ROGUES | THE PODCAST

ROGUES | A DC VILLAIN PODCAST FROM THE CODOTVERSE

[roguespodcast]

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[roguespodcast]

Thanks to RSS being difficult, transcript is under the cut!

ROGUES! S07E06 - PLAYING KETCHUP

INT. UNKNOWN PLACE. EARLY.

HARVEY (groans)

EDWARD Welcome back to the world of the dubious compos mentis.

HARVEY What -

HARVEY struggles against his rope bonds.

HARVEY What the-- hell?

EDWARD And I just went to Cosmo, too. What a senseless waste.

HARVEY What’s going on?

EDWARD Oh, you’re hardly new to this. You’ve been kidnapped, Atticus. Though I see you put up a fight first, which is why Thing One’s face looked like a plate of raw ground beef.

HEAVY Oy, fuck you.

EDWARD That’s a big flaccid pass on that one.

HARVEY Fantastic. Tied to a chair with Edward Nygma. (Woe is me)

EDWARD You’re telling me: this is all so clichéd. They could’ve at least tried chaining us to pipes, but then again, I would’ve simply picked the locks.

HARVEY So much for just wanting a word.

EDWARD In my experience, no one wants just one of anything.

HARVEY What did we do to deserve this?

EDWARD You or me? Or us?

HARVEY We.

EDWARD Oh, well, that clears that up. Got any outstanding warrants?

HARVEY No.

EDWARD Hurt anyone who didn’t want you to?

HARVEY Not lately.

EDWARD (snickering) My condolences.

HARVEY Shut up.

EDWARD Then I imagine it’s because you’re the Mayor’s terribly useful DA.

HARVEY Like we didn’t feel enough like a pawn already. What about you?

EDWARD I think I’m more of a knight.

HARVEY No, why are you here?

EDWARD I have enough outstanding parking tickets to wallpaper a senior citizen’s living room in a fascinating new colour.

HARVEY Really?

EDWARD No.

HARVEY (losing patience) Could you be straight with us for one goddamn second and cut the bullshit?

EDWARD (scoff) What’s in it for me?

HARVEY Well, we won’t - uh -

EDWARD Hit me?

HARVEY Damn it.

EDWARD Now say please, if you really want to know.

HARVEY ...

EDWARD Weeeeeeell?

HARVEY ...

EDWARD Aww, you’re no fun. (chuckles) Fine, Oswald refused to take Harper seriously so the latter is isolating the former from his valuable resources.

HARVEY Who’s Harper?

EDWARD The newest piece on the board.

HARVEY So this is all some kind of vendetta that has nothing to do with us?

EDWARD Indeed. There isn’t a month that goes by in this city without getting caught in the crossfire of yet another pissing contest.

HARVEY What do we do now?

EDWARD Look, that plural pronoun of yours makes it quite challenging to ascertain whether you’re including me in said collective pronoun. Do you realise that?

HARVEY Ohh, for fuck’s sake!

HARVEY struggles against the ropes some more.

EDWARD You’re only going in giving yourself a nasty rope burn - on top of your other nasty burns.

HARVEY (snarls) Says you.

EDWARD Trust me, I tried while you were taking eighty winks: they know their knots.

HARVEY Don’t you carry a knife?

EDWARD They took it, along with everything else I was carrying. Still not thrilled with that thanks. But, since we’re on the subject, why didn’t you just shoot them when they came for you?

HARVEY Why didn’t you?

EDWARD For once this isn’t about something I did, so I wanted to know what the backstory was. Your aggression defeats your curiosity, every time.

HARVEY

We don’t take our guns to work any more.

EDWARD

Self-control? (amused) But what if someone tried to kidnap you?

HARVEY

Look, if we had them last time we saw Oswald, he would’ve been shot.

EDWARD

Guess we missed out on living in that particular timeline. God, when did New Harvey start being good? What happened to Harvey Classic, busting kneecaps and shooting people in the face?

