always yours, e. cullen (part 1)
pairing: edward cullen x gender-neutral vampire!reader
summary: you were edward’s best friend since you could remember and you had to witness your soul shatter as he slowly fell in love with bella swan. but, as you return from volterra, a strict move on bella’s part opens edward’s eyes to his true fate which has been right under his nose.
warnings: reader is insecure and hates themself (again), mentions of their turning, non-canon jasper (UNION SOLDIER), angst, stubborn reader, edward being a stupid white man (is this really a surprise?)
a/n: my contribution to the seemingly empty edward x reader tag, this is quite a long post i’m so sorry
you were never the one to turn heads with your sparkling eyes, your pearly white smile, your silky and soft hair. you’d never have the kind of beauty that human beings immediately fell in love with. they didn’t fall in love with you at first sight, think about you, twenty-four hours for seven days a week. based on your experiences, no one ever fell in love with you, no one even cared about you.
this was a constant throughout your deliberate existence, even after your turning. even with the perfections that vampirism seemed to embed onto your appearance and personality, both of which, in your mind, needed extreme healing forced upon them.
you still were not worthy, always overshadowed by rosalie and alice, your “sisters”, the denalis, your “cousins”, your “parents”, esme and carlisle, who seemed like angels that deserved everything good in this world for putting up with you.
and, your “brothers”. but, they weren’t truly your brothers, they didn’t even feel like that. friends seemed to be a better terminology for them.
emmett and jasper would always joke around with you and their smiles would be shining like the bright sun. they were beautiful, further adding onto your well-concealed jealousy to be anyone but yourself.
and, edward, you can’t forget about edward. he was your absolute best friend and at some points in the past century, you felt like he was the only person on your side. he had such a kind and whole-hearted soul even if he felt as if it was damned for the rest of eternity.
carlisle turned you about a year after him and he helped you through your transition and you couldn’t help but be grateful.
you couldn’t trust anyone, except maybe edward.
you didn’t think you loved him, you didn’t even believe that love could survive in this cruel hole of a world. but, when he’d always ask how you were doing, talk endlessly with you throughout the nights you had to stay awake for, always laugh at every joke you wanted to say, you’d realize you were wrong.
you did love him but it was hopeless. you’d be set on fire before you’d ever tell him of your true feelings.
edward’s telepathic abilities never worked on you, for a reason that no one, not even carlisle knew.
it was easy to keep your feelings hidden, since you never really opened up to anyone. you were satisfied with keeping things bottled up, it’s better that way.
it became extremely hard in forks, though. about three years in, bella swan came into view. and, you could tell edward had an interest in her right away. it used to be about the fact that she was the only human whose mind he could not read. but, it quickly turned into love, and you could tell, and it shattered your non-existent soul.
“you love the swan girl, don’t you?” you asked edward the night before he was to take bella out for the day tomorrow.
“what?” edward’s eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes told a different, much more obvious, story.
“i know you heard me perfectly well, ed.”
the boy smiled widely, either at the use of your nickname for him or at the idea of bella, you were going to go with the latter.
“yeah, well, she’s my mate. she makes me so happy, y/n, but i don’t deserve her.”
you closed your eyes, trying to control your rage and you smacked him on the head.
“what are you talking about?”
“any person would be lucky to be loved by you, edward. you just can’t see it because you’re a dumbass.”
“wow, you turned a compliment into an insult. how nice of you.”
“it’s what i do.” you sighed. “whatever happens tomorrow, i’m on your side, i always am.”
“i know. thanks, y/n.” edward got up from your spot on the patio and ruffled your hair before going back inside the house.
you smiled faintly until you were sure he couldn't see you. that smile then turned into one of remorse.
mate. edward’s word for bella swan. carlisle had told you that bella was edward’s blood singer but that doesn't mean that she’s his mate. they’re not quite interchangeable.
a few years after you were changed, carlisle had told you about the mate bond. specifically, the one between you and edward. he was your mate, and your love towards him wasn’t an accident. you didn’t know if you were his mate, despite carlisle’s counteracting revelation.
bella swan might have been his mate, and you didn’t want to ruin that. you didn’t want to ruin his chance with someone who could have given him a lot more than you ever could have. a lot more happiness, love, safety.
you knew you weren’t worthy of his love, but perhaps bella was. she was sweet and kind, and you were neither of those things, at least not in your mind.
as the year went on, you had to watch edward devote himself to bella, and not you anymore. she was now his favorite person in the entire world, and not you. never you.
you smiled through your pain and hung out with bella to be nice and considerate. she was a good friend to have around.
but, then her 18th birthday party happened, and it all came crashing down. edward’s worst fears had come true, she almost could have died, and he needed to leave for her own safety. there was nothing anyone could do, not even you.
you supported him, like always, and helped him believe that this was the right thing to do.
he went all around the world, with you on speed dial if he ever needed you. and, he did. you talked everyday, and it was a miracle that you made him smile and laugh during those painful times of his.
you wished that there was something that you could do but you knew as long as he did what he needed to do, then it’d be alright.
but, you’d always worry. that worry skyrocketed to its highest levels when alice saw edward finding out about bella’s pseudo-death, you knew what that meant.
your best friend was going to set himself up for death.
you needed to save him, even if you weren’t the one doing the actual saving. you and alice helped aid bella into saving edward at volterra and you flew back with them to forks after the chaos with the volturi.
it hurt the way they were still so close together, as if no time had passed.
but, bella was apprehensive at being so close to him, as if he was going to leave her again. and, you could tell by her mood.
so, it was both a shock and something you expected when bella told you she didn’t know if she still wanted to be in a relationship with edward anymore.
“bella, he’s my best friend, so i know that he meant well. but, he left you, so you owe him nothing. do what you need to do. if you break up with him, i will support you, because you’re my friend, too.”
bella smiled. “thanks, y/n.”
you remembered that conversation when you heard edward coming into the house, knowing what had already happened, and not just because alice saw the vision, moments before it happened.
he had come out onto the patio and saw you, your presence immediately lifting him up.
you turned back and smiled faintly at him, with a hint of sadness in your golden eyes.
edward sat down next to you. “i expected it.”
“i know you did. i’m sorry, it’ll get better.”
he laid his head on your shoulder. “really?”
“well, i mean i can’t tell the future, that’s alice’s job, but yeah i think it’ll get better.”
he laughed and at your smile, he thought that maybe things would get better, as long as he had you.
a/n pt. 2: i might write a part 2 when edward actually finds out about the reader’s feelings, but idk