I’m sure that things have been worse in the rpc before, but things are definitely feeling toxic and heavy in a way that really isn’t suitable for our beloved chronically online hobby. I think it directly correlates to how there are so few rps in the tags these days, and when they are created usually die very quickly. It’s a disappointing time for the community and it seems like there is a lot of tension.
This is a post for people who are having a lot of big feelings and aren’t sure how to get out of the cycle of the rpc. For those who don’t need it, feel free to scroll.
So let’s be frank here: 90% of these callout posts are people gathering screenshots of people either gossiping or connecting them to anon asks that can’t be verified. The 90% should be subject of a call in rather than a call out. Many of them show a lot of evidence of poor conflict resolution skills (resources for these skills here and here)
I will put links to some resources but I know y’all are not going to click them so I’m putting the most salient point as a screenshot.
Source: https://ifwhenhow.org/news/calling-in-versus-calling-out-throwing-out-my-activist-armchair/
Call In vs Call Out Resources: 1 2
The anons could just as easily be people pretending to be someone else because they view these conflicts like reality tv episodes. There is a thriving ecosystem of blogs publishing anon asks being sent in that gain a lot of engagement (feeding the fire) and that respond in snarky ways that continue the behavior. This is a trap in the same way that algorithms on social media give the most engagement to ragebait. Anger feels empowering (and sometimes is) but in these instances it rarely is helpful for you or anyone to be involved. People petuating this cycle are seeking control, validation, and power due to feeling a lack of that in their irl life—but because you want to be a good person, you feel that seeing who is in the right or wrong is important and necessary.
When you are looking at evidence (which you rarely get anyway), ask yourself: 1) could this potentially be taken out of context, misinterpreted, or misconstrued? 2) is anyone actively being harmed, or is this person just being a jerk? 3) is this replacing direct communication attempts to solve the issue due to fears of one-on-one private conflict? 4) is this being given to you to stir emotions rather than warn about harmful behavior?
If you can answer potentially yes to any of the above questions, congratulations—this is not your business and the people involved need to work it out directly.
With this information in mind, for those wanting to escape the drama cycle but feeling overwhelmed, here are some helpful instructions:
Mind your business. Does this have to do with you? If it’s regarding a friend, is this something you need to get involved in—or should it be solved by disengaging or communication directly? If no, congratulations, leave it alone. The toxicity is fed by engagement. Let the monster starve to death.
Shut the fuck up. Do not say anything in a dm to anyone that you wouldn’t want screenshot and shared publically in the worst way possible. Part of the cycle of fear is that minor conflict feels huge and shuts down solid logic, so people you care about and trust might still share this information (either directly or to one of their friends). This is a game of telephone and even with receipts everyone loses. Plus, suddenly your group chats aren’t anxiety-inducing anymore!
Turn off anons and submits. Until people learn to behave, the privilege of getting to send private asks needs to be removed. If it’s for an ask game, just pretend people are sending it anonymously.
If you get burner asks, lock the ask box down further and delete them. I’m so serious—just delete the asks. It’s not constructive and will just stress you out to give a response. After you delete them, go do some grounding exercises & self-care. Close tumblr and flip off your computer on the way out for self-care. If they will not engage as themselves, they do not deserve a response.
Don’t engage with call out posts, catty anons, discuss them—again, let the toxicity monster starve. Check out my resources above on whether or not this is an appropriate response (rarely ever as none of us have power imbalances to such a degree)
Treat these behaviors as the middle school burn book energy they are. These are often people who feel very powerless or afraid in their daily life and are seeking out anti-social ways of filling that void. There are big emotions in these people that they don’t know how to regulate, so they act out—like teenagers do for similar reasons. But like with kids, you don’t encourage this behavior.
If it gets too intense, find your circle of people that you only interact with, take a hobby break, go roleplay off tumblr, or find a new hobby. This is not worth that amount of stress and learning a new skill is good for your brain.
If you are upset, angry, or hurt, be the change you want to see in the world and try to communicate. Use I statements, etc there are so many resources on how to healthily address someone you have grievances with. A public call out post is literally last resort for active harm and anons are the opposite of helpful. Step away from tumblr and calm down before taking action.
And finally, if someone is just an asshole, the block button is your friend. Use it liberally.