HARVEY

We wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand.

EDWARD

Oh yes, pity poor Edward: he’s a naughty man who’s going to be sorry, one day.

HARVEY (sigh) Any idea where we are?

EDWARD One of our fine city’s decrepit warehouses would be our over-educated guess.

HARVEY Our guess? Who?

EDWARD Oh no, I just got caught up in the bit. We can argue over which one of us is Jack Tripper later.

HARVEY (sighs)

EDWARD So. Who do you think is going to rescue us, then?

HARVEY (grumbles) Oswald won’t even know we’re gone until the car doesn’t pick him up by itself.

EDWARD Feeling underappreciated, are we?

HARVEY What do you care?

EDWARD I don’t: I’ve just recently inherited a great deal of free time, so I thought I’d try my luck.

HARVEY Doesn’t Crane usually turn up to spring you loose?

EDWARD One time is an occurrence, not a habit. You know I saved his worthless ass too, and I don’t plan on doing it again. We’re all square. Even Stevens. Finito.

HARVEY We take it you two aren’t so pally these days?

EDWARD Pally? What are you, Frank Sinatra?

HARVEY What happened?

EDWARD Haha, no.

HARVEY Not even to spend your inheritance?

EDWARD No.

HARVEY Fine. What about your henches?

EDWARD They are paid to come when I call, not to hang out: they won’t notice until the checks dry up and, not to brag, but that’s going to take a long goddamn time.

HARVEY You are such a pain in the ass.

EDWARD And you’re the one who asked.

HARVEY So we’re boned, then.

EDWARD Yes. At this very moment, we are thoroughly fileted and gutted. But not to worry, out of the Two of us, I’m sure I’ll think of something.

HARVEY Very reassuring.

Pause. Edward gets a thought.

EDWARD Hmm...

HARVEY Hmm?

EDWARD Alright, Mr. District Attorney. Tell me something.

HARVEY (wary) What?

EDWARD Why do you like Rent more than La Bohème, its progenitor and superior? And don’t start by saying the songs are better, because we both know that’s nonsense.

HARVEY You’re going down this road because we can’t strangle you, aren’t you?

EDWARD Only partly: I’m also interested.

HARVEY Alright then. (clears throat)

CUT TO:

INT. UNKNOWN PLACE. UNKNOWN TIME. ELSEWHERE.

GARRETT Where the fuck is Kieran?

TOMMY Out.

GARRETT Somehow, I figured that part out, Tommy. Where out?

TOMMY That was all he said, Garrett. Out.

KIERAN enters with some henches, laughing.

GARRETT What did you do?

KIERAN What are you on about? We were just takin’ in some of the night life.

GARRETT Scanner’s been going mental. Sayin’ there was an explosion at the Iceberg Lounge.

KIERAN So you blame the Irishman, don’tcha.

HENCHES laugh.

GARRETT Don’t you fuckin’ start with that. Was it you?

KIERAN Remember who you’re talking to, Garrett.

GARRETT I know exactly who I’m talking to.

KIERAN I didn’t blow it up. Alright? I mean, someone may have called in a bomb threat to clear the building, but I was helping the man. Even lent him some equipment to help him rebuild. Delivered it personally.

HENCH Airmail. First class.

GARRETT What?

KIERAN You remember that M-26 we found out by the wreckage of Warehouse 6?

GARRETT Fuck sake.

KIERAN Turns out she’s a gutsy bastard. Can pick an Off-Road Dumper right up. (whistles)

HENCH Yeh, drops it just as easy, eh Boss?

GARRETT We don’t even know who that helicopter belongs to, and you’re takin’ it out for fuckin’ joy rides? You’ve kicked the hornets’ nest, Kieran, the fucking hornets’ nest.

KIERAN Well, I don’t see you “sending a message”, Garrett. Unless your plan is to wait for Oswald to die of fuckin’ old age.

