Written by Kelsey Schaller
A punisher: someone who uses words of manipulation to pull you in and keep you there, even when the environment is unsafe.
Yes, weâve all come across them. Maybe a family member, maybe a friend, and usually the person who is supposed to care about you and support you no matter what.
And when you threaten to leave this person, you get the typical: âWhy would you want to do that to me? Do you want to be alone forever?â
They bring you down and make you feel codependent without you ever realizing it. And when you finally do realize it.... itâs too late.
Youâre trapped... or atleast you feel trapped.
This person will manipulate your words, make everything you do feel like a wrongdoing.
You say you want to hangout with friends? To them, you actually want to go meet other people.
You want to further your education? âWhy are you spending all of our âhard earned moneyâ?â
You want to do something solely for yourself? âYouâre being selfish, why canât you ever do anything I ask you to do!â
Anything you say gets thrown to the side and made about THEM.
So here are the steps on how to (safely) get away from a punisher:
1. CUT THEM OFF. Trust me when I say itâs hard. Theyâll obviously twist your words (like they always do) and make it seem like YOU are the bad guy. But believe me when I say youâre not in the wrong. Cutting them off is the first step in getting away.
2. Find a place you can stay if you live with this person. Call a close friend or a dependable family member. Someone you know wonât push you until youâre ready. Someone you can confide in, because youâre most likely in a sensitive state.
3. Keep busy. This may be the most important step. Because you WILL miss this person. By the time you realize youâre in an emotionally abusive relationship, you most likely love this person. You most likely spent every moment for 6+ months with this person, and you will feel alone. So keep busy and stay surrounded by positive, stable people.
4. If need be, in very severe cases if you feel unsafe, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. Because this person may be obsessive and might not just leave you alone after you break things off with them. Even if itâs not a romantic partner, family members and friends can become equally obsessive. A restraining order not only keeps them away, it stops repetitive phone calls and emails.
5. And last of all, just try to keep your head up. 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men are affected by emotional and physical abuse each year in the US alone. Once youâre out, youâre no longer that 1 person. So just try to keep your head held high and GO DO all those things you werenât âallowedâ to do before.
Youâre free now, live your life how you choose and youâll be much happier in the long run.
I hope this blog helps someone in a similar situation as I was with my ex partner. I was an unhappy mess who did not appreciate a single thing that was handed to me because I didnât think I DESERVED it.
You are valid and you deserve the world. And anyone who refuses to do their best to give it to you?
They arenât worth your time.
They have no significance over you.
They are not special or important.
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