☆. ruuby/cherry . minor . she/they . aug13 . filipino&english!! . intj 7w6 . some average writer
As you read from my bio, I mostly write for honkai impact men since they aren't that much content here. I also write for other fandoms too! :] (pretty much multifandom)
// masterlist . rules/dni . about me/carrd . other blog: @ruubyday
Idk which piece of information I find most impressive here, the fact that someone was able to convince Mydei to advertise for pancakes of all things, or the confirmation that his reputation holds enough positive weight to have the business booming and that he might have quite the sweet tooth ☠️
I don't know why, but after watching this, I tend to think about Phainon as some 'punch me if you can' guy.
Like, he will steal something from you and then wave it in front of you, wink his lashes, and ask for a kiss in exchange to take it back. If you refuse to do what he asked and try to steal it back, he will put it even higher, beyond the level your tiptoes can reach, and steal a kiss from you.
Or maybe, he will show off his strength—dramatically destroying Titankins while taking off his shirt because 'It's too hot.' Whether you show your disgusted face or cover it in embarrassment, he will definitely tease you until you have to bury yourself in a hole.
It's kinda shocking when I watch closely, zoom in on his Roblox smirk face, because I expected him to have a puppy vibe or be a good boy. But I’m not gonna complain. Although I prefer dead old men who are calm and composed (Kevin Kaslana mantis form) over men who are still alive and energetic and teasing, I will make an exception for Phainon this time.
As usual, I demand more fanfics for Amphoreus x Reader.
summary, to be the childhood sweetheart of Kremnos‘ heir came the times where he sought comfort in you for all his tragedies.
mydei x gn!reader. fluff content. childhood to adulthood. secret pinings. puppy love. yearning. teasing. quality time. princess treatment. hurt with comfort. historical!au not canon compliant to amphoreus lore. written before version 3.0. [3.6k wc]
What are the chances you get to visit Castrum Kremnos during your father’s many business trips?
By the Gods above, luck was in your favor that day.
Because visiting Castrum Kremnos meant being able to see their renowned young crown prince Mydeimos, rumored to be one of the future heroes of Okhema city and the lion of Kremnos—and in secrecy to you, also the receiver of your affections for as long as you remember.
You aren’t certain when this unimaginable pull happened, was it the way you first saw the dawn captured red upon his braided hair? Or was it his big eyes that furnaced and melted into gold ingots with flicks of honey?
Your heart flutters at the thought of simply just encountering him, your fingers bunching up your fabrics as your carriage arrives at the city gates.
With a table full of wine, goat cheese and fruits—it was easy to slip away from your father. He was too busy settling jovial talks about the kingdoms’ flourish with Kremnos’ leaders to realize your absence. The unfamiliar palace is bigger than you expected, grandeur even, completely different from your home city. When your eyes trace the intricate patterns upon their pillars you can immediately seize out the lion from its marble carvings. But despite its size, it was no challenge to locate the prince.
The sound of clashing wooden swords would indicate where he was since you are aware of his duties to fight—and it is said that crown prince Mydeimos is usually seen spending his leisure on swordsmanship practice with young lord Phainon.
At times, you envy how often Lord Phainon is mentioned around the prince.
They both seem really close.
When the harsh clacks of wood on wood floats around your ears, your hurried paces falter into quiet footsteps. You find yourself sneaking under an olive tree and peeking through the shrubs, eyes landing on two boys on the garden with cobblestone beneath their leather boots—they seem entirely engrossed in their sparring. Under the honeyed heat your lips purse, watching Mydeimos dance around Phainon, wooden swords blurring your vision, swishing and parrying in front of them as each boy exchange light blows with one another.
An exhausted rasp of a chuckle comes spilling down Mydei’s lips, he angles his sword to block when Phainon leans forward, cutting down hard in his direction. You’ve noticed their manner in fighting and can weed out the difference in an instant. Lord Phainon is calculated with his movements, there’s stability in his balance, reassurance woven into the sinews of his back beneath his white tunic. Prince Mydeimos on the other hand is more fluid, he makes use of his dynamics and his footwork is unpredictable, but there’s grace captured in it—like he’s dancing—lunging forward in strict confidence then sidestepping, bouncing back then spinning.
