Rowan Hastings

Rowan. Workin for tha police. 26. Werewolf.

[rowanxhastings]

rachelsilverwolf:

“It’s good of you to recognize that,” Rachel replied. “A lot of people just try to push through it rather than work through it.” It only made things worse later. The bad stuff always had a way of coming back, like a shitty boomerang.  It was one thing to try to move past things, it was another to ignore them completely. 

Rachel noticed the way he slumped in the chair. He looked tired, and she didn’t blame him. She swore the whole town operated on minimal sleep, but sometimes, it took its toll. She’d suggest insist on him taking a break, and maybe a nap after he ate. “Oh you know, nothing really. Just helping out where I can,” Rachel replied, shrugging. The microwave beeped and she got the soup out, setting it down in front of Rowan with a spoon. “What have you been up to?” she asked as she put the grilled cheese in the pan. “You were researching something?” 

Hearing her speak he wondered if he truly was that good of an actor. If she couldn’t see right trough him. Because even if he was halting now, taking precautions in order to process his grief, Rowan knew he was for sure not processing anything. Not working trough a damn thing. As of right now, he was merely existing, at a stand still, unsure how to move in one direction or another. Which was probably why he wasn’t sleeping, why he kept moving around physically, as he couldn’t seem to in regards to his mental state. 

Looking over to her, Rowan opted to lean his chin on his forearms, both resting on the table before him. “But you do remember to do somethings for yourself, right?” He asked, making sure really. The house was quiet with the kids sleeping, the atmosphere almost serene. It was odd how a house that he associated with lots of noise, bickering, kids crying, people moving and running around, could be so void of noise. It was probably a once in a month thing, most of the residents being out all at once. “Oh I’m still researching my family’s case. I’ve been at it for a while. Nate’s brother was supposed to help me out but we haven’t found a time to meet up yet.” he explained, shrugging his shoulders some. Did she want to talk about another gruesome murder case? Did he? One would think the young man had death on his brain. Sure seemed that way. 

[rowanxhastings]

coltondeforest:

“Rowan, hey.” He leaned forward enough to place a hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “Take a deep breath, alright?” Scarlett was right when she had come talk to him. They were all pushing themselves to the edge in their own way and Colton should’ve done something sooner. Rowan looked like he was two steps from falling apart and Colton wasn’t going to stand by and watch without trying to help. “You don’t need to apologize for taking time off. I don’t want to hear you do that again.” He was serious, but he kept his tone soft not wanting Rowan to think that he was in any sort of trouble. Colton didn’t know how close Rowan was to Rose, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that they had been close now. He should’ve approached Rowan about a break sooner, offered him time off right after they’d caught Cecile. It was his fault for not acting sooner and Colton was going to right his wrong. “Listen to me, you didn’t let anyone down. None of this is your fault.”

The shaking spread, no wonder as the boy had all these raving emotions inside, and had not let a single one of them out in days. He’d put a lock and key on all that he was feeling, walking trough the motions as if not present. But the dam was about to break and as hard as he fought, he couldn’t slow it down and he couldn’t stop it. Much like he had not been able to stop any events that night. He’d made one bad call after another. Mistake upon mistake, and now here he was, the cause of os much pain and misery being brought to others. At Colton’s words he tried to, he truly did, one huge breath being sucked in. “But I.. t-this isn’t n-new I.. I sh-should be a-able to ha-handle this..” He said, his voice almost a groan. Why was he so affected by this? Why couldn’t he cope like he had before? Rowan felt pure shame at the state he was in, at not being able to be strong when so many people needed him to be. He just didn’t know how not to break, all of a sudden. “Thats not true though. Charlie was my date.. I fought with Issy and sent her upstairs where Cecile cornered them, I suggested checking the cemetery first instead of the mill..” His voice grew in intensity as he listed each and every misstep, a flash of despair giving him the energy to say it all out loud.  

[rowanxhastings]

In the eye of the storm # Dash&Rowan

[rowanxhastings]

dashhastings:

Dash’s legs pushed him forward but his mind screamed at him to turn back, as if warning bells were sounding trying to warn him of sort of danger. The last time he’d felt like this he’d come home to family home for Sunday dinner to find everyone dead. He pushed down the feeling as they broke through trees and into the clearing. His body was tired from the exertion that came with moving through snow the way that they had. As they entered the clearing outside of the mill his senses were overwhelmed with the scents and sounds. The blood was the first thing he caught and his stomach turned with uneasiness. Next he could sense something else. Something that felt unnatural. He could see Gideon and Colton entering the mill ahead of them. “Come on, we can help them.” Dash said tapping Rowan’s shoulder as his feet hesitantly moved forward. Making his way to the entrance Dash stepped into the abandoned Mill and the sight before him was terrifying. Colton had apprehended the culprit. From where he stood he could see Gideon helping Cassie. Vince and Jack were there and then his eyes saw her. Rose. Her lifeless body crumbled on the ground, blue eyes staring lifeless out of focus. Dash felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Amongst all the chaos that was happening in the mill at that moment Dash’s focus was on his first love and the mother of his child. The same woman he’d planned a future with and was once upon a time going to marry. His feet carried him forward and he pulled her limp body into his arms cradling her form against him. “Rose,” He cried shaking her body. “Wake up Rose. Wake up.” He pleaded as her body shook his arms. “Wake up,” he muttered over and over again. 

