I'm Still Here

John Seo (서영호) 020998. Yonsei Civil Engineering Major (Class 2020). Author. Spoken-word artist. Model. KT trainee Disclaimer: This blog is not affiliated with SM Entertainment, NCT, or John Youngho Seo in any way or form. var sc_project=11782507; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="2b96945b";   

[rkjohnny]

THE END

Dear everyone,

It’s not very easy to write this, especially when this was a bit of a shock to a lot of us. Honestly, I was lucky enough to be given a day ahead to be prepared for this, but it’s only now that everything is truly sinking in.

Rookies is the RP where I lasted the longest, due to a number of reasons. This isn’t the first RP I joined when I made my RP comeback, but I feel like this is the one that actually made a lasting impression on me. Being able to stay here for four years was no joke. We have all had our ups and downs, but in the end… We all still managed to work things out to the best of our abilities.

To the mods, I know I didn’t always agree with things and was difficult to deal with at times, but I want to thank you all for keeping this place going the way you did. Thank you for all the time, dedication, effort, and love you have put into this place to make it an environment where we can all write and have fun.

To the other muns, I’m thankful to have met you all, regardless of whether we got to talk a lot or not. We all have been through a lot, haven’t we? I made a lot of friends in the RP, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything else.

I suck at writing sentimental messages, but I want you all to know how much I appreciate you all. If you guys start acting like you don’t know me after this, I will be very sad. I will be keeping my KRP twitter, but if you will be leaving KRP and want to keep in touch, my main Twitter and Discord are available upon request.

If you are curious about what happens to rkjohnny, then you are free to check this out.

[rkohsehun]

noodle love triangle-*

rkkangjoon​:

Yawning he looked around. After participating in one of the sports categories, Kang Joon had somehow had lost sight of the DE:CODE members, as they were just one group among a whole bunch. Wrestling had been tiring him out much more, than he expected (he was getting old after all), so he didn’t felt like wandering around and look for his members at the moment. Instead he mustered the other idols around the area, trying to make out one or two he was friends with. The idol star athletics championship was an event that offered the chance to meet those who he could rarely see these days, friends who had become idols themselves and therefore operated by a strict schedule as well. So instead of walking around aimlessly, he approached one familiar looking peach butt, he had noticed from a distance.

Upon seeing the other’s butt, he was thrown back in time, when they met for the first time. Back then he had mistaken Johnny’s back side for Aron’s, but after getting to know the other better, he had to admit they had completely different feelings to it.

The NSG boy seemed to be in a conversation with someone else right now, so he walked over wordless and just stayed close to his friend, waiting respectfully for the conversation to end or for a chance to join the little chat. Interested he watched the monitors, as groups were called upon their starting positions for a new category.

“ah, so you already have experience. this is my first try, if I’m going to be honest,” he admits with a slight pout. it was curiosity more than anything that had made him want to sign up for archery. it was one of those childhood dreams, if he’s going to be honest, and actually trying it out and competing for it made him realize just how fun the sport is. maybe he’ll even pick it up as a hobby, who knows? it’s definitely an idea though.

“maybe you can give me pointers too?” he says. “i mean, my eyes aren’t the best, and I might my grip may or may not be too shaky,” he says just as the crowd seemed to cheer louder that caught his attention. he looks up at the monitors, squinting a little, he sees that they’re about to start a new category, and the players seen to be a crowd favorite. he watches as each member was briefly introduced, as customary to any event, that he didn’t realize he had somehow wandered away from johnny.

his attention span, really.

spotting his hyung, sehun throws his arms over the older male’s shoulders for a proper back hug. “johnny hyung, my love! i momentarily got lost!” he says, laughing a little. almost all of his friends knew how he loves skinship, so hugs from him aren’t really new to them. plus johnny’s the perfect height to cuddle. except- ah, this doesn’t feel like johnny hyung?

[rkjohnny]

Johnny laughs, one of the many he thinks he will be letting out during this event. “Sure, but not enough so you can beat us,” he jokingly says. After all, NSG have to prove their worth to the public. They’re the newest group here, and they have the smallest fan base. Johnny’s not blind. “Whether you guys win or lose, Consta will be screaming louder for you guys than for us anyway.” He smiles as he nudges Sehun after a fan called his name. 