GARRETT Is that right. Follow me.

They’re walking; they open a door.

GARRETT This is what I wanted to show you: allow me to introduce Edward Nygma, and Harvey Dent. Mayor Cobblepot’s Deputy and District Attorney, respectively. A more subtle message than dropping a truck into the fucking Iceberg Lounge.

HARVEY Who did what now?

EDWARD I still had a good coat in the (coat check).

KIERAN Mister Dent... I’ll be buggered, two faces and they both look like a slapped arse.

HARVEY Come a little closer, we’ll see how many faces you walk away with.

KIERAN (laughs) I can see why Oswald keeps you nearby.

EDWARD Hey! If anyone is going to be talked to around here, it’s going to be me. So you can just Riverdance your ass around here, right quick. (pause) Good. Now then... who the hell are you and why should I care?

KIERAN Who am I? I’m the thorn in Cobblepot’s side, pretty boy. The constant reminder that no matter how far he runs, no matter where he hides, he can’t outrun his past. The penance that is always on his mind, and the last words in his dying breath.

EDWARD Oh my God...

KIERAN You know me now?

EDWARD I can’t believe it. Harvey - it’s the Condiment King! Oh man, is this a prank? Where are the cameras?

HARVEY

The fuck kinda name is that?

KIERAN makes an unhappy noise.

EDWARD

You know, I recognise that Cheshire grin from the label on a particular jar we received.

KIERAN

And what’d your boss think of that?

EDWARD

Nothing much. As for me, (obnoxious grin) I didn’t relish it. (laughing)

KIERAN You’ve gotta be fucking joking.

EDWARD No, that’s the other guy, so you’re in a real pickle: I have no idea who you think you are. Harvey?

HARVEY Way he described himself, we thought he was gout.

EDWARD Ha! Apparently there’s a few things Oswald can’t outrun.

HARVEY Disease of Kings.

EDWARD And Emperors.

KIERAN Enough! The name is Harper. Kieran Harper.

EDWARD And, by mayo definition, you mustard a whole lot of courage, coming here.

KIERAN

Shut up about fucking condiments or you’ll regret it!

Obnoxious pause…

EDWARD

… Chutney.

KIERAN punches EDWARD, whose head hits the back of HARVEY’s.

EDWARD Yep, there it is. (stretches his jaw) Fuck’s sake, why is it always my face? I mean, is it me?

HARVEY Yes.

EDWARD (louder) We may never know! It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries.

KIERAN You two really have no idea, do you?

EDWARD Oop, there’s exposition coming up, isn’t there? I hope your ass hasn’t gone to sleep yet, Harvey, we’re getting ourselves monologued.

HARVEY

Too late.

KIERAN Harpers never go starting fights, Mr. Nygma, but we know how to end them.

KIERAN There was a war on, and where there’s war, there’s bullets. The Harpers had the lead and the zinc, and the Cobblepots had the copper. Neither family supported the war, but there was no denying - war makes money.

KIERAN So Cobblepot’s father and my father agreed to help the allies, after the Kabelputs became Cobblepots, if you catch my meaning.

KIERAN But once enough money was made, the Cobblepots decided they didn’t want to work with the Harpers anymore - they wanted to buy them out. My father wasn’t having it. He tried to renegotiate a deal more favourable to Cobblepot, but there was no appeasing him.

KIERAN Some threats were made, accidents began happening in the mines. My father was a soft heart, he kept trying to bring a peaceful solution, but it was becoming clear that the Cobblepots would only understand strength, and force.

KIERAN We paid Oswald’s father a visit one night to make our position clear. Words were exchanged, and tempers raged. He was the first man I ever killed. Shot dead in the street. Regrettable, but hopefully that would be the end of it.

KIERAN What we learned that day was that Oswald’s father was just a figurehead. An empty suit. The real power was his... demon of a mother. By the end of the next night, my father, mother, and brothers were all dead or missing.

