Run, Vegan Wanker. Run!

About a vegan, who's a wanker, who runs.

[runveganwankerrun]

Fri 8th May '26

I've got butterflies. It's 4.30pm and I've got a 5k event at 7pm. So I've got butterflies and the shits. I've done three so far. Or is it four‽ I genuinely can't remember. And I know I'll go again. At least once! 😆

I'm not as happy with myself as I was a couple of weeks ago. My control around food has been far from perfect and I haven't done the strength and stretching routines for a fortnight. I also need to run the next three days in a row this week, to stay on top of my Runna plan kmage. Today, Sat and Sun. Doable. I WILL do it. Parkrun tomorrow will be my 99th run and 199th volunteer. It must be done!

I'll feel better about myself when I get through this weekend.

[runveganwankerrun]

1st May '26

It's been a mixed bag this last week. I was chuffed to get my new tattoo and even more so when it worked. To clarify, I took my running wanker qualifications too new level by getting my parkrun QR code tattooed on my shoulder. Imagine my delight when I presented my shoulder to the scanners and it scanned! Much hilarity ensued and I was lauded as a true running wanker. My work here is done!

It definitely used to be a thing that you didn't run immediately after getting inked. This was due to sweat possibly causing irritation. I didn't do my strength exercises the next day (last Friday) but did parkrun on the Saturday. Then I took the strength exercise ban through to this week for no reason other than laziness. I did all my runs, but nothing else. All my runs were okay, good even, in parts, but I still feel bad, as it wasn't a complete week re my whole strength and stretching.

My feelings of disappointment, and even anger, at myself were compounded by weighing myself this morning. New month and find out where I stand. Actually HEAVIER than last month. 196.8lb! I knew I wasn't eating in as controlled a manner as I'd planned, but didn't realize it was THAT bad. A gain of a couple of pounds. I was pretty disgusted with myself. A smidge of self hatred crept in. And I've been thinking this week about my knees. Any time I walk, both of my knees feel weak, not just my bad left one. I even said to GG that I need to consider getting weight off, just so I can bloody walk in the future! We walked from the train into Belfast last night for a gig. It was less than twenty-five minutes, but my knees hurt. If that's not motivation to get off my arse properly, re food, what the fuck is?!?

As far as food is concerned, I tried a new thing today. I made lentil tofu. Brown lentils, soaked overnight and washed, then blitzed to a thick gloop. ut in a pan and heated while stirring, till it thickens considerably. I portioned it into small tupperwares, then let cool and set. It worked. It became roughly the consistency of tofu and worked really well in a sesame sauce. I'll try it with chickpeas and red lentils next.

Finally, I got my new Vegan Runners merch! A hoodie and a tee. Loving them.

[runveganwankerrun]

Thur 23rd Apr '26

It genuinely amazes me how long I can sit on the loo, as I procrastinate before going for a run. Okay, I'm going, I'm going!

[runveganwankerrun]

Wed 22nd Apr '26

Food was business as usual yesterday, after a great day on Monday. I ate far too fucking much! Damn it! I was at the in-law's and food isn't exactly vegan friendly, so I had loads of bagels, houmous and vegan cheese from the garage. Excuses excuses! Then today wasn't much better. Too much bread again. My saving grace is that I didn't eat before bed. A step forward. But it does seem to be one step forward two steps back with food at the mo. I still have eighteen weeks till Rathlin. I could still be considerably lighter by then and make the race easier on myself.

Last night I was tired and grumpy after a running club committee meeting coz my legs felt heavy and I still had that ache in my gut, that I'm still calling DOMS, but at this point, could it be a very slight strain? I wasn't looking forward to hill reps today. HOWEVER it was a decent sesh. I was actually happy with it, despite it being hard work. But hills should be hard work. I was pleased with my intervals.

Runna didn't even tell me off for my pace, despite MyFitnessPal saying I was "jogging in place". Yes, that's how slow I am.

Remember, this is the pace that Runna normally calls too fast. 🤣

I'm so happy with it that I'm even looking forward to my 3k "EASY" tomorrow. What's the betting that Runna STILL says I go too fast. Sucker bet. Still, the weather is to be great again tomorrow, so let's enjoy it, regardless of Runna probably shouting at me.

[runveganwankerrun]

Tue 21st Apr '26

Body weight strength exercises today. Twenty minutes worth. Felt okay. I got it done early, so that's me for the day.