The huge screen catches both their attention as two of the senior groups take the stage. Johnny, however, is called by a PD as the relay event was starting in an hour and a half. He listens to what the PD says and takes note of his call time. He sends a quick KKT message to the NSG group chat, agreeing on a time to meet up and strategize how they’ll go about it. 

By the time he can pay attention to Sehun again, the sight that welcomes him is one that has him laughing. “Sehun! Kangjoon hyung! I didn’t know you two knew each other. He decides to join the hugging fest and wraps his arms around them both. “Don’t make me feel like the awkward third party here,” he playfully whines at them both. 

[jkookrk]

⇢ outgoing to: @rkjohnny [ dorm plant tour ]

jeongguk was familiar with some of these plants from when him and johnny had lived together. so moving into the dorm he half expected their patio to be a paradise of flowers and plants and that one cursed cactus that triggered his fight or flight response. 

out of joke he had proposed for johnny to give him a plant tour through the dorm. and really, he should have expected his pal to absolutely take him hundred percent seriously. if only to make sure he didn’t have to perform first aid on the guy again after he grabbed unabashedly into a cactus.

now- jeongguk still says it was better his hand suffer than his dog potentially having the scare of his lifetime but with how bad his decision making when drunk could be at times, he wouldn’t put it beyond himself to get into a similar situation again. not that johnny giving him a guide would lessen that possibility. but it could potentially put the male a little more at ease as well as let jeongguk know if one of those was actually dangerous for real.

[rkjohnny]

There are many things Johnny had expected, but having Jeongguk join them in NSG should have been something he saw coming. After all, their concept was different members for different units. However, another thing he hadn’t quite expected was to be asked for a plant tour. 

Weird, but okay. Johnny supposes it was a joke, but it’s better for Jeongguk to know which plants are safe to touch and which ones to leave alone. They cannot afford another cactus catastrophe. Not when they’re supposed to be working on “Firetruck” and coming up with a new dynamic. “I put most of the cacti outside, so that no one accidentally steps on them,” Johnny gestures to the plants on the patio. “There are a few in each room, but that was because those were individual gifts to the members. Those in the rooms have needles, so please don’t grab one by the hand without any gloves if you guys will get into fights.” 

Johnny wonders if he sounds like a tired older brother at this point, despite being the younger one in terms of age. “Over here are the lavenders and chamomiles.” He points to the flowering plants he brought over. “They relieve stress, so sniff those if you need to relax... But please handle those pots with care. It took me ages to get those to bloom properly.”  

[rkohsehun]

noodle love triangle-*

admittedly, sehun isn’t exactly the sporty type. he would always prefer more hours of sleep than extra time to sweat and pull muscles (because in his defense, hours of practice is already doing a good job of keeping them in shape). this time, it was more of his curiosity that had lead him to want to participate in some of the sport events in this year’s ISAC. there was a good chunk of participants, he notes, most of which are from newly debuted groups, but he’s glad to see that he knows most of them.

it was only natural for him to sought out some of the familiar faces he’s able to spot, skipping over to have a chat while they watch the sports events that have started. at some point he finds himself glued to johnny’s side - he was able to see the older male during promotions, but it was brief - so he’s decided going around the venue as he clings onto johnny’s arm is a way to go. besides, they’re going to be competing for archery together later.

“fun fact, my aim sucks even after the short training,” he admits out of the blue. he looks in front of them, intrigued at how many people have gathered. must be a popular sports event. “if you get the chance, please record my very possible missed shots. it’ll be hilarious!”

for @rkjohnny & @rkkangjoon

[rkjohnny]

For all Johnny’s nerdy tendenices, he did have an athletic side too. His parents pushed him to take up volleyball, basketball, and football when he was a kid. Unfortunately, none of those sports are an option here. Back in the Philippines, they always had intramurals every year, so he supposes he is somewhat used to the concept of this thing. What he doesn’t expect is how long filming takes. Then again, these things took forever in school, so he shouldn’t be surprised they also take a long time here too. 

It was a good chance to catch up with his friends from other groups, so he naturally went over to Sehun as soon as they were both free. “If you’re talking archery, then I’m afraid I’ll be competing against you,” he says with a laugh. Johnny had dabbled in archery as a kid back in the Philippines. He is somewhat comfortable with it, but not as comfortable as he would be with basketball. 

