𝕾𝖆𝖛𝖆𝖌𝖊..

you will finally understand why storms are named after people.

[rkhyun]

▲ late night warmth (with one or two extras)

m o m e n t s  w i t h  @rksuas

CONVEX’s comeback is looming closer and closer; Hyun can tell as they get pulled into the recording studio to record their parts, and the practices get longer and longer.

That, and the tell-tale trip to the hair salon in preparation for a new concept.

Nothing really changes much for the Vocal Unit leader, though. He’s sure he’s quite well-known among the fans now for his rotation of ‘natural’ hair colours. Nonetheless, it’s protocol to cover his hair when in public after the salon trip, up until they can reveal any new changes (or lack thereof), and so Hyun is seen donning on a cap to cover as much of his hair as possible, as well as hiding half his face behind a face mask.

It’s almost become routine for him now, whenever he’s out and able in public areas and not working. Ever since January, he’s become wary – of who can be watching, who’s following. If he can, he tries to take a taxi if he’s meeting up with friends, but sometimes he can’t avoid the bus or train. He knows he’s not super famous enough yet to think so highly of himself to be tailed at every turn, but he’d like to try to keep some parts of his life private as much as possible. Although, if he were to truly want privacy, he would be best to finally study towards getting a driver’s licence. Purchasing a car though … that seems a bit far away with his current income. Maybe if he pushed himself harder in the coming months to gain solo schedules, he could afford one.

Nothing overly fancy, no; just something comfortable but nice.

‘It’d be nice if I could drive Sua around for once.’

Hyun thinks this as he asks the taxi driver to drop him off a couple blocks away from his final destination, a shower taken and clothes changed after a long day of practice, but only into a change of clothes that were rather similar to his practice attire earlier. His hair is a little messy, having been quickly dried with a small towel, but he doesn’t think Sua will mind much. Maybe the hat he has on will tidy it up a bit.

[ if i bribe the doorman to let me up again do you think jin or meimei would let me in ~~~~? ]

He sends the text to her as he wanders his way over to the apartment complex, head bowed in the glow of street lights, his gait swaying as he idly plays on his phone. In his bag are hidden some new pet treats, gifts he’s sure will go down well and give him some more scratches up his legs. He’s told his manager he’s going to visit an old work friend for a quick catch up as he misses the pets he used to work with, and knows he can’t stay out too late. “I’ll take full responsibility to wake up on time in the morning for practice, I promise,” Hyun had insisted. “If I don’t, you have full permission to throw cold water on me in the morning!”

[rksuas]

things slowly seem to be getting better.  sua isn’t the type to expect them to remain that way forever, though.

at the very least, hyun has been spending more and more time with her now that they’re actually able to start seeing each other.  these are days that she looks forward to, wishing that practice and the daily grind that supposedly gives the staff reason to choose one of the girls once a month would simply end so she could go home as soon as possible just to see him.  after all, hyun’s schedule differs so much from hers now.  he can show up to her place earlier and earlier, all the while she’s stuck performing tricks like a circus clown.

by the time the night of practice is over, sua’s walking to her car with a heavy sigh, pulling her phone out of her bag to see a text from hyun waiting.  it seems he’s already heading over her place, or there already.  she wouldn’t know just by the wording.

𝐒𝐌𝐒˟ .  if i give you the code, you can just let yourself in.  that would be smarter, wouldn’t it?

it’s something perhaps that she should have done a long time ago, but maybe it’s better late than never.  sending the code and climbing behind the wheel, she sends off one final text before she begins the journey back home.

𝐒𝐌𝐒˟ .  i’ll be home soon.

[rksuas]

rkchungha​: 

honestly chungha was still waiting for sphere to pull out the rug from beneath her. it was lingering in her mind every day as she learned the lyrics to singing in the rain. it was more electropop (kind of?) sound but it was definitely unique. it caught chungha’s attention immediately. she had found herself loving it more and more as time went on. sometimes it just didn’t click to her that this song was hers. it wasn’t a cover, it wasn’t homage to another idol, it was hers.

it didn’t seem real.

throw in learning the choreography (which wasn’t too bad, honestly) it really began to cement to chungha that this was it. how crazy was that? her song, her lyrics, her choreography. to add to it: she was even getting a duet with sua who had been confirmed the previous month. chungha’s entire life had been absorbed by the heartz project thus far but it seems like now that’s all her life was. nothing but heartz every day now. it felt chaotic but not in a bad way.