Food. How has that been? Yesterday was okay. A bit over on MFP, but Samsung Health was singing my praises. I can live with that.

[runveganwankerrun]

"It's the fucking sun. You're a solar powered idiot!"

Mon 20th Apr '26

I was so happy with my run this morning and I've no idea why. This time last week, I did the same distance and was really down about how I felt during and after it. It felt hard throughout, and while I expect that, I was peeved. Today I made a serious effort to go slow. Runna has been chastising me for going too quickly (that's so funny!) and telling me to take it "easy." I swear, I have been trying to, but if I go any slower, I'll not be running at all. This is for me. I'm not judging anyone else's pace. Just mine. Anyway, I was still too fast, especially the first kilometre, but for me, my perceived effort was down, so I'm happy with the run. Even though I didn't find it easy, my legs got tired and I was sort of bored in my own head (despite having a podcast on) it felt like a good run. It made me smile. It's making me smile, just thinking about it now. Today was a win.

There's the direct comparison of the stats. There's practically nothing in it. Yet today was so much better. Go figure!

So, I went home and told GG. His response? Check out the title. That's the man I love! Such support. It made me laugh. He makes me laugh.

It was a gorgeous morning, chilly in the shade, but beautiful in the sun. The sky was, and still is, properly blue. I had my post run refreshment sitting in the garden, feeling smug.

[runveganwankerrun]

Mon 20th April '26

Okay, I've waited about enough. Time to get off my arse and do this week's first run. I used to get up, go straight to the loo and get dressed while doing the morning's first bit of business, and I could be out the door within fifteen minutes. Those were the days when I ran before work. Today it was, get up, have a shite, have a coffee, banana and supplements (old age!), have another shite, get dressed and pockle for a bit, to decide if I need ANOTHER shite, then run. Takes nearly two hours these days 😆

[runveganwankerrun]

Sun 19th Apr '26

Week two of my Runna plan is complete! Eight runs, four strength sessions and two mobility sessions. I'm pretty chuffed. I've a bit of DOMS or something, in my lower left stomach. It actually feels like it's around my womb. I think it's from planking on Thursday. It definitely feels muscular and doesn't hurt when I run, but I could feel it a bit in the stretches today.

I checked. It's not a year since my last parkrun before yesterday. It was six months. Not as bad as I thought.

No real improvement on the food front. I'm not going to get lighter eating the way I currently do. I need a new plan, a new approach. I just don't know what.

[runveganwankerrun]

Parkrun. First in a year?

Sat 18th April '26

Well, that stank! Just over forty minutes at a parkrun where my PB is 22:28. My poor ego.

No, seriously, It was a bit tough, but I wasn't going to stop, and I took no walk breaks. I'm taking the win.

The club's parkrun championship started today. It's a twelve week league with points for volunteering, running, PBing and various bonus tasks. There are extra points for milestones and we count every fifty runs as a milestone. If I run and volunteer for the next four weeks, I'll hit 100 runs and 200 vols on the same week. That has motivated me to run for a change. The last year, I've really only volunteered. Despite my lack of pace today, it was lovely to run because of the support I got. I'm pretty mouthy as a volunteer, shouting abuse (joking) at people and generally yelling support. Because of this, loads of the regular runners know me, an as I ran this morning, even as they overlook me, lapping me on out three lap course, they were encouraging me and telling me it was great to see me running. It felt great. In fact, it was am ego boost to counteract the bashing my ego took with how slow I was.

So. Yes today's run was hard, but it was a good day in my running world.

The rest of the week's been fine too. I've done two light body weight strength sessions, just like last week. I'm so pleased with myself for that. Each one was just under twenty-five minutes. No run on the programme tomorrow, but a stretch and mobility session.

I had one really on track food day this week, one or two off piste, but not horrendous days, and a couple of shockers. What the fuck am I going to do with myself, foodwise? Why can't I get it together?!?! Why can I not eat in moderation? I feel like my relationship with food, while not the very worst, isn't entirely normal

[runveganwankerrun]

Why won't it get easier? Like, right now!

Wed 15th Apr '26

Oh good grief, that was not pleasant today. Why do I keep going? I know why really. I know it'll get easier in a bit. Of course, by easier, I just mean that I'll keep moving the goal posts as I get fitter, so the runs get longer or faster as I can endure more, rather than easier.

It was 400m intervals today and I did noticeably speed up in the right parts, so I'm happy with the session, despite my grumbling.

Again, I will TRY to go a bit slower.

