FFA/BHM Interactions
DISCLAIMER: This is all based off my personal experiences and engaging in conversation with over a hundred FFAs. BHMs are not solely to blame, but I’m going to try and explain the issue from my perspective to hopefully shed some light on the things you can do as a man to have more success with talking to FFAs.
I help run a successful group chat involving a couple of fat related communities with access to the humans and their words. So this is based in a lot of observation and in communication that’s not absolutely destroyed by a toxic culture like Feabie. The problem I see is that this side of kink was never fully developed, the leaders of these communities didn’t help set up standards like the BDSM community has. For example SSC or safe, sane and consensual. SSC gives the very basic set to of rules to build off of when engaging/interacting with someone. I’m not pretending that BDSM doesn’t have predators but because of how educated the community is on respecting people and their boundaries the predators get called out. However they run rampant on this side of the kink spectrum and the “leaders” need to help shine a light on them much like https://www.tumblr.com/feedismbatman does. A victim shouldn’t be the only one that is heard because socially we minimize their words and pain for whatever reason and they’re dismissed. While talking about predators is on the extreme end of the spectrum it relates to the basic side of these interactions with someone as simple as a BHM expecting anyone’s time or energy just because you fit a physical preference of an FFA. I can promise you it’s only a small percent of them that actually don’t care about you as a person and only want to play with the body. MOST want/need some kind of connection and if you come out of the gate thirsty and or inconsiderate you will be forever tainted and won’t ever have a chance…no matter how much you eat or how fat you are.
Another common problem I see is the UNBELIEVABLE amount of man children out there who will blame everyone but themselves as to why such and such person isn’t into them or won’t give them the time of day. Is not only possible but it’s actually likely that you’re a huge part of the problem. Women aren’t owed to you, you’re not going to get what you want just because you exist.
My point being, before you go looking for a feeder/partner fuck with therapy, fuck with being wildly introspective, fuck with being YOUR authentic self… fuck with those and I promise they will fuck with you. Sounds easier than it is but I’ve learned women find a sense of humor, confidence (not that fake it till you make it bullshit) and a sound moral compass puts you in the top 10% of men you think you’re competing with. On that, it’s not a competition I PROMISE there are way more FFAs out there than you think. Our group alone has a very high percentage of FFAs, many of which have said they’re shy and don’t know how to approach men they find attractive. So they’re not the all powerful person holding all the cards who should just swoop in and make you feel better about yourself. They’re a god damn human being too and IF you can see that, see them… you’re half way there. Don’t rush shit, don’t get all butt hurt that they took two days to respond but your creeper ass saw them post but not respond to you yet. Have you considered maybe they don’t know how to reply, they may not have the time to PROPERLY reply and working up the courage to do so. Chances are they’re just not interested but if you get all clingy you’ll never know because you’re worse than friendzoned… you’re forgotten.
Also, don’t try to be slick. Women talk, chances are decent they may already know a little about you before you’ve even talked, so don’t lie, don’t try to fit the mold you think they want because you’ll be sniffed out pretty quick. Them girls have some kind of no verbal communications or some shit because word travels fast. You don’t need to rehearse anything, you don’t need a line… you just have to be you. And if you don’t click one way or the other you’ll at least have given an honest effort.
The absolute worst thing you can do is go around your social medias and blab on and on about how a particular person isn’t a real FFA or feeder just because they don’t choose you. Not in person is the gold standard of anything and to assume you had a chance is probably what got you dismissed… over and over and over and over again and why you’re perpetually “I just can’t find anyone” sad ass victim mentality. When you do that you prevent the closeted FFAs to stay in the closet because they don’t feel safe in our spaces. They’re terrified and they don’t need someone placing unrealistic expectations on them when they’re struggling and dealing with their own shit. That’s another thing lacking anymore is fucking empathy! Just TRY it… I promise if you hone that skill you’ll be way better off. And for the love of Satan don’t open with fat talk, don’t open with a belly pic or worse a cock. Just don’t, talk to them like you have a value beyond just your physical attributes… bitches love that shit!
I want you guys to succeed, I know what it’s like when you find amazing women to be in your corner, to have your back and to give you the love and attention you desperately crave. But it isn’t just going to fall in your lap, so no more “hey”… it never works just fucking stop it. Don’t send any pictures of any kind unless they ask. Go into the conversation with gusto and the ability to have a normal ass conversation… if you can’t do that don’t even try. Work on doing that instead of trying to hit a grand slam with zero effort haha. Like WTF… I blame “everyone gets a trophy” mentality. Anyways, if you actually read this through and it still doesn’t click message me and I’ll try to clarify. But 100% don’t message me to argue about anything I’ve said. You can take it or leave it, I’m just trying to help because I see so many BHMs fail and they shouldn’t be. And I’d love to have more FFAs come out of their shells are it be safe enough to participate in our communities. If you have a reputation for being a pushy entitled cunt then it’s possible it’s not an everyone else problem… it’s an only child me me me mentality problem and you can fix it. You can control that aspect of your dating life, you however can not control anything an FFA does or says. Let them post their stuff and you can just mind your own fucking business.
Thank you. I feel seen.