“i like your hair,” chungha tells sua with a smile. it was a little thrilling to be in a subunit with sua. they’ve both come such a long way to get here. it sort of felt….right, almost. she shrugs off sua’s apologies. chungha knew how busy she must have been with her own debut less than a month away and now she has to do a duet with chungha for her debut. it was crazy.

“i can’t expect you to drop everything and sing with me,” chungha jokes. truthfully most of her attention had been on her solo song as well. of course she practised love letter. it was every bit a song of hers as singing in the rain was but it fell to the backburner a bit. especially with her having to do the group evaluation too this month.

“i think i like the sound. it’s kind of slower tempoed but i think it’s really cute. i only heard the track and singing guide. i know it’s going to sound a lot different with our voices.” and the editing and changes to suit their vocals too. even if chungha liked it now, she knows it wouldn’t be the final product. “how have you been doing? excited for next month?”

the fact that she’s sitting here now, with chungha feels like a genuine relief.  the guilt that she felt last month is dissipating little by little and now that chungha has actually joined the lineup, things feel a little more righted in the world.  her own doesn’t feel like it’s tipping on its axis and like she could fall off at any moment.  the fact that they’re in a subunit together makes it all the more ... right.

there’s still a lot that sua has to come to terms with when it comes to heartz and being part of its lineup, not to mention being forced into a life with sphere for however long their contract term will be.  but at the very least, things are slowly starting to make at least a little bit of sense.  

she shakes her head to pull herself from her thoughts, a slight frown on her lips when chungha compliments her hair.  as if this isn’t just number one of a large number of things that she hates about her debut  -  sua never wanted to go blonde; she’s spent years keeping her hair dark and focused on keeping it undamaged.  that all went out the window the minute sphere decided she was going to debut.  “ mm .. thanks.  i guess it’s all right.” she says with a sigh, picking up a strand of her dead hair and frowning as it falls lifeless from her fingers.  “ hopefully i can go back dark soon.”

sua tucks her hair back behind her ear and shakes her head once more, waving her off.  “ your second song is still important, even if everyone’s attention will be on your debut song.  and for that, you need me but i wasn’t here so ... i still want to make some time for you.”

flicking through the sheet music, sua nods with a hum.  “ i was listening to the guide for it on the trip to film my music video.  our voices will suit it well, i think.  i can’t imagine singing it with anyone else.”  she says finally, sitting back in her seat but the next question gives her pause.  “ i’m fine.” truthfully, she’s not really sure how to answer it.  excitement is definitely not the word that she would use.  “ i think i’m too tired right now to feel excited. maybe ask me again next month.”

[rksuas]

‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ TO MAKE A FAMILY.

HEEJIN ...

     heejin is nervous, and rightfully so.

     while birthdays have always been something to look foreword to, this year brought on hesitance and the smallest vision of doubts— while there was no uncertainty as to whether she would have a good birthday this year ( she was entering her twenties, had a steady group of people around her she felt she could put her trust in, and her future only seemed to be growing brighter ), deep down, there was something she really wanted to happen. something that she had to initiate in order to make happen.

     heejin had never been on the timid side, was always the type of person who spoke her mind and told it how it was, but as the hours go by and her birthday is spent, she can’t help how antsy she starts to feel. that sort of anticipation only grows as she and sua enter the older woman’s apartment, heejins grip on her bag firm as to not risk somehow losing the precious bounty inside.

     she’d thought long and hard about this, and while she thinks she knows what will happen, she’s still scared. despite that, however, and despite how she’s sure sua has picked up on her mood, she still clears her throat at the apartments entrance, hands nervously digging for the folder she’d had hidden in her desk back home for the last two weeks.

     "uh, sua— wait, ma,“ she internally curses her fumble, cheeks burning. taking a second to think, she exhales, slowly pulling out the folder as she speaks, taking out papers she’s practically memorized at this point. she forgoes tact, getting right to the point. "you’ve always done so much for me, and i know asking this of you on my birthday might be cheating but…will you sign these?” she doesn’t say more, simply hoping the words adoption forms printed boldly at the top will give sua all the answers she needs.

