a/n: hello, i finally had guts to post my first fic after i watched the endgame ((which is weeks ago)) please bear with me, it'a my first fic and yeah, please tell me what you think because it would really help me. I really wanted to write for a very long time,, so here it is! i also wanted to improve my writing so please send me some request ♡ thank you!!!!!
ps: i’m so sorry it looks so crowded i don’t know what’s with tumblr i can’t put spaces :((( i promise i’ll edit it on a desktop :-(
pairings: steve rogers x reader
warnings: endgame spoilers???? language, lil angst, lil fluff
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“He can take his time and stay there as long as he likes, but for us, it’ll only take 5 seconds.” Bruce said.
We nodded. Steve, on the platform went down to hug Bucky goodbye and then to me.
“Come back in whole pieces okay?” I smiled while caressing his face. Memorizing every part of it, as if I will not see him again. I know I will. I just, feel like I will never get to hold him like this.
“I will. I love you.” He said lovingly, although there’s something in his eyes that I can’t…ponder upon.
“I love you more. Come back alright?” I asked one more time as he went to the platform. He didn’t looked back at us.
Banner started counting backwards signalling his return.
There’s something I feel in my stomach, I feel something in my throat and tears are starting to dwell up. My breathing are getting uneven.
“y/n…” Bucky held my arm when I started panicking.
“He’ll be back, right?” I asked Bucky. I know he knows something too.
“I lost him on the map! I can’t see him!” Banner starts to push buttons frantically. Sam and Bucky were starting to lose their calm, too. Trying to figure out what went wrong.
“Bruce, I’ll go find him.” I said. All of them were shocked and looking at me like I’m crazy. I just needed to see him one last time.
“y/n…i’ll go with you.” Bucky said. I wanted to say that I’ll go alone but I feel like I’m losing time.
“Take care of each other. You know how to use that, y/n, right?” Bruce assuring me.
“Yes.” Determined, I went to where Steve was last seen.
After blasting into an unfamiliar place, I looked at Bucky, trying to find a familiar face, but he’s very fascinated that he was brought back to a place he knew of dearly.
“Hey, Bucky. You know where Steve probally has gone to?” I asked him
“Oh, doll. Of course you know where he went to.” Bucky trying to make the situation lighter.
“Oh God. Of course I know. I just can’t say her name, it feels like swallowing poison. So, do you know where she lives?”
“What are we waiting for? Let’s go now!” I told him and basically pulled him in some direction. He laughed.
I actually don’t know what to do if I found him. Will I ask him to come back to me? To the present where we started something special. Or I thought so. What will I do if I see Peggy in flesh? What exactly am I doing here?
“Hey doll?” Bucky interrupted my thinking.
“Hey, buck. Are we there yet?” I asked him. We were on a cab to Peggy’s house.
“No not yet. Penny for your thoughts?” He asked me.
“Nothing…I’m just very amazed at how beautiful and simple it is back then.” I lied, I wasn’t even paying attention to where were going.
“What are you planning to do? Once you see him?” Bucky asked me.
“I…I don’t know. I feel like being selfish if I ask him to come back. I actually don’t know what we’re doing here. It’s getting dark, Buck. I think…I think we should just go back. In fact, it’s Peggy we’re talking about here. She…she was his first love and what am I to compare to her? Let’s go back, Bucky. I just can’t bear to see it, whatever’s I’m going to see.” I said almost out of breath.
Bucky looked at me with sad eyes. “Too late, doll. We’re already here.” I glanced outside and saw a decent and big old house, well probably not old, since we went back, it probably was a kind of house that’s in in these time. We went out of the cab and stood outside.
“Bucky let’s go back. I think it’s someones birthday or Steve’s welcome party or.. I…let’s just go back.” I begged him and grabbed his arm. I noticed there’s something in the backyard, it’s full of people and contained a lot of decorations.
“Wait do you hear that song, y/n?”
A slow song played by a band was playing, and who would forget this song? It’s my captain’s favorite.
I wandered on his room in the Avenger’s headquarters after one of Tony’s extravagant party. It’s been 7 months since we officially started dating. Although, we have been testing the waters for almost 5 years now since I joined the team.
“Hey, cap.” I asked him while just cuddling on the bed, almost sleepy. “What’s your favorite song?”
“It’s been a long, long time.” He answered while kissing the top of my head.
“I know it’s been a long time, love.” I joked.
