runnderlust

kb • 22 • lover of coffee, mountains, wildflowers, dogs, & Jesus former runner, medical mess, and student

[runnderlust]

who doesn’t love a good tuesday IV?

also yesterday was the awareness day for my rare condition and i posted about it on instagram and i’m proud of myself for being open!

also i’m learning to advocate for myself and i’m not amazing but i’m learning!!

[runnderlust]

ooooh baby it’s go time. we have a diagnosis!!!

test results today revealed that my numbers have gotten worse in the past few years, not better like the doctor at hopkins thought. in fact, the doctor today laughed at my numbers and basically called hopkins out for not being on their game. so now i go in for a CT tuesday and then can schedule surgery for any time after that.

i’m a little torn because one one hand the thought of being able to run again and not be scared of being in pain when walking, etc. would be amazing. on the other hand though, i’ve seen people online say their pain gets worse after surgery or causes more complications. so i think i’m going to go through with it, but i’m nervous about it.

but the thought of being able to run this summer wowowow i want that.

so thankful that i have an official, definite diagnosis and to have a doctor reaffirm that it’s not all in my head.

[runnderlust]

what. a. day.

woke up and went to 8am bodypump. upped my weight today which was exciting!

accepted grad school offer to my top program which happens to be one of the best school psych programs in the country and wow i can’t wait for this next stage of life

treated myself to a vanilla latte because i’ve been on the grind since high school and i’m actually seeing my dreams become reality

went to internship - a pretty relaxed day and sadly didn’t get to see some of my favorite kiddos

spent some time with friends and just relaxed

had a meeting and grabbed dinner with friends

visited my friend who is very sick and hoping i don’t get sick now (but she needed some company so i went to say hi)

going to bed a little later than i wanted but still 8 hours of sleep

i’m a little behind in my reading and i’ve missed so many classes - i feel horrible! and i’m missing more thursday because it was the only time i could get some medical tests done and my professors are all really understanding but i feel very behind

BIG weekend coming up (updates to come) and i think it’s gonna be a good one :)

[runnderlust]

immune system is down the drain right now :(

on the bright side, i don’t have strep (yay!) and i’ll be home tomorrow night! then off for some more grad school interviews.

18 hours of driving in 3 days while sick might be a nightmare but gotta do what you gotta do for that grad school life

[runnderlust]

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO GRAD SCHOOL TODAY!!!!!

i interviewed friday at one of the top programs in the country and they called me today and extended me an offer!!!! i can’t believe after working my butt off in undergrad i’m finally going to be a school psychologist :)))

today at my internship with a school counselor we were talking about a student’s IEP and accommodation and to think i’m gonna be on the other side creating that one day!!!! wow chills

tomorrow i have class with my favorite professor who wrote a rec letter for me and i can’t wait to share the news with him. my friends brought me cake and flowers to celebrate. and i just feel so loved by my friends and family. wow God is good!!!!!

[runnderlust]

saturday my good friend ran a half. the half we signed up for together and started to train for together. she moved and this was supposed to be a bonding thing for us. but my stomach decided it had other plans like a month and a half ago.

being surrounded by runners, watching her cross the finish line, and the whole day made me super happy for her, but also was really hard for me.

i want to be able to run!!! i want to put on shoes not afraid of the horrific pain i know will follow. i want to be able to eat dinner without feeling the most nauseous i’ve ever felt for 3 hours. i want to be able to grab a meal and then go for a walk with a friend, not having to worry that going for a walk after eating could trigger pain. i want to be able to do my homework without a pounding headache.

i want tests to reveal something, doctors to believe me.  this sucks.

[runnderlust]

i hate being in this weird in between - too healthy to identify as chronically sick and too unhealthy to identify as healthy and normally functioning. ugh.