Mydei smiles—a boyish grin that crinkles his eyes—seemingly setting the whole place an inch brighter than before and you’re blinded by the setting sun. You tilt your head more, unable to deny the warm flush from the pillows of your cheeks when you see the hint of dimples on his face, dimples.
The prince is truly astonishing.
Years you were under the tutelage of different priests, learning about prophetic dreams and imagery and clairvoyance—but maybe you were too dizzy watching the boys zip around the gardens, or maybe you were too into your daydreams you didn’t notice how they had hastened their attacks. Mydei was now attacking Phainon in quick succession, seemingly drunk under the thrill to notice Phainon’s stuttering words of take a break or slow down your highness. You were too distracted to notice how the prince swipes up, cutting the atmosphere—the lord’s wooden sword flies out his grasp and comes spinning in your direction.
Oh.
You feel the solid plank crash against your forehead—barely registering the shock that jolts through the two boys when you stumble onto the marble floor, holding your face that seems to quickly heat at both the pain and the embarrassment.
Oh.
“Oh, lord what have you done—“
“Me?” Phainon panics. “You were the one that didn’t stop attacking, I told you numerous times how I prefer a great sword than a simple one. I’m unfamiliar with the weight.”
“Well, I—“
“Ow…”
Their attention snaps back to you. Mydei tosses his wooden sword onto the cobblestone uncaringly and along with Phainon, comes to your aid.
“Hey, are you okay?” Both holding out their hands when they ease you back to your feet. Phainon leans down to brush the crumbs of dirt from your attire, checking to see if you have other injuries whilst Mydei winces at your reddening face.
“I—truly, I apologize.” You can hear the sincerity and guilt in the young prince’s tone. “I didn’t mean…”
“No, I—“ you were quick to speak up as well. Your face furnacing even more when his concerned honey eyes latch with your own—to think your first interaction with each other would be this, how humiliating.
“I was the one who intruded.” You murmur, leaning down to bow. “I apologize for getting in the way, young lords i didn’t want to disturb—“
“Oh gods.” Phainon curses.
You lift your head, confused, until you feel something hot trickling down your nose. Both your hand and Mydei’s fly up to your face, barely containing the blood that rolls down your chin.
“Prince, I think we are in trouble.”
“Stop saying nonsense, Phainon. Tell a servant to fetch us a cloth and a basin of water immediately.”
He didn’t need to be told twice and he was swift, his feet tapping along the marble as he sprinted down the hallway and now you were left alone with Kremnos’ young heir.
You can feel your heart pounding in your chest.
Luck was definitely not on your side today.
“Hey, uhm…” Mydei trails off. You see the cogs in his head turning before he gently lets go of your face, you feel a soft pressure at the back of your skull instead as the prince beckons you to lean down towards him.
“Here, press your nose on my tunic. It would be a problem if we don’t add pressure to stop the bleeding—“
Your eyes widen, cheeks hot as coals. You find yourself shaking your head fervently, using the young prince’s shirt to help your nosebleed? if your reputation hadn’t sunk to the bottom of a seabed, it had now. How could you, and to Prince Mydeimos of all people?
But Mydei is persistent, somehow unaware that your flushed face is more likely due to the shame you felt than your injury.
“Please.” He pushes gently. “I insist.”
His palm on the back of your head is steady, fingers rubbing the hair there, his other hand pinch his fabric shirt and tugs it up to press against your bleeding nose. ”Lord Phainon will be back soon, so rest assured. I truly apologize for my lack of manners today.”
It felt like a whole minute with you in close proximity with the Prince, then after that, when a servant came to tend to you—both prince Mydei and lord Phainon received an earful from the adults, to dare bring harm upon a young guest clergy from Janusopolis is an act of slander, they said to the young boys.
And you are no different as your father shakes his head at you, “you’re very lucky that they practiced with wooden swords, what were to happen if they were using actual weapons, what if it was a spear?”
You turn away, “I’m sorry, father—“
“That’s enough child. I should’ve known this would happen, especially with that curiosity of yours. I’ve told you time and time again to steer clear from training grounds, you are not fit for combat.” He pats your shoulder softly. “Come now, let’s not dawdle. We still have to visit the other cities.”
But father, it’s not mere curiosity. You wanted to combat but decide against it.
When you tag along with your father with flushed pink nose and defeated shoulders, you dare slip a glance from behind. Watching the young prince and the lord getting scolded.