˟ ▀  &. @rkheejin 

today is heejin’s birthday, and for that fact alone, sua decides to spend a night outside the dorms and in her own home (  her real home  )  for a little bonding time and a small celebration.  it’d be good for meimei and jin to see heejin, and after the clear instructions she’s left the housekeeper, she’s certain that the house will be tidy with a few decorations of flowers, balloons, and a beautifully lit cake will be waiting for them when they walk in.

she’s wriggling out of her shoes easily at the entrance, feeling much more at ease coming home to her place rather than the dorm room that’s starting to feel all too cramped and messy and sua won’t lie  -  she is a little excited for heejin’s birthday, after all.  this year, she turns twenty.  it’s her first day leaving her teens.

heejin, though, doesn’t seem quite right.  there’s been an odd sense of quiet rather than excitement for her birthday celebrations that sua’s been stewing over the entire car ride home, wondering if perhaps something happened during her practices that she has to sort out.  she figures if heejin doesn’t perk up, she’ll have to ask her about it as she reaches for the door to the foyer, only to be stopped by heejin’s grasping tone and her fumbling voice.

she stops.

her brow knits together at heejin’s little speech, wondering if perhaps this is what was stressing the girl out so much.  “ i don’t know what you’re so nervous about.” she muses, opening the door and flicking on the lights so that she can read the wording a little more clearly but when she does, she drops the papers.  it’s hard not to look at heejin in incredulity, it’s hard not to feel her heart race and the expression that she’s always so carefully manufactured to look uncaring breaks as her eyes well up with tears.

for her twentieth birthday, heejin wants to be adopted.  and not just by anyone, by her.  she bends down to quickly gather the papers that fell loose on the floor by her startled realization, being thrown back to days that she’d rather not remember and all the things she’s lost and the desperate, clawing, feral part of her that clung to heejin and allowed her to be a mother all these years.  with these papers, she no longer has to pretend; with these papers, heejin will be hers.  her daughter.  “ are you sure that this is what you want?” sua wipes away a trail of tears with the back of her hand, careful not to get the papers wet with her emotion.  “ you’ve really thought it through?”

[rksuas]

                                   the ashes of raccoon city would be umbrella’s ashes, too.                                                                         i would end them once and for all.

                                                                            KIM SUA as JILL VALENTINE

[rksuas]

rkheunji​: 

“i know, i know but.” eunji dramatically raised her hand and pouted a bit. “a girl likes to spend money, especially when we need a little pick me up.” like once her name hadn’t been announced, she went on a shopping spree. oh it felt great. and whenever she felt down? more shopping. “so! just let me treat you, it’s a treat for me too.” 

there was a pleased smile on her face as she watched sua take it. “some people might say i am too much…so we go hand in hand.” eunji shrugged, finally putting down the menu now that she knew what she wanted. “so now you just have to out do me for for my birthday..i-” anything that she was going to say had been cut off by the waiter appearing. “are you two ready to order?” 

immediately upon hearing the words pick me up, sua knows what this is about  -  maybe because she and eunji are a little similar and react to bad things in similar ways.  sua used to be a lot more self destructive, but now her coping mechanisms involve spending money.  she can only guess at why eunji was feeling this way.  “ are you upset that you’re not the girl of the month?” sua finally asks, feeling a little awkward  -  because she was chosen.  " you can be upfront with me. i’m not going to be upset.”

after all, she was already feeling quite guilty for the selection.  but eunji doesn’t seem particularly fazed about it right now  -  sua still wants to know.  she gives the waiter her order quickly and waits for them to go away, eyes staring at eunji with a mild expression.  “ i don’t mind outdoing you for your birthday.  but i still want to know what you’re feeling.”

[yuzurk]

@rksuas ( dated to early september )

it’s been a month since yuzu had moved but so far she hadn’t made much progress to feeling at home in this dorm. the constant awareness of 4- now 5 other girls around her she could potentially upset with just being herself keep her more quiet, more thoughtful, more avoidant of them solely out of fear for stepping onto anyone’s toes. 

now that she has not one but two roommates, the unwillingness of her brain to rest and just sleep was even greater and she wondered if she would ever call this place her home.

patting into the kitchen at the woo hours in the morning, she’s surprised to find sua there. how out of it was yuzu to not even have noticed the female missing from her bed. “hey eonni,” she greets the other sleepily, brushing her hair back casually. “what ya doin’ up?”

[rksuas]

in a few more days, she’ll have the dorm completely to herself.  that doesn’t really mean that she’s thrilled about staying there alone  -  or that she’s thrilled about being here at all.  it’s hard to get comfortable in a place that feels too small and out of her element.  this place doesn’t feel like home; she doubts that it ever will.  being in a house with (  eventually  )  twelve other girls when she had an entire penthouse to herself feels a bit like someone is playing a really bad joke.

the discomfort has been making it hard to sleep.  maybe she’ll have to get her brother to buy her a good mattress at the very least, because this bed in the dorm is just not cutting it for her.

maybe yuzu is the same, because she seems to be padding out of their shared room  -  or maybe she just came out to get a drink or something.  sua doesn’t pretend to know what’s going on in that girl’s head.  “ i can’t sleep.” she says finally, straightening her body as she tilts her head.  “ i could ask the same for you, though.”