“But if you’re up against another group, I might be able to sneak in a few shots,” he adds with a laugh. “The last time I did archery was at an archery cafe with a few schoolmates back then,” he admits. “Practice was helpful though.”  

[rkjohnny]

johnseo

Happy birthday to one of my favorite hyungs in the world @SKJun! I hope to see you soon. Keep giving Vici hyung lots of love, ok? 

Tagged in photo: @rkkangjoon

© (instagram template)

[rkjohnny]

taeminrk​:

Imitation Rain

making conversation to distract themselves is probably a good move, and johnny provides, for which taemin is grateful. sometimes he isn’t the best at driving a conversation. (he doesn’t even notice johnny calling him hyung. it feels normal, without any need for questioning or doubt. it’s well overdue.)

“i have. i danced on the gayo daejuns before. it was a lot different than this. it was a bigger stage, but with less eyes on me. it feels a little strange,” he admits with a chuckle. “nsg is a different experience entirely.” it’s a good one, though.

he can hear the hollowness to johnny’s laugh, and taemin smiles, his own warm and sincere, albeit soft. “we’ll be okay. i’m sure we’ll have something to bring them next time, and they’ll forgive us if they think badly of us for it. i really think they’ll understand, though.” he convinces himself of it, too. there are worse things in the world than being disliked by a senior group for something so ridiculous, aren’t there? yes, of course. he can think of countless worse things, but preferably he’ll avoid doing that, and instead focus on the honor it is to represent nsg at all.

he’s happy enough for another change of subject, and hums aloud in thought. there are so many kids younger than him that debuted before him– so many friends too. “i think it would be nice to meet luxe.” he just barely knows naeun, but he wants to meet the girls his girlfriend debuted with. the ones that stayed, anyway. “of course, myname sunbaenims too, if i ever have the opportunity. what about you?”

Johnny tries his best to keep the conversation going, which is a struggle for an introvert like himself. But then again, if Taemin won’t do it, he will. It’s much better than fixating on his own nerves and insecurities. At least he can get a peek into Taemin’s mind and forget his own thoughts and doubts. It’s a win-win. He supposes he understands why extroverts talk so much a little bit better. 

“Better than the zero experience I have,” Johnny says with a chuckle. “The only thing I can help you with is a fashion runway, which unfortunately isn’t the case.” He nods in agreement at what Taemin says. “It’s weird, but good.” 

“It’s weird to come in empty-handed, to me, at least,” Johnny admits. “My mom told me it was rude to come in a new place without a gift, unless the people explicitly said no gifts or if it wasn’t professional to give one.” He always had a small gift for his friends’ parents when visiting their homes, and he even gave his thesis adviser a thank you gift when his defense had concluded. It feels weird to be asking for people to take care of them when they don’t even have anything to hand over to remember them by. 

He smiles as he thinks of the many friends he has in the industry. “That’s a tough one. I would probably like to meet Epik High. Their music has always been inspiring to me, even before I moved here,” Johnny says fondly. “And of course, I have friends in Luxe, Convex, DE:CODE, K.arma, and AND*ROMA, so of course they’re in the list.” 

[rkxrm]

@rkjohnny

With their debut, they were finally free to do as they wanted to do in terms of their desires of acting and modelling or variety. Namjoon was pretty excited to delve back into the industry that he’d left of his own free will in his late teens. He’d stopped acting when he turned 14, choosing to follow his fathers footsteps learning about the company and how e a good leader but here he was again, aiming to step back into the career that he’d left behind. He missed acting and modelling but at the time he’d quit to spite his mother and stop her from loving her dreams vicariously through him. He’d dreamed about getting back into the industry and with their debut finally, it seemed actually possible and as actually excited to see this come to fruition.

While they were waiting in the green room for the live recording of one of their shows, namjoon sat down next to Johnny. “It doesn’t feel all that real yet, that we’ve actually debuted and that we can actually start doing the things we’ve wanted to do for ages!” He exclaimed, leaning against the sofa. “Any plans for what you’re going to do now that we are actual idols?”he asked, looking at his fellow tree.