But what you didn’t expect was Prince Mydeimos’ honey eyes already on you.
You turned away quickly and never looked back.
A week passes and your shame does not settle nor fade.
“Looks like you had quite a delightful time.” A throwaway comment from Anaxa, you don’t respond and he doesn’t even bother to look in your direction, flipping another scroll and perusing the text casually.
“What do I do, Anaxa, Hyacine?”
“What must you do?” Anaxa shoots you a puzzled look. “Bumping into Prince Mydeimos in Okhema is one in a million, and I am certain your father won’t take you back to Castrum Kremnos after that troubling incident.
“This is so unfair.” You bury your face onto your arms.
Your younger companion heartens over your shoulder, “Cheer up. I’m sure you’ll stumble into him eventually.” Hyacine smiles at you. “After all, Okhema is celebrating a festival. You never know.”
Your eyes gloss over the open window, from the distance you hear the alluring instruments hither thither in gracious waves, the warm winds gossip, the furors of the crowd echo, the clinking of wine and your companions’ soft murmurs from behind you. You lean your cheek against your arm, watching the sky like a meadow of blues.
Distracted, you don’t notice someone approaching until you see a hand come over your vision.
Your eyes flutter, tracing the calloused palm down the arm before meeting the face.
Honey eyes greet you back.
You jolt, Prince Mydeimos.
He sees the recognition spark in your eyes and he smiles, “So it was you.” He lowers his hand, tugging his cloak. “I thought I recognized someone familiar on the window, it’s nice to see you again!”
“Prin…Prince Mydeimos.” You've straightened now. “What are you doing here?”
Your heart seizes when you watch him lean close to you, his dimples are prominent from here, like an intentional dip on a carved marble. He presses a finger to his lips, his boyish grin almost contagious.
“I sneaked away.” He rasps. “It’s a little stiff to have servants follow you around in Okhema’s festival.”
“Oh, I see.” Your eyes fleet. It seems like it has caught the attention of your companions, for the young priestess and sage are now leaning against the wall beside the window, out of view from Mydeimos.
The prince places a hand on the windowsill. “Do you want to come with me?”
Your lips part. “Come with you?”
“Yes. I uhm.” Mydei turns away, then looks back at you. “I want to make it up to you, for what happened last week.”
“There’s no need for that, prince. I’m perfectly okay now and it’s my fault you and the lord got into trouble.” Despite your incessant shakes, he combats it with stubbornness.
“I understand. But I still feel responsible for what has happened.” He tells you. “Then, if not to make up for it, just keep me company?”
“I’m not supposed to…” You hesitate.
But then you felt a foot tap your ankle. Your eyes flicker briefly towards Anaxa and Hyacine—one giving you an encouraging nod and the other had apathy in the face, but he tilts his head on the window as if beckoning you to go. You crack a smile then turn to Mydei and nod.
His smile widens, then he hoists you out of the window frame, strong arms around your torso. Your cheeks darken at his actions.
When the two of you walk down the street, you are splashed with the joyful spirit weaving through the festival. You don’t usually participate whenever these festivals happen, you have no one to go with you. You never wanted to bother your father with your trivial requests, and you had your own duties to finish that you don’t have time for leisure.
The prince tries to match your pace, shoulders barely touching but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, Mydeimos has been kind to you which was far from the confident boy who held a spear in the arena.
He treats you as if you are something to him—you immediately shake such thoughts from your head.
Mydei taps your shoulder, pulling you out of your daydreams. “Are you hungry?”
In the young prince’s hands were two figs. You graciously took one from him. “Thank you, Prince Mydeimos.”
The honeycomb in his eyes softened. “Please just call me Mydei.” The fruit is brought to his lips, a crunch resounds when he takes a big bite.
During that time, under the golden festival hue—Mydeimos appeared like a brilliant child, the spirit still flickering a candle in his eyes and the looks he gave you, they were so undeniably soft. You both stopped at small stands, lingered at performances and smiled at the musicians playing instruments—all the while the prince made sure you were entertained and satiated with food; soft bread, cakes, olives. He even goes on a tangent when you had said you never tried specific meat before—those that were exclusive to the high and wealthy.
The prince would take each meat from the table, cupping a hand beneath your chin when you take a bite out of his portion.