If he hadn’t had a bad gut feeling before, it was definitely there now. Rising up, pressing on his chest, demanding that they all stop. Rowan could be as stubborn as the next one when it came to being positive, to look ahead instead of backwards, to see the light and bright and even funny side of most situations. Though this was not a situation any kind of positivity could turn. Which was why, even as he kept up with Dash, the twenty six year old was preparing for the worst. Preparing to know that when they stepped into the wooden building, what was going to meet them, wouldn’t be what they were hoping for. His mind was calling out, asking him to stop, to just stop here and stay here until the others came back out. Rowan felt the urge to reach out and hold Dash back as well. He also knew, however, that his brother would not be dissuaded. Seeing the others up ahead, it was clear who would get there first, though it only seemed to add to his brothers determination. “Dash I don’t think..” Rowan began, trying to catch his eye, his expression wary. But there was no stopping what was about to happen, or so it seemed, which was why he ignored his instincts and followed. No matter how hard you prepared, no matter how many times you told yourself you could handle what was coming, there was no amount of preparation that could save you from the sight of a dead loved one. As his eyes fell on her, this rising started in his ears, and he felt completely disconnected from his body for a minute, as if he was watching it all happen from above. Though when Dash cried out, Rowan was cruddy yanked back. Standing there, watching the scene around them, watching what felt like an absurd horror show, so much so that he was tempted to go the easy route of denial in a heartbeat, he felt weak. His entire body felt like dead weight, and he could hardly move from the spot he was in. He did eventually, stepping over and sinking down next to Dash, utterly speechless. All Rowan could do, was clamp down on his emotions as hard as he could, every cell in his body working to exert control as he stared, teary eyed and helpless. There were no words to speak, no comfort he could offer. Frankly it was all to much. Too painful, too unfair, and all too unreal.  

[rowanxhastings]

megcxssidy:

Meg felt the sting of the winter air as he’d stepped inside, thankful in a sense that she’d been in the bar for the last few hours working up a sweat as she served customer after customer. It didn’t feel right to send him back out in the cold, at least not without some alcohol to warm his bones. In all honesty, she’d been wondering when they would see each other again, having enjoyed the easy conversation that had flowed between them at the ball. “Yeah, that’s me. And, if I’m not mistaken, you’re either Dash or Rowan, right?” A slight blush formed across her cheeks, embarrassed that she didn’t know for sure which of Clara’s brothers was standing before her. “I guess you could say I’m somewhat friendly with your sister. I can see the family resemblance.” With ease, she pushed herself up onto the main counter in the bar, swinging her legs beneath her as she leant back on her hands. “So, what brings you by the bar? I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before.”

As a rule, Rowan didn’t drink much. WHich, he guessed, made him sort of a boring guy, the kind of guy that no one quite knew how to approach about certain matters like these. As a hobby scientist and former mathlete, he knew far to well how alcohol worked on the body in a general sense, but also how it worked on his body. As a teenager he had been a lot less reserved, having a best friend that was the queen of shots and friends that encouraged him to join in on the fun. Though he never fully knew his limit, which lead to a lot of drunken funny Rowan stories to be passed around. Normally a bar was the last place you’d find him. Dedicated as the young Hastings was, he spent more time behind his desk at the precinct than anywhere else. Seeing a friendly face however, and the mentioning of Clara, he felt a little less embarrassed about his walk in, slightly hopeful that she might help him out with something to take his mind off all his current predicaments. “Rowan, middle kid. Dash’s the oldest.” He said, with a small shrug. It was a common misconception for those who had not grown up in town or lived here long. “She’s easy to be friendly with. Really?” Stepping closer, having assumed by now that she was not about to ask him to return back out, Rowan propped himself up on a stool close to her selected seating. “Well I figured its one of the few poor life choices I have yet to make since entering another period of grief. You probably heard about Rose Cresswell.” 

[isabellecresswell]

Tree house Confessions - r&i

[rowanxhastings]

isabellecresswell:

Hugging her knees tighter to her as she tried to grasp some semblance of comfort. Her whole world had been turned upside down in one night and she was grasping for straws on how to keep it lal together. It wasn’t something that Isabelle was particularly good at to begin with. Dealing with things was not exactly something she often did, it was usually easier to run from it. Hop on a plane to some exotic location and drink away the world and even if she did stay, booze was usually the only way she knew how to deal with things. Now she found herself trying to be better but being better left her with no way to process what was happening. She wish it didn’t hurt when he said it, that he didn’t feel guilty getting close to Rose, but it did. There were scars on her soul that were never going to be fixed, hidden under the surface of girl just trying to keep her head above water. Nodding her head at his words before rested her head against her knees just trying to digest all the emotions that came with being here. With a tearful express she nodded her head once more, a sniffle escape her lips as he gave her knee a squeeze. “I’ve missed you.” She said and her words broke as she started crying now. “Please don’t ever leave.” She managed to say through her tears. 