KIERAN I knew I was next, so I did the only things that made any sense. I copped to the murder. They locked me up, and I was finally safe. I thought there was no way I could be touched inside, but I woke one day to find your man Oswald sitting in the tree by my cell’s window. Hung around him, the heads of my family. I spent the rest of my term watching them swing until decay took them.

KIERAN I learned that the Cobblepots… they aren’t human. They’re devils, and I will exorcise each and every one of them.

KIERAN By your face, I’d wager you didn’t know you were working for such a monster.

EDWARD Hm? No, no we did.

HARVEY Obviously.

EDWARD You know - I’m more just… mildly impressed that someone who wasn’t an elementary schooler was able to climb a tree with a satchel full of heads. It’s so indicative of that all-American can-do spirit, y’know?

HARVEY

We’re feeling inspired.

EDWARD

(gasp) It could go on his next campaign poster. You know, to really get him ahead in the polls. 

KIERAN Well, we’ll see who’s laughing when the dust settles, won’t we?

EDWARD Gosh, I hope it’s me!

KIERAN grunts and leaves the room with the others. Door slamming.

EDWARD (chuckling) Ahh... so anyway. Rent.

HARVEY Seriously?

EDWARD Yup. Let’s hear the rest of it.

CUT TO:

EXT. GOTHAM MEMORIAL. MORNING.

DICK You’re sure you’re okay? You didn’t get hurt?

WAYLON Dick Grayson, you are always gonna be a mystery to me. You’re laid out in bed and checkin’ to see if I’M alright. You don’t need to worry about ol’ Waylon. You just get on your feet and get better, y’hear?

DICK I will, Waylon. And thank you for coming to see me.

WAYLON Hey, I’d a been here a lot sooner if the staff had let me in. But someone made a call I guess, ‘cause now I get everything except a red carpet.

DICK laughs. Winces slightly.

WAYLON You take care, son. I’m always around if you need.

DICK Thank you, Waylon. For everything.

WAYLON Always.

WAYLON closes the door, walks through the hall a bit.

WAYLON Oh, now is that? Jonny! Hey Jonny!

JONATHAN Hmm? Oh. Waylon. What’re you doin’ in the hospital?

WAYLON I got a friend upstairs: could ask you the same, though.

JONATHAN (scoffs) I got no friends upstairs, that’s for damn sure. Files. Bringin’ them over from Arkham.

WAYLON You know they got fax machines, right? For about... forty years now?

JONATHAN I don’t keep up with the new trends.

WAYLON (snickers) Alright, good to see ya anyhow.

JONATHAN Yeah, right.

Both start to walk off. JON turns.

JONATHAN Hey Waylon, I feel I should say... the last time we spoke, I was...

WAYLON A bit of a dickhead?

JONATHAN A bit uncouth... yeah. I wanted to say...

WAYLON You don’t gotta say nothin’. By all accounts, I shouldn’t’ve been a part of any of that, and clearly, I wasn’t the problem. But hey, what kind of a man would good ol’ Jonny Crane be if he wasn’t out to make everyone as miserable as he is?

JONATHAN Sweet of you to notice.

WAYLON Not like ya were goin’ to apologise ta me anyway, right?

JONATHAN Nothin’ to apologise for.

WAYLON There ya go. Can’t blame a snake for not likin’ his tail stepped on.

JONATHAN I guess not.

WAYLON So I’ll jus’ be sorry for keepin’ secrets from ya, forgive ya for being an asshole, and then we’ll be all square.

JONATHAN Heh, sounds good. (clears throat) So - who’s the friend?

WAYLON Grayson. Got into a scrap with a real strange fella. Rusky. Scars. Heh, hell of a lot more scars now after I got through with him.

JONATHAN I think his file came past my desk. Victor... something.

WAYLON I didn’t catch the name, but he left Dick in a bad way. Both them boys.