You perk up. “It’s good.”
“Right?” Mydei laughs. “This one’s my favorite. We usually only have these in Kremnos during—“
“Are you eloping, my dear prince?”
Your attention is dragged to the owner of the quip. Lord Phainon appears from the thick of the crowd, and his teasing tone brings heat to your cheeks. Mydei scowls at his companion, “why are you here?”
Phainon greets you by ruffling your hair, “have you even an inkling of remorse for your pitiful servants?” His ocean blue eyes aren’t laughing despite his smile. “They’ve been looking for you for an hour or two, to the point it’s starting to spin into a commotion on the festival streets.”
This prompts Mydei to sigh. “Those fellows…”
A flute and strings draws their attention. Suddenly the crowd erupts into cheers, some step forth, dancing on the streets. You can feel Mydei’s eyes on you, then flickering to Phainon.
Maybe it was the expression on the prince’s face that Phainon let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll deal with your servants. You have an hour.”
“That’s all that I need.” Mydei smiles when Phainon turns on his heel to leave. “I owe you, my friend.”
“It’s nothing.” Phainon’s eyes flutter over to you, and his gentle smile returns, mouthing a take care of him before tugging on his hood and disappearing. At that time, you didn’t really know what the young lord meant with that.
And you didn’t have time to ponder, Mydei’s large hand is inching over yours, his fingertips brushing your skin. You look over to him and he asks, “do you know how to dance?”
You barely remembered what you responded back. The prince’s hands have captured your own, more of a soft caress than a hold before slowly pulling you onto the streets and the flurry of dancing citizens. The outside lights careens into the expression on his face when he tells you to dance with him.
You both circle each other and you watch his footwork—sidestepping, bouncing back then spinning—Mydei’s hand is not far from yours, and he pulls you into his dance, a palm seeking refuge on your torso and the other securing your hand, he spins you around and you cannot help the bubble of a laugh from slipping from your lips.
Between the flurries and the crowds there was nothing but you and the prince, everyone else was barely a splotch of watercolor on canvas.
An hour burns through quickly when you’re having fun. The sky began to dim and the festival had hushed, when his servants finally found him and he got in the carriage, he pops his head out the window, calling your name before you can leave.
You seek the honey in his eyes once again, and he leans into his open palm, “visit Castrum Kremnos sometimes.” Mydei grins. “It's a bore to always spend time sparring with Phainon and he’s not a great dancer like you are.
You mirror his grin with your own. “If this is what my prince wants, then I’ll obey.”
The brightened smile that Mydei gave you felt like he had shaved a piece of the sun and reflected it on his own expression. “See you.”
“Goodbye, Kremnos’ prince.”
That expression of his had engraved into your membrane as years shuffle and roll, it’s the exact same face he shows you when you finally visit him—not as a clergy guest of the city but Prince Mydeimos’ guest.
So it's very hard for you to believe in those rumours, rumours that stated that Castrum Kremnos’ hero had gone manic—the same as when the heretical black tide came and made the titans mad. It’s just difficult.
You’re aware that war and battles change a person. It came to make their blooming heart wither into a wasteland, but you know Mydeimos for so long.
You knew him as his childhood friend, as someone who had admired him and his heart for years on end—you never believed rumours about him and if it were true, you wanted to make your own judgement and witness it for yourself.
So when talks of Mydei’s arrival from the battlefield reached your ears, you did not hesitate to start packing for the trip.
Your journey to Kremnos was hasty. You had ignored the rebuttals your father threw at you and got on the carriage. As years passed, so did Castrum Kremnos. It did not beguile a glow like it used to, but your mind’s a raging storm. Your pace is impatient as you run down the corridors of the familiar city.
The sound of the steel sword would indicate where he was since you are aware of his duties to fight—and it is said that crown prince Mydeimos is usually seen spending his leisure on swordsmanship, alone.
Your hand is pressed against the olive tree bark, heaving heavy breaths as your eyes land on Mydeimos’ back, his muscles and sinews are hardened under the reddish hue of sunset, flexing as he moves his sword to cut the air. You barely notice the look on his eyes as well, gone were his large honey pupils and chub on his cheeks, now his gaze has sharpened into resin, narrowed with furrowed brows. He’s no longer as talkative or carefree as back then.