[rksuas]

this month feels a bit like a whirlwind.  where things seemed to go far too slowly before, days inching by where sua would count down until she could actually deny her contract renewal as if driven by a snail ... it all seems too fast now.  now, sphere expects the same out of her that they did back in january, too much time spent in practice rooms and not enough rest.  it’s like they’re telling her once more that they want to break her, but sua is resilient and resistant.  she always has been the rebel with a cause.

this month, aside from her own filming and modeling and recording  -  now, with the addition of chungha, she has a third song to learn in a short period of time.  two songs of her own, and one shared with the second girl in their three part subunit learned in the span of two months.  is it always going to be this hasty?

sua keeps the music sheets in front of her, her face carefully neutral.  love letter is another song that she finds surprisingly to her tastes, and singing it with chungha at her side feels oddly fitting.  turning her attention to chungha, sua tucks back a piece of her now blonde hair  -  that she quite frankly, hates  -  behind her ear before speaking.  “ sorry i haven’t been around to practice with you enough the past week.” she pauses.  “ they’ve had me running everywhere, but .. looking at it, i think this song is good for us.  what do you think?”  

˟ ▀  &. @rkchungha

[mxnark]

so you think you can dance?

ft. @rksuas

her first heartz group evaluation doesn’t seem too difficult for her. at least, if she focuses on herself. with the fact that it was news by k.arma, a.k.a one of the bestest girl groups ever, mina already was confident in herself for getting the choreo down. with the fact that she only had to rap a few lines, she was confident that she had this evaluation in the bag. because on her own, kang mina could get through this.

but it was a group evaluation. and yes, though mina was at least acquainted with majority of the group, being friends with half of them, she still was intimidated by all of them. maybe chungha and yurim a litle less, given one is her roommate and the other is practically her equal in sphere. she’s managed to reach out to the people she knows at least a little bit more in order to help her out with the evaluation. but there was still some people she needed to go to for aid. specifically, someone she knew that could give her helpful advice.

while mina has not really talked to the other, she knew from second-hand experience (her brother on the same season of the mgas with her) that sua knew what she was talking about when it came to dancing. and yes, while mina is very much sure that she’s a better dancer than daniel, sua is her senior for a reason. and yes, while she admit that the aura the other gives is strong, she couldn’t help but be amazed by it. even watching her onscreen, all she could think about was how cool she was.

so, she uses all the courage she can to approach her in the practice room. “sunbaenim,” she says with a small smile. she’s aware she seems a little timid, but she couldn’t really help it. “could you help give me some tips on my dancing?” should she give an explanation. “it’s just that- i know you’re a really talented dancer and i want to make sure i do well for my first evaluation. so…”

[rksuas]

the new sphere girls being introduced into the project later than the rest upon only the skills presented in their audition seems to have ruffled some feathers if what sua is hearing whispered on the grape vine is true.  it's a good thing that she set the idiots who messed with eunbi straight before they arrived, otherwise she might have had to have another stern talking to with them and this time, she probably would have been about ten times more cruel and scared more than just yoojung with her cold behaviour.

in saying that though, she still hasn't managed to greet or talk to them very much.  after all, the month is hard and they're all just trying to survive a war that sphere is putting them through  -  something she doesn't even want to experience, but here she is fighting the quote unquote " good fight ".  sua sighs a little as she practices through working on the choreography for the chosen song of the month; although it's not a song that she enjoys at the very least, she's the type to always put in the work.

the practice room is quiet as she works  -  aside from the notes of the song playing from the speakers in the corner.  she's far too focused to really notice one of the newer girls approaching her, keeping a close watch on her movements to be sure there's nothing unnecessary or inelegant about her dance.  even if it's not a choreography that really suits her tastes, sua at the very least wants to dance it properly.  she's a dancer, after all.  it'd make a mockery of the art form if she were to be lazy just because she didn't like it.

she stops though when a turn leads her face to face with mina.  even the way her body ceases to move is graceful in itself, and sua blinks slowly at the girl who seems slightly timid even approaching her.  maybe it's because she was dancing? then again, it's not like sua doesn't know how hard it is to approach her at times.  the request though, comes as a bit of a surprise  -  its not like sua didn't know that mina knew some of the others right off the bat.  if anyone, she was sure that the girl would probably ask chungha before her.  " ... i can." sua finally replies, running her fingers through her hair and pushing it back into place now that she's decided to stop practicing for a moment.  " though i have to see you dance first."

