“Nonsense,” Johnny says with a shake of his head. It was so much easier to comfort others than to calm himself. He supposes focusing on other people, in this case Hyunjin, helps ease his nerves better than if he tries dealing with them on his own. He rolls his neck, easing some of the tension there. It was hard to refrain from adjusting the headrests which were probably the right height for everyone else. “I just call it as I see it,” he says, playfully shrugging his shoulders.
Johnny fishes out the rubix cube from his bag and starts playing with it. The familiar motions of the toy soothe his nerves and give his mind something else to focus on. He decided to try forming a red heart this time. He moves the cube as he goes along, messing it up and fixing it again accordingly. However Hyunjin’s words snap him back to the present.
“True enough, it does,” Johnny says with a small fond smile. Back then, they had only worked together a few times, but they weren’t as comfortable as they are now. Hyunjin’s like a little brother to him, and Johnny will do his best to help him in any way he can. “We’re closer to that dream we had back then, aren’t we?” Johnny’s hands stop working on his cube for now. “I’m glad we’re going through this together.”
At the appearance of the rubix cube, Hyunjin can’t help his obvious curiosity, leaning over to blatantly stare as Johnny deftly manoeuvres the block. It doesn’t quite seem as if Johnny’s attempting to create solid squares of colour, but then again, Hyunjin knows enough about solving the colourful cube to understand that sometimes to solve it, one has to first scramble it. Perhaps that’s what Johnny will do, miraculously organise the cube with a few flicks of his wrist right when Hyunjin deems it impossible.
The younger boy finds purchase on Johnny’s shoulder as he watches, cheek naturally pressing against the spot, comfortable. He perks up a little when Johnny calls them close, a verbal affirmation to shoo away any doubts Hyunjin might have had in his mind. “We are closer aren’t we?” Hyunjin confirms, smiling and nodding to himself (still pressed against Johnny’s shoulder). “Imagine where we’ll be in a couple years… hyung, I’m going to learn all your most embarrassing habits and secrets – just you wait!” He’s teasing, if Johnny had secrets that were meant to be buried, Hyunjin wouldn’t push the other to unearth them.
“For example,” Hyunjin reaches over, sitting up and tapping the cube in Johnny’s hand with an outstretched index finger, “How do you solve this? Can you teach me, or is that a secret?”
Surreal, that’s the best way Hyunjin could ever hope to describe this entire situation.
There’s a degree of absurdity to it all, that he of all people has made it this far, is now standing on a stage that previously only existed in foolish fantasies spun from a boy’s pipe dream. A degree of absurdity that a student who scored among the top students in the nationwide CSAT examination was now becoming an idol. In many ways, Hyunjin had never truly expected to make it this far – an unearthed anxiety that he had never confessed to anyone, not even himself.
Hyunjin knows the power of words, knows just how insidious they can be if left to run free in your imagination. Words, whether we like it or not, can be self-fulfilling. And there’s a terrible power words have, spurring on ever-present and accumulating dread in the pit of Hyunjin’s stomach when he’s not careful about just what exactly he’s consuming. A part of Hyunjin had doubted whether he was truly meant for the stage; could picture a reality where some people were meant to shine on stage, but Hyunjin just wasn’t one of them. A reality where this time, no, Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t meant for bright lights and dancing, was meant instead for a life of chemistry and mathematics.
Intermixed with Hyunjin’s own persistent determination, is his stubbornness to ignore his own limits, his own sensibilities. To selectively turn a deaf ear to the insecurities that haunt him most. But never has he been more grateful that he didn’t listen to himself than now. Perhaps it’s too pre-emptive to say that he’s “made it”. Yet, when Hyunjin thinks about what the alternative to standing on this stage would be, when he thinks about how all he’s ever really wanted was to perform just like this, at the very least, by his own standards, Hyunjin has indeed “made it”.
Even when there’s nagging doubt at the back of his mind when he calls his parents that night, watches them as they react to a video of his performance that they can’t hear, when he sees the pride and love in their eyes, this doubt dissipates to nothing more than a single grain of rice. And sure, Hyunjin has entire fields of doubt and anxiety-ridden trepidation, but when this particular doubt has become so small, it becomes almost non-existent. Because doubt be dammed, this is the beginning of Hyunjin’s dream come true, and he’s going to grit his teeth fighting to make sure it’s never anything but reality.