You take a step closer and flinch when Mydeimos turns to your direction, the sword lands heavy above your shoulders, almost grazing your cheek and ears.
The air hangs heavy with tension.
“It’s me, Mydei.”
At the sound of your voice, the prince wavers. The sword is immediately retracted and his heavy heaves are all that fills the air between you two.
“You…” Mydei runs his fingers through his wet hair. “You really do have the habit of just wandering into the practice grounds like this.”
You look away. “I’ll try not to next time.” You were just a little worried about him today.
When you feel a fingertip running down your jaw, you turn back to him.
Mydeimos’ eyes land on something on your face, his frown deepening. “There’s a cut.” He tells you. is there?
You cannot help the slight sting or wince when he presses the wound. At your reaction, he tries to pull away but your hands are quick to capture it, placing his calloused palms back on your cheeks.
“It’s okay.” You tell him but he’s noiseless.
Instead he tilts your head sideways, then leans down. His rough lips on your cheek is all you feel and you’re engulfed in Mydei’s scent of bonfire and wood and smoke.
“I’m sorry.” He murmurs, pressing another kiss to your other cheek and you told him it was fine. His head lands heavy on your shoulder so you don’t dare ask him how he’s been or how the battlefield was—you doubt he’d want to answer it right now.
“Will you stay for a bit?” He’d ask you and in response you’d embrace him.
“For as long as you wish.”
He pushes a bit. “Will you be by my side then?”
“If you command it, I will.”
Silence.
“Stay with me today?” Mydei adds. “Please?”
For a moment, Phainon’s words are on your ears: take care of him.
You tug him back and hold his cheeks on your palms, your eyes dissect his every fold and dip in expression, the downcasted frown and tired eyes. You give him a bright smile—a smile that flickers a glow on his honey pupils—then rest your forehead against his own.
“I’m here for as long as I live.” You murmur sweetly. “Even if it’s just us left, I’ll be with you.” because I love you, Mydei. For everything that I have.
You don’t announce it, but Mydei’s expression seems to shift when he gazes into your eyes, like he’d read the words written in them.
And holding him like this, you prayed to yourself—to wish nothing but endless glory and victory to Mydeimos for all the tragedies he’d witnessed.
You are not skilled in combat, but you’d hope your support and embraces can heal his wounds just as much. But when Mydei leans forward and presses another kiss on your forehead and two cheeks, your skin is matted and sun-kissed at the trail of his lips. It’s as if he’s telling you that yes, you’re healing him, you’re making him happy.
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hi hiii can i request kevin kaslana, 4, fluff please!! thank you and have a happy holidays <3333
i'll take any chance i get to mention elysia in a fic
Tied by Jealousy || Kevin Kaslana
For the Holiday Event! || Prompt: "I'm NOT jealous" ; Genre: Fluff
Kevin wasn’t sure when he started to despise Elysia’s constant presence around you, but today was his breaking point. She was hovering again, a playful lilt in her voice as she praised you about your laugh, your smile—basically everything that made you you. And the worst part? You didn’t seem to mind. You laughed along, oblivious to the way Kevin’s jaw tightened with every passing second.
Before he could even process what he was doing, he grabbed your wrist and muttered a clipped, “Come with me,” dragging you away.
“Kevin? What—” you tried to ask, but his pace didn’t falter.
Behind you, Elysia’s giggles echoed, her cheeky “Have fun, you two!” only making his irritation worse.
He didn’t stop until he reached a quiet corner of the lab, where he sat down at his desk and gestured for you to sit in the chair beside him. No explanations. No words. Just a pointed silence as he pulled out some files and began working as if nothing had happened.
“Okay,” you said after a few moments, crossing your arms. “Care to explain why you just dragged me halfway across the base?”
“I didn’t drag you,” he replied without looking up.
“Oh, so I just teleported here?”
Kevin’s pen froze mid-sentence, but he still refused to meet your gaze. “You were spending too much time with Elysia. Don’t you have other things to do?”
It clicked. You blinked at him, stunned for a second, before a sly grin spread across your face. “Wait a second. Kevin Kaslana… are you jealous?”
His head snapped up, his eyes narrowing. “No.”
“You totally are!”
“I’m not.” His ears turned a faint pink as he looked back at his work, his voice defensive. “You’ve just been… hanging out with her too much. She’s distracting.”
