Given than Moonbok has been revealed as PER_SE member IC, I’ve put together a (long-ish dsjkfs) post of basic information netizens should/shouldn’t know about him, along with his public appearances and skill/points breakdown.
It goes without saying that I’m more than happy for netizens to talk about him now, I’m long over my post-MGA anxiety of my characters being discussed IC uwu
(Btw if anyone now wants to thread about the reveal/isac/the idol halloween party, feel free to slide into my dms *eye emojis*)
(페르세) PER_SE New Lineup Reveal.
Hui, Nori, Yuchan, Jungwoo, and Junju are joined by Moonbok in their odyssey.
If you like this video, please click “LIKE” and “SUBSCRIBE”.
#AND*ROMA
This video is uploaded to NOVA Entertainment’s official YouTube page at 12PM on October 19th.
it hadn’t really been too much of a surprise to him when they’d announced that per_se would have a new addition. with how rap heavy some of their songs could get, it wasn’t as though haknyeon could carry them alone, so it made sense to him that they’d add another rapper.
the other members, admittedly, weren’t quick to open up, and haknyeon understands that. truth be told, he’d been a little distant in the beginning as well, but haknyeon’s never been the kind of guy to stay that way for long. they were going to be a team, and teams had to work well together to succeed. the last thing he wants is for moonbok to feel out of place for simply being new, and simply being picked as the new addition. he’d attempted to get closer to moonbok, invited the boy to rap practice sessions and to have meals together, after all, it was the least he could do to give him a warmer welcome.
he’d invited moonbok to practice a few verses with him in the practice room once again, claiming that synergy between the two rappers would be important. it’s when they take a short break does he walk towards his bag and pulls out a tangerine.
“hyung!” he says, turning to moonbok. “i remember you mentioned the tangerines before… so i asked my mum to send me some to share with you,” he says, taking a seat beside the older boy. he unpeels the tangerine for moonbok before offering it to the older boy, “here, for you,” he smiles. he takes a bite of his own tangerine and turns to look at moonbok. “is it hard?” he asks, voice gentle. “i know some of the other members haven’t quite open up yet,” he continues, “if they’re ever being too tough on you, you can come to me and i’ll scold them okay? give them some maknae fury,” he says jokingly, an attempt at lightening up the mood. “but really, they’re nice guys, i promise,” he smiles.
It was a little strange, both he and Haknyeon had participated in the MGAs two years ago, with the results being obvious; Haknyeon being offered a contract while Moonbok had been eliminated early on. And yet, here they are two years later, in the same group, (hopefully) gearing up for a comeback.
(Or in Moonbok’s case, a debut.)
Thankfully, while there was still some awkwardness between him and the rest of the members, Moonbok and Haknyeon had hit it off fairly quickly. Sure, there’d been plenty of awkwardness between them too, but when Haknyeon had invited the older boy to practice sessions for rapping, Moonbok had eagerly agreed, happy for a chance to both prove himself to the members and try to make friends while he was at it.
And, much to his happiness (and relief), things had naturally progressed from there on, practice sessions had turned to having meals together to a genuine friendship beginning to bloom. So when Haknyeon calls him to have another rap session again, Moonbok happily forgoes dance practice that evening to work with the younger boy.
Even if a part of his mind reads him the riot act for ‘slacking off.’ Moonbok decides to justify it by promising to wake up earlier tomorrow to get more dance practice in.
They’re taking a break when Haknyeon holds out a tangerine in offering, and Moonbok can’t help but break into giggles when the younger boy explains where he’d gotten them. He’d initially only brought up the food when they’d been talking about the MGAs and Moonbok had gently teased Haknyeon about being the ‘doctor’ of the competition because of his tangerines. He hadn’t actually expected the younger to bring it up again. But he accepts the snack with a grateful smile and heartfelt thanks.
“Thank you Haknyeon-ah~”
As he eats a segment of the fruit, Moonbok tilts his head at the question, initially misunderstanding it, thinking Haknyeon is talking about the fruit being hard. Luckily for Moonbok, his brain catches up to his mouth before he speaks for once. Swallowing, he offers the maknae a smile and hums softly before answering.