There was no greater pain he could think of, than seeing those he loved in pain. As his eyes took in the sight of his best friend, how she was holding herself, curled in, small and breaking at the seams. Rowan could feel his own hands shake, as the desperation, but also realization, that he could do very little to ease her pain. Despite the fact that he had some experience, some serious practice, in dealing with the death of several family members, he never knew quite what to say to others. But Isabelle wasn’t just anyone, just like his brother wasn’t just anyone. These were the people he were supposed to protect, to support, and care for with all he had. Yet he felt inadequate to the task.. what worse was, he felt utterly responsible. In order to help though, he had to shelve some of his own emotions, he had to suppress them. If he kept feeling guilty, then he wouldn’t find the right words to say to her, or think of what he specifically could do for her. And there had to be something, right? Anything. At her words, he couldn’t stand it any longer, the space between them, the awkwardness he added by being insecure and hesitant around her. Which was why he moved over, swiftly, but carefully as to not startle her or stand, fearing that the house might break if he did. Rowan seated himself next to Issy, so they were facing the same way, and he could put his arm around her shoulders, and hug her tight to his side, placing a kiss a top her head, before softly shaking his head. “I won’t ever leave you. I promise. I am here, I am always going to be here.” 

[rowanxhastings]

fallonrobinson:

“Hi.” She said again, doing her best to keep a smile on her face. One of her least favorite things had always been watching the people she cared about suffer. She had seen suffering, and a lot of it - it had been what prompted her to become a journalist, what made her want to tell other people’s stories, so that their suffering didn’t go unnoticed. She had seen the poorest of poor, those who lived on nothing who survived only on the grace of God. She had seen those who fought to protect the country at their best, and she had seen them at their worst. She had seen them after successful missions, and she had seen them in pieces, picking each other off of a ground that was still shaking with the force of a suicide bomber. With all of the suffering that she had seen, the worst kind of suffering, was the suffering of those who she loved the most. Those were the ones that got to her slightly more than the rest, the ones that made her feel entirely helpless. She could tell the stories for other people, and she could do her best to raise money and donate her own money and time, and do everything to make sure that their situation didn’t remain the same. But for her friends? She couldn’t do the same. She could only be there. “That’s okay. I’ve been told that I talk enough for most people. Once, I was told I talk enough for a whole army of people.” She said the words with the slightest of smiles, tucking her hands into her pockets, walking next to him as he headed in the direction he had already been walking. She thought about the question, staying silent for a few minutes before she talked. “I’ve been okay. Found out some…interesting things. Uh, I guess that my dad isn’t really my dad? And my dad actually lives in town. So that was…weird, for sure. I guess I’m not only a witch, I’m also potentially a werewolf.” She explained, her hands making their way out of her pockets as she used her hands to talk. 

Rowan found himself short of words, not truly knowing what to say. No one wanted to be stuck in this grief stricken limbo, no one actually relished in the idea of being buried in pain and feeling loss so acutely that most other emotions felt vacant and distant in comparison. In several ways, he’d thought himself capable of handling this all a lot better than he apparently was. He’d been trough this before, grieving family was nothing new or revolutionary in terms of being a experience you were supposed to have only a handful of times. In stark contrast to before, his loss was not as deep. Though he felt guilty for thinking of the loss of Rose to be any less than the loss of his parents and siblings but, it was true. He had not been dependent on her in the same manner. Actually, what hurt worse than his own emotions were the knowledge that his loved ones were suffering in a much more acute way than he would claim to. The thought of them being in pain, and him being unable to prevent it, that was what made him feel as if he was going out of his mind. Off his hinges, down the drain, any spiraling kind of symbolism one could think of. Glancing over at Fallon, he felt another pang of regret, pulling her into this. But no matter what anyone in this town did, they would feel the loss, or the loss their friends were experiencing, all the same. “Yeah? I used to be overly chatty too.. as a kid.” he admitted, the shadow smile still present on his lips. Rowan kept his pace, walking, even though he didn’t truly have a destination. To be fair he should go home. But home was a dark, empty apartment filled with painful memories and the expectation of solitude. Hearing her news, surprise flitted across his face as he briefly thought before responding. “Oh man, that is some news. You’re part werewolf? Thats.. well I guess it might take some getting used to, but its not that bad. But so who is your real dad?” A town this small, he was bound to know who it was. 

[rowanxhastings]

Darker side | Scarlett&Rowan

[rowanxhastings]

scarlettxcardwell:

“I’m not the one you want to fight.” She was doing her best to reign in her own temper, to keep herself from lashing out just because he was asking for a fight. She normally had no interest in showing that amount of restraint, but she was granting him an opportunity to find a better place for his anger, before she broke every bone he had and left him in the precinct to heal every single one, little by little. She let her fangs slip out at his growl, showing that if he wanted to keep pushing her, he could, but he wasn’t going to like how it ended. She would be damned if she let anyone talk to her the way that he was, and it was the mark of the respect she had for the Hastings family that explained why she hadn’t bodily ripped his heart out of his chest and thrown it to Cecile. She followed him when he left, happy that he had chosen to take the door that would lead him out of the precinct. It would keep them away from Cecile, and maybe the cold air would help him regain some semblance of his sanity. “I know you’re pissed, alright. I get it. But don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that again, do you understand me? Do not misplace your anger on me, because I didn’t do shit. And if you want to fight, ask for a fucking sparring partner. I’ll kick your ass for the next sixteen hours straight if that’s what you want, but that was not the way to start that.”