“ayy,” he started with a nudge right to hyunjin’s arm when he heard the other’s greeting. his expression showed a bit of teasing, but he also hoped that he would be able to loosen up a little too. “it’s too stiff and formal to call her my mom all the time. you can call her ‘auntie.’ aron calls her that all the time.” and just like that, after jongdae’s comment, his mom replied back to it with her own confirmation, trying to look intently at hyunjin when this message was for him.. “you’re all part of dyl’s group, which means you’re his family and all of my sons, too. you can call me auntie from now on, okay? next time i see you, i want to hear that from you too!”
though once that was settled, jongdae suddenly found his phone in hyunjin’s hand as he stepped back and presented jongdae’s outfit to his mom. it was part of the wardrobe that they wore for their music video full of layered shirts, accessories and oversized outerwear that looked like a mix between the 90s and futuristic. the long white belt was the standalone piece from what was jongdae was wearing, so he stood up for his mom to see it, though he also let out a bashful laugh from hyunjin’s own reactions.
“to be honest, it reminds me a little of what i wore back in the states, especially these pants, don’t you think? but i’m also shy modeling it. hyunjin’s better at it than i am. you should watch him do it too!” he mentioned, holding out his hand to request his phone back. but then, his mom spoke up again. “of course, all of you are handsome. you should be for your first stage! your dad and i are trying to stay up so we can catch your first performance. we’ll be watching for you. logan… too, right? is that your english name?”
There’s a little bubble of happiness inside of Hyunjin that floats up straight to Hyunjin’s heart, absolutely delighted to have earned the status of being part of Jongdae’s family. It’s not an uncommon sentiment, finding family in those your direct family is close to, but it still makes Hyunjin happy that Jongdae’s own mother (and hopefully Jongdae himself as well) considers Hyunjin close enough to earn a spot in their proverbial extended family. It shows in his face as his smile grows ever wider, nodding head disappearing behind the frame of the camera as he instead focuses on showing off Jongdae’s stage outfit.
When Jongdae speaks, it makes Hyunjin wonder just what exactly Jongdae looked like when he was living abroad, especially if he wore clothes like this on a regular basis. “Auntie!” Hyunjin calls, “Do you think you could show up Jongdae hyung’s childhood photos sometime? I bet he looked cute when he was younger… like a little dumpling. Or maybe like a smaller cat? A kitty?” Even now, Jongdae seemed to resemble something of a cat, little kitten curls accentuating the corners of his mouth.
He hands the phone back with little fuss, coming up behind Jongdae and bending down to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder so they can both fit in the frame. Nodding in response to Jongdae’s mother’s question, he tilts his head a little, giving an uneasy smile, “Yes, Logan is right… although I’m not too sure it suits me”. Hyunjin laughs softly, uneasiness slipping away as he jokes, “I’ll have to practise English extra hard to live up to my English name, but I’ll do my best!”
NSG U 엔애스지 유 ‘일곱 번째 감각 (The 7th Sense)’ MV
NSG U 엔애스지 유 The First Single [The 7th Sense] Release.
Available on Spotify, iTunes, and Apple Music
Copyrights 2020 ⓒ KT Entertainment. All Rights Reserved.
This video is uploaded to KT Entertainment’s official YouTube page at 6PM on September 28th.
[/txt - Hyunjin] KT's little dragon has grown up :'( Congratulations to your debut!!! Your teasers look awesome!
「 메시지알림 ✉ ( 황현진➛ 이Gray형 ) 」： thank you so much hyung, I appreciate it !!
「 메시지알림 ✉ ( 황현진➛ 이Gray형 ) 」： please watch our first performance, I’ll perform extra hard just for you (*´▽｀*)
「 메시지알림 ✉ ( 황현진➛ 이Gray형 ) 」： and once I make it big, I’ll treat you to a nice big meal! as a thank you for all of your support, I couldn’t have done it without you ♡
Johnny is snapped out of his reverie when Hyunjin’s voice catches his attention. He had learned early on that Hyunjin has a bit of a complex when it comes to talking. Then again, his circumstances growing up aren’t that of a typical kid’s. Johnny has promised himself to try being a good big brother figure to Hyunjin to the best of his abilities. “I know what you mean,” Johnny says with a smile. “And I think your voice sounds fine the way it is.”