JONATHAN Both? Somethin’ happen to... what’s his name?

WAYLON Todd. Jason.

JONATHAN Right.

WAYLON He’s lookin’ a little...

JONATHAN Cracked?

WAYLON Somethin’ like that. Like a big bomb with a long fuse.

JONATHAN Well, I wouldn’t know.

WAYLON How’re you and Eddie doin’ now?

JONATHAN There is no ‘and’ there, Waylon. I got Ikky back, we’re done.

WAYLON Guess ya know best, Jonny.

JONATHAN Most of the time. Take her easy, Waylon.

WAYLON You got it.

JONATHAN Oh yeah, I been meanin’ to ask you.

WAYLON Hmm?

JONATHAN Why was there a dildo in the front seat of my truck?

WAYLON (chuckles) Heh. You wouldn’t believe me if I told ya.

JONATHAN Fair enough.

WAYLON leaves, and JONATHAN goes outside.

CUT TO:

EXT. GOTHAM MEMORIAL. SAME TIME.

BRUCE walks into JONATHAN.

JONATHAN Jesus, watch where you’re goi-- Ah, Mister Wayne. I trust you’re here to visit your boy?

BRUCE I am, but if you have a moment, I’d like to go over a few protocol changes regarding ARC - only if you have the time.

JONATHAN I really need to be on my way.

BRUCE Won’t take a moment.

JONATHAN [sighs] Seems I can’t say no.

BRUCE Let’s get out of the doorway. I know a place we can talk with less interruption.

EXT. ALLEY BESIDE GOTHAM MEMORIAL - SAME TIME.

JONATHAN Seems a little out of the way for talking shop.  

BRUCE I know you’ve been seeing Jason.

JONATHAN I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.

BRUCE What has he told you? What ideas have you been putting into his head?

JONATHAN Oh now, you’re no stranger to privilege, Mr. Wayne - so you should know why I’m not gonna tell you a god damn thing.

BRUCE shoves JONATHAN against a wall.

BRUCE You’re trying to turn them against me, aren’t you?

JONATHAN What the fuck are you on about?

BRUCE Is this some new ploy, break it all down from within? Drag them over to your side? I won’t let you.

JONATHAN (starts to laugh) Jesus Christ... You really believe that, don’t you?

BRUCE Give me one good reason to think otherwise.

JONATHAN If it puts a little starch in your britches, then go ahead and hit me. (spits blood) But you’re dead wrong.

BRUCE Talk.

JONATHAN Your brave little soldier came to me. I could go my whole damn day not seein’ any patients, but no - he asked for me.

BRUCE Why would he want you?

JONATHAN Because I’m not you.

BRUCE snarls and hits JONATHAN again.

JONATHAN (laughing) This is all you know how to do, isn’t it?

BRUCE punches him again.

JONATHAN (laughing) You have... nothing, Bruce. You’re wailing on me because you think I’m slippin’ in at night and sprinkling seeds of dissent into your precious babies’ minds? [laughs] I’m not the one pullin’ him into the dark. You’re pushin’ him in there all by yourself. It’s all you.

BRUCE is momentarily lost for words.

BRUCE ... I have to go. See my son.

JONATHAN This one’s not goin’ anywhere. You should try trackin’ down the other one. While he’s still around to track.

BRUCE You don’t know who I’m talking about.

JONATHAN Yes, I do. And so does he.

BRUCE storms off in a rage.

JONATHAN (quoting) Faith, sir. - as to that matter, I don’t believe one-half of it myself. (stretches, winces) Fuck.

CUT TO:

INT. OSWALD COBBLEPOT’S PRIVATE ROOMS. EVENING.

OSWALD is on the phone; a fire is crackling in the grate.

OSWALD You must be jesting. A dump truck falls from the bloody sky and you have the hide to say you find no probable cause to investigate?

The CALLER on the other end is largely inaudible.

