Alright. A user I was talking to in a discord mentioned being initially annoyed at the "sex isn't real" stuff before we had a conversation in which I explained it, so gonna like. explain it here more properly.
So, I am asexual. I use this term to mean that I have a general discomfort with sex and a disinterest in sex. At the same time, this is a kink blog. I write about things that are sex-adjacent. In fact, many people would call them sex!
The question of "what is sex" is surprisingly popular. While one could be forgiven for believing that "sex is when a penis enters a vagina", that's widely disputed. Our society places a lot of emphasis on 'sex' as important, relationship defining, and the height of intimacy. So, it's common to see discussions about "actually X is sex", held both seriously and in jest.
Asexuality is defined relative to sex and by rejection of it. While the experience of being ace is defined by having others see you as deviant, as broken, or as flawed for your disinterest in sex, the politics of asexuality leans towards deprioritizing sex. Arguing that the full human experience doesn't need to include sex. That sex isn't special. It's just something people do.
Personally, I think that we must understand the arguments about "what is sex?" that seem to believe political power grows from expanding language in this context. They see the emphasis placed on sex as a real power, and seek to take that power by expanding the definition. To create room to assimilate into it.
I reject all of this. Because you literally can't have sex. Sex isn't real.
This is a two-pronged argument.
First, I reject the political efforts to expand the definition of sex. I see them as silly and misguided, trying to find power in changing language without engaging with what generates that language (the real system of heterosexuality, the structural power and existing hierarchy). I'm uninterested in all forms of "X is sex actually". Nothing is sex, actually.
Second, this is an ace kink blog. I don't want to talk about sex. I don't want to think about sex. But I want to explore eroticism. I want to explore things that might be called sex. My "sex isn't real" comments draw a line, saying that I'm interested in the fiction of sex and in the rejection of sex. I'm interested in things that are not sex and things that might be sex but are not sex. It's for my own comfort, creating a space that I enjoy and prefer. A space where people stop trying to do digital sex with me and talk about sex. literally shut up you can't have sex it's not real.
Anyway, I hope that makes sense and explains it better.