“Ah, I won’t lie, it is a little. I’m used to being an oddball, though.” he admits with a shrug, his smile a little sad before he fixes it into (what he hopes is) a more carefree one. “But don’t worry about it Haknyeon-ah! And don’t get into trouble for my sake, ok? I’m not worth that.” he says in a mock warning tone before he lets out another laugh.
“Really though, it’s fine. Things.... they’re gonna be weird for a while, for everyone. But it’ll work out, it’s starting to with me and Hosung. Hui hyung too, kinda. So don’t worry, ok? I’ll do my best to win them over somehow~”
kim jungwoo has never been a particularly standoffish guy. he’d say that people would describe him as bright, friendly, warm, even open. there’s been times, of course, where he hasn’t always been so bright, wasn’t always in a good mood, but everyone has those days. of the people who have joined the company after him, jungwoo can’t remember a time where he didn’t get along with them almost immediately. some were too endearing to dislike, others just meshed so well that there was no need for second thoughts.
it’s why he’s so guilty for not immediately taking to their new member.
he can blame the decision makers in nova entertainment for some of it, question their decision to pull a complete stranger into a group that was formed out of a particularly difficult survival show. he knows that it’s not moonbok’s fault that he’s dropped into the middle of a group still mourning the loss of a member, a brother. but he can’t help but resent that the place the new guy is filling should have belonged to someone more familiar. he tries not to be cold, but he can’t quite bring himself to be warm either.
“the least they could have done is given us someone who can dance,” the words leave his mouth before he realizes the sharpness in them. though not uttered through a sneer or a grimace, his mumbly complaint is damning enough. and realistically, jungwoo has no room to speak; while the rest of per_se are main and lead dancers, jungwoo gets the less respected title of just ‘dancer’. he’d be the worst in the group if it hadn’t been for hugo, and now moonbok. he was the worst during the times before hugo, and the in between time when per_se was down a rapper. but at least he’s worked hard enough that he’s not the worst anymore.
still, he can’t quite bring himself to apologize for the words immediately either. he’s frustrated enough being stuck in a practice room, probably the least qualified member to be teaching choreography but helping out the newbie nonetheless.
As depressing at it sounds, Moonbok is used to not always the most welcome pretense in a room. Within his extended family, some still see him an ungrateful child who threw away a steady career and generations of tradition for ‘a foolish hobby.’ In high school he wavered between being fairly liked to be ‘that bigheaded nerd’ depending on the reveal of various exam results. And the less said about the catastrophe that was his time in SNU, the better.
So while it’s not a surprise to Moonbok that PER_SE are (understandably) taking their time in warming up to him, it still doesn’t make it any less painful or depressing. And as of lately, it’s no less frustrating either. While he seems to be slowly winning over Haknyeon and Hosung and gradually gaining Hui’s recognition (if not his trust), it’s a little harder with the remaining members.
(Granted, he does understand why Yuchan is still a little sore towards him and probably will be for a while.)
This evening it seems that it’s Jungwoo’s turn to vent spleen at him. When the comment about wishing that Samsung had at least drafted a competent dancer into the group reaches his ears, Moonbok stops dead in the choreography he’s doing his damnedest to get as perfected as his (admittedly, compared to the rest of the group, lacking) skill will allow. For a moment a look of hurt crosses his face as he stares and Jungwoo. Then it’s replaced by one of frustration.
Whether it’s directed at the younger or at himself, Moonbok isn’t sure.
Instead of replying immediately, he simply sighs and pulls off the elastic holding his hair into a ponytail, letting it flop around his face while he grabs his water bottle and takes a few measured gulps from it as he mulls over his words. Running his hand through his hair before pulling it back into a ponytail once more, he face Jungwoo and gives him a small smile.
Or tries to, at least. Moonbok can feel how forced and tight-lipped it is and he doesn’t dare glance at the mirror to see how it must look to Jungwoo.
“...I’m sorry I’m not up to standard yet.” he eventually answers sincerely, smile sliding away as he continues. “But I swear to God, I’m doing my best here, Jungwoo-ssi. I know it’s not enough, but I promise. I’m giving all I’ve got. If I had anymore to give, I would. ....this isn’t something I’d dare half-ass.”
He pauses to take a breath and then lets out a short, humourless laugh.