Rowan knew she was right. She wasn’t the one he wanted to fight, hell she wasn’t even the one he harbored all this anger for. It wasn’t any one person. Yes he was furious, he hated Cecile and it was killing him that the entire situation was what it was. He was benched. He had benched himself for this very reason, that he couldn’t be around here and think straight. That he wouldn’t be able to keep his emotions in check like he usually had no problem doing. This was too personal. And Rowan prided himself on being able to stay detached yet oriented, that he could look at a case and see the pattern, the motive, the thought process, and not get caught up in who was hurt or how they might be feeling or how unfair it was. This was what he had trained for, to be able to one day work and understand the inner workings of a killer, a murderer. Just.. not on this case. Not today. Once outside, Rowan reached for one of the lamppost, grabbing onto one in order to keep himself standing on two feet, hunching forward. His body shaking and his claws growing out slightly. He breathed hard, trying his best to calm down. This was not helpful. This was not doing any good. He was painfully reminded of being in this position before. Where an altercation had made him so angry he could hardly know what to do with himself, and he had started shifting in public. He remembered how out of control he had felt when his parents died. How his anger had consumed him more often than not. A small groan escaped his lips as he straightened back up, diverting his glowing eyes to Scarlett as his claws retracted and the burning sensation in his joints eased. “I’m sorry..” he said, his tone quiet now. “You’re not the one I’m angry with, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you..” Sparring partner? God she’d end up breaking him in half. Or he would loose control and bite her. Neither would be a good ending. “I am not sure that I would be able to keep from shifting in any sort of fight, friendly or not..” He shook his head a little, the cold air helping calm him down, though his brain wheels were still spinning. “This just.. twists everything around.  She ought to be sentenced to death. Why isn’t she dead yet?” 

[rowanxhastings]

In the eye of the storm # Dash&Rowan

[rowanxhastings]

dashhastings:

Dash wanted to believe that this wasn’t the life he was suppose to have a part of him just wanted to scream. He’d spent the first twenty five years of his life just trying to do the right thing. Always doing what he was told, trying to make his parents proud, his back proud. He was aware that being good and doing the right thing didn’t exclude you from tragedy. He’d learned it the hard way over and over again, but it shook his very foundation. Made him question why he was the way he was if none of it mattered in the end. Dash nodded his head listening as his brother agreed with him. It was enough to keep him pushing forward. He was trying to put on a brave face, trying to push through like he always did. They just needed to get there, but the snow continued down with no end in sight until suddenly it came to stop. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. As they reached the gates of the cemetery the snow stopped abruptly, as quickly as it had started. Dash looked back at Rowan with curious eyes, unsure what it all meant. The sky cleared and he heard his phone sound as he regained cell phone signal. Dash opened his mouth to speak but found himself at a loss for a words. “She’s fine,” Dash reassured Rowan, knowing that his brothers mind might go some where terrible by the sudden change. “Let’s check the mausoleum,” He nodded towards the old  mausoleum that probably pre dated the towns creation. A  relic of the world that came before them. Then he heard the text sound as his phone flooded with the messages that came to his phone as the service was restored. The most recent one causing him to stop dead in his track. “There not here.” Dash said looking up at Rowan. “Jamie texted, Issy did a locator spell. There at the Mill just like you said. Colton and Gideon are on their way. Come on, its just through the woods we can be there in no time. We’re going to get them back.” Dash said leading Rowan out of the grave yard with haste. They were so close and Dash was so certain they were going to make it and all his mind could do now was just go.

Rowan was holding out for hope. He was choosing, for once, to not think too realistically about the situation, about what outcome it might have. Though his other investigative traits were very much being utilized in order to push trough and forward, he allowed himself to paint this happy ending in his mind where they got there in time, where all the girls were saved and nothing bad truly happened. He wasn’t prepared for another tragedy, for their family to suffer once more. They’d truly dealt with a lot in the past five years and so weren’t they supposed to be allowed some semblance of peace? The chance to get themselves back on their feet. He felt as if they all, him, Dash, Clara, had just been able to do that. To pick themselves back up, to continue living and not let their losses cripple them. And yet here they were. At the edge of another cliff. He ignored the burning pain across his side and leg, pushed trough even though it hurt like hell and he felt as if they had been running for hours, when in truth they couldn’t have been out here that long. Could they? As the storm abruptly stilled, died down, almost as if it had never occurred in the first place, Rowan looked around with raised brows. Had Issy gotten the hang of it all of a sudden? Or.. what if this meant the opposite, that she was not okay, but.. yes, his mind went there, as his eyes refocused on his brother, there was a glint of panic in them. Rowan pressed his lips together, swallowing hard. «Yeah.. yeah she has to be.» he agreed, thought his mind automatically turned a little fussy, some of his previous focus slipping. He couldn’t loose Issy. If he did.. he just couldn’t. Eyes scanning the white covered cemetery for signs of life, irony was not yet lost it seemed, he started moving towards the mausoleum as Dash made the suggestion. Though not two steps later the ping of the message tone had him slowing down, halting as he turned around, eyebrows rising once more at the newfound information. For a second, he felt a wave of relief, hearing that Issy was okay, and then he felt a little guilty, because though she might be fine, Rose and Charlie and Cassie were not.. at least not yet. «Really? Damn man, I knew it. We better pick up the speed then. Its not far, we’ll get there. We’ll get to them.» He agreed, quickly following en suite once more, breathing deeply as he gained speed to run beside Dash as they flew trough the snow, in between trees and snow covered bushes. Finally there was an end to the trees, and they could see the mill up ahead. Rowan could smell.. what was it that he was smelling? Blood.. and a scent that was in no way familiar to him. What was that?