Hyunjin’s next attempt has Johnny burst out laughing, but he quickly controls it before he can wake up any of the other members. “No, please,” Johnny says with a vigorous shake of his head. “Don’t do that, Hyunjinnie. It’ll sound too weird and unlike you. Anything but THAT.” It’s almost funny, but he has a feeling he knows the root of Hyunjin’s insecurities.
“Don’t overthink it,” Johnny says with a gentle smile. He had listened to several radio shows to watch how idols behaved and how they sounded.”Just be your lovable self, and the fans will love you.” Johnny knows that Hyunjin is someone who can easily endear himself to the fans, especially the younger fan base. “You always give your best in everything you do, and I know you’ll do the same when we go on radio later.”
At some point, Hyunjin’s started fidgeting with his hands, unconsciously revealing just how nervous he truly was even through his own laughter. However, Johnny’s words seem to have that magical effect of calming Hyunjin’s subtle anxieties (something that even he himself couldn’t do at times), and he finds himself physically relaxing into the seat. “You might be giving me a little too much credit hyung”. Hyunjin says this, but he’s smiling to himself, pleased with the praise.
There were times Hyunjin felt guilty for the fact that he seemed to so heavily lean on the older members when it came to seeking out advice. They were dealing with the exact same things as Hyunjin was, so it wasn’t quite fair of him to add to the weight to the others’ problems. But beneath the insecurity, Hyunjin knew that he wasn’t bothering the others. That just as he wanted them to be comfortable coming to him, they wanted him to be comfortable coming to them.
“You know, this strangely reminds me of one of the earliest conversations we had. Do you remember? We were taking the bus to the hotel after getting off the plane for the Jeju year-end concert”. Thinking back on the memory, Hyunjin smiles fondly, meeting Johnny’s eyes, “Back then you were my sunbae and now you’re my teammate. To be honest, I’m really thankful for that. The fact that I get to call you my teammate makes me truly happy”.
NSG U 엔애스지 유 Teaser #3 LOGAN
2020.09.28 PM 6:00
NSG U 엔애스지 유 The First Single [The 7th Sense] Release.
Copyrights 2020 ⓒ KT Entertainment. All Rights Reserved.
This video is uploaded to KT Entertainment’s official YouTube page at 12PM on September 24th.
“Hyung, is my voice low enough for radio?” Hyunjin places his hand over his throat, vocalising a few experimental hmms and hahs as they sit in the car on their way to the radio broadcast. He had gotten used to the notion of being filmed and having his words recorded when he had competed in the MGAs, but something about radio felt different to Hyunjin. “In the movies the radio DJs always have such low voices. You know what I’m talking about, right? That low kind of… silky texture?”
Retrospectively, it’s a bit of a silly thing to worry about, but it helped distract Hyunjin from what he was truly worried about – his enunciation. This far in his life Hyunjin didn’t need to put as much effort into making sure he was enunciating his words as he did when he was a child, but that didn’t change the fact that Hyunjin’s enunciation was very much a learned skill rather than an acquired skill one would normally gain in the process of learning a verbal language. His lack of enunciation had been a source of teasing and criticism when he was younger, so the dancer had admittedly developed somewhat of a complex surrounding it.
“Do you think I should ‘speak like this’?” Hyunjin lowers his voice, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “’Hello, I am NSG’s…’” And almost as quickly as he had put it on the voice disappears in a soft fit of laughter, Hyunjin shaking his head and clutching at his stomach, “Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t do that”.
While Hyunjin doesn’t share everything with his parents, he knows deep down that he can confide in them – no matter the subject matter. They’re a safety net that he admittedly tries not to use too often (for the sake of saving them the trouble of worrying about him), but the mere presence of that safety net is a reassurance in itself that provides a great deal of comfort to the dancer. And while Hyunjin knows that not all families are as close-knit as his, it takes living with other people for him to really notice it.
