everyone seems to think letting go of her is going to be easy but they don’t understand how much we went through together. she was my whole world before i fell in love with her so i can’t begin to explain how much she means to me now 4 years on. it wasn’t like every other teenage relationship, we saw the worst in each other; things no one can ever understand. no one understands how heart destroying it is to know and hear the person you love with every part of you wants to leave. she wasn’t just my partner she generally was my best friend, i still believe she was my soulmate because there’s no one else i would do the things ive done for her. we hurt each other time and time again but i loved her regardless. people say they’d die for people all the time but when i say id die for her i generally would stand in front of a bullet for her. even if i knew id lose id fight just to protect her; i can say things about her but id never allow anyone else to speak down about her because they don’t understand how strong and beautiful she actually is. i know ive got to let go okay but i don’t want too, i don’t want us to end because i still want to give her the world. i want it to be her and no one understands how hard it was to be strong and walk away when everything in me wanted to beg her to stay. i hugged her not knowing if it’d be the last time and i didn’t want to let go, i just want her to hold me. the whole walk home tears rolled down my face and the memories of us rushed through my head, our first kiss was the the best moment we ever had because we’d waited so long wishing it’d happen. and it hurts that you don’t remember our last because i wish i known it be last so i could’ve made it matter to you too. all the promises, all the plans for our future, all the dreams we had are going through my head and i can’t imagine doing them with anyone else. i don’t want to do them with anyone else, I told myself and everyone else it’d change everything for me if something happened; that id hate her but i don’t. i want to hate her so it’ll be easy but for some reason i can’t hate her. not even a litter bit. even when we would fight or say horrible things to each other id still want her to message me, sometimes we argue just as an excuse to talk to each other. they say we was toxic for each other and we constantly hurt each other but they don’t understand the love that was there. toxic? we supported each other when no one else would and if it wasn’t for her i would’ve given up a long time ago. we’d argue really bad sometimes but she knew id be there if she needed me; our bad times were bad but our good times were everything. i hate myself because i look back and half our arguements were over stupid shit or because we cared too much and would communicate or take things wrong. they don’t understand that i love her too much to just be her friend because i fall in love with her all over again every time a friend says her name or i tell a story she’s in. i love her so much that it actually aches inside😭
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