“Silly, it’s the title. You hear it all the time” He laughed at my silly joke.
“I don’t think I get to finish the song. You know, I fall asleep on your choice of songs.” I pouted and he kissed me. “I wanna listen to it!” I sat on the bed, wanting to listen to it enthusiastically. “Come on, love. Play it for me!” I pointed at his turntable and gave him my puppy eyes I know he can’t resist.
“Promise me, you won’t fall asleep?"
“What my baby wants, my baby gets.” He walked over to the turntable and placed the CD on. The slow song started to play.
“You wanna dance, cap?” I asked him, but immediately regretted it. I remembered Peggy and their promise to dance with each other. And you know, their history.
“Do you wanna dance?” He asked me.
“I do. But only if you’re ready.” I smiled at him reassuringly that it’s fine by me. I went over to him and hugged him. We stayed on that position for a while when he asked me, “Have you danced before, y/n?”
“Like a slow dance? I haven’t.”
“Because you aren’t ready yet.”
“I’ll dance with you when I completely let go of my past.”
“I’ll wait for it even if it takes forever.”
He chuckled. “Alright. Let’s get you to bed, you’re getting sleepy. I love you, you sleepyhead.”
I looked over to the backyard, closer to get a better look. They have guests, who are dressed formally. The yard was decorated by balloons, flowers, there’s a large cake and a band playing my cap’s favorite song. I went to look at the other side and my whole world shattered before me. My eyes were producing tears uncontrollably and my knees got weak literally, Bucky caught me just in time.
Steve, the love of my life, got his most awaited dance. After 70 long years. With the woman he truly loved.
“Rogers got his fucking dance, Bucky. It’s so…unfair.” I was sobbing into his arms while holding my mouth, afraid that if my voice gets too loud, people might see us.
“Hey, y/n… calm down a little bit, you’re breathing’s not normal anymore.” Bucky warned me. I have asthma but that’s not the problem now.
“Bucky…..they..got..mar..married. Does he even plan on telling us? H…he should have atleast told us? I would have understand because I kind of expected this to happen ever since that time machine idea was brought up. It should have hurted less if he just told us, but instead he..made us worried by not being in his timestamp, and now…we’re seeing him…having the time of his life, dancing and getting married, for fucks sake!!!!! while we’re fucking worried of his whereabouts?????? He could have just fucking told me!!!!!”
I wept on the grass leaning on the yard with Bucky. As if my whining will bring Steve back to us. We stayed there for 5 more songs, staring into the grass in front of us, hearing the people’s chattering and the celebrations for the newly weds. We once heard the people clinking their glasses with their forks, signalling them to kiss. Of course, I burst into tears again.
“Let’s go back, y/n” Bucky stood up and offered his arm to me.
“Let’s go.” I wiped my tears and pressed on the device that will let us back home. I didn’t even managed to look back to the party. I don’t think I can handle it.
“Have you found him? Where’s Steve?” Bruce asked, Sam waiting for answers. Bucky smiled sadly.
“Having the time of his life.” I told them and smiled bitterly. “He got his dance, Sam…Steve got his dance..and his girl. He..looked so happy.” I felt like crying again, but no tears came. Probably spent it all way back there.
“y/n…” they called out to me, feeling sorry.
“I’ll be in my room. I’ll be fine. I just wanted to rest.” I assured them.
I laid on my bed for God knows how long. I looked on the other side where Steve’s smell still lingers. Not wanting to cry again, I stoop up and put on the CD in the turntable and played his favorite song.
I closed my eyes and body swayed a little, imagining he’s dancing with me.
“You know what…? You’re so unfair, Rogers. You got your dance and I got nothing. Well, as they say, promises are meant to be broken. But you are not one to break promises. You even went back in time to have your dance with Peggy, while a band plays.” I tried to smile. “But I am so happy for you, my love. I truly am…"
Maybe in an alternate universe, it’s you and I.
Maybe in an alternate universe it’s just you and me, no past haunting you, no obligations to the world, no fallen family. No lost time. Just us, living together happily.
A tear finally fell from my cheeks and the music stopped. I wiped it away, then proceeded to remove the CD from the turntable.
"Oh fucking hell, I lost my sanity. First I’m dancing alone and talking to myself. Fuck you, Rogers. The things you do to me.” I chuckled to myself
You stopped and turned to look where you heard the voice. Your man, the love of your life, your captain, was standing by your door.
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