“That said, if you think I’m bad, I’ve some awful news.” He smiles, but it’s more a grimace as she speaks, hating himself for the words that tumble out of his mouth.
ah, she could really get used to having moonbok in her life ( and in her apartment. ) in fact, she only wanted to tease him because his reaction was a adorable. or maybe because it was just easy, very, very easy. like the small joke she was playing on him right now. honestly, it had been a in the moment though. honestly, right now she was sure anything she did would cause him to flush a little.
“you know…you’re not far off.”
and since she had his attention, eunji made a show of pulling back the covers. laughing once her body was finally reviled. she still had a tank top on and the shorts she had chosen for bed. “the plan was for you to stay on the couch but i changed my mind. even if we don’t do anything tonight, we can cuddle right?” and maybe she would tempt him, maybe she wouldn’t. that didn’t stop her from mustering up the most innocent smile she could. “so what do you say? care to join me?”
When Eunji pulled back the covers to reveal that she was in fact fully clothed and (as usual) just trolling the ever loving hell out of him, Moonbok wasted no time in making his way over to the side of the bed silently and staring at her.
Before dramatically flinging himself onto the ground with a whine.
“You’re the worst! You’re so mean, Eunji-yah! Teasing me like this, you really do want me dead, don’t you?!” His whines were slightly muffled with his face in the floor, but it also gave him the added advantage of being able to hide his smile for now.
After a moment he pulled his head up to rest his chin on the bed, pouting at his girlfriend cutely in response to the ‘innocent’ smile being given. "Yah, do you think I can be bought off that easily, Han Eunji?”
(Of course. His girlfriend was too cute to resist.)
Letting out a mock sigh, Moonbok eventually smiled and got onto the bed, shyly pulling her close to himself and setting his chin gently on top of her head. This was nice, this simple act of cuddling with someone who’d become so precious to to him.
It made him feel awful for not being sure he was ready for that next step in their relationship.
“Well, the couch would have been lonely for us both anyways... Plus I’d hate to deprive you of blackmail material with how I sleep.” he joked, winking at Eunji teasingly. “Sorry in advance, but I sleep talk and steal covers. Hope it won’t be a problem~”
Date: September 6th, 2020
Location: PER_SE Dorm, Hongdae, Seoul
It’s his third time moving in 18 months, and were it not for the circumstances, Moonbok probably would have laughed. How had he gone from someone who been (relatively) content to stay in his family home until he graduated university to being a person who seemed to be constantly on the the move?
If he’d been more attentive in literature, he probably be able to think of some kind of metaphor for the whole situation. Alas, biology and music had been his focus when in high school.
This move is different from the others, though. This isn’t a simple move somewhere else because the area is nice and it’s closer to where you work. Oh no. This was him moving to a company dormitory. This is the real start of his becoming an idol.
He’s really stepping out now. He glances back to the car where his father is sitting and gives the man a thumbs up as a signal that it’s fine, he doesn’t need to hang around. (It’ll draw too much attention to him anyways, Moonbok wants to get these boxes inside as fast as he can, for obvious reasons.) Yeonseok’s expression is mildly bemused as he glances at all the things that have been consigned to return to Incheon and left to gather dust in the store cupboard but after a moment he returns his son’s smile and pulls away. Moonbok watches him leave, feeling something between sadness and slight anxiety bubbling up in his chest as his father’s car merges back into the Sunday morning traffic and disappears from view.
Who knows when he’ll have time off to see his family again. Hell, the next time they see him, he’ll be an idol.
(Assuming he survives this month’s intensive training.)
Shaking his head, Moonbok hauls the three cardboard boxes containing all he needs for dorm living off the street and into the apartment as quickly and as inconspicuously as possible, glad that his face mask and ponytail crammed under a baseball cap makes him fairly unrecognizable.
It takes two trips to bring all the boxes into the dorm and when he finally drags the last one in, he can’t help but stare around the apartment, a stupid grin forming on his face.
He’s really done it. He’s actually moving into an idol dormitory! He’s.... almost made it, hasn’t he?
(He’s definitely making a show of himself if the expressions of the PER_SE members in the common area is anything to go by.)
After a few moments, Moonbok eventually gets a hold of himself and drags the boxes towards the room he’d been allocated to share with Yuchan, his smile fading from elated to nervous.