[rksuas]

rkheejin​: 

     there’s silence for a moment, heejin keeping mum, simply letting the older comb fingers through her hair, and already heejin can feel herself growing tired. it’s so easy to forget just how tired she can sometimes get when she spends her days constantly trying to show her best— it’s been that way for her for a long time, and while she’d never admit it, there are times when everything comes somewhat close to a breaking point. she’s a strong girl, she knows she is, but even someone like her has moment where she needs comfort ( regardless of whether she’d admit it or not ).

     when sua pulls away, heejin feels embarrassment at how easy it is for sua to understand her. it’s not bad, she quiet likes that the older has that ability, but it’s only natural since not many are able to do that with her. “i just missed being here, ok…” she’s slightly pouty, eyes wide.

     making her way towards the bath, heejins pout grows a small bit, and while the older can’t see it heejin is sure she can hear it in her voice. “i’ve gotten better! i’ve been trying to snack less so i can get into a more regular eating schedule, this is the first time i’ve forgotten in a while,” she tries to sound convincing because, while it’s not a lie that she’s been trying, she can’t admit this isn’t her first slip up this week alone. “i’m surprised jin hasn’t tried to barrel his way over here yet.”

heejin is the love of her life in a way that sua can't quite explain.  sometimes she wonders if perhaps she really was her mother in a past life and they found their way back to each other in this one.  all that she knows is that when sua needed her the most, when she was suffering from guilt from things that she'd never say aloud, heejin filled a void in her that she lost.  although the love they share is that of family, even if sua didn't really give birth to the girl  -  sometimes, it just feels like she almost did.  or could have, even.  sitting here like this, brushing heejin's hair through her fingers to try and comfort her stresses is simply one of those times that sua realizes she'd burn the world if anything ever happened to her girl.

her girl.  her baby.

maybe no one else will understand, but sua doesn't need them to.  as long as heejin is at her side, then sua will find herself content.

it's why her smile comes easier for heejin than it does for anyone else.  " are you embarrassed about it?" sua asks, brushing down the flyaways in heejin's hair gently.  " don't look at me like that.  you could have come anytime you wanted to."

sua shakes her head disapprovingly.  although she can't say that she's much better than heejin  -  in fact, most people would say she's infinitely worse  -  it's more important to her that heejin at least eats properly.  training isn't easy, and training while being in a competitive debut process is even harder.  " i'll order something.  start eating better."  she says chidingly, searching through her bag on the counter to find her phone.  " if you want to see him, jin is probably in his room.  it's late, he's probably just sleeping."  she pauses.  " and meimei will take a bath with you if you put her in her boat."

[rkheejin]

‧ ₊ ˚ ♡ NEEDED.

     heejin will admit it— throughout september, she hasn’t spent as much time with sua as she normally would, but her reasons are anything but malicious. from the moment the older woman was picked as the next girl to debut, heejin couldn’t have been any happier, couldn’t have been any more proud, to see sua get something she was so deserving of. heejin admired her for a lot of things, but her ability to preserver and work hard was something heejin thought incredibly highly of, and with that in mind, heejin had thought the older woman might want to double down on her debut preparations.

     so, heejin does her best not to seem like a bother, not wanting to take up too much time during something where suas attention was required. now that it’s the end of the month, heejin feels a bit lighter, happy to be at suas apartment after being away for a bit. she’s curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, head resting on the back cushion as she looked at sua. “what have debut preparations been like?”

                                                          ———— for you, @rksuas​ ♡

[rksuas]

there's at least something that she dislikes about being a confirmed member of heartz  -  amongst all the uncertainty and the fury, they've basically stripped her away wholly from heejin.  either that, or heejin has just distanced herself from her and that's not something that sua is really pleased with either.  although the younger girl was more than happy about her confirmation for debut, sua at this point can't help but wonder what the distancing was about.  there was so much time this month where she was alone, left to rot in a dorm room that was quiet and unfamiliar.  in the end, she ended up at home more than she even slept in the dorm and it was supposed to be her first month in a brand new place.  heejin could have come over to spend just as much time as they could have together, considering the fact that sua supposes things will get harder now that she'll be filming in the coming weeks.

at least there's tonight, but sua doesn't plan on letting this lie.  she's not the type to swallow her unhappiness  -  not anymore, not with the people that she cares about.  she stands up and she fights, and that's where sphere was wrong about her.  she may be lying low for now, but there is no part of sua that has lost her venom.  " ... fine.  there's not much to say about it.  it's about the same level of annoyance that i expected."  sua sits gracefully next to the place heejin is curled up on the couch, frowning only slightly.  " there are more important things to talk about, anyway."  she turns her head to look at heejin, obvious disapproval in her eyes.  " do you want to explain to me why you barely even talked to me this month?"