[rowanxhastings]

rachelsilverwolf:

“Time off kind of leaves you at loose ends, huh?” she asked sympathetically.  Some people needed the break, time to unwind and destress. But for those who were always busy, and needed to occupy their brains to deal with stress, unfilled hours could stretch. If there was one thing that Rachel had learned in this life, though, it was that everyone reacted to things different, and might not even react the same way twice. So she tried to notice how her friends reacted to things, so she could adjust and help accordingly. “Good,” she nodded, satisfied. She was glad that Rowan had loyal, caring friends like that. Though it didn’t make her think she had to check in on him any less. 

“It’s no problem,” she replied. Rachel bent down to pull a can out of one of the lower kitchen cupboards. Opening it, she poured it into a bowl and popped it into the microwave. The stove would have worked too, but the microwave was faster and easier. Then, she got a pan out, and the rest of ingredients for Rowan’s grilled cheese.

“Kinda does, yeah.. but I don’t think I’m going to be good at my job with how I am right now so..” he managed a shrug, unsure how to finish that sentence. Rowan’s mind wasn’t in the right place for work. He would get to emotional, or he would take every case more personal than he usually did. The way he was feeling, he knew that he would be prone to run himself ragged if allowed. Dive even more fiercly into the work and absolutely forget to live. It was one of his biggest flaws, his obsessive, near compulsive nature that he tended to turn to, for better or for worse. “Yeah.. I’m lucky to have good friends.. my pack.. my siblings.” he was in truth listing all the reasons he couldn’t go off the deep end. All the people he loved, but also felt as if he had to be strong for.  She seemed to have everything in control though, so he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, rubbing his eyes a little. The lids felt heavy, his skin stretched across his face. Which he was now pushing his hair out of. It was growing long for some reason, and he never cut it himself. “So what have you been up to lately? Anything exciting?”

[rowanxhastings]

catriona-the-witch:

“You don’t have to thank me. For anything, ever.” In a way, Rowan was part of her rag-tag family, a family built of the people that she cared for the most in Hollow Grove. And if there was anything that she had learned in the months that she had been in the small town, it was that she was good at having a family. Having people to take care of gave her a sense of purpose, it gave her something to devote her time to. It distracted her from the empty space in her life that no one would ever be able to fill. Following him into the apartment, and then the kitchen, she did her best to give him his space, mentally and physically. It wasn’t easy - whether he knew it or not, his thoughts were loud, and almost overpowering. Thoughts that she knew well, something that had always made her glad she was the only mind-reader. “It’s shepherd’s pie. You don’t have to eat it, not for my sake. But, you should eat. I know you don’t want to, trust me, I know that feeling really well, but you have to take care of yourself, too.” Back when her parents had died, when she’d been left without a home, without a family, she hadn’t wanted to eat in the slightest. It had been the last thing she worried about, hidden in the depths of her mind, underneath all of the other things she had thought about. Namely, how to resurrect her parents. It had been a brief want, but a want nonetheless, and it had put her in a dark place. She was lucky that her use of magic while barely eating hadn’t killed her - since, she had always none better than to allow herself to not eat, whether she had the taste for it or not. She took a deep breath, twisting her fingers together, worried about how he would react to her next words, but she said them anyway. “It’s not your fault. I know that feeling better than anyone, hell, I still know that feeling. It eats you from the inside out, and it ruins everything. Everything good. There is nothing that happened that night that you should feel guilty for.” 

