I had a medically assisted abortion at 7+5 before Christmas. I don't harbour any traumatic feelings about it because I felt fully informed before making the decision to abort. People kept treating me like I was made of glass, expecting me to be regretful while still pregnant. People expected and waited for my mental breakdown. One that would never actually happen.
"But you're indigenous?"
"Aren't you a Christian?"
A lot of people don't understand why I'd make the decision. I'm in a stable job, a long term relationship and am making good money. But I also don't need to justify what I do with my body to anyone. I am a Christian, but I am also pro-choice.
I wasn't expecting pregnancy in the first trimester to make me feel like a prisoner in my own body, but it did. And every day of it made me more and more miserable. I went through doctors' appointments and phone calls, and unknowing phlebotomists congratulated me even though the abortion clinic requested the tests. And I still managed to be okay.
So when I looked at those boxes of medications, I felt relief. I held those pills in my palm and thought "If there is a world where I have to continue this pregnancy, I'd rather die."
And I know that sounds like I'm exaggerating, but it is my honest truth. If you criminalise abortion, you are criminalising healthcare. If you ban safe abortions, you will kill women. The law won't stop people from having abortions; it will stop women from having them safely.
I thought of Roe v. Wade and all the women around the world suffering from the degradation of our rights and autonomy over our healthcare. I took my pills, crying and holding my middle finger up to my country's government for electing male religious leaders who comment on women's health. Fuck you.
I am not broken.
I am not sad.
I am completely recovered and my HCG top test was negative.
I am free.
And I am beyond happy.
I couldn't have asked for a better healthcare team that cared for me and a loving partner who kept me company. I was supported by Indigenous nurses who were non-judgemental and inspiring. No one apologised to me when I accessed their clinic. No one gave me sympathy. I was reassured, and I was supported.
To be entirely honest though, a part of me keeps wondering if I am actually okay, but the other part of me keeps saying, "People want you to not be okay to prove why abortions are bad for people and your abortion was good for us."
I can understand why people conceal their abortions based on the reception I received at work and amongst friends. I didn't anticipate telling people, but based on my symptoms, the whole world knew I was pregnant and wasn't afraid to ask me.
"Are you pregnant?"
"For now."
"For now?"
"Yes, I am getting an abortion."
I've been told not to tell anyone because people will think I am a bad person. That I made a selfish decision. I've been accused of only aborting because my partner wasn't ready, and have also been accused of aborting without consulting my partner. Whatever the case, people always projected their own situations onto me and apologised for my eventual loss. I haven't lost anything! And I resent the negative associations being selfish has. No one else will love and care for me like I can and will for myself! That should be celebrated! I thought I was safe being open about seeking abortion care because these people all work in healthcare. This situation showed me that no matter what, women aren't safe in any environment.
"Aw, I'm so sorry. Is there any way I can convince you to keep it? You'd be a great mum!"
"I'm really sad for you, I love being a mum."
The reality is that my partner is pro-choice and respects whatever option I choose with my body. It was MY choice, and fuck any man who wants to make decisions over my body. It really just hit me that I can't be open with my abortion because of religious persecution and people's personal views on something they actually have no fucking clue about. Since my abortion, I've been in the same room with people talking about abortions and how they personally view people who choose this medical option and the procedure itself. I say nothing once religion is brought in.
People just have no idea what it even is, and that scares me in 2025 as the world plunders into more right-wing conservative politics.
My abortion was great. I slugged back a pill, had a goodbye party with friends and then took the miso the next day watching TV. It was painful beyond relief for a couple hours but short-lasting. I work with midwives and babies. I know what I got, have gotten into and gotten through.
I had an abortion. I don't need anyone's apologies.
It's now 2 years later, and in early 2026, I found out I was pregnant again. I've since travelled the world, progressed in my career and finished school.
I maintain love for my abortion history and gratitude for the option, but you won't find it anywhere in my files.
The world has become a place where being open about your termination history could one day bring you harm as we descend ever so slowly into a dystopic Christian world.
"I've put that you had a miscarriage in 2024 in your file, just in case, because you never know what the future holds."
I'm currently 7+5, and I don't feel like a prisoner this time. I'm in a good financial space and in a stable long-term relationship. Sure, we may not have parental support, but the point is, an abortion was my choice and keeping this pregnancy now is my choice.
I have no regrets.
:)