Not to say that familial relationships can be summarised by an outsider who has never made any true inquiries into the dynamics, but Hyunjin has picked up on a perhaps… strained relationship between Namjoon and his parents. And someone who finds comfort in knowing that his family is there to support him when he needs it, Hyunjin can’t help but wonder (and worry) if Namjoon is getting the support he needs. Their debut promotions are packed and it’s exhausting even to Hyunjin who has functioned on minimal sleep and an overworked body for the last five years of his life, but at least he has his parents there to support him. His mother to send him the occasional package of homecooked side dishes to share with the dorm. His father to make him laugh when he’s feeling down.
So it probably comes out of the blue when Hyunjin sidles up to Namjoon while they’re waiting for the live shooting of the day’s music show, the younger seating himself next to the other and blurting out a nervous, “Hey hyung… you know you can always talk to me if you need to, right?” He tilts his head with a kind smile, “I’m on your side, and I’m here to support you whenever you need it... like a cheerleader!” It’s a vague enough statement that Hyunjin isn’t calling attention to Namjoon’s familial dynamics, but also extending a hand should the man ever need it. “I guess, all I’m really trying to say is that I’ve got your back hyung”.
Debut was barely a week away and seemingly approaching at the same unforgiving speed of a small child who had spotted their favourite sweets shop down the street. Even with their hectic schedules, Hyunjin wanted to make sure Jongdae felt appreciated on his birthday. Especially considering that Hyunjin himself appreciated the older man to the degree that he did (read: to the extent that he could probably write a short essay about Jongdae and all his talents).
All things considered, Hyunjin came from a relatively typical and even perhaps traditional Korean family. Filial values stood prominent as a foundational grounding principle within their familial dynamics, and no Chuseok or Seollal was complete without charye. Indeed, according to his mother, no food was better and even more importantly, healthier than homecooked Korean food. This of course meant that no birthday was complete without a bowl of homemade seaweed soup. Ideally, other dishes would accompany the soup for a proper spread, but in hectic conditions such as NSG’s current one, additional dishes could be set aside so long as the seaweed soup remained.
This is how Hyunjin finds himself waking up a little earlier than usual, quietly sneaking to the kitchen so as not to be caught if Jongdae suddenly decided to wake up early today. It’s not as if the soup take a particularly long time to cook, he just wants it to be a proper surprise for the other (even if it is rather predictable). Packed away in a portable thermos, Hyunjin doesn’t get a chance to give Jongdae the soup until they pause training for a late lunch and Hyunjin hastily retrieves his thermos, presenting it to Jongdae with a small smile.
“It’s not too much, but I made some seaweed soup for you this morning if you’ll accept it. As a happy birthday gift, from me to you. I’m really thankful to be debuting with you, hyung”.
A naïve little part of Hyunjin had always thought that by now he would have gotten over this. (A smarter, more aware and conscious part of Hyunjin has always known that this was never going to go away without help). He’s sat in the corner of the waiting room, shoulder pressed up against the wall with his earbuds shoved into his ears and turned up one tick away from their highest volume. His hands fidget with one another, right thumb pressing into the palm of his other hand in an attempt to tamp down the subtle waves of anxiety that seek to squeeze their way down from his mind and into his physicality.
The anxiousness hasn’t reached his stomach yet, hasn’t reached the level of dread that makes him want to hide under his bed covers and never come out. But the notion that it could reach that level only spurs his stress even further. He just wishes he could fix himself.
Under most situations he would have gotten up and left the room by now, moved himself somewhere else where he could escape his mind and dance. However, they were meant to stay in the waiting room. Meant to wait and be on call for the music show production team to summon whenever necessary, and Hyunjin wasn’t familiar enough with the routine to know whether abrupt summons were a common occurrence that truly required his constant presence. So instead he stays in his corner, eyes flitting about the room as he stays with his own anxious-ridden thoughts and attempts to combat them with grounding affirmations Hyunjin wasn’t quite sure he truly believed in himself.
He meets Taemin’s eyes by coincidence, offering him Hyunjin’s best attempt at a smile and nod of his head, hands still busy with one another and ears preoccupied by his own blaring music. If the anxiety wasn’t going to go away, Hyunjin would have to develop his own method to hide it in situations like this.
A staff member leads you down KT’s winding hallways to Katie Lee’s office, then opens the door and leads you inside, where the CEO awaits, sitting at her desk. She observes you as you’re instructed by the staff member to take a seat. Next to your chair, is a company lawyer whom you recognize from before; he’d been present when you signed your initial company contract. The staff member then leaves the room. You hear the door close and the latch click back into place just as your CEO finally decides to speak up.
