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Ryan Reynolds. Father. Actor. Your friendly neighborhood foul-mouthed merc.

[rryanrreynolds]

tomthedevilelis‌:

I don’t know how all of you are feeling, but I am very much in the mood for some drinks and some swinga-dinga-dancing! Rocking into the new year, as you do. Who wants to rock it out with me?

Swinga-dinga-dancing? Now hold on there, mister. We don’t even know each other, and you’re talking about swinga-dinga’ing me? 

[rryanrreynolds]

rylbailee‌:

With the year coming to an end, I think one of the main takeaways most of us got was that 2019 was not the best year for us all? That being said doesn’t every year throw something at us?

Yeah, every year has its ups and downs, but some years have worse downs than others. Or more of them. Just gotta do your best to roll with it. Sometimes that’s a whole hell of a lot easier said than done, but what else can you do?

[rryanrreynolds]

soutterlytaron‌:

I’ve become so apprehensive about how we consume news, and what kind of causes we rally for - for me, the biggest example is the increasingly expanding fires in Australia right now. For my wife @tonksinroyal​ and her family, they surely feel almost at their doorstep, and they’ve been donating and helping, wherever possible, for months already. For the rest of us, it seems like they have only become news now. How is that even possible? How can some tweet be more attention-grabbing than a real crisis?

And the next question is, how could we help? I know that you can donate to the Red Cross, and there are some celebs fundraising for the firefighters… 

It’s possible because too many people have been accepting it for way too long. Just look at the trending topics on Twitter. The other day, it was WWIII because of this bullshit with the government, and right beneath it was a paid trending topic for Weight Watchers. People usually only care when it effects them personally, and unless enough of those people make their voices heard, no one else is gonna care at all. And let’s be honest, some people only share these articles about what is going on and how to help because it makes them look good and altruistic. 

I know you can donate directly to the New Zealand fire brigades, that’s what I did.

[rryanrreynolds]

rylrubyrose‌:

So apparently it’s been decided that the Langenheim-clan (which is really just like, 4 people but whatever) is spending Christmas in Royal and I am in charge of making my place look like bloody Christmas Wonderland and prepare a feast for everyone to bog in on. Bloody snow, that’s the only reason, I swear. Done it now, snow, this is the last time I was keen on ya. So, anyone want to deck my halls and tell me how the fuck to prepare meat? 

Meat is kind of a broad category. Are we talking beef? Chicken? Pork? Turkey? Fish? Just cook it, chop it up, toss it in with some noodles and cream of mushroom soup. Boom, casserole. 

[rryanrreynolds]

itssammyclaflin‌:

When did children become so demanding? I took my son Christmas shopping today to pick up the items that “Santa” won’t bring him, aka clothes, and he looked at me and was like ‘how about this, dad? Instead of underwear, how about a video game? Give me something I’ll actually use…” and I had no idea how to respond. I’m not sure what I should be more concerned about, the fact that he won’t use the knickers or the fact that he doesn’t have a gaming console and instead just dropped the hint of all hints on what he wants for Christmas. 

Hey, now, there’s nothing wrong with going commando, don’t shame him for his personal choices. And at least he dropped the hint with nine days to go before Christmas instead of one -- or worse, on Christmas morning.

[rryanrreynolds]

tommy-b0i‌:

So the Russo Brothers gave me the week off from filming so I finally get settled in a little bit. It’s cold here tho!! I wasn’t prepared for this

Originally posted by mrsjacewayland

Wow, I thought they’d keep an eye on you. It’s Massachusetts in autumn. It’s probably gonna get worse than this, we should get you a pair of long johns. 

[rryanrreynolds]

rylpink‌:

The honest-to-God funniest shit I’ve seen this week is Carey trying to teach our little whisky bear how to skateboard. He’s fallen on his fine ass so many damn times and the kid has laughed every time.

Listen, people falling down is funny, that’s a universal truth. That’s been a cornerstone of comedy forever. Probably cavemen thought that shit was hilarious. 

[rryanrreynolds]

soutterlytaron‌:

I still cannot believe that I’ve actually been nominated for a Grammy Award… unbelievable!

Also, shouldn’t Elton be nominated instead of me as Elton?

Hey, my man, that’s great! Congratulations. Oh, Elton has so many Grammys, he’s probably tired of them by now.

[rryanrreynolds]

jodieswhittacker‌:

Oh bugger, I missed the bloody lot of ya! I’ve been doin’ photoshoots and clips and wassimabobs for the new season. The media train is choo-choo-in’ out of the station and I can’t wait! But I also can’t wait te be here for my first American Thanksgiving soon. I am so excited! Is there anything I have te do or have te prepare or anythin’? I am ready te be schooled! 