CALLER Claims adjuster’s writing it off as an act of God, and -

OSWALD (losing his temper) Act of God?! Where do you worship?

OSWALD slams down the telephone and snarls with rage.

OSWALD (muttering under his breath) My bloody property. My bloody staff. The bloody impertinence of it all - bloody cheek. (grumbles off into raging noises)

OPHELIA appears, standing in the doorway. She is elegant and restrained; never one to lose herself in a passionate manner.

OPHELIA (I’m sorry to disturb you - but I’m ready.)

OSWALD Yes, yes, of course. I appreciate your due haste.

OPHELIA (Of course.)

OSWALD You understand that things are rather too hot at present. And now, with my lounge destroyed and my men either kidnapped or living in a jar, it’s better to simply... take you off the board. As simply and elegantly as possible.

OPHELIA (I appreciate your efforts. Sincerely.)

OSWALD The driver awaits you outside and the jet is awaiting your pleasure. Tell no one where you are, especially if it’s me asking.

OPHELIA (I’ll miss you, my darling.)

OSWALD And I you. I’ll call you back when it’s time.

OPHELIA (‘Til we see each other again.)

OPHELIA leaves. OSWALD grumbles to himself.

OSWALD (quoting) I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. If that little shit didn’t learn the first time not to fuck with Cobblepots, I will be delighted to re-educate him.

[roguespodcast]

A very Happy New Year to you all.

We hope 2026 treats you well. xx

[roguespodcast]

For a full transcript, check out our RSS site!

[lunar-scapes]

Rogues! The Fanzine II

Glitz and Glamour

Thank you so much everyone who has contributed to this project and thank you @voiceboss and Dee, the inspiration for all of this.

The Zine should be downloadable, if there is any troubles, feel free to give me a DM!!!!

[roguespodcast]

Incredible work done by incredible people!

Thank you all very much for this - every piece is wonderful, and we're absolutely blown away by the love and care you've shown to the show.

You're all awesome, in the truest sense of the word.

Also, a special thank you to @lunar-scapes and @sunshinecatie for organizing this whole thing - without you two, the magic just doesn't happen.

[roguespodcast]

For a full transcript, check out our RSS site!

[roguespodcast]

For a full transcript, check out our RSS site!

[voiceboss]

Why did you guys delete the Ain't Got That Swing episode? 😭

Alas, that wasn’t us - that was Spotify.

It’s because we’re listed as a podcast and that recording was only music, so they pulled it from the list.

That said, the song is still on the RSS site and can be found RIGHT HERE!

[roguespodcast]

Sharing onto this page as well. Not sure why I didn't in the first place.

[roguespodcast]

For a full transcript, check out our RSS site!

[roguespodcast]

Thank you all for such a positive response to Rogues! The Podcast’s return.

We’ll try to keep it entertaining (with less than a two year wait between episodes).

[roguespodcast]

For a full transcript, check out our RSS site!

[voiceboss]

Rogues! The Podcast - Smothered and Covered!

It's been a long time since I've updated the ol' Spreadshirt shop, so I thought "Hey! I have two seconds to rub together! Let's DO IT!"

So I did. What a great story!

I remember people liked a particular restaurant where a rogue or two may have stopped, so I made a shirt to commemorate the occasion!

Neat, huh? Why don't you CLICK THAT BAD BOY AND CHECK IT OUT?

(Also, apparently there's a 15% off sale running for the next five days - details on the store page - no pressure!)

[roguespodcast]

Delays.

They suck.

We already know this, and I hate them. Due to quality issues, things have not worked out with the current VA of an (as of yet) unknown upcoming villain in the next season. This has pushed things back considerably.

Now, there is a plus side - Dee and I are moving in August to the middle of nowhere, where peace and quiet should never be a problem again. No more apartment life. No more construction. Just silence.

That means content will actually become a constant - it will become my full-time job. This is exciting news, so one day we'll look back at all these delays and laugh.