[runnderlust]

Sitting by a window with bright trees behind me, drinking a soy latte in a christmas (eeeek!!!) starbucks cup.

i’m reading journal articles about the effectiveness of token economies and creating my annotated bibliography for my end-of-semester psych research project. i’m super excited to make and present my first poster! while i’ve always loved school, it’s crazy how much better it is when i’m excited about what i’m researching. 🤓

my schedule this semester is so busy but i absolutely love 3 of my 4 classes. in my one counseling class, i just got to watch a webinar about trauma-informed IEPs and write a paper about it. in my education class, i’m doing my huge research paper on why suburban schools outperform inner-city schools even when they have the same amount of funding. and then obviously my research about token economies and behavior modification in my psych class. (my other counseling class is okay but not like amazing tbh)

ah this just makes me so happy (nerd alert) and so excited for grad school and spending the rest of my life helping kids - professionally through school psych and personally through foster care and church.

[runnderlust]

wow it’s been a minute.

health update: chronic stomach problems have returned and i’m not a fan. debating seeing a doctor again cause it’s been 4 years since i last saw one for this. but it’s so inconsistent and i have no time in my schedule.

running update: because of stomach, half training hasn’t really been happening and it’s in a month and i’m so out of shape and not sure if i’m gonna run or not.

life update: sent my first grad school application in! 4 more to go, but probably won’t be working on them for a little bit because of craziness of school.

[runnderlust]

don’t forget that for every time you’ve cried and broken down, there has been an equal number of times that you have picked yourself back up, wiped your tears, and loved yourself. this time will be no different.

[runnderlust]

i ate almost 2,000 calories worth of cookie dough in the past 24 hours. so now i’m working out and then going to eat a good, healthy dinner. because life is about balance and loving yourself. not punishing yourself.

i work out because i love how it makes me feel, not to punish. i eat lots of cookie dough because one of my best friends from college was visiting and she’s battling severe depression and her one request was cookie dough.

starting to really understand that there is joy in every moment, that God is ever present. after months of being depressed and heartbroken, i am healing and loving myself. working out because i love it. enjoying every moment of my job - even though it’s not always easy. drinking a few beers with my siblings on the porch.

life is too short to not enjoy the journey and to find the happiness in the little things, in the wonderful people around you, and the always-forgiving compassionate God who loves us immensely.

[runnderlust]

brekky noms 😍😛🤤

[runnderlust]

tryna get some gainz on this lovely monday .. slowly but surely

[runnderlust]

i found out today that my ex is dating someone. that they started dating less than two months after he broke up with me. i almost had an anxiety attack and still feel so nauseous.

i’m glad that we’re over if that is how he really is and that he was able to move on so fast, but it’s still HARD. he was my best friend for years, even before we started dating, and we talked about marriage and kids and life together.

i don’t know, feeling very hurt and confused and a whole mix of emotions. and the icing on the cake is that my dad doesn’t understand why i’m so upset by all of this still.

i think i am going to go see a therapist or counselor because i owe it to myself, to grieve and heal and recover, and i owe it to my future husband to be able to love and trust another guy properly. (aka don’t wanna have even more deep-seeded trust issues)

trying to just breathe and trust that God’s got me.

[runnderlust]

Love you blog! Why haven’t you been running

aw thanks <3

tbh i’ve been avoiding this because i don’t have a good answer.. i ran a half last may and took some time off afterwards - a mix of being burnt out and hating running in the heat of summer lol

and i usually get back into running in the fall but i was abroad and just didn’t prioritize it and i did a bit of running in december and january but then my life kinda was flipped upside down in february and i’m still working through a lot of stuff.

so i’ve started working out recently (like literally the last week) with a lot of strength because i think there’s something very different about lifting than running with how it affects your mentality and i’ve needed that recently.

but i am missing running and wanting to get back into it and think i’m gonna do the runner’s world runstreak (memorial day - july 4th)!

-- kb

[runnderlust]

wow endorphins are good!!!! hope everyone had a great friday :)

[runnderlust]

look who joined me for my late night workout!!!

i’m realizing how weak and out of shape i am. but day 4 of crush and reminding myself that it’s time to get STRONG. just because i’m weak now doesn’t mean i have to stay this way 💪🏼

@crushfit y’all are killing me. in a good way of course.