[sandersstudies]

The older you get the more you will realize that your friends are people who have made mistakes and bad decisions and even just fucked up and hurt people.

And obviously your boundaries with your friends are completely up to you but you do need to recognize that if you cut off everyone who has done something wrong, you’re going to end up with no friends (and you yourself will have also fucked up in your life, and not lived up to those impossible standards either).

I’ve found it’s much more constructive to learn how to say “hey dude, that was massively fucked up of you,” because most people are really willing to say “yeah, it was, I need to work on it/not do it again/apologize and make things right” ESPECIALLY if they are hearing it from you as their friend.

[sandersstudies]

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for another person is to tell them that they’ve done something wrong, help them fix it, and stay their friend because it’s what we would want from them if we did something wrong.

[sandersstudies]

Yesterday I told somebody “hey, you were acting really passive-aggressively to this other person and it hurt them” and he called the other person, apologized, and then thanked me for calling him out.

[sandersstudies]

A friend just said to me “hey [mutual friend] keeps doing this harmful, inadvisable thing. you seem like a trustworthy peer who could talk to her about it. would you be comfortable doing that?”

THAT’S the kind of communication I love to see happen.

[gmbeowulf]

I think we should all strive to do this and to take this with grace.

That said...I really don't expect anyone I know socially to respond well to "you did something wrong." I actually can expect it at work, because we have an office culture of "blame doesn't solve anything, let's just fix this." And we're generally pretty good about it in my marriage. But friends? No, you've got to be real careful and subtle with that shit.

I can just envision saying “hey, you were acting really passive-aggressively to this other person and it hurt them” and getting back, "Fuck you and fuck them too, I'm out!"

[prismatic-bell]

So I have a close friend who's usually pretty progressive and awesome, but he's from a small town and sometimes it shows.

(I'm going to apologize because there's a slur incoming but this won't make any sense if I bleep it out.)

We were talking about Trump's first round of tariffs and what it did to my friend's small business, and he said:

"Some sellers are really taking advantage of it, they're not even in effect yet and prices are going up. I just got gypped on--"

I don't know what material he got cheated on, because we both have ADHD so as soon as I stopped him that train of thought was essentially dead, but I cut him off mid-sentence and said "I know you're better than that."

He gave me this blank look and said "better than what?" I said: "Gypped." And then I just waited for him to process, which took a second or two (see: ADHD) but as it did he got the most horrified expression and said "oh. Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't even--that's right. You're right."

I've never heard him use it again.

He's not a bad guy and he doesn't go around throwing slurs left, right, and center. He's not even unaware--he's a witch and will actively stop reading any instructional book the moment it mentions the G-word. It was just...a common word, where he grew up, and when he was frustrated and not really thinking about it, it snuck out of whatever corner of his brain he hadn't realized it was still hiding in. (It doesn't help that a lot of people spell it "jipped" and even the visual linguistic cue of its origin is lost.)

I could have stormed out of his apartment and never spoken to him again.

But I could also stop him and say "I know you're better than that," because I know he is, and draw to his attention what he'd said.

One of those things helps to push a bigoted term closer to its dying day (and good riddance). One of those things loses me a friend and does nothing to solve the problem.

And this goes both ways! We're both 90s kids from small towns. There was a day I used the phrase "trailer trash" and he stopped me and said "my Grammy lived in a trailer."

And you know what? He was right. It's a derogatory term used by poor folk to look down on those who are even poorer, and I never really thought about it until that moment. I haven't used it since.

Friends help friends better themselves. Friends help friends learn.

Mistakes are mistakes. They can be fixed. But you don't patch a leak by firing a cannon at it.

[bundibird]

I HIGHLY recommend giving compliments to random strangers.

Not, like, fake compliments or randomly giving scrounged up compliments to everyone you pass in the street, but -- say you see someone with an article of clothing you really really like. Cool accessories or a great haircut or something. Tell them.

I told an old woman yesterday that I liked her blouse. It was this super pretty white-at-the-top-floral-at-the-bottom shirt which was really lovely. So i backtracked where I'd walked past her and I said "excuse me - i love your shirt." And this harried, stressed-looking 80-something year old brightened up immediately, and beamed, and then when she and I headed off in separate directions, she had a pep in her step.

This other time I told a woman that I liked her boots. She gave me a company name thats since become my favourite brand of shoes. I told someone else that her scarf was cute and she was like "do you like it? Here, you can have it," and she dropped her scarf in my hands and then got on her train and left. I once saw a woman who had clearly put effort into her outfit that day but was now looking harried and frazzled as she wrangled four children across the road, and I told her that her outfit was gorgeous and she lit up like a christmas tree. I told a gay man that I loved his whole look once and he turned into a smiling, blushing mess as his super delighted and proud boyfriend was like "yea, he DOES look gorgeous doesnt he?"