[rkjohnny]

With debut finally happening, Johnny wonders whether brands will ever reach out to him this time. Back then, he had to attend several go-sees before he could even get one modeling gig. He had heard from his friends that idols usually got these offers rather than be the ones to beg for jobs. He hopes that’s the same case for him. With NSG being rookies, he doesn't immediately imagine offers coming his way, so he’ll have to work hard to make himself visible to the masses and the brands. 

Live shows take forever, so Johnny was glad for Namjoon breaking the silence. “Other than promote with you guys?” Johnny asks with a laugh. “I don’t know. I mean, I’d love to go back to doing photo shoots and walking down the runway for Fashion Week, but we’ll see. I have to get designers to remember my name again.” He snorts before directing the question back at Namjoon. “How about you? Planning to make a grand comeback in people’s TV screens?” 

[rkjohnny]

rkxkjd​:

Take It Slow

“but now, since you’ve graduated you can have whatever color you want, right?” and aside from jongdae and hyunjin staying with their natural hair color, the other four were going to get that ‘idol treatment,’ like anyone who saw them out in public had no other reasoning but to think they were from some entertainment company.  

jongdae was pretty glad that his hair wasn’t going to be in some strange color like the aforementioned concert. though if he really thought about it, nsg’s concept and whatever that future thing seemed to correlate with each other albeit loosely. a 7th sense? that’s like… galaxy brain, isn’t it? trying to reach some higher level? just like how noumenon sound genesis is supposed to tap into some other plane of existence…  his brain might be thinking too hard on this, but these dots in his head were almost waiting to be connected in some way. 

“to be honest, this kind of feels like when we were getting ready for kt rookies stuff, y’know? the preparation, the recording, figuring out what’s going to happen in our music video and all that…” the only difference from then was that this time they were recording an original song, something that they first heard the demo of, were assigned lines to, and now was going to be labeled as something under ‘nsg u,’ which johnny and jongdae found themselves a member of as of late. “i guess we can thank kt rookies for preparing us that much.”

“Yeah, and it’s still a weird thing to think about, to be honest.” The fact Johnny has graduated from full-time education is strange. “Unless I get a modeling job that requires me to keep my hair a certain color, which was also why I couldn’t keep the red with shiny highlights, other than school rules.”  What’s even stranger is that he isn’t going into a field related to his degree. Entertainment and engineering have got to be the two most unrelated paths he can imagine, yet here he is. Life was weird, to be honest. He has no choice but to roll with the punches. 

Speaking of life being weird, their concept is probably one that is weird to the entertainment indistry as a whole. From the name down to the vibe of the song. Johnny may be a noob when it comes to the entertainment world, but he has heard enough music to know that their sound is one that he’s not sure the general public isn’t ready for just yet. He can imagine it’s the type of sound music students would enjoy trying to dissect, but the general public might not yet be ready for their brand of bizarre. Then again, KT Entertainment is always known for pushing the envelope, and he shouldn’t be surprised that their sound is anything but normal. 

Johnny nods in agreement. His head is beginning to feel uncomfortable against the sink, and the hairdresser makes him bend even more. He catches her muttering something about his height, and he has to hold back a snort while he simply slides upward to make her life a bit easier. “At least you didn’t film in the show in the middle of winter,” Johnny mutters under his breath. Thinking about it, among the second batch of KT Rookies, Joohyun, Hyunjin, and himself are the ones who remained. “But yeah, this time’s it’s more permanent... Which not going to lie, is a lot more terrifying.” 

[taeminrk]

≺ check in ≻*

their debut day rapidly approaches, but their training never stops. in fact, maybe they practice even more, always more ways to clean up the 7th sense’s choreography even after their music video filming. it’ll be different on stage, after all, where they can’t have multiple takes when someone messes up, and there won’t be a kt-hired director to pick out angles that make them look the best to include in their debut music video.

as seems tradition with nsg now, taemin is nervous. it’s not the first time he filmed this song’s music video, or got photos taken for teasers, or watched as they were released on kt’s official twitter account. it’s not just fears of them making a mistake on live television, but moreso that they won’t make it at all. he’s afraid they’ll lose someone else and have to start over– that kt will review their song or music video or their dance practices and decide none of it is ready yet again.