He hasn’t actually shared a room with someone since his military days. It feels a little strange to be doing it again. Especially when the atmosphere is still slightly cold towards him. (Though he’s doing his best not to let it get to him. It’s still a big shock for everyone involved, after all.) Taking a breath, Moonbok knocks on the door to announce his presence before reaching over to turn the knob and let himself into his new room.
Only nothing happens. The knob turns, alright. But the door stays shut. Puzzled, Moonbok turns it the other way, perhaps he’s simply mistaken. But that results in nothing happening either.
It’s locked.
Well, this is awkward. Clearing his throat, Moonbok knocks on the door a little harder, continuing to twist at the knob in a futile hope that it might just spontaneously open for him, uncomfortably aware that the rest of the group are watching his struggles with interest.
“Ah... Yuchan-ssi? It’s me, Moonbok! Can... can you unlock the door, please? It just that I don’t want my stuff to clutter up the hall, you know? ...Yuchan-ssi?”
Eventually, Moonbok has to enlist Huidong’s help in getting into the room and it’s with a meek demeanour that he pulls his stuff inside and starts unpacking once Yuchan acquiesces to letting him in, albeit with a nasty glare and a reception so frosty it feels like it’s come from Antarctica itself.
Well, the first days are usually the hardest to adjust to. Everything will sort itself out in time, right?
Date: 3rd week of September, 2020
Location: PER_SE Practice rooms, Nova Entertainment
At times, Moonbok feels similar to how he did in High School, resentful for the fact he had to sleep. As someone who has an intimate knowledge of how the human body works thanks to his upbringing (he was supposed to study medicine, after all), Moonbok understands why he needs to get a proper amount of sleep. But right now, he doesn’t want to sleep.
Or more accurately, he’d rather spend the time used for sleep to practice instead.
It’s late in the evening and most of the other members have broken away from main practice to do their own thing. And while things seem to be improving between him and the members, there’s still an air of awkwardness between them. And that’s part of the reason why Moonbok finds himself in front of the practice room mirror night after night, practicing until his limbs are like jelly and exhaustion permeates his entire being.
If he manages to bring his dancing up to at least being able to keep up with the others, Moonbok hopes it’ll go a long way towards helping him build a good relationship with the rest of PER_SE. If they can’t (understandably) trust him yet, he hopes they’ll at least be able to trust his determination.
Re-tying his hair into a ponytail, Moonbok bounces on his heels as the now familiar sound of ‘Treasure’ blares through the speakers. His expression becomes serious as he goes through the steps he’s been working on for the last month, murmuring they lyrics under his breath as he dances.
He blinks. Scowls.
Made that turn too early. Do it again.
Hit repeat on that particular part and reattempt it.
Too slow. Get a grip!
Moonbok lets a curse pass his lips quietly as he repeats that particular section of music again and again until he gets the choreography right. (He was right about being driven nuts by this choreography by the end of this month) In his rational mind, he knows that his tiredness is impacting his movements and that were he to simply finish up, go back to the dorms and sleep; this wouldn’t be as difficult in the morning.
But his stubbornness persists in trying to push aside his exhaustion aside to keep going and perfect it now.
Just like back in his final year of High School. Just one more question and you can go to bed. One more section of the textbook memorized and you can sleep.
More more run-through of his choreography and he can rest.
Alas, it’s a staff member who brings this (somewhat destructive) train of thought to an end when they usher Moonbok out of the practice room with an annoyed sounding “shouldn’t you be in your dorm by now?!” And as much as he wants to keep going, Moonbok lets himself be kicked out, as small part of him is grateful for the temporary reprieve.
If only he didn’t have to wait until morning to practice again.
It’s a phrase Moonbok had been expecting to have thrown at him at some stage, but when Hosung snarls it at him after practice during the first week, it feels as though the other member has stabbed him in heart.
No, being stabbed would have hurt far less.
As it is, Moonbok can only take a step back, his expression utterly shocked before it’s wiped away by hurt and even a touch of fear. All he can do is stammer helplessly in response, blinking back tears and trying desparately to keep his voice steady.
“I... I know! I know, I’m not-- That I’ll never---”
“....I’m sorry.”
‘I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want to be Hugo or just his replacement.’
