The Streak - Day 97
This is a ridiculously personal post that has virtually no value... but maybe a forewarning for those earlier in their food service careers. So, take it for what it's worth...
For the past three months I have been experiencing intensifying pain in my hip, to the point of being rendered almost immobile. Last weekend I literally could not sit, stand or sleep without being in excruciating pain. On what used to be a "short" dog walk on Sunday I fell down because I couldn't lift my left leg to miss a deviation in the road.
I have continued to work my normal routine (whatever "normal" means in my life) over the past month, but it has been brutal. I'm a woman in food service... I will never show pain. But the pain was interrupting every part of my life... I couldn't walk my dog, yoga was torture, I was lashing out in rage at people for ridiculous reasons because I was in so much pain, I was falling behind with tasks (professional and personal) in a way I never have, and I was literally crying in pain after every flight I had to take (12 last month).
The only time the pain would abate was when I ran, or self-medicated myself into oblivion with wine. I completely understand why people turn to self-medication and opiates to try and stop this kind of pain.
I am fully aware this is a result of running every day... and no, I don't have a stress fracture (had an x-ray and MRI). I have a bend in my spine, and a severe nerve compression that I've developed over thirty years of life in the food service industry. Most of those years I have treated my body like a piece of equipment... and many of you know how hard I am on my "things." And my body always responded... and still does.
Through all of this I have kept running every single day, even though some days that meant getting up at 2 in the morning to cop a shitty mile on some hotel treadmill; or going to the gym after a car crash, or figuring out how to make it to three states in 36 hours and still cop a run.
On Saturday I committed to removing all alcohol, dairy, flour, and overly processed foods from my diet until my 47th birthday (and my first half marathon). Inflammation is my enemy right now. I also realize massage therapy and chiropractic are in my life forever. I'm blessed to have found two wonderful practitioners of those trades.
I refuse to mask or bury this pain in drugs or alcohol.
Today I went to my chiropractor in tears. I was literally planning to drive to my GP after that and get pain killers... instead I went home and cried for like an hour, took a nap... and woke up pain free. I am aware I am not "fixed" after one adjustment... I have a long road ahead of me before this issue is resolved, but for the first time since January I feel like I can move without shooting pain coursing through my body.
I guess my take away is that pain (physical &/or emotional) is real. I understand fully how it seems easier to ignore it, self-medicate through it, or stop moving to make it better. I also implore every single one of you to seriously think about how you treat your body... trust me, whatever you do to it will come back to you eventually - good or bad.
I also want every single person who reads this to know that I am here if you ever find yourself in so much pain (whatever kind) that you simply don't know what to do. I get it... I really, truly do. There are ways to get help, and honestly, they're not that hard to find. I'm happy to share mine with you if you need inspiration, or just a shoulder to cry on... or clutch in a death grip of pain.
Now excuse me, I have to go bake my chiropractor a big, chocolate cake.