“I’m very glad you are here today because it means you have finally achieved our goal, haven’t you? Trainees come here and sign away their two-year contracts with hope of one day making to where you are right now, but not everybody makes it.” She says it all with a serene smile. “Your years of training are what got you here.”
“You stood out from the others, even if you also had your ups and downs. What’s important is that you managed to get yourself back on your in feet and kept on improving.” She pauses, and diverts her attention to her desk, where she shuffles paperwork until she sets one singular sheet of paper in front of her. “I’ve been proud of your growth here, and I trust you to do your best to continue to improve, even after debut. This, here,” she says, motioning towards the document, “is a contract exclusive to NSG and will tie you to this group, and to KT Entertainment, for the next six years.”
There is no sign of regret on her features as she slides the contract toward you and hands you a pen. “If we share the same vision of making NSG the next boy group of the world, and you wish to be a part of this journey, you know what to do.”
Maybe it ought to concern Hyunjin, that he had signed himself over so easily as a trainee and that he was so willing to do it all over again. Of course, he had put thought into the decision, had internally expressed his doubts along the way. But in the end, it wouldn’t have mattered if he had spent an extra year trying to decide whether to sign the contract, or had simply walked in and been handed a pen. The decision was almost inevitable: Hyunjin would sign.
However precarious his place on stage may be (as this industry was far from the stability he had always strove to reach), it was still a place that he wanted. A place that a younger version of himself had kept hidden away, placed on a pedestal of hopes and dreams he secretly worried he would never truly reach with every passing day. Even as he pens his name in ink, there’s still the possibility that he won’t reach that dream.
Nothing guarantees success in this industry. Big companies such as KT give you a leg up, but even still tens or even hundreds of people just like him come and go from the stage every year. There is no true guarantee. But maybe it’s that bit of risk that secretly excites him.
Certainly, the risk scares Hyunjin right down to his bones. Leaves his fingers fidgeting and his senses far too sensitive to the stimulating environment around him as anxiety presses in close. Yet at the same time, risk is new for Hyunjin. Stepping down this new path, forging one that isn’t planned and planted with subtle misery until the day he passes away, is so freeing.
So the decision to sign the contract was hardly a decision at all. It was his first step fully down a new path that included his own happiness for once. Hyunjin was done making choices that put his happiness second, and this was just the beginning.
mun note: sorry I completely lost track of time and didn’t even notice the deadline was coming up (and passed)! if he’s still allowed to accept even though it’s late, thank you for allowing the late submission (´；ω；`). but if not I understand since there was a specified deadline there!
OOC NOTE: First of all, congratulations on arriving at the final step before debut! I know it’s been a long and crazy journey, and I’m so glad you’ve stuck through it. When you are ready, feel free to post this prompt with Hyunjin’s response to it.
Should Hyunjin choose to SIGN the NSG contract, he will be employed by KT Entertainment without a need to renew a contract until the duration of this one has concluded. As a reward for making it this far, he will receive THREE WEEKENDS unpaid vacation time to use any time between now and the end of December, so long as it doesn’t clash with any special debut activities (such as music show appearances, meaning he can’t actually use her vacation time until after her music show performances have finished.)
Should he choose to REJECT this contract with KT and NSG, he will leave the company, effective immediately upon rejection. He will be able to keep all of his debut points, but will not be able to take any trainee workshops or earn any more debut points/workshop points until he becomes a trainee again. He will not have any special advantage over newer characters when he auditions for other companies in the future, and should he become a trainee at a new company he will be considered a junior trainee all over again, even though he will still have his debut points and would be eligible for debut right away. He WILL have the right to audition for KT again, but the fact that he gave up a contract renewal, especially a debut one, WILL be taken into account in final casting decisions.
He will have up to one week to make his decision IC, meaning that if he does not make a decision by September 19th, he will automatically be cut from the company. Exceptions can be made for those on hiatus.
Life had never been easy for Sunhee. As a deaf woman society seemed to mock her and her community, turning on a selectively deaf ear when the permanently deaf community attempted to communicate their struggles. Yes, life had never been easy, yet life had never been more benevolent than when Hyunjin was born into the world. Her sweet, precious, baby. Her strong, resilient, and so terribly brave little dragon.