In food news, I think I might manage to have a day that I'm happy with! Go me!

[runveganwankerrun]

Wed 15th Apr '26

Today I will have a day of food that I'm happy with. I mean it! I'm not going over 1600 cals. That's still 400 more than MFP says, but it's low enough that, with a run, I'll still at least break even, or possibly have a tiny deficit.

I've started with a smoothie. It doesn't look very appealing. Okay, okay, it looks like sludge, but it tastes great. Pineapple, apple, beetroot, almonds, ginger and green superblend from Holland and Barrett. I entered the ingredients into MyFitnessPal, as I always do. It's high enough in cals. But there's lots of it, nearly 1 litre.

[runveganwankerrun]

Tue 14th April '26

I just saw one of my favourite photos of me at parkrun from about nine years ago. I'm slender and I'm fast. I can't believe it was me. But I can. I want that again. GG and I were also talking about our fastest times. I did a km in 4:10! And 10k in 45:28. Unthinkable these days.

I'm having a really hard time with food at the minute. What I'm doing isn't working so I need a rethink. That said, it's not all bad. I'm mostly eating whole foods, but still too much. I have eaten some overly processed and sugary stuff. I'd really like to cut that out. If I could only keep in mind that all these errant mouthfuls take me further from that old photo. So tomorrow. Just for one day, no thinking further ahead. Only whoke foods and within 1600 cals. That's my pledge to myself tonight.

I ran yesterday. Tell me how it was even harder than last week! I wanted to give up within 2k. I didn't. Every run is a step in the right direction. No run on the plan today, but a short body weight strength session. Twenty-five ish minutes. It doesn't really break a sweat, so I wonder whether it's worth doing. Does it benefit me? Then I tell myself that all movement is good. It means I've done a bit of something every day for nine days now. That's decent.

[runveganwankerrun]

Week one of the plan comes to a close

Sun 12th Apr '26

Lovely! Up early, coffee, no run to do. Na, I actually don't mean that. it's a lovely, sunny (if chilly and windy) morning. A run would be nice. It's not on the plan though, so I'll be a good little Vegan Wanker, and not run. There's twenty-five minutes of stretch and mobility. I'll do that in a bit. Edit: I did it. Low/no impact stretches and core work. Felt good.

Yesterday I had a 5k hilly run to do. I ran to volunteer at parkrun, then ran up and down a hill there to make up the distance. It wasn't as hilly a run as it should have been, but I did the full distance (slowly) and I was happy with myself. Of course, the Runna feedback was that it was, yes, you guessed it, too fast. Seriously, if I ran any slower, I'd hardly be lifting my feet off the ground! Tomorrow there's 4k on the horizon. I'll go slower then. Maybe.

Back to yesterday's 5k. Was it easy? No. Did I think about walking? No. Not once. It took forty minutes. Do I want to be faster? Fuck yes! It'll come. It will! So long as I keep working at it and don't let my mojo wane again.

I'm going to finally RUN at a parkrun next week. There are a number of us going to a Belfast one, and that will take me to ninety-six runs. I have 196 volunteer credits. I'm going to try to run and volunteer together for the next few weeks to hit 100 runs and 200 vols together. I might bring a cake to celebrate. It's been a long time in the making.

[runveganwankerrun]

10th April '26

Recently, running has been a constant battle with my ego. My pride is hurt by how much slower I am now than I used to be. I know I've said this before. I'm fucking obsessed with my ego! 22:28 5k PB, nowadays lucky if I get close to 38 mins. It shouldn't matter. I know this. I swear to fuck, I know this! I keep thinking that I'm making progress in beating my pride, but it regularly re-emerges. It was especially present when I was the last of my club to finish a five mile race last year. I'm sure it'll continue to be an issue at different events. At the moment though, I'm not too bad. I'm just happy to be running. The same race will be coming up soon. I'm determined to run it again, despite hating nearly every step last year. I'm also determined to enjoy the experience, regardless of where I finish in comparison to anyone else, even clubmates that I keep telling myself I should be faster than!

I ran yesterday. The Runna plan said 3.5k easy. I ran it in about twenty-nine minutes. It was too fast, according to the feedback. It wasn't an easy run. As I've said before, no run is easy to me at the mo, regardless of pace. It felt shambolic. By that I mean it felt shuffly and slow and my form felt awkward. A gazelle, I am not! The instruction was to make the next easy run "truly easy." I genuinely don't know how I will be able go slower, but I think I'll try.

