These are the things I say to make us both feel better.
I used to deal with depression in a different way.
I used to lay in bed for days, that was my talent.
A talent, that had me living a happier reality.
Now I'm trying something different.
I'm trying to face my fears, to finally get over you, to be happy, to be able to be alone again.
People say things happen when you least expect them.
True loves shows up unexpected.
See I never saw us coming, we started out as friends and we grew into something worth looking up too.
Always communicating with each other, never going to bed mad at each other, laughing and loving on each other... being brutally honest with each other.
We were so much alike as we were different.
You got to know the raw me, the so private and protected me.
You meddled your way into my heart.
I was always the girl who didn't believe in fairytales.
I didn't believe in marriage. It was just a piece of paper, a waste of time.
If someone was committed they didn't need all that.
But little by little you filled my head with fantasies.
I love you's, I would do anything for you's... forever's.
You had me spinning and believing that I had finally found the one.
That the universe had finally decided it was my turn to be happy.
After all those years being shy, scared, and lonely.
Lonely because I would always offer the best parts of me to people. Only for it to end in "I'm sorry, it was never supposed to be like this" friendships.
Disappointment and myself are in a relationship.
I neglected her while I was with you. Only to come back crawling to her, knowing she was loyal.
You were everything I ever wanted.
No… You were more than what I wanted... you were my best friend.
I must have never saw it coming. "I can't do this".. "I want a break" ... "I'm sorry you were right, you love me more than I love you" "it's over".
The one person I thought was going to be there walked out.
Hitting the bottom of the ocean.
You leaving me to drown when all I wanted was a life jacket.
Having known what you knew…
Having known that I can't swim.
It's hard to breathe now.
You end up throwing a hook.
Hooking into my chest you try to pull, only to find you teared into my flesh.
Having claimed me as your's, my first time..
Not knowing whether to keep me or to throw me back into the ocean.
Wanting me not hate you for tearing into my flesh.
Making it hard for me to breathe.
Scared this will haunt you, but yet, not fighting to save me from drowning.
I love you, but I can't be with you.
Me trying to wrap my head around it.
I will try to breathe with a tear in my chest
You say "I'm sorry it was never supposed to be like this"
As you leave me lying on the cold floor.
I’m stuck between wanting to be in your arms and hitting the bottom of the ocean
As you walk away I lay there on the ground, with one final breath I say:
“It's ok, It's fine, don't worry I'm ok.”