Born with ears that could listen to what she could not, it was inevitable that Sunhee would be unable to fully protect her child from the cruel realities of the world and the additional difficulties that would accompany being born to two deaf parents. Witnessing her son struggle through hardship that she was unable to protect him from, that she was unable to remedy with her own soundless voice, was nothing short of absolutely devastating as a mother. In the end, the best that she could do was to give him the most special gift she had: her love.
She would press love into his hairline when she found him slumped over his desk at night and kiss the top of his head, gently rousing the boy and tucking him into bed. She would cut love into strawberries as she removed the greenery from the red fruit, presenting the treat with a smile that was willing to move the universe for her son. She would embrace him with love when he cried tears of frustration, tears of sorrow, tears of hurt; shush the cries she couldn’t hear but could feel in the hollow of her chest.
From the start, Hyunjin’s aims in life were clear to her as the shining sun on a bright summer’s day, his actions easily discernible as he attempted to work himself to the proverbial top of society for his parents, for her. The path he had chosen was arduous, and worry and concern for her son was unavoidable, but what was she meant to do? In the end, it was his decision to do so, and like his mother, Hyunjin could be tenacious to a fault; stubborn in his determination. All she could do was support him in whatever path he found himself on and hope her precious little dragon found happiness at the end of his travels.
It’s with this notion of limitless love that she cares for Hyunjin, that she herself finds true happiness in seeing her son achieve a reality that he for so long has demeaned to nothing but a pipe dream.
(She loves him dearly; is so proud it feels like her chest might burst.)
And in the end, that is all she’s ever wanted for him, wanted to give him what she could never have: a dream he could fulfil.
“hey mom,” jongdae smiled at his phone when his mother showed up on the screen. he waved happily back at her while her response was just a little bit delayed. it was hard to determine how their connection was while they were backstage, so much happened with people walking around and radio frequencies maybe interrupting and so on (did that make much of a difference at a broadcasting station? he wasn’t sure), but for now, it looked like everything was as fine as it could be.
he called to calm his nerves when they were nearing their first promotional stage. it gave him some relief seeing some familiar faces in between the seniors around, but as nsg were newly debuted, the nerves would catch up to them as quickly as a snap. “you’ll do fine. it’s not that much different from when you were singing in church,” his mom commented in the middle of their conversation. jongdae laughed, but it was quickly followed with a whine. there were more eyes on them than there would be at a church, he expressed.
“oh, why don’t you say hi to the other members? hyunjin is right next to me.” right when saying that, he tilted the screen so that they could both be in the frame, even if that meant jongdae was getting a little too buddy-buddy with the younger, but maybe he didn’t mind?. then he spoke to him in korean. “hyunjin-ah~, my mom’s on the phone.”
The road to this stage had not been an easy one. In his conversations with his parents, Hyunjin had attempted to limit their exposure to the group’s growing pains and yet... and yet his mother always seemed to know. It came from a lifetime of careful watching amplified by two decades of parental affection and the need to care for and protect her precious child. ‘Mommy loves you’ – she would always start out like this, always putting love first before giving him the exact words he needed to hear.
A part of Hyunjin wishes they would be able to see him perform and properly take the first stage as a member of this group. Of course he still had his reservations to presenting himself as Logan rather than Hyunjin, but maybe it was better this way; safer, saner. With a stage name he would be able to separate himself from the comments that would inevitably follow him – whether they were a successful group or not, commentary was a natural part of this profession.
Nervous prior to their first stage, Hyunjin only half registers that Jongdae is on a phone call until he’s being included in the conversation, eyes wide as he blinks owlishly at the camera for the first few seconds before snapping to attention and giving the camera a hasty bow that has his head disappearing off screen. He shortly re-emerges, “Jongdae hyung’s mother, hi!” The ‘hi’ comes out in English, punctuated by some rather enthusiastic waving on Hyunjin’s part, “Jongdae hyung looks really cool today, let me show you!” Gently, Hyunjin takes Jongdae’s phone from him and backs away, switching the direction of the camera to properly direct it at the other male as his hand appears in frame, giving an excited thumbs up and making impressed noises off-screen.
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