Okay I wanna share this because itâs dumb as fuck and funny as fuck at the same time.
So in theater, weâre doing stage combat. And for our current project, we were given a sheet of paper with all the blocking printed on it and five blank places for stage combat techniques that we got to choose. And of course we get to choose the storyline. So, of course, this was inevitable.
My scene partnerâs name is Mark. My chosen name is Ethan. We both love @markiplier and @crankgameplays and Unus Annus. Can you see where this is going yet? Let me describe how the scene goes.
So I walk into the scene through a door. I cross to an object that represents a Nintendo Switch. I pick it up, turn it around in my hands a bit, and put it down, frustrated. Then I notice a desk and a computer across the room and look around a bit before rushing over to it and pantomiming that Iâm typing on a keyboard and I say âIâm gonna stream roblox!â
Thatâs Markâs cue. He starts walking into the scene and I act like I hear the footsteps and I scramble out of the chair and face him. He says, âWhatâre you doing, Ethan?â Naturally, I reply, âNothing.â He says, âLooks to me like you were streaming. You know it was my turn to stream.â I say, âWe didnât really establish turns...â And he insists, âYou knew it was mY TURN TO STREAM!â And we do the first stage combat move, which is a slap.
Then, after selling it like a champion, as Mark sits down in the chair, I threaten to tell Amy. He says âYou wouldnât dare.â But I walk out of the âdoorâ and yell: âAMYY! MARK HIT ME!â Mark scrambles out of the chair and I walk over to him all smug like a little shit. Stage combat move two is a choke, so we do that.
Mark says âFine. Iâll stream on the switch,â and he walks over to the âswitchâ and I follow him. I say âYou canât stream on the switch!â as we do stage combat move 3, a punch.
Now hereâs where it gets rowdy.
Mark goes back to sit in the chair, saying something along the lines of âFuck it, Iâm gonna stream anyway!â And I follow him, standing behind him and saying âYouâre logged into my account! Youâre not even streaming as yourself!â And he has enough of it and does stage combat move 4, a hair pull. He pulls me over to a couch (3 chairs side by side) and basically throws me into it. He takes the âswitchâ out of the scene and walks back in and pauses. I stare at him. He stares at me. And then the chase scene begins. Itâs literally just the two of us chasing each other around the chairs.
And then the finale. We stand in front of the âcouch,â I have my arm around Markâs neck and my heel above an empty water bottle, heâs pleading, âEthan, wait, you donât have to do this, Ethanââ And I step on the water bottle, having snapped his neck. He falls to the ground, and I realize what I had done. Staring at the lifeless body of my friend, I utter one word.
And every time we practice that, all I can think of is an Unus Annus video thatâs just stupid, improvised, stage combat-heavy bits. And itâs great.