If you see someone with something compliment-worthy going on, don't hold back. What's the point? Ive never once had a bad response to giving a compliment to a stranger. Everyone to a tee has been absolutely thrilled to receive a surprise compliment about their outfit or their make up or their shoes or their vibe or etc. Give out compliments to random strangers. Its free, and it'll make their whole day.

[scramratz]

My least favorite new politically correct term is "unhoused." Like you can just tell it was created to make liberals feel less icky when talking about homeless people.

I was homeless. I was homeless as a child and as an adult. That shit sucks believe it or not.

The uncertainty. The ever-present grimy feeling from lack of access to running water. Having nothing to your name. The shame you feel is asking your fellow man for the bare minimum. Just so much shame, man.

"Unhoused" is so clinical. A technical term. Sure, its not incorrect, but it doesn't properly convey the emotional and psychological impact homelessness has on you.

You say "house", I think of a structure.

You say "home", I think of stability.

[scramratz]

!!!UPDATE!!!

I have been given new and important information on the distinction between “homeless” and “unhoused”!

The term “unhoused” is useful for those in social work when they have to make the distinction between someone who is say, couchsurfing but still has a roof over their head, and someone who’s sleeping in a tent beneath an underpass. Both are homeless, but one is unhoused.

AND NOW WE KNOW!

[sodomit]

Absolutely no hate towards the op from me, reblogging this as a cautionary message.

Every time you find yourself thinking "ugh, I hate this new PC term" - be that "unhoused", "Latinx", "SA", or something else - you should find people who actually use that and ask them why. There's a chance they actually have a good reason, and you're falling for conservative propaganda that tells you new/weird words are bad.

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Not a single thought in this bird's head

[evreeone]

on the contrary, i think he is having many thoughts! he's pretty attentive towards each thing shown...even observing where the water in the water fountain is going…he's curious and thinking So much about all the wonders of this world he has not yet seen (like rocket pops and Cash Money) even if the dominant thought may be "what's that what's that what's that", single thought at the very least confirmed

[quasi-normalcy]

The fact that you can’t raise taxes on billionaires even slightly without them pouring money into fascist political movements is, of itself, evidence that billionaires as a class shouldn’t be allowed to exist in the first place.

[quasi-normalcy]

I’d just like to point out that every single thing that has happened in the 6 years since I created this post has only reinscribed its absolute moral correctness in my mind.

[winged-mammal]

[prokopetz]

"It doesn't help your credibility to exaggerate, most employers wouldn't literally work you to death" like, I used to work in distribution. If booking a truck driver for back to back shifts until they fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die counts as being worked to death, I have personally met employers who've worked employees to death and gotten away with a slap on the wrist. It may not be universal, but it's a hell of a lot more common than a lot of us would prefer to think.

[simplysnaps]

Death by spreadsheet is an acceptable degree of separation for most in middle management. They can sleep at night without guilt for what they've done, because the system charitably setup twelve degrees of separation between their choices and the real-world harm. But do not be fooled, their choices set that harm into motion. Without their reckless disregard for human life, the harm would not be done.

I used to work at a TV station in Ohio. On weekends, we only had an 11pm news broadcast. Not much happened on weekends, ya know? I worked Monday-Friday 9-5, but someone on the weekend shift quit, so I also had to come in at 9pm on Sat/Sun to work the 11pm news. It was brutal. I worked seven days a week, even if two of them were ~3hrs.

This was a particularly bad winter. One Saturday, we had a level 2 snow emergency: That means you should only travel if you absolutely must. Like, it's not uncommon for cops to pull you over in level 2 emergencies to ask where you're going and why. It is genuinely dangerous to drive in that much snow.

I told my boss as much, how I almost crashed on the way home at 12:30am after a news broadcast. I told him I would need to call off if there were a snow emergency again during a night snow.

He told me, point blank, "If you ever call me about the goddamn snow, I will take it as a call of resignation."

And that was that! The very next Saturday, snow fell again. It was a level 2, but would become level 3 by sunup. Level 3 means driving is literally illegal except for ambulances and snow plows. I stared out the window, watching the snow, and I had to make a choice.

"Will I die for this? Will I kill myself to keep this job?" I made $11/hr.

Yes, managers work you to death. That's their job.

[aspiringsorceress]

Every single labor protection is written in the blood of those who were literally worked to death, and business owners and profiteers would claw those protections back with glee if they could. They will squeeze every red cent from your body if they are allowed, and write off your death for an insurance payout that they'll try to pocket for themselves while hiring your replacement for half the pay they gave to you.

