Robert McEvily was here. He'll be back.

[robertmcevily]

Top 10 Worst First Names for Quint in Jaws

Jimmy Timmy Diddy Leroy Chad Marv Abdullah Sir Roderick Mashawn Clint

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[robertmcevily]

Full of Sound and Fury

I like to munch-munch on a pretzel As I read my Hansel-Gretel Get up all inside your face and redesign the classic Edsel And I do it sans short pants On the outer coasts of France When I bike I rock the mike like that thin dude they call Sir Lance For me the treat's swiss cheese and ham It's all I eat when on the lam While watching Flintstones for my daily dose of Pebbles & Bam Bam I'll punch you out when you're not lookin' Eat up all your momma's cookin' Then I'll rap and set a trap to catch my Uncle Raymond schtuppin' Dude's been cheating on his wife Dude's been screwing up his life Dude's been tryin' to eat his Wheaties with a mofo butter knife!

Peace out, yo! Live your dreams!

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[robertmcevily]

Untitled #18

Whoever said "honesty is the best policy" wasn't being honest.

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[robertmcevily]

Changing the Pharmacist

"I can only give you three pills," he said. "That's our policy."

She needed ten. Her next endocrinology appointment was in ten days, and he knew this. Her supply had run short, and she suspected he'd messed up the count last time.

"I need to take one of those pills every day," she said. "Every day."

"I'm sorry," he said. "That's our policy."

That evening, she asked ChatGPT how to make someone disappear.

The next day, she waited outside Walgreens for just ten minutes because she knew when his shift ended.

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[robertmcevily]

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[robertmcevily]

Pickled Herring

Erik Lundqvist, a humble clockmaker in Uppsala, Sweden, fell into an unusually deep sleep one bitter night in 1780. His mind was pulled through centuries, and he dreamt vividly of a world buzzing with glowing rectangles, voices trapped inside glass, and carts that moved without horses. People stared endlessly into small handheld mirrors that showed no reflection, and children flew through the air in silver birds. No one chopped wood, no one spoke to strangers. The sky hummed unnaturally. When Erik awoke, drenched in sweat, he clawed at the shutters, gasping for clean air and the sound of an axe splitting pine. He swore never again to eat so much pickled herring before bed. [{( website )}]

[robertmcevily]

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[robertmcevily]

How an Introvert Defines WEDNESDAY

Withdrawal Energized by solitude Don’t call me Not planning anything Existing quietly Silence is golden Don’t take it personally All I need is tea You’ll hear from me Thursday (maybe) [{( website )}]

[robertmcevily]

Untitled #17

The most honest conversations I’ve ever had were all in my head while folding laundry.

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[robertmcevily]

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[robertmcevily]

The Pigeon

From my ledge on 34th and Park, I see everything: lovers breaking up mid-sidewalk, cabbies cursing into the wind, and tourists pointing at all kinds of things no one else seems to care about. Humans are funny—always rushing, always yelling, always holding little rectangles they stare into like hypnotized squirrels. Sometimes someone drops a bagel and I call it divine intervention. You’d be amazed what people say to themselves when they think no one’s listening. I’m listening. [{( website )}]

[robertmcevily]

Untitled #16

Owls are just cats with wings, and we should be way more suspicious of whatever secret meetings they’re having at night.

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[robertmcevily]

Blank

Every evening, Henry took the same walk through his neighborhood, a ritual of fresh air and quiet contemplation. Nothing irked him more than passing someone who didn’t offer a nod, a wave, or even the slightest acknowledgment. He started keeping count—seven tonight, ten yesterday, twelve the day before—ghosts, all of them, drifting by as if he weren’t there.

One night, determined to prove a point, he stopped mid-path, planted his feet, and stared at an oncoming jogger, waiting for the inevitable nod. The man ran past without a glance, his expression blank, his breath even, his body moving with an eerie weightlessness. When Henry turned to glare, he caught his own reflection in a darkened window—alone, as always.

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[robertmcevily]

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[robertmcevily]

Another Six Months

"And how are we feeling this morning, Mr. Andrews?"

These are mandatory meetings. Andrews is playing the game, doing and saying what's needed to get himself approved for release.

"Well, thanks."

"Do you find me attractive, Mr. Andrews?"

This is surprising. She's never asked a question like this before. He's unsure how to respond but has no time to think.

"Yes."

Andrews is sentenced to another six months.

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[robertmcevily]

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[robertmcevily]

Kathleen

I miss your laugh that sudden burst of validation and the way it looped around me and pulled me closer to safety

Manhattan’s lights flicker in your eyes its rhythm matches your step as you weave through its streets one part Pittsburgh, one part Poland entirely, beautifully you

I wait for you to walk back through the door so I can tell you all the little things I saved up the ones that only matter because I get to tell them to you

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