It finally happened. Growing up snuck up on me.
Growing up with older parents all I ever thought about was them. When I was little and realized how death worked I would wake up sobbing and drag my blanket to the hall and cry worrying about the day when my parents wouldn’t be able to comfort me. I was 6.
I was very conscious at a young age how precious life’s moments are and tried to cherish them as much as I could. Though I admit I am not perfect and fell victim to being distracted and losing time with people I should have held closer when I had the chance.
I feared the people in my life growing old that I never thought about it happening to me. One day I was a little girl in the hall, then a bigger one in school watching my brother leave for school, then me leaving as well. Growing up in a family so intertwined I never imagined we could grow separate lives so easily. But soon enough with out even realizing I grew a life of my own.
I left for school and met people my parents would never know or never meet more than a few times. I was inviting a boy home who they had never met but I loved home for the holidays. Traveling home in my free moments just to spend time with them.
Then lives began to separate more. Too busy on both ends to make trips to see each other. Too much homework to have time to enjoy a trip home. Suddenly realizing that I’ve seen my boyfriend’s parents more than my own in the last 6 months. Barely able to keep up with the happenings at home and what’s happening in the new separate life and when trying to combine them it seems as though there’s not enough time to processes the feelings that come from each.
Deaths, moves, dilemmas. Both lives with such similar problems stacked on top of each other like split timelines where I am the only common character.
Realizing that now I live on my own and have a job. In a flash I no longer live with my parents and I won’t anymore. I have a different home with different people and now distance is a bigger factor than before. Distance isn’t the only factor anymore.
I was so worried about others getting old and growing up around me I did even begin to think that I would grow too.
Ann. R.