[what-even-is-thiss]

When I criticize jk Rowling do not assume I always hated Harry Potter. I knitted hogwarts house scarves. I got my first binder to dress as Draco Malfoy for Halloween. I reread the books multiple times. I read probably every pottermore article there was at the time.

I’m not here to validate your smug feelings about not liking a children’s book series 20 years ago. I’m here to discourage others from spending money on it and to give myself and others words and space to work through some feelings. I’m a trans person that made Harry Potter one of my cornerstone interests. One of my favorite things. I’m not some cis person doing cope.

Harry Potter was a big thing. Like. Big in a way that’s difficult to fully understand. It still is. If you were caught up in it during your formative years it’s normal to need to process all of the horrid things now associated with it.

Having to burn down the house you grew up in is going to be hard even if it turns out that the house was always rotten from the inside out. Even if it turns out that the foundation was made of straw. But the destruction and deconstruction must happen if one hopes to move on and move forward. That’s why I talk about it at all.

[ladyshinga]

obsessed w/him actually

[nonaferatu]

This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace

[nonaferatu]

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Some video games really don’t let you make old people. You slide the age or maturity slider over and it barely does anything. I want to write the story of a grandma that likes shooting guns and causing problems is that really too much to ask

[what-even-is-thiss]

“This game lets you do anything!”

Well it doesn’t let me be a fat muscular grandpa so jot that down

[what-even-is-thiss]

I wanna roleplay as a weightlifting old man who has been divorced twice and likes punching demons but video games have decided this is unrealistic but dragons and plasma guns are not

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm casting a spell at you that makes you get five hundred billion thousand dollars. this is not a "reblog and you will get five hundred billion thousand dollars" post. I am just telling you that I have cast the spell, it's happening

[strike-another-match]

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who needs detailed instructions to function is giving extremely detailed instructions to person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information

[strike-another-match]

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information is telling person who needs detailed instructions to function to just wing it

[identitty-dickruption]

every time I mention how many days sober I am I appreciate people congratulating me and telling me to keep up the good work. it is nice. but I also wish that milestones in addiction recovery weren’t still so pinned to length of sobriety/abstinence

yeah yeah I’m 50 days sober who cares. how about the fact that, when I do drink, it tends to be nipped in the bud after two days nowadays instead of weeks or months? how about the fact that drinking has been condensed to a six pack because I’m at the end of my tether, instead of browning out every night? how about my friend who has decided to stop drinking alone, and is actually sticking to that? recovery doesn’t always look like sobriety and I wish it was more normal to talk about that. yknow. when addiction is normal to talk about at all

[margindoodles2407]

SO weird to me that the default assumption in modern fandom is that you must be attracted to your favorite characters. nah man those are just my funky little guys and gals i want to study them under a microscope. i want to put them in a mason jar and shake it and see what happens

[isthishidden]

We need to glorify breast augmentation scars the way we do mastectomy scars. We need to glorify neopussy and phalloplasty/metoidioplasty the way we do girlcock and boy pussy. We need to adore the shape of post-orchiectomy genitals. We need to make more people aware of penile preserving vaginoplasty. We need to glorify nullification. Transgender bodies shaped by surgery are the most beautiful example of self creation there is. You've physically altered your own body, through surgery and meat and steel to make it match your self image. What could be more beautiful than that? They are the perfect symbols of transness, and that they're overshadowed by stylised scar lines and crotch bulges, no matter how hot and beautiful those are in their own right, is a tragedy.

[byjove]

one of the weirdest kneejerk reactions from people on the right when someone mentions defunding/abolishing the police is “who are you going to call when you’re in trouble?” like, how often are you calling the cops, man? how often are YOU ringing the police? 24 years on this plant, I’ve never done it, never seen either of my parents do it. the only time I’ve ever come close to doing it was during a domestic incident between my parents when I was like 13 and I realized it would probably make the situation worse because my dad knew all the local cops. I thought you had all those big scary guns to protect you? why do you need the cops to show up 30 minutes after the intruder leaves and shoot your dog? are you sicking the cops on your neighbors every time their music is too loud? is that why you have a hard on for them?

[byjove]

“Who are you going to call?” Probably my mama or my stepdad. Maybe my neighbor. Cops only if I need a police report for the insurance claim?

[byjove]

I think about Angeli Rose Gomez all the time, the mom who snuck into the school during Uvalde shooting and evacuated her children while the cops were doing fuckall and then the cops put her in jail for two weeks and continuously harassed her because she embarrassed them. So yeah, I’m taking my chances calling my mama instead.

[byjove]

I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.