[vampyrlig]

TOO MANY ANGELS DYING NOW I’M GONNA CHANGE YOUR MIND

[rksuas]

rkhyun​: 

Their comeback is drawing nearer and nearer, the days in the countdown now reduced to single digits, which means almost all of his time is consumed by endless practice. There’s still things to perfect, still parts to fix and tidy up so that they can present a cohesive and flawless stage and not disappoint.

(He feels like he always causes some degree of disappointment, though; there’s always something he doesn’t quite get right, even if only he notices it).

But there’s also the delicate balance of working hard but still trying to take care of their bodies. There’s no point in working themselves to the bone and not being able to perform properly in the weeks to come, yet Hyun wonders what hours in the day he has to be able to do so. It’s been reduced to the short time before he collapses onto his bed to sleep for the night, a couple hours maybe where he showers and nurses any sore muscles, or is given a hot soothing drink by Woohyun.

It’s also a time where he can finally reconnect with the outside world, outside of his bubble of work.

Tonight, he’s wandered up to the rooftop again, just for a moment of peace and … a puff of a vice of his that he hasn’t quite shaken even after all these years. A faint ringing breaks the music of the city sounds and he yanks his phone out. As usual, a grin slides onto his face as he sees the name of the caller and answers; he has more control of his expressions in public now, but in private he lets his natural relfexes take over, the camera lens capturing a full shot of his smile (albeit at a shaky angle, the other hand occupied with a cigarette).

“Miss Ice Cream Princess~ Ma nigh’s be’n made inf’nitely bett’r ‘cause of ya~” he drawls in the full glory of his Busan dialect, before switching to his usual, ‘standard’ Seoul way of speaking. “Hmmm~ … I almost tripped Sehunnie up, but I swear it was an accident. Other than that, we’ve nearly fully got it all perfected~ Then we’re ready for comeback.”

His smile widens, interest sweeping over his face. “News? What news? Did Jin do a big one today? Wait, Eric isn’t mad at me, is he–”

should she even be on the phone with hyun right now? sua knows that she needs to talk to him  -  that she should talk to him, considering the news.  she also knows that hyun would be ultimately disappointed if he found out through others that she was selected for heartz instead of through her.  there's so many reasons that she should just tell him and get it over with, but she can't help but think of the fact that he's far too busy dealing with his soon to be comeback stage than to deal with her right now.

she shouldn't be thinking this way.  it's only a thought that baek jiyoung poisoned her with.  hyun has never seemed to care at all, and when he couldn't talk he always told her so.

maybe sua is just feeling a little more guilty lately because of the situation  -  her questionable desire to be in the group versus the others who desperately want to be there, and whether or not she even belongs in sphere to begin with.  perhaps they're trying to tell her that she belongs, but she doesn't feel like it.  they made her feel like the odd girl out.  that's on them.

still, when hyun answers her call, it relaxes her  -  albeit slightly.  her brow furrows together at the shakiness of his camera and the dark of the outside casting shadows on his bright smile.  " are you smoking again?" she asks dully, the disapproval clear on her face.  perhaps that's a bit hypocritical, considering all the shit she's done in the past  -  but he's a singer.  he really shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff now, and she's long since stopped her own bad habits.  for the most part, at least.

his dialect slips into his manner of speech and sua can't help but snort.  as much as she pretends to hate it, hyun knows all too well how much his busan dialect really moves her.  that's a secret between them, though.  " you flatter me."  she says in a bored tone, leaning back into her pillows and sighing.  " you're still tripping up your members? aren't you coming back soon?"

this isn't what they're supposed to be talking about, but sua feels a little uneasy to bring it up fully on her own.  she bites the inside of her cheek  -  although she's told him that she has some news, it doesn't exactly make her feel better.  " you're disgusting." she mutters, shaking her head.  " did you do something eric should be mad at you for? be careful, or he'll actually get a gang to kill you."  biting her lip, she sits up with the phone still held to show her face.  at this point, she should just bite the bullet.  " i'm the next girl, hyun."

