste of defeat had never really left his tastebuds, to this day.
“yugyeom got eliminated too, remember?” he says, though the situation is quite different. “i almost didn’t want to keep going in the mgas without him ... but i’m waiting still,” he says, shrugging a bit, trying to lighten the topic. “maybe it’s a way of the world saying you need to branch out and not only rely on the same four people for your entire life.”
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