Well, welcome back! To the Internet, at least. Oh wow, your first American Thanksgiving? I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard it’s a pretty food-intensive holiday, so I would say just bring your favorite food. Baked goods are especially welcome.

[rryanrreynolds]

simplygemma‌:

So, I really, really didn’t know what to expect, when I came here, but for my navigation system to send me down a pier and almost into the water… well, that truly wasn’t it! 

Could someone please help me get my car turned around? I’ll pay you in endless coffee supplies this week!

Wow. How in the hell did that happen? Is our GPS out to get you? And are we still stuck on the dock or are you good now?

[rryanrreynolds]

royalfonda‌:

Fifth Friday and thankfully I am spending the night in my own bed instead of jail. I had to sneak away from the nice police officers this time, otherwise, I would have spent a month there which would not be fun at all but not even this is gonna stop me. You must be tired of hearing about this so I am telling you something new, I am 80 years, I am dating a handsome man, I am staring a hit tv series on Netflix and I am here to tell you that life can be hard, sad and full of challenges but if you find your passion, you are informed and you work for your ideals, this journey turns out into something great and very interesting but at this point I have a really serious question –How the fu**ck can I repost a story on Instagram?

Wait, wait, you’re dating someone? Damn, I thought I had a chance. No, but seriously, what you’re doing is amazing and brave as hell, and it would be bullshit for you to spend a month in jail for standing up for what you believe in. Oh boy, I have no idea, to be honest. I barely understand how to post one.

[rryanrreynolds]

rylwoody‌:

Ha! You’ve got a good point there. I’d say they have terrible aim or bad nerves— but we all know some people can really do better than what they’re showing. I know my character Tallahassee, he knows how to turn just about anything into a weapon. At one point he even used a banjo, which I still think is hilarious.

Okay, that’s fair. I’d be pretty damn nervous if I actually had to shoot a gun for any real reason, let alone because a zombie was coming at me. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. One time to trap a spider and set him free I used a shoe insert and my daughter’s bottle. Which she wasn’t using at the time, I wanna make that clear.

[rryanrreynolds]

[text] Happiest of birthdays, Ryan! I hope you have a great one!

[Text] Thank you, thank you! I can’t complain. Salma Hayek trolled me on Instagram so obviously I have reached new levels of fame and joy.

[rryanrreynolds]

ryldavidm‌:

I’m a lot like you are, then. It sounds like we’re both music dinosaurs, but you have an excellent taste in music.

Music dinosaurs deserve more respect in my opinion. We obviously like the best music out there.

[rryanrreynolds]

rylwoody‌:

You know, my character from Zombie/land would probably tell you guys that rules are for sissies, but I happen to think that some of them, well, I think that some would work out fairly well. Every day this week, I’ll be teaching you guys some tips and tricks on how to survive in a zombie apocalypse. And then on Friday, you’ll get to test out what you’ve learned in the park. 

The first rule is something simple and that is cardio. You’re gonna need to stay in shape, because unlike the zombies in shows like TWD, some of these guys can run, and they can run fast. Now the second rule, this is one that I abide by all of the time, and that is Double Tap. When you’re in doubt, double tap that sucker to make sure the zombies are dead and they stay that way, or you might just be his afternoon snack. The quickest way is an injury to their head, anything else might just royally piss them off even further.

You know, that’s the one thing I never understood about zombie movies. Why everybody doesn’t just shoot the zombies in the head. I mean, granted, there are some poor bastards who don’t have a gun and are stuck with, I don’t know, a frozen ham, but still. You gotta realize that you have to go for the head and make sure it’s dead. People make that mistake in horror movies all the time and it drives me crazy.

[rryanrreynolds]

ryldavidm‌:

So, I dunno if many of you know this or not, but I host a radio program and I was wondering what some of your favorite songs and musicians were? I’m taking suggestions at the moment.

Oh, you know, Van Halen, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, those kind of jams that the kids have no clue who you’re talking about. That’s always fun.

[rryanrreynolds]

thenightmarecody‌:

It’s okay if you never did watch wrestling not lots people are fans. thank you i did have fun we did very well for our first show we beat every show last week that was on last week, it’s nice to meet you Ryan.

Well, that’s awesome! I gotta say, I do a lot of my own stunts and I usually end up with so many bruises I look like one of the apples nobody wants from the supermarket. You guys are brave.