[memoriesofyccjungrk-deactivated]

beautiful minds.

a closed starter for @rksuas

gahyeon can’t say she was surprised that sua was confirmed in heartz, especially so sooner. after all, the older girl was very clearly one of the more motherly members in the project thus far, it only made sense they had a level-headed one among them all. even those who wouldn’t end up debuting were similar enough, personality wise, that it was clear the group would be chaotic. they needed sua.

but gahyeon had to admit, she was a little sad to see the elder girl leave. it was odd, really - gahyeon hadn’t realized they’d grown close throughout the past month until it was clear sua was going to spend less time with them. gahyeon felt strange - it was almost like every time she began to get close to someone they were whisked away. she wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but she tried to ignore it for now. she wanted to be happy for the girls that were chosen, after all. because even though gahyeon wasn’t chosen, at least they were having a good day … right ?

on one of the few days sua was working with them, gahyeon turned to the older girl with a soft smile. “ how are preparations going ? ” she asks, voice careful. she hasn’t exactly been able to read how people were feeling about debut, so she’s sort of wants to dance around it. “ i’m sure it’s a little stressful, huh ? i hope everything’s going well, though. i’m sure it’s stressful, so suddenly - but i think you suit the concept really well. ” she points out with a soft smile. “ you’re going to do really well as the first girl of the unit, you know … i’m interested what it’s going to be like - you’re gonna do well. ” she hums.

[rksuas]

practice with the girls left in the project feels a little bittersweet.  one more month of this, but there's no more wondering whether or not she'd make it in.  for six months of the heartz project, sua was certain that she'd be the only one who didn't have a spot in the debut lineup and to have that certainty ripped out like a rug from beneath her feet left her off balance and confused.  she's not really sure how she's supposed to react anymore and she's certainly not thrilled about being tied to a group in sphere of all places for the next foreseeable years to come.  she'd honestly been hoping not to make it and to say fuck you, i'm out as soon as her contract expired.  that much she promised hyun.

she could have never foreseen this happening.  not after what happened to her at the beginning of the year.  that's why part of her wishes that she was back in the project and suffering along with the other girls.  it's almost a pain in her gut, the overwhelming guilt that she feels washing over her as she shows up for a practice here and there to see the last of the girls in the project still aiming for their spot at debut.

gahyeon is no exception.  she still looks tired.  maybe if she had more time to convince gahyeon not to push herself too hard, she would have been a little less weary going into the future months too.  sua doesn't respond at first, keeping her expression neutral as she thinks.  "i guess they're not too bad."  she says finally, turning her head away to bend and tie her shoe a little tighter.  "i like the song a lot better than the ones that they gave to 1/3 at least.  it's more my taste."  sua pauses when gahyeon mentions that she suits the concept.  is that what this is about? fitting a mold? she has to hold herself back from clicking her tongue in annoyance, slowly righting herself and turning her attention back to the other girl.  "we'll have to see about that.  they still haven't told me what they've thought of my progress on the song."  after a small pause, she continues with a confession, "i like the song, even though the process is difficult.  hopefully you will, too when you hear it."

[rksuas]

there seems to be a lot of september birthdays already in the group of heartz, starting with hers and ending with yuzu's.  the group isn't even fully decided upon yet, and already there are at least three birthdays this month.  she can only imagine the scrambling of the fans when they realize it, trying to get birthday projects together for three members at once will probably prove difficult.  truthfully, sua isn't really sure why she's thinking of the future like this.  she's still not even sure how to feel about the current situation.

still, since yuzu spent some time to make her feel welcome in the beginning of the month and tried to cheer her up with a birthday cake as she was moving in, sua thinks it's important for her to do the same.  they'll be spending a lot of time together for the next few years it seems.  they'll be growing closer as time goes by.

sua wears a thin smile as she cuts off the lights in their little room, the light from the candles of a cake she bought from one of the high end confectionaries in gangnam casting dancing shadows on the walls.  it's a pretty unceremonious occasion, especially considering that yuzu has been revealed as a member of heartz and just came back from hong kong and is likely exhausted but  -  even a small gesture still means a lot coming from her.  “ happy birthday." she finally says, simply and calmly.  " sorry i'm not singing."

˟ ▀  &. @yuzurk 

[rksuas]

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀              ˟  9월  、 heartz solo evaluations          (       eclipse ,   mastery & recording       )        ____________________

the girl of the month is ... kim sua.

at first, she thought that they were playing with her.  she was waiting for them to take it back, a cruel joke that they'd laugh about later.  after all, sua's used to being toyed with in sphere; someone they think they can crush and mold into their vision of a perfect girl for their little war game group.  she thinks they're playing with her, but then comes the applause.  there isn't a just kidding added to the end of that sentence.  

they're really trying to make her a member of heartz.  the first of a new unit, one that's made up of three.  certainly there's a lot of expectations riding on her shoulders; sua wants to be the one to call this a joke and tell them no but she keeps her mouth shut.  why does she keep her mouth shut? is it the guilt? the fear of what the other girls will think if she says that she doesn't want this when they're trying so hard to be in the position she's in?  what a lame birthday gift.