In the end, all Moonbok can do is bow his head and tightly grip his track pants as he tries his hardest not to simply start crying in front of Hosung and the others. After all, they already seem to dislike him, being a crybaby isn’t going to endear him to them any more.
When they arrive back at the dorm he darts straight to his room, promptly burrowing straight under his covers and curling around his pillow and plush, biting down hard on his lip to stifle his sobs.
They’re right after all. He’s not Hugo. He’ll never be Hugo, he’s still just a glorified trainee, really. A jumped up survival show failure that got lucky. He stares at his phone’s screen, thumb hovering over the call icon next to Yoona’s name before he shuts it off.
What good could his cousin do when he hasn’t even told her the truth about why he’s suddenly at the Nova building all day everyday? What if she even feels the same, that he shouldn’t be there either?
Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe he never should have taken up this position.
Feeling the dark thoughts begin to creep up again, Moonbok pokes his head above the covers long enough to grab his medicine and down them with what little water he has left before retreating back to his makeshift cave and shutting his eyes tight.
Hopefully sleep would take him into its embrace soon.
------------------------------
(A few days later)
A couple of days after the confrontation with Hosung, Moonbok is.... not settled, per se. He’s still cautious around the other members and quick to do anything they say in the hope it’ll earn him any kind of brownie points
It’s still awkward as hell, he’s still anxious as hell but he shoves it aside as best he can, focusing on dance practice until his legs are shaky and his head is spinning. It’s harder to concentrate on the negative thoughts when he’s in this kind of physical condition. And in a slightly masochistic way, Moonbok likes being this wrung out. It reminds him of how much he needs to improve, but also of how much he can endure. If he can still stand up and hold a conversation while his heart is practically breakdancing in his chest, then he can brush away simple feelings and words.
(Though he can tell that Huidong doesn’t particularly approve of this method of coping, if his expression is anything to go by.)
He hasn’t quite worked himself into such a state that evening when Hosung, looking awkward and a little shamefaced (thought maybe that’s just Moonbok) approaches him after practice and asks Moonbok to come with him. He’s a little wary and still hurt, but Moonbok agrees after only a second’s consideration, even offering the other boy a tentative smile.
Even after everything that happened, he’s not getting that hostile vibe from Hosung anymore, and that’s reason enough to be hopeful.
They end up hanging out at a convenience store near the dorm and it’s all Moonbok can do to not start laughing at first, purely because of the memories of Youngjae that the situation evokes. Over a dinner of ramyeon and noodles, however, he and Hosung end up clearing the air between them and Moonbok feels a weight slowly being lifted from his chest.
Of course, he knows this is just a start and that he still has four other members to win over, but Hosung’s kind words and apology are enough to make him smile fully for the first time in what feels like a long time.
“Also… I want you to know that I don’t want you to be Hugo, I want you to be PER_SE’s Moonbok, to find your own place in the team…”
“I will, promise. It’ll take time, but... I promise, I’ll show you a side of me that’ll have been worth waiting for.”
(The kiss of reconciliation was one thing he hadn’t be expecting, though. But as welcomes went, it ranked up there.)
It wasn’t his fault the door to his bedroom happened to be locked the day their new member arrived. Yes, he had gotten upset with Haknyeon, and yes he had shut the door and locked it behind him and flopped petulantly into his bed, shoving ear buds into his ears to drown out the world. But it wasn’t his fault that that happened to occur on the same day Moonbok happened to arrive. And he stood by that now, even after the mild lecture from Huidong about making their new member feel welcome.
He still doesn’t like that it’s the default to stick the new member in his room, in Hugo’s bed; why should he have to be the one sharing a room with a stranger? He doesn’t know Moonbok, he doesn’t trust Moonbok, and now he’s expected to sleep across from him every night and breathe the same air as him every day? It doesn’t seem fair, that it’s his personal space and privacy sacrificed to make room for the replacement. He hardly feels comfortable in his own skin as it is; sleeping in the same room as a stranger certainly doesn’t help.
So there is no refuge from the world when he slips into his room after his post-practice shower, hair freshly towel-dried and smelling of Hosung’s(?) conditioner. There is nothing relaxing about coming back to his room to the annoyingly eager expression on Moonbok’s face, even if Moonbok has technically done nothing wrong. But Yuchan knows he’ll never hear the end of it from Huidong if he doesn’t at least make an effort.