Rowan gave a small nod. He wasn’t all that bad at taking help, or he usually wasn’t. Most importantly he was good at being on the other end, at offering help and support rather than being the person who needed it. The people in his life were all important to him, all people he would take bullets for, die for even and he considered Cat one of those people. She was kind and honest and bighearted, and since becoming a mom all of her compassion simply seemed to have intensified. He briefly wondered if that was what happened, when you became one. At this rate, he’d probably never find out. Rowan hadn’t much cared about his lack of a romantic love life before. He still didn’t care that much in the sense that he thought falling in love would fix him in some way or make him a better person. Love might just add to who he already was. But when it came to becoming a father, to having kids of his own, he very much cared. Spending time with his nieces had made him realize it was something he very much wanted for himself, despite the fact that he never knew if it was going to happen. There was nothing wrong with how his brother was approaching parenting. Though Rowan was unsure how he’d handle it if put in a smilier situation. Most days, he was aware that there was a more traditional route to be taken. Taking the lid off the container, the smell of the pie hit him, and despite himself, he could feel some grumbling hunger in his stomach. “I’ll have some. I don’t really remember the last time I ate.. the days sort of blur together. And you’re right, I should.” Opening the cupboard to take down a plate, he looked back over his shoulder at her once more. «You wanna watch me eat or do you want to taste your own work?» he wondered, ready to take down a second plate for her if she wanted some. Eating alone when you weren’t actually the only one in the room was slightly awkward. Not that he would blame her or be unable to eat for those reasons. His mind went in and out at the moment, between this numbness.. emptiness inside, and a row of antagonizing thoughts. He was torturing himself, Rowan knew that. He was taking the blame for something that had, for the most part, been out of his hands. But he felt as if he had to. If he didn’t take some blame, if he didn’t think he could have been able to do something to prevent this, it was like he was letting go of her, accepting once and for all that she would never be coming back. It was irrational. It didn’t make sense to others, and he didn’t expect it to. Turning around now, leaning against the counter a little, Rowan sighed softly. “Everyone keeps telling me that.. that its not my fault, that I’m not to take the blame for this, that my guilt is somehow unwarranted.. Why? This is how I feel Cat. No matter how many people tell me I shouldn’t, it doesn’t change the fact that I do. I can’t just shut this off. I can’t just rewire my heart to work differently. I don’t know how else to react to loosing yet another family member… And you should get that, you’ve been where I am before..”

[rowanxhastings]

Shit in my head | Joslyn&Rowan

[rowanxhastings]

joslynxblackwell:

‘Don’t get involved.’ Maggie, Noah, and Lukas’ voices echoed in her head, causing Joslyn the desire and pull to do the exact opposite of what they told her to do. Besides, she was nosy as hell when things that hadn’t ever happened in the history of her existence occurred. Like these damn hybrids and Cecile’s purpose in doing that ritual in the first place. Joslyn had been around tons of witches, none as evil as this one. If neither one of her siblings were going to talk to the witch bitch, Joslyn was going to. Making sure no one was at the mansion, the brunette left, marching straight toward the precinct. It looked just like it had the past 30 years, nothing was different. There weren’t any extra walls or reinforcements on the outside to keep Cecile inside. So why the hell hadn’t she broken out yet? Her thoughts broke when the front door was shoved opening, the loud thud of the door hitting brick and slamming back into place. Tilting her head, Joslyn studied the male–wolf–that met her gaze, and plopped with heavy defeat on the front stair. “Someone’s an angry pup.” Joslyn remarked, wondering why the male looked so familiar. “Cecile piss you off?”

Based on his last visit to the presinct, he probably should not have come back for round two. Luckily for him Scarlett had not been present, or his walk out would potentially have been a lot less vulentary, or worse yet, he might have ended up with a black eye. Had the circumstances been different, Rowan would be the first one in there to prod and poke the witch for some truths regarding the nature of the hybrids. He would be looking to understand them as a species, from a biological standpoint, instead of screaming insults at her. Instead of standing there seething with a rage so great that he could hardly think straight. It made his eyes glow, and he could feel his canines threatening to slip down from their sockets. So he took a deep breath, then another, wanting to calm himself down. feeling stupid for letting his anger get the best of him. “Whats that meant to do? Antagonize me further?” He inquired, wondering if she was simply stating a fact, or actually making fun of him. “No.. well, technically. I didn’t get that far. One of my co workers wouldn’t allow me entrance..” 

[danwildes-blog1]

//: stress relief: r&d

[rowanxhastings]

danwildes:

There was no such thing as happy ever after, nothing came from fairy tales of wolves and witches. There was no such happiness grantee when you had centuries to make enemies,  even when those enemies lived as long as you did.  Though many humans glamorized the life of supernatural with sparkles and epic love stories they always forgot about the tragedy. The agony, the pain, the suffering and sorrow that came with these powers. No one knew about this better then Rowan Hastings, Danielle heard about the events that lead them to this point. Rosemarie Cresswell was added to the list of souls taken too soon. Isabella Cresswell and Cassandra Cresswell followed by Charlotte Daniels were engraved into the pain of a survivor.  Rowan’s words struck close to home Danielle knew what it felt like to lose someone and know that there was no possible way of saving them. That  no matter how much your mind retraced the steps the outcome would still be the same. Dead was dead, dead men can’t talk about the failures of the living. 