Today I've a strength session on the plan, approx half an hour. I'll do it while I watch telly. Then I might go for a short walk, to ensure I do a bit of light exercise on my non-running day. Active recovery, anyone?

[runveganwankerrun]

Hills pay the bills?

Wed 8th Apr '26

Whoever said that is a bastard! Bloody hills. My thighs are killing me. It's probably more about the strength session yesterday than the running today. It just shows how I've let my fitness slip, so this ache in my legs is a good thing. Honestly! I'll keep saying it till I believe it.

Today's run was a hill session (as the title suggests) It was tough. My form felt poor, and my pace sluggish, and I wanted to stop as I was doing the fourth rep (there were six to do.) I'm glad I completed the whole session. I'm knackered now though.

Food is not going to plan. I was okay yesterday till just before bed, when I ate a load of cashew nuts. At least it was real food, not ultra processed shit, but it was still not what I really wanted to do. Today has been worse. I was out for breakfast, then when I was in town, I called to ASDA and bought Ben & Jerry's vegan cookie dough and a bag of bacon fries. I ate the whole damn lot! And had the cheek to have sausages and fried onions with four rounds of bread for tea! I'm a hallion!

[runveganwankerrun]

Will I exercise today? Spoiler alert. I did.

Tue 7th Apr '26

Yesterday's run went okay. Not easy, for sure, but not the worst thing I've ever done. I wasn't dying as I ran, so I'll take that as a win. Food was a slightly different story. Everything I ate was healthy, and if I'm going to retrain my desires/taste buds, all good choices. No refined sugar, but plenty of fruit and veg. But my portions sizes! I'm a greedy bastard! I see what would be a normal plate of food to anyone else, and I'm like, "That wouldn't fill a gap in my tooth!" I feel short changed if it's not a big plate of food.

Today there was no run on the plan, but a short, very basic strength session, using resistance bands, dumbbells and body weight. I actually did it. Not well, in the case of the side plank, but I did it. Then I went out for a shortish walk. My back hurts when I walk at the mo. It's not a sharp pain, more of an ache, but it happens when I gain some weight. To see that go would be a sure sign of progress.

I'm pleased with myself to have got off my arse two days in a row. And I'm pleased to be writing about it again :-)

[runveganwankerrun]

Hello again, hello...

... just called to say hello.

Mon 6th Apr '26

It's been a while and I need accountability. I've been identifying as a runner, but not running very much. That stops now! Now, I've noticed when I make these definitive statements, I fuck them up. Not this time! Definitely not! *snigger*

I had a come to Jesus moment a couple of days ago. As I allow myself to get fatter again, my health is not improving! Yeah? No shit Sherlock! My running is not improving. Really? You astonish me! And i don't like myself very much. Aww, poor baby!

I dug out my Runna app, dusted the poor, under-used bastard off, and set up a plan to improve my overall fitness, and therefore my health. My favourite event of the year, the Rathlin Run, is in August. That's twenty-one weeks away. I can make a significant and noticeable difference to my health and fitness (and as a result, to my weight and size) in that time. It's practically a full five months. Every day that I eat healthily and exercise between now and then will add up. August is going to come around regardless, no matter how far away it seems now, so I might as well be a fitter, healthier me when it does. Image how happy I'd be with myself if I ran the 5k well. If I even did a bit better than last year! I did it in about thirty-three minutes last year. Is sub-thirty possible, if I really work for it?

Runna is expensive. I thought long and hard before subscribing. When I thought about it though, it makes up a bespoke training plan, around details I input, added two novice strength sessions and one stretch/mobility one, and tailored it to end at the Rathlin event. It allowed for a few 5k events along the way, factored them in. It cost £100 for a year. That is £8.33 a month. Okay, it's not real coaching. It's sort of interactive AI. But it is a plan that is geared towards EXACTLY what I told it I wanted.

That's the running, but food is a biggie too. I've been a greedy bastard of late, and I hate myself for it. I WANT to be healthy. Fuck that! I want to be lighter, so running is easier. There are people I want to run faster than! I want my old times back! I can't be or have those things at 192.2lb. Yes, creeping back up to 200lb if I'm not careful. So WISE UP Vegan Wanker! Catch yourself on! Remember Vegan Wanker, you can't outrun a bad diet, so food as fuel, not entertainment. There's nothing to say I can't enjoy what I eat, just not so fucking much of it!