“…Hi,” he returns flatly, trying to mute the inherent coolness that wants to paint itself across his tongue, trying to soften the natural tension in his jaw. It’s all he gives him (all he can manage, really), before he plops down on his bed, rolling onto his back and reaching for the phone waiting on his nightstand.
There, he thinks. Effort made.
It takes everything within him not to let the disappointed sigh escape at the cool greeting, the tentative smile on Moonbok’s face thoroughly sent packing to be replaced by an expression that’s somewhere between glum and guilty. Instead, Moonbok bites his lip and hastily redirects his attention to his own phone, hair hiding his face.
It’s so awkward, and it’s even worse knowing that he’s the cause of it all. If not for his sudden intrusion into their lives, perhaps the atmosphere in the dorm would be a lot cheerier. (At least, that’s what Moonbok assumes would be the case, disregarding the whole locked-door thing as a once off)
There’s frustration building in him too, though Moonbok has no idea who he’s frustrated with. At the members of PER_SE? At himself for not know what to do or how to tread? At Sphere for simply agreeing to Nova’s request to transfer his contract? At Nova for requesting him to begin with? With everyone?
He just doesn’t know. All he knows is that it’s driving him crazy and as much as he tries to hold it in, he can’t help but let out of frustrated groan of ‘crap...!’ as he sinks down on to his pillows, a hand over his eyes for a moment while he tries to squash down the negativity wreaking havoc in his head.
After a moment of two, Moonbok makes the mistake of glancing over at his new roommate, expecting to see Yuchan looking at his phone or something. Only to see the younger staring at him with a thoroughly unamused expression. It takes a second of confusion before Moonbok realizes what he’s gone to warrant such a response and he instantly wants to crawl into a hole a bury himself alive with mortification. As it is, he facepalms with a horrified groan at himself.
He needs to remember he doesn’t live with Youngjae anymore.
“Oh, God. Sorry, I’m sorry Yuchan-ssi.” he calls out as he wrenches himself upright, face burning. “I swear, that wasn’t aimed at you at all! It wasn’t really aimed at anyone....”
His arrival to both PER_SE and NOVA Entertainment would have been more pleasant at any other time, but somehow the circumstances just haven’t been in his favour. Huidong spends some effort in trying to make sure the members don’t act entirely cold to their new addition, especially after the … unfortunate night of the first move when Moonbok got locked out of the room he is to share with Ricky from now on.
The leader knows Ricky didn’t mean it; again, it was just unfortunate that Moonbok got caught in a disagreement as a bystaner. Still, Huidong had to show that he was doing something to ensure a smooth transition and that meant a mild lecture.
However, he can’t force the members to accept Moonbok. That’s just going to have to come with time.
In his position, he’s a little torn as well. He doesn’t know anything about the new rapper, which means there’s currently no trust. Trust for Huidong is built up more through actions than words, so a lot remains to be seen. And his eyes are sharp, during dance practices; very little slips by him, and tonight is no different. They’ve reached that time of night where any members left in the room know what they need to work on and have split off, either to practice other skills or other personal projects. Huidong is currently by the back wall, lying on his back with a small video camera in his hand, eyes focused on monitoring some choreography he’s been working on. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice Moonbok in the room though, nor the practice he’s been doing to PER_SE’s existing songs in order to catch up to where everyone else is at.
He doesn’t immediately go over to him. He watches every now and again, quietly from his position at the back, picking up on things that the rapper is struggling with or things he could do better. He leaves it until after he’s done focusing on the video screen to get up, putting it away before wandering closer to the younger member.
“…If you direct the movement with your fingertipss more, insstead of your elbow, it’ll flow better.”
tw for mentions of bullying
It’s not like he’s unused to being the outsider. Even before he’d become Jiwon and Seulgi’s target after the MGAs two years ago, he’d been kept at arms’ length by most of his classmates at SNU. He’d been liked for the most part, but he’d never really made any friends within his small class.
It’s depressing to be back in a similar situation now, an outsider who’d been thrust into already tight-knit group. Though at least he’s not having his things stolen or nearly having the crap beaten out of him for no reason. Even the incident with Ricky was pretty mild compared to some of the stuff Moonbok has gone through.
