What do you think about the theory that Paul literally crying to people about Jane being the love of his life who broke his heart in 68 was actually Paul crying to them about John? Not to say Paul didn't love Jane, but he was usually the type to hold back tears unless he was in private, wasn't he? So it must've been earth-sharing to have him in that state, and I don't know, Paul and Jane don't seem to have been on that level. What do you think?
This is something I’ve actually pondered a lot about. His intense heartbreak and apparent shock over Jane "leaving him" mostly makes sense if you buy into the mainstream belief that she simply ended their engagement after catching him in bed with Francie. But the truth doesn't seem to be that simple. Both Francie and Paul have said that by the time he was with Francie, he and Jane were no longer engaged. They just apparently hadn't yet called it quits 100% and ended the relationship for good (though Jane was allegedly already dating Robert Kidd at the time, though they made their relationship public later, in August). Francie noted that while Jane did come to the house once while she was in bed, Jane never actually saw her; Paul went downstairs to talk to her. And Paul also stated in 1980 that they weren't really going out anymore at that point. If this is true, then they were having deep issues that led to the end of their engagement, before Francie came along—it didn't seem to be a case of everything being fine until Jane "caught them". Jane herself said, "I haven't broken it off, but it is broken off, finished." Whatever happened was far more complex than the popular narrative suggests. The overall grief others noticed in Paul wasn't simply a case of "Jane left me." While I have no doubt that Paul had genuine affection for Jane, reading about his emotional breakdown in 1968—with Alistair Taylor describing how heartbroken Paul was, how he cried and groaned about her, and how he even told people Jane was the love of his life—seems rather disproportionate considering what we know about their relationship. Alistair claimed that Paul told him Jane was his "closest friend" and the one person he opened up to about the loss of his mother. Hearing that immediately makes me think of John. I have a hard time believing Paul considered Jane his closest friend, especially by 1968. Many people in their inner circle, including George Martin, have often said that John and Paul were each other's closest person, even above their romantic partners (Ray Connolly himself implied that Jane revealed to him that Paul prioritized John over her). By most accounts, Paul and Jane were slowly growing apart after moving into Cavendish, they were volatile and had separations (such as when Jane had a boyfriend in Bristol, later told Paul about it, and left him for some time. This incident seems to support what Paul said about them having an open relationship—which, again, makes it harder to believe that Jane had no idea that Paul had other women). In 1967 and 1968, she was often away on acting tours, while Paul had flings with numerous women alongside a rather steady relationship with Maggie (a relationship that was far more serious than people realize, btw). He would even tell Maggie that he wanted to leave Jane and wasn't happy. Yes, he and Jane had moments of genuine closeness, especially when spending time together in Scotland. And after years of being undecided about marriage—Paul admitted that although he really liked her, something never quite clicked, and the idea of settling down with her made him nervous—they finally got engaged in late 1967. I think the fact that Paul's family adored Jane was one of the main reasons. But I firmly believe that if Paul had truly wanted the relationship to work and was 100% sure Jane was "the one," they would have gotten married. Instead, after returning from India, his life devolved into a mess over that summer while Jane was away: heavy drinking, bringing half-naked women to his house, and simultaneously dating Francie and Maggie. Maggie noted that during this period, Paul was suddenly "desperate" to settle down. He would indirectly ask her about marriage, while also asking Francie, "Do you think you could take care of me?" Francie claimed that he mentioned meeting Linda and feeling a connection with her, and that she would tell him, "then why don't you just go with her?", to which he supposedly replied, "I want to try it with you first." He was completely all over the place.
What could have changed during that period to make him so abruptly desperate to settle down? Seeing John become so tight with Yoko by that time was likely one of the primary drivers, if not the main one. After all, Paul himself admitted that seeing John and Yoko together made him feel "left out of the picture", stating that this led him to Linda, and that they "spurred each other into marriage". Francie mentioned that Paul would occasionally cruise past Jane's house in his car or call her, only for Jane to ignore him or say she was busy. Do I think this was because he genuinely considered Jane the love of his life? Not really. I think it points more to his broader desperation during that time to make a connection and settle down with someone—whether Maggie, Linda, Jane, or Francie—because he felt "abandoned" by John, as Ray Connolly put it. While Paul certainly liked Jane, I think his chaotic behavior in the summer of 1968—crying on a friend's shoulder, declaring her the love of his life, his house being a mess, and his overall grief—wasn't just about her. How could it be, given what we know about his feelings toward John at the time, their widening rift, and John's total absorption with Yoko? Paul could very well have been grieving both Jane and John simultaneously, though he obviously wasn't going to verbalize the John aspect. Expressing heartbreak over Jane was a completely safe outlet, whereas the disproportionate weight of his sorrow likely stemmed from both Jane and John (mostly about John, in my opinion). It would have been easy for those around him (like Alistair Taylor and Mal Evans) to assume his emotional state was entirely about the breakdown of his relationship with Jane, when the reality in Paul's mind was far more complex. The fact that Paul literally admitted that seeing John and Yoko so strong together spurred him into marriage because he felt left out tells you everything you need to know about his mindset in 1968. It is highly unlikely that all the crying and grieving described by Alistair Taylor and others was strictly about Jane.
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