“I don’t have one doubt in my mind that you won’t go back and save her - but sometimes things are cruel and out of our hands. We failed her. This town, us, who had made an oath to protect everyone in this place. This will be a burden we all carry, don’t isolate yourself with the guilt because the truth is – you won’t have known that witch bitch might have been planning that since forever and if it wasn’t Rose it could have been anyone. This pain , this guilt, this rage you have use it to make yourself better to be the amazing person Rose believed you are. Just because she is gone doesn’t mean everyone will forget her. You might not be able to have saved her but you can do right by her Rowan.” Danielle understood his pain in some ways, she lived with a burden similar pain from her childhood. “That doesn’t make things easier – there is pain that helps a person grow and change then there is pain that is agonize, that’s freezing. You have to choose what to do with your pain? You choose how to live with your pain and no words I can tell you can sooth that ache. Someone you loved was murdered – that will never change and she will never come back. I know it’s cold and cruel for me to say it like that but Rowan, I can see so much potential in you. I can’t stop the pain but I’ll be here each step of the way if you need it.” She said as she positioned herself for his attack Danielle brought her fist up as he charged at her.

Rowan was a realist. And above all he was a man of science. He did not believe in the things he could not see or touch. He had never been a big dreamer. And so he knew that the notion of happy endings and good outcomes were mostly just a fantasy. It was what people conjured in their minds in order to have and hold on to hope. But one could very well understand why. In these moments where your world was breaking apart at your feet, and your heart were in pieces on the floor, and it felt as if nothing would ever be good again, as if life had lost its purpose and its meaning. So Rowan understood why other people might want to believe in happy endings. Why they chose to hang on to the slim and barley present possibilities. He also allowed himself to believe, once in a while. When life seemed darkened by bloody outcomes. Such as this one. He truly couldn’t avoid feeling what he was. The hopelessness, the wish to go back and change the past, to unmake it and rewrite it. But he was also realistic enough to remind himself that he could not, to insist on moving his mind away from such notions. He had wished his parents and siblings back countless times when they died. And he was wishing, with all his might, that Rose might come back. But that was a wish, it was not a hope or a firm belief. It was a simple wish, one he knew he couldn’t fulfill. He could not go back in time. He could not save her. He hadn’t saved her.

“It is.. you’re right in that. And I know it was a joint effort, a series of events that lead up to this one. Unsolved cases that should have been solved in order to prevent this. But I can’t blame the whole town for this Dani. I won’t do that just in order to feel better, or to feel anything different. I’m blaming myself because I can. Because I feel responsible and I don’t know how not to. Maybe if I wasn’t a trained cop, maybe if I hadn’t been out in the storm that night with my brother looking for her. Maybe then I wouldn’t be blaming myself as I am. But I was..” His gaze turned rather forlorn as she asked him to use this guilt to be a better person. “How? How do I turn this into something good? Something better?” He asked, utterly confused as to how he would do that. And it raised new questions within him, made him wonder wether the person he had become after his family’s murder was a better person, a better version of the Rowan he had been. In all honesty, he did not think so. Because his twenty one year old self had not known this kind of pain and grief. In many ways the person he had been back then had been so innocent, so free of worries and any kind of downweiqghing darkness. He hadn’t known this kind of suffering. Such an experience, at least in his case, had not changed him for the better. He had become angrier, more prone to solitude, to worrying, to suppressing his thoughts and emotions. “I haven’t figured it out yet, alright? I hear what you are saying and I know I have to make a choice at some point. I’m just not there yet. No, its not cruel, its the truth. Potential for what Dani? I know you will.. thank you.” He said, before going for a fist to the stomach, moving fast in order to try and slip in beneath her defenses.

[sophiagreyson-blog]

Rowan//Sophia

[rowanxhastings]

sophiagreyson:

Sophia looked at him with a look of sadness as she nodded her head. “If that’s what you want. I’ve known you since you were just a boy Rowan and I know right now your probably trying to be strong for everyone else. Some times being strong for everyone else means not allowing yourself to grieve in the process. I just wanted you to know that if you needed that moment, that its okay right now.” Sophia said softly as she shrugged her shoulders. “You forget I to am a second born child.” She pointed out as she tapped her fingers on the table top. Driven by science she made most of her decisions based on logic, her heart often times losing out in that battle. “I can ask that. I can ask that because she should have been stopped sooner. We should have stopped her after the first death. I’ve known Cecile for a very long time. She’s been nothing but trouble. We should have gotten what we needed and stopped her before.. before Camden could die…. before Rose could, before Charlie and Cassie had their world turned upside down. This should have ended months ago. So while I understand you’re beating yourself up over what happened that night, please know that this doesn’t just all fall on you.” Reaching out she rested her hand on his arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Rowan pressed his lips together in a mix of hurt and frustration. Giving in was dangerous, giving in meant opening the floodgates and letting it all in. Which wasn’t an experience he’d be having alone, it was one she’d be very much witness to, affected by even. Being honest about your emotions when they were this dark, reached this deep, wasn’t a help to anyone else. And if he was going to admit to his feelings, leave it all out on the table, to everyone he cared about, he wouldn’t be left standing at the end of the road. “Yeah, I am, I have to be. They need me to be.. why do you think I keep holing myself up like this and not seeking anyone out? I am trying to process. I am trying to accept this and figure out how to move on.. but I can’t..” he was forcing his voice to stay low, to keep from yelling like he wanted to, hell he wanted to scream and scream, the anger boiling beneath the surface was so great he hardly knew what to do with himself. But he also knew that the second he let it out, he would find what was underneath.. The anger only camouflaged the real pain, only distracted for as long as he could keep it flourishing. “I’ can’t.. I I appreciate it but its.. It is not okay Sophia.. h-how am I supposed to accept this? How do I get right with this? I want her back. I want to go back in time and change this, undo all of it.. but thats not possible. Its not even plausible.” he was trying to be realistic, to keep from holding onto irrational notions that otherwise would never have existed in his mind. This though was why Rowan relied so heavily on science, why he trusted statistics, why he preferred theory. Because all those fields cut out the emotion. And he really wished that he could do the same right now, because his compassion and his love was tearing him up inside. Rowan slowly shook his head, his eyes not leaving hers. “I can’t start blaming someone else.. you see that was the easiest part when my parents and siblings died.. I could blame that vampire. Better than that I could throw all my energy and mental capacity into capturing him. But here.. the murderer is already in custody. She can’t be harmed. The legal system is handling it all, as it should but.. That just leaves me, stranded with my emotions.. my thoughts.. No it doesn’t all fall on me. But thats another difference. I was present this time. I was here.. and we were so close..” Those last words came out in a whisper, and he quickly reached out for Sophia’s hand with his free one, laying it atop of hers, holding on tight. 