And hopefully someday, they’ll all laugh about that first night.
Until then, he has to earn the group’s respect and trust, and at the moment he’s doing that by working endlessly on his most lacking skill. (Compared to the others, at least.) Dancing. Along with participating in the group practice sessions, Moonbok practices the choreography during every free moment he has. In his new bedroom when Ricky isn’t present, cutting his lunchtime in half to practice with just a sandwich and his phone for company. Staying late at the Nova building until he’s ordered to go back to the dorm.
He wants to think he’s improving, but that’s up for the group and the coaches to decide.
It’s late in the evening, when formal practice has ended that Moonbok finds himself almost alone in the practice room with Huidong. Not that he initially notice at first, so absorbed in trying to nail a particular piece of choreography. It’s not until his leader’s voice breaks through the music does Moonbok realize he has company. Flushing in embarrassment at inadvertently ignoring the older man (along with still feeling quite shy and awkward around him, thanks to the aforementioned bedroom door incident), he bows and mumbles an apology before tilting his head as Huidong offers advice.
And despite it all, a genuine and grateful, if exhausted smile lights up Moonbok’s face.
“Ah, thank you hyung.” he replies earnestly before turning slightly back to the mirror, his expression fading into a more serious and determined one.
“You mean... like this?” he asks, putting as much effort into focusing on the movement of his fingertips rather than his elbows, repeating it once more before following it up briefly with the next part of the dance.
Date: 4th September 2020
Location: College of Music, Seoul National University, Gwanak-gu
tw: mentions of bullying
“I won’t lie to you. This is a disappointment. You’re the last person I would have expected this from.”
Moonbok fights to keep his face in as neutral an expression as he can manage even as his mood deteriorates further with even word the Dean says, with every look that Moonbok can’t quite tell is pitying or condescending.
He doesn’t want to drop out of his degree, not when he’s made it this far. But it’s not like he has a choice. It’s University or his career now.
“I know it’s inconvenient, and I’m sorry, Professor. But it genuinely can’t be helped. I can’t finish the course this year, and I have no idea when I’ll be returning.”
As much as he’s annoyed, Moonbok can’t help the twist of guilt in his gut as the Dean leans back in her chair with a sigh, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. She had done a lot for him over the last three and a half years, both in academia with the issues he’d had after being in the MGAs. He knows he’s disappointing her by essentially dropping out so close to graduation.
“When I got your email I was expecting you to ask me to write you a letter of recommendation or something, not this...” The frustration is audible in the woman’s voice and it sets Moonbok on edge and his hands clench around the seat on his chair in agitation.
He’ss missing vital practice for this.
“Can you at least tell me why you’re dropping out so close to graduation?” The Dean leans forward again, and though the frustration in her face is clear, there’s also concern. “Is there something wrong at home, Moonbok? Or in class? Are you being bullied again? If so, just tell me and I’ll end it here and now, you don’t--.”
“It’s nothing like that, I promise.” Cutting in is bad form, but just the mention of ‘bullying’ has memories Moonbok would rather not deal with again sneaking to the surface. Especially not now. He attempts to pin a smile on his face, bowing his head apologetically. “I’m sorry for interrupting. But it’s nothing that serious, I promise. It’s just---”
He wishes he could tell her the truth. That he’s leaving because he’s debuting, not because of what happened within the last three and a half years.
“....it’s to do with being a trainee. My schedule has gotten so intense lately, I can’t split my time between here and ...Sphere anymore. I’d just be doing both of you a disservice. I’m sorry.”
Even though Moonbok can tell the Dean is unhappy with his explanation, she finally seems to accept it and sighs with a shake of her head before going over to the cabinet to pull out the papers that spell the end of his university studies for the foreseeable future.
(Even though he knows it’s technically a deferral, who knows when he’ll ever have the time to return and finish his degree.)
“It’s just sad, I think. We all had such high hopes for you, Moonbok. To see you leave when you’re so close to graduating....” Guilt, anger and sadness all bubble up within him at her words, sadness beginning to overwhelm them when Moonbok sees the genuine regret on the Dean’s face as she passes him the paperwork.