taemin alternates. some days he has the confidence to believe they’re ready, and that all of their hard work will pay off in a stellar performance their fans have been waiting for. sometimes, part of him wonders if they need even more time– more time to practice the 7th sense’s extremely difficult choreography, namely. he just wants them to do well. taemin feels it in his soul; he has never wanted anything more.

it keeps him awake tonight, staring up at the ceiling in a room that used to be shared by three, just him and johnny now. (he’s slowly adjusting to the emptiness, and even that makes him a little sad. all of their losses do.)

it’s been a dramatic few months– a dramatic year, and truly, what’s more dramatic than actually debuting? he doesn’t think it’ll stop anytime soon.

he thinks he hears his roommate move in his bed, so taemin decides to do what usually makes him feel better: check on someone else instead of admitting his own worries. “johnny, are you awake?” he asks, voice low, barely above a whisper. “are you doing okay?”

@rkjohnny – *

[rkjohnny]

As D-Day approaches, the less Johnny is convinced that everything is real. They have been through a lot as a team before debut, and honestly, it doesn’t feel like this is actually happening. Despite everything, he’s still waiting for the day someone tells him that he’s not going to be part of the final lineup. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened to any of them, and honestly, Johnny is surprised that he has made it to this point. 

This is all very new for Johnny, who before KT, simply lived the life of a normal kid who modeled on the side. He had expected that modeling was going to be his only connection to the entertainment world, but that wasn’t the case. He got the whole idol experience. Sometimes he wonders whether he should have given up his relatively comfortable life for this shit show. However, there are other times that he remembers this is something many kids have dreamed of, but he was the one to get it. 

Honestly, it’s hard to be confident in himself, especially after he was fed nothing but doubt and negative feedback. In fact, his sudden inclusion to NSG U is an obvious attempt to replace those who left. It was always clear that Johnny would never be KT’s first choice for anything. He was always a last resort simply because he showed up. He’s not sure what’s better at this point, but he supposes he will find out whether this hell hole is worth it. 

Johnny picks up a book but he dims his lights enough for his eyes not to strain too much but enough for Taemin not to complain. He feels a bit wary around his roommate, especially when they’re extreme opposites. Taemin who is good at almost everything and is KT’s priority for anything about this group. Taemin who likely never experienced being told he wasn’t good enough. 

He sighs as he flips to another page. Fate seemingly has different plans for them both as Taemin’s voice interrupts his reading. 

“As okay as a last-minute replacement can be, I guess,” Johnny says, trying to keep the snark out of his voice. “I could be dying somewhere in the hands of a crazy drug lord back in the Philippines, so I guess I’ll take this. How about you, sunbae-, I mean hyung?” 

[rkxhyunjin]

chocolate rain

rkjohnny​:

Johnny is snapped out of his reverie when Hyunjin’s voice catches his attention. He had learned early on that Hyunjin has a bit of a complex when it comes to talking. Then again, his circumstances growing up aren’t that of a typical kid’s. Johnny has promised himself to try being a good big brother figure to Hyunjin to the best of his abilities. “I know what you mean,” Johnny says with a smile. “And I think your voice sounds fine the way it is.” 

Hyunjin’s next attempt has Johnny burst out laughing, but he quickly controls it before he can wake up any of the other members. “No, please,” Johnny says with a vigorous shake of his head. “Don’t do that, Hyunjinnie. It’ll sound too weird and unlike you. Anything but THAT.” It’s almost funny, but he has a feeling he knows the root of Hyunjin’s insecurities. 

“Don’t overthink it,” Johnny says with a gentle smile. He had listened to several radio shows to watch how idols behaved and how they sounded.”Just be your lovable self, and the fans will love you.” Johnny knows that Hyunjin is someone who can easily endear himself to the fans, especially the younger fan base. “You always give your best in everything you do, and I know you’ll do the same when we go on radio later.”  

At some point, Hyunjin’s started fidgeting with his hands, unconsciously revealing just how nervous he truly was even through his own laughter. However, Johnny’s words seem to have that magical effect of calming Hyunjin’s subtle anxieties (something that even he himself couldn’t do at times), and he finds himself physically relaxing into the seat. “You might be giving me a little too much credit hyung”. Hyunjin says this, but he’s smiling to himself, pleased with the praise.