she's not used to staying quiet when she has something to say, but when it comes to sphere, it's as if sua is growing complacent with tasting blood in her mouth.  

as the month goes on, she continues to hear it: the girl of the month is kim sua.  it rings in her ears when she's presented with her song, eclipse  -  it's actually a song that she rather enjoys; she's surprised that it's hers to sing and that they're giving it to her at all.  she's surprised at the motions of the choreography, so different to those of the girls in heartz 1/3.  she gets her second song, a second solo and it's another that suits her talents well, so maybe she does belong here.

but does she want to belong here? it's a question that she doesn't know the answer to, so for now she goes through the motions and slowly makes herself enjoy the things they've given her.  for the girls.  for hyun, who is excited for her.  and for herself.  after such a rough year, sua thinks she at least deserves that much.

the girl of the month is kim sua, and she deserves this eclipse.

[rksuas]

rkwxnb​: 

She was a nervous wreck to say the least. Absolutely petrified at this point, however, her curiosity of the unknown is the only thing keeping her afloat. The manager has sent her a copy of several photos from the photoshoot a while back, now it could be any one of them that would be used for her reveal. Then some time during the day she was sent the actual thing through her email, one she refused to look at or acknowledge because then it would only solidify what is actually happening. 

Keeping silent from most of the afternoon and remaining to herself, Eunbi enters their shared room just in time for when Sua beckoned her over. “Hey Sua-unnie,” smiling brightly at the older girl, despite her own mixed emotions she was ecstatic for Sua to be joining the front line of heartz with the rest of the girls residing in the dorm with them. Bashfully shaking her head, she takes up the seat next to Sua, chewing on her lower lip as she stares at her own bed from across the room. “No I haven’t yet actually… I’m- I don’t- should I?” Looking lost as she seeks Sua’s gaze as though the older woman held all the answer to everything out there. 

she imagined this kind of reaction for herself on her own reveal day.  quiet, and avoidant  -  but sua definitely didn’t expect it from eunbi.  the girl was excited to debut when she was selected for the lineup to heartz, but today instead of being thrilled and ready for the moment of her reveal, she’s been keeping to herself or spending more time focusing on other things.

of course sua is concerned. there’s clearly something wrong.  “ mm.” she hums in response to eunbi’s greeting, making room on her bed for the younger girl.  she’s holding her phone in her hands, but she won’t open anything until they’ve talked a little more about whatever kind of reaction that eunbi’s having right now.  “ you don’t want to?” she questions, her own expression a carefully crafted neutral mask.  “ did something happen with the photos that you aren’t happy about?”

[rkheunji]

“thank you for coming to dinner with me unnie.” even though, eunji hadn’t really given sua much of a choice. it was still nice to thank her. and there were many reason’s why they needed to go out and celebrate. many reasons. one it was sua’s birthday, a good enough reason as any to go out and have some but. two, sua was also the girl of the month. eunji was happy for her, if not a little sad and frustrated but she wouldn’t let that ruin a good time. “order whatever you want, how much ever you want. it’s all on me.”

“that’s not all!” she wanted to get it done before the waitress returned to take their orders. “you don’t strike me as the kind of gal that’s into meaningless gifts. so i wracked my brain, which was hard because i don’t have any.” there a small chuckle and she picked up the gift bag she had beside her, handing it over to sua. “so! i found a craft shop and i made a cute little hand-made bracelet and…a small photo album of the pictures we’ve taken together so far. open it! tell me what you think!” 

@rksuas

[rksuas]

it was a surprise to be invited out by eunji so suddenly, and it was clear that the younger girl wouldn’t really take no for an answer.  although there was a lot for her to think about, sua begrudgingly agreed  -  though truthfully, she probably wouldn’t have said no either way.  even apart from her own feelings and disappointments, eunji seems like she’s having a hard time behind the happy mask she’s putting on for her.  (  it wasn’t hard to see the way her world crashed down when her name wasn’t announced for the sixth time.  )  “ you don’t have to pay for everything.  i have a black card too, you know.”  sua says finally.

she’s flipping through the menu when eunji pipes up again, raising her brow quizzically as she looks at her.  “ you’re doing too much.” she sighs in defeat, taking the gift from her with the ghost of a smile. it’s true, though  -  in comparison to fancy gifts that her friends obviously can’t afford but try to just because she’s rich, she much prefers gifts like these.  “ thank you, though.  i mean it.”