“But I understand, I think. I’ve seen enough of your work ethic since you’ve been a student here to know you’re not just doing this on a whim.” Her smile is sad, but somehow knowing and it makes Moonbok squirm a little and he hastily redirects his attention back to the papers that will herald the end of his being a student of SNU.
“I don’t know what you’re planning, Jang Moonbok, but I know it must be important to you if this is the course of action you’re taking. And all I can do is wish you luck and good fortune.”
----------------------------
Half an hour later he’s exiting the campus in a daze, his University ID handed in and his belongings stuffed into his backpack. Moonbok takes one last look at his former university before heading towards the subway station, back to Nova and back to PER_SE.
And for the first time this week, he wonders if he’s doing the right thing after all.
Setting into the dorm was... awkward. And that’s the most diplomatic way Moonbok could put the current situation. There’s already an awkwardness between him and the other PER_SE members stemming from his sudden inclusion into their lives out of nowhere. But at least for the first few days he’d lived apart from them and they’d all had their own space to come to terms with the idea of him actually joining them.
Then move-in day had happened. And that had be an Experience, to say the least. Of all the things Moonbok had expected might happen, being locked out of his new room by his roommate and having to plead for help to get in from Huidong to get in had never even crossed his mind.
And it wasn’t even him that Yuchan had been mad at. (Well, not solely, anyways)
It’s a few days later and Moonbok is curled up on his bed (though even with it having his own bedsheets and other assorted pieces, it still feels... foreign.) eyes trained on his phone, watching the choreography he needs to get up to speed up on like a hawk. There’s even a notebook beside him that he scribbles particular points in, like how to execute a particular move at a certain time.
Sungmin would think it’s hilarious.
He’s startled out of his ‘studying’ when the door is suddenly opened and Yuchan makes his reappearance. Hastily Moonbok presses pause on the M/V and sets the phone down, offering a small (nervous) smile to his roommate.
(Who he’s not entirely sure even likes him.)
“Hi...” he murmurs softly, noticing the dark look on the younger boy’s face and deciding not to push for conversation too hard, smile starting to slide away.
Maybe he should just huddle under the covers and watch his practice material there.
Yoona smiled as she wrapped her arm around her younger cousin as he leaned on her. She let out a gentle laugh. ❝ Well what do you think you would look best in? ❞ She asked. Part of her was angry with the way her cousin was thinking and his mindset. Their family was demanding and domineering but he needed to let go of making them happy and focus on making himself happy. She needed to do the same. ❝ Bok, listen to me, ❞ she began tenderly. ❝ Yes, our family is crap and they enjoy controlling us, but you also need to remember that this is your life, not theirs. You need to live for you and not for your dad or mine. Just because something is supposed to be for one gender doesn’t mean it is wrong. ❞ She smiled at her cousin and squeezed him softly. ❝ If you want to be a model then be a model. ❞
Yoona puffed her cheeks as she looked at the location list again, letting out a soft sigh. ❝ I’m not sure yet. I mean, I love wearing hanbok but they all sound fun so I can’t decide. ❞ She clicked her tongue. ❝ I’ll probably decide closer to the day knowing me, ❞ she laughed.
As Yoona spoke, even though he made sure not to let it show, a flash of hurt and annoyance coursed though Moonbok. He knew she was being kind and trying to help him, but the way she talked about his parents annoyed him. It seemed that no matter how many times he insisted they were not the strict people Yoona remembered growing up, she couldn’t see past the way things used to be.
Maybe that was his fault. Maybe he was wording things wrongly and encouraging these misconceptions or something. Or maybe it’s her paying him back in kind for always expressing his feelings on her father and his uncle’s behaviour. (Or how Moonbok’s point of view coloured the man, at least.)
But he bit his tongue and held in his comments. Things were stressful enough without starting an argument over something stupid, and Yoona did raise a good point about his parents’ (incorrect) belief about modelling. Instead he wriggles his shoulders a little and hums.
“To be honest, you could pull all of them off easily.” he began letting his his eyes drift across the list again with a soft smile. “Though if we both went with the traditional route, you think they’d let us do a joint photoshoot?” he joked, shaking his head with a laugh. He already knew what the answer to that would be if either of them dared to ask.
“I think the Pink Pool Cafe would really suit you as well, though. You’ve always been able to pull off that cute but mature look, you know?”
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