Not right now, but someday.

xx

[0-1-thirtyfour]

our excitement cannot be handled any longer- Dearest Listeners, we present to you ROGUES! The Fanzine - Now free on Gumroad!!

Rogues! The Fanzine!

Nico - @nicodemusdoodles on tumblr, @roperillustrations on instagram

Simon/Punch - @punch-aholic on tumblr

Horror - @odddrawingsandwhatnot on tumblr

Ruby - @ursa_draws_ on instagram, @jinx3s_d00dl3s on tiktok

Nora - @nikolamuzia on instagram

everett - @lorebird & @azikenn

Caesar - @stationK17 on tumblr

Brick - @staticscreenz on tumblr

Conn - @constantron on tumblr

Miki - @21go-gay-today37 on tumblr

Quiz - @bootshivers on socials

Terri - @worri-wort on tumblr, @almighty_worrier on instagram

Leo - @hermannco on tumblr

Nahla - @arabriddler on tumblr

Jesse - @graveyardghoulart on tumblr and instagram, @_graveyardghoul on X

Grace/Lunar - @lunar-scapes on tumblr, @lunar.scapes on instagram

Helix - @realityhelixcreates on tumblr, @realityhelix on instagram

Samuel - @samscuttles on tumblr and instagram

The Corvids - @formidophobia on tumblr

Laxi - @laxi0v0 on tumblr

Abbie B - @abbiebsart on socials

crow - @crowsinacoat on tumblr, @crows_in_a_coat on instagram

Wolfie - @artwolf5017 on tumblr, @artwolf517 on instagram and tiktok

anonymous

Buggie - @bvggie on tumblr, @bvggie_ on instagram

Lily - @cteardrops on tumblr, @crunchy.teardrops on instagram

Percy - @taldoreipixtorsys on tumblr, @space_ace101 on instagram and tiktok

Doomy - @cyropop on tumblr, @doomy.bat on instagram Cato - @sh4pes-4nd-colors on tumblr

Everett - @lorebird on tumblr

Leah - @captainoftheussthagomizer on tumblr, @leahann78 on instagram

Phroggy - @hyperfocused-phr0gs on tumblr, @simpl.phrog on instagram Ketchup - @ketchup-monthly on tumblr CALAMITY!! - @cartooncalamity on instagram Goop - @sloop-goop on tumblr, @sloopgoop on X

Brain - @inmateofthemind on tumblr, @The-Little-Mother on DeviantArt

Ella/TheDoodleFox - @elegy-illustration on tumblr, @elegy_illustration on instagram` Special Thanks to @voiceboss for making this possible, and TO YOU ALL!!

[rogues-the-fanzine]

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS!

[voiceboss]

Dee and I are absolutely FLOORED by the incredible work that went into this Zine.

The amount of care and effort that has gone into this is beyond humbling, and I cannot thank you all enough.

I hope you are all proud of the amazing work you've done here, because I know I'm proud of each and every one of you.

You made Rogues! come alive, and I'm just... no words.

I do the voices and I have no words.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you for this.

[rogues-the-fanzine]

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Transcript

Catie: Do you think the henchmen need to unionize?

Cato: actually….if they HAVE to, but, I don’t think they-

Ed barges into the door with a BAM and angry footsteps 

Edward: YOU TWO HAVE DONE IT THIS TIME!! 

Catie and Cato: wait what?-

Edward: you’re going to explain to me why you’ve been in the Rogues! The Podcast fandom for HOW LONG and yet you NEVER talk about me even though I’m the main character!

Catie: have you like actually seen my content? I talk about you like exclusively 

Edward: (sticks his hand up to silence Catie) Oh we all know what happened to your “content” while you were in England. 

Edward: AND YOU…you’re a TRAITOR! You wear that symbol and color with SHAME!

Cato: Pink and Green are complementary colors, I have a brand to keep up with. 