[cowboyhudsons]

[dashhastings]

@rowanxhastings

[rowanxhastings]

@dashhastings​

[rowanxhastings]

Shit in my head | Joslyn&Rowan

“What do you mean I’m not allowed to see her?” he demanded, his tone testy. His co worker shifted uncomfortably as Rowan awaited and answer, his gaze boring into the other man. “Apparently there had been some previous altercation Hastings and Caldwell said that-” “Said what!?” he growled in return. What the hell was this? As far as he knew, half the town had been by to see the witch, some more than once. And Rowan had been too, right after she was locked up, with a keen desire to ask her a whole lot of questions he in truth felt as if he had gotten very few answers to. He needed more. There was this underlying urge to try and make sense of this, make sense of why so many had to be hurt. Why someone had had to die.. “I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Swallowing down his anger, fists knit, it took a whole lot of willpower, but Rowan managed to turn around, walking briskly out of the station, slamming the doors childishly in his wake. He could feel someone’s gaze on him as he walked outside, and immediately sat down on the top stair, running both hands trough his hair in frustration. Seeing as the sensation, continued, yet there was no sound of a heartbeat, he guessed the person standing close by was a vampire. “Can I help you with something?” he finally asked, raising his gaze.

@joslynxblackwell

[rowanxhastings]

cecilecambridge:

“Oh please, I could have ran- gotten away, but why? To live my life as a fugitive? I am not ashamed of what I’ve done, nor am I afraid of death.” She sighed, in a mildly bored contempt. “Vampires and werewolves are barely a counter balance. They were created to war against one another, now they have something in common. A little piece in this new species. You’re asking the same questions as everyone else, try something new.”

“No? You’re not feeling any remorse for the life you took? For the lives you have ruined? What kind of heartless bitch are you?” His eyes slitted with a stare burning, would have burned holes in her if such a thing were possible. “And that will be your legacy? Is that it?” It was hard to believe that someone would wreck so much damage simply to be remembered, simply to be recorded in some frilly book, written down in history. That becoming a murderer was worth it because it meant you’d leave your mark on the world. Those were the thoughts of a killer though, he had to remind himself of all his studies and readings had taught him, even if he disliked the distinction. 

[rowanxhastings]

rachelsilverwolf:

Rachel felt her heart go out to Rowan. She knew he was trying, and the fact that he had to try so hard was saddening to her. Hadn’t he and Dash gone through enough in their lives? Hadn’t they all? But that was the problem with longevity: there was more time for bad as well as good. Still, Rachel was determined to contribute to the good, no matter what. “It’s okay, Ro,” she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It works out better this way. Max is a good distraction for her. And you get to focus on your work. And yourself,” she added a little sternly, implying she wanted him to take care of himself. “Hmmm, I can make you a can of soup and a special grilled cheese?” she offered, wanting to give him something warm and comforting. “Or one or the other?” 

Rowan slowly counted his fingers while standing there, the lack of something to do making him restless. He usually was the guy who could stay still for hours just reading a book, or lying on the ground for a long long time, dissecting insects, but right now he was constantly overwhelmed by his own thoughts, by his own emotions and there was the distinct urge to run away from them. As if one could. So he tried to keep himself busy with something else. Which was so easy before but now seemed a bit fruitless. Especially since he had gotten time off work. “Oh I don’t work right now.. Colton gave me some time off. But I know Dash is spending extra time with her and Clara is staying at his place so she probably has more than enough baby sitters around willing to take a shift.” he shrugged a bit, not entirely sure he was the best person for Darcy to be around right now and yet feeling as if any time he got to spend with her was very precious. “Don’t worry.. I practically have people breaking down my door trying to make sure I do.” he added, catching on to her stern tone. It was good they did. Because he seemed to be a bit incapable at the moment. This was different than last time. “That sounds really good Rachel. Thank you..”