Toast the Unknowing @toast-the-unknowing - Tumblr Blog

ruinedchildhood

#i don't know where everything is but still don't touch any of it you're not going to make it BETTER

derinthescarletpescatarian

Having electricity in my home is so great. Most of the humans that have ever lived didn't have this.

derinthescarletpescatarian

I can be like "I want a cup of hot tea" and I can go and make one and I don't have to light a fire or anything.

zmyaro

I don't have to light a fire or anything.

Several rabbis have entered the chat.

rhinco

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

#tbt to that time a meme told me to paste the last sentence I wrote and tag that many people #and the sentence in question was over a hundred words long

anneemay

moghedien

I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with

But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy

moghedien

Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy

memecucker

do people actually read books while in the bathtub

how do you not get everything wet

karnsway-deactivated20190708

rosalui

why is this making me laugh so fucking hard

tophatfloof-deactivated20170320

girlslutz

THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG

little-miss-rasputin-pageant

in almost every other children's book where the main heroine is swept away to a land of whimsy she's shown having a lovely time; braving dangers occasionally, trying to find her way home, sure, but ultimately delighting in the magic around her. meanwhile alice spends her entire time in wonderland like

roach-works

look, here’s the thing: alice in wonderland’s enduring fucking charm is that it perfectly captures the vibe of being a very tired and annoyed child who is nonetheless required to play along with adult nonsense.

alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.

alice in wonderland isn’t a drug trip or a nightmare or a metaphor, that’s just what being ten years old is LIKE. that’s why kids love it so much. even if they can’t quite articulate how, they recognize themselves in it.

trans-pickles

I'm gonna go ahead and add - the reaction image is barely even a joke. This is the original illustration of her at the Mad Hatter's tea party.

look at how fucking angry she is

banchie

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

goodluckclove

I know people like to clown on aspects of classic Disney films that don't feel grounded in reality. But I've worked both front and back of house in restaurants of varying quality. And if I found out our line cook or something served a full plate of spaghetti to two dogs in an alley, I would consider that like. Like not good. But possible.

zevveli

I've said it before, I will say it again. Tramp was shown latter in the movie to be a ratter. It is not at all farfetched to think that he might have once hunted a bunch of rats that threatened the restaurant and so the head chef considers him a valuable ex-employee and friend.

bowditch

tramp protected that restaurant from remy

romanceyourdemons

sex position: you, sitting on your throne. me, standing behind you, resting my arm on the back of your throne and sniling so sneetly at your ministers like i have any right to be there

drysqu1d

i tend to avoid discourse because most of it is trite and pointless but just this once i feel like i need to state my opinion: i think everyone should bend to my dark and evil will

drysqu1d

genuinely so curious as to what happens in Formula One racing

sexysilverstrider

the group chat when i ask whos available to hang out next week

medusasstory

Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.

rainintheevening

Okay, we got a new one, boys.

fleshengine

Close enough welcome back Chekov's gun.

comma-souptra

Prev you can’t bury this in your own tags

hope-chest-resources

ID: A screenshot of tags left on the tumblr post. They read "#it's actually kind of a reverse Chekhov's Gun #Chekhov's Gun says "If there is setup there must be payoff" #Asimov's Tail says "if there is payoff there must be setup" #and I think the tail is also important #a tail is not something you'd expect to see on a character unless explicitly pointed out #someone stepping on the tail not only reveals its existence but also tells us things about it #eg it's floor length sensitive and the character either can't or won't keep it out of the way of foot traffic #the upshot seems to be "acclimatise your audience to things they don't understand before you use them" #you don't need to explain how a gun on the mantelpiece works in the same way you need to explain how your protagonist's tail does" End ID.

#writing