My personal aroace statement rant about love
I don't know. Perhaps it's my way of thinking that is way too abstract, complicated, kinda complex, old fashioned or my autistic wired brain is getting it all wrong. idrk
But for me as an aroace love neither is dead or do I feel repelled or disgusted by love nor is love some strange thing that doesn't exist inside my nervous system or is something which I cannot empathize/identify with.
Au contraire.
I love. And I love deeply and when I love, I do love unconditionally.
But my way to practice and show and act upon my love to another one looks different than it is expected and what is known as "romance/romantic" by Mainstream Society. And, in fact, I don't naturally feel romantic attraction in that far-framed way and I don't feel the need to act that way. But I think I sometimes use gestures that can be seen as romantic. But being all lovey dovey makes no sense for me and that's ok.
I actually think it's kind of cute and wholesome to see people in public and in my private circle have these feelings of attraction and share these little romantic motivated acts with each other in gentle and natural behaviors and gestures. But in contrast to that it's rather unpleasant to me to see couples "too intimately involved into each other" at public places, iykwim.
To make it clear, for me as an aroace, love is not the same as romance or romantic feelings of attraction/interest and the motivation to share these acts upon one another. And love is neither the result of romantic attraction nor is love based on it.
Romance, for me, simply is one of so many different "love languages" in this world of creatures and "romantic" is just a human term to define a set and combination of specific arousal(physical and/or mentally like fantasies), behaviors, words, gestures, objects and the motivation to show these and act on in some ways, etc..
The dominant occuring love language upon human societies. At least, that's what mainstream and media wants to prove like it seems (to me).
And I hold the belief that one can feel romantic attraction and the interest/intention to exchange/share romance/romantic motivated love language with another one without actually being in love. And that's OK too.
I believe it must be beautiful if the feelings of romantic attraction and the interest/intention to share these romantic motivated gestures with another one rises from true love for that person or those people- such as an old couple still holding hands in public, spontaneously cuddling and kissing then smiling at each other, going on a date every now and then, without the need to share the same bedroom at night after 40 years of engagement/marriage.
Love is something that grows on the base of trust.
Oftentimes, without one being aware of it until one day, one becomes conscious of the love one feels for someone or something. And it would be the purest and greatest gift for me if the feeling was mutual.
Sometimes I think it must be nice to have those romantic feelings, but in the end I don't want to change one thing of the way I feel and love.
My beloved ones appreciate my own personal love language towards them and so do I theirs towards me.
And that's all that matters.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return."
-Nat King Cole, 'Nature Boy'
(I know other people's opinions are none of my business - but every time I stumble over aroace posts and rants about 'love is dead' and 'anti-love' I am deeply repelled and hurt by it.
If love is dead that means all creation on earth is to be doomed to extinction and that makes me deeply sad.
For me, love needs to be sheltered for everyone, everything and oneself.)