Edward: That is NOT an excuse. The idea that you are that good at drawing Jonathan Crane is vile. And now…you’re going to make it up to me. 

Cato and Catie: Wait what? (Huh?) 

Edward: You are going to tell ME about the spectacular, well thought out plan YOU have CREATED. To apologize to ME for your atrocious lack of Riddler themed content

Edward: So what is it?? What’s that great master plan of yours? I’m listening and awaiting an answer. 

Cato and Catie fumble a bit as they try to speak on their behalf. This could be improvised between Catie and Cato while recording. 

Catie snaps her fingers at a probable solution.

Catie: The Zine!!! We have a zine. 

Cato: You are the main character in our upcoming Zine.

Catie: a big art collaboration featuring 36 fantastic artists, all drawing YOUR likeness. 

Cato: including an exclusive interview with-

Edward: wow! Don’t care, tell me the parts about ME. 

Cato: well… It features many illustrations, writings, and Comics from various moments from the hit ‘ROGUES! The Podcast’ 

Catie: it features mainly you, and plenty of background characters such as Jonathan Crane, Oswald Cobblepot, Laura Cameron, Query and Echo, and more! But it’s all just for highlighting your existence and greatness as The Riddler.

Edward: …. You’re just kissing my ass aren't you. This zine isn’t just about me! You’re lying! 

Catie: Actually statistically you’re featured in 25 pieces while Jonathan Crane for example is only in ____ pieces which is like a ___ difference.

Edward: Do I look like someone who doesn’t know basic arithmetic?

There are some strong knocks on the door

Cato: I’ll get it. 

Cato opens the door revealing Jonathan Crane

Jon: Well well well I knew I heard a narcissist and my favorite overreacter! Have any drawings of me yet? You know people go crazy when you draw me (Jon chuckle) 

Cato: (forced laughter) HAHAHAHA! I'm gonna go to the other room now. 

Catie: (forced laughter) HAHHAHAHAHA. You’re gonna sit down. HAHAHAHAHA

Cato: (forced laughter turns to defeat) OK OK. 

Edward: No no! They’re not drawing you! They have a lot of drawings of ME to catch up on since this little Zine project isn’t even centered around me!

Jon: Of course it’s not all about you Ed. It’s Rogues! The fanzine not Riddler! The fanzine

Catie and Cato: that's right!

Catie: it features almost everyone that appears in Rogues! the podcast!

Cato: including iconic scenes from all the seasons and special events like Lockup’s Lockdown and murder in the house of mystery

Captain Boomerang for some reason: am I in it?

Catie and Cato: NO

Edward: You know. This could be a good thing. More people would see how much better I am.

Jon: You are insufferable, you know that right?

Edward: And I’m in more zine pieces than you. That means some people find me charming.

Jon: you two. When is this zine thing out?

Catie: January 31st!

Cato: and it’s free so you don’t have to pay to see it

Edward: Ah, perfect. People don’t even have to pay to see Jon’s ugly mug

Jon: Oh you're funny. That was funny.

Cato: you know what would be funny? If you guys left right now.

Catie: yeah you interrupted Cato’s vampire Jon drawing time 

Jon: Vampire Jon?

Edward: And that is our cue to leave! You two need to feature me more! 

Catie/Cato: yes sir will do!

Jon and Edward leave

Cato: I’m killing you

Catie: WHAT DID I DO!?

[roguespodcast]

Mark your calendars!

January 31st!

[roguespodcast]

We've been getting reports that we're reaching the top of a few people's Spotify Wrapped lists, and it's been making our day.

Thank you for visiting our bizarre little world!

Or as Jon himself would say, "What the hell is a Spotify?"

[roguespodcast]

Happy Birthday, Dee!

That's right, folks! 50% of Rogues! The Podcast is havin' a BIRTHDAY TODAY!

HAPS BIRF, BUNBUN! MAKE DAY HAPPY TIMES YAY!

(This is why you're the writer)