There were times Hyunjin felt guilty for the fact that he seemed to so heavily lean on the older members when it came to seeking out advice. They were dealing with the exact same things as Hyunjin was, so it wasn’t quite fair of him to add to the weight to the others’ problems. But beneath the insecurity, Hyunjin knew that he wasn’t bothering the others. That just as he wanted them to be comfortable coming to him, they wanted him to be comfortable coming to them.

“You know, this strangely reminds me of one of the earliest conversations we had. Do you remember? We were taking the bus to the hotel after getting off the plane for the Jeju year-end concert”. Thinking back on the memory, Hyunjin smiles fondly, meeting Johnny’s eyes, “Back then you were my sunbae and now you’re my teammate. To be honest, I’m really thankful for that. The fact that I get to call you my teammate makes me truly happy”.  

[rkjohnny]

“Nonsense,” Johnny says with a shake of his head. It was so much easier to comfort others than to calm himself. He supposes focusing on other people, in this case Hyunjin, helps ease his nerves better than if he tries dealing with them on his own. He rolls his neck, easing some of the tension there. It was hard to refrain from adjusting the headrests which were probably the right height for everyone else.  “I just call it as I see it,” he says, playfully shrugging his shoulders.

Johnny fishes out the rubix cube from his bag and starts playing with it. The familiar motions of the toy soothe his nerves and give his mind something else to focus on. He decided to try forming a red heart this time. He moves the cube as he goes along, messing it up and fixing it again accordingly. However Hyunjin’s words snap him back to the present. 

“True enough, it does,” Johnny says with a small fond smile. Back then, they had only worked together a few times, but they weren’t as comfortable as they are now. Hyunjin’s like a little brother to him, and Johnny will do his best to help him in any way he can. “We’re closer to that dream we had back then, aren’t we?” Johnny’s hands stop working on his cube for now. “I’m glad we’re going through this together.”  

[rkjohnny]

[ BACKDATED TO WHEN THE SONG DROPPED ]

johnseo

Congrats, young Padawan. You’ve made it to this point. 

Tagged in photo: @rkwxnb

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[rkjohnny]

[ BACKDATED TO JUNE 2020 ]

johnseo

Congrats, Jiyeon noona! All that hard work is beginning to pay off. The song is amazing BTW. 

Tagged in photo: @rkxjiyeon

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[rkjohnny]

johnseo

D-DAY. Here’s to the start of a whole new adventure with you guys. 

#NSGU #The7thSense #NSGU_The7thSense 

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[rkjohnny]

@kdyxrk

{txt; Jhyung} Hyung!! Okay, bear with me here... I’m kinda emotional rn. 😭

{txt; Jhyung} Dear, Hyungnim! I wanted to tell you how proud I am with all your accomplishments.

{txt; Jhyung} You took a new huge step in your life and I’m really happy for you, because I know how much effort and time you put in making this idea a reality. I’m sad that, we won’t probably see each other for a while, but at least I will see you, as you fire up on my tv screen. Kkk.

{txt; Jhyung} Good luck, J. Congratulations going!! I love you. 🥳🥳🥳

[ Outgoing: McDoie ] 

- Not going to lie, that made me cry. Congratulations, D. You have accomplished a new friendship milestone!  - But seriously, thank you, man.  - Speaking of which, we’ll be on music shows soon. Keep an eye out for that. ㅎㅎㅎ - Lucky I read this before we got to hair and makeup, or else we would both have been slaughtered, my dude. 

[rkjohnny]

johnseo

COMING SOON.

NSG U 〖 The 7th Sense 〗 Music Release ➫ 2020 09 28 6PM (KST)

#NSGU #The7thSense #NSGU_The7thSense

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[rkjohnny]

@rkohsehun

[text: 2all hyung]

➡️ hYUNG

➡️ your teaser is awesome omg

➡️ congrats on debut omg !!!!

➡️ how does it go again? "ikaw na!"?

[ Outgoing: Murder Bean ] 

- Thank you, Sehunnie!  - Are you guys still promoting this week?  Looks like we might meet in music shows! - Yep! Your Tagalog’s getting better, my dude. 

[rkjohnny]

[/txt-Johnny] woah, your teasers look amazing! Superstar Johnny! Congratulations to your debut!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳

[ Outgoing: GRAYground King ]

- Thank you, hyung!  - I’m happy you like them  ヽ(o⌣oヾ)