“Distracting me from what?”
He faltered, his fingers tightening around the pen. “From… me.”
That did it. You burst into laughter, leaning forward to rest your chin on your palm as you looked at him with amused affection. “Kevin, you’re ridiculous. You know that, right?”
He scowled, but the red creeping up his neck betrayed him. “I’m not ridiculous. Elysia’s—she’s always teasing you, and you just—” He gestured vaguely, his words trailing off.
“And you thought the solution was to kidnap me?”
“I didn’t kidnap you.”
You leaned closer, your voice softening as your teasing smile turned into something more genuine. “You could’ve just said you wanted to spend time with me, you know.”
Kevin finally looked at you, his usual stoic expression cracking ever so slightly. “I thought that was obvious.”
You shook your head, laughing again as you reached out to cup his cheek, feeling the warmth of his blush under your palm. “You’re hopeless, Kevin.”
He didn’t protest when you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, your laughter fading into something gentler. When you pulled away, his hand lingered on yours, holding it against his cheek as he whispered, “I’m still not jealous.”
“Sure you aren’t,” you teased, grinning.
But the way his fingers tightened around yours and the faint smile that tugged at his lips said otherwise.
synposis: you have wanting to tell him your secret for a long time, but still deciding to do it or not—
su x gn!reader . wc: 1.9k words
.☆ content warnings/notes: herrscher!reader, slight angst?? (if u squint), basically mentions of ppl making rumors about you, mizu5 and ena2 inspired fic (from prsk), expect some grammar mistakes here. —first part focuses on reader mostly while second part focuses on both reader and su.
.☆ a/n’s: Hello!! This is my first time publishing a full fanfiction. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, expect this fic to have some mistakes and a little confusing so please bear w/ me and understand. 🙏🏼
taglists: @rukianaa
You kept running.
Running, running, running away—
From among those few who already knew about your 'secret'. The secret about you being a herrscher to everyone.
You would never want to spill it, would you? Herrschers are evil, dangerous, killing machines that are destined to destroy humanity. Yet, what about your destiny? What kind of path will you take?
…Yet however, there is someone you think would accept you just as you are. Your relationship with him may not remain the same even if you try.
He was your light during the darkness, your savior,
—and especially, your most dearest.
Su.
But, will he actually love you?
…
Sitting on the bed with your legs crossed, you sigh softly in your room while gazing at the chilly ceiling and chatting to yourself. You thought of your "secret" while tapping your fingers softly on the mattress.
“I want to move on forward…” Those thoughts whisper down to your body with a sharp sense, biting you off with the feeling of wanting to tell others you are hiding. However, you decide to keep it a secret for the remaining years that you serve as a MOTH soldier.
"…I got to this point because I've been running the entire time and running like that…." It is true that you have continued to flee with the secret far away, from one place to another, long enough to avoid what is coming. Being a MOTH soldier and Herrscher at this point is hard for you due to how you were born.
—Nevertheless, he is there. Your dear friend Su, who would you always entrust with your feelings and everything no matter what.
“I will keep waiting for you if thats what you want.”
You just had that flashback in your head, remembering how Su once told you he'd wait until you were able to fully express yourself.
“Even if I rely on Su’s words a long time ago…”
“Yet…”
In your quiet room, you held your breath and then courageously released it.
“I want to talk about it.”
You placed your hands on your chest, holding to yourself tightly as if you never wanted to let go of anyone’s kind heart.
“If I’m going to talk about it… I have to tell Su first. Since he has been waiting for me this whole time…”
Starting now, you decided to plan whether to meet Su somewhere in a place you have both been before, even though you are still unsure whether to do it or not. Now, those sharp feelings returned to you, but this time, it seemed as though everything between you and Su will soon be surrounded by emptiness and darkness.
Like a faint ominous bell ringing in anticipation of the end of the world, it pierces your eyes as you come to a realization.
—Shoot.. You shouldn't think of that. Everything will go smoothly, right?
“A herrscher? Are you kidding me?”
A voice in the crowd, perhaps spreading rumors about you, and one of them being true, gave you a flashback that made your chest ache. You bit your lip, slightly clenching your fists, and attempted to calm down slowly, but the coldness in the room prevented it, leaving you struggling.
“…..I don't want to run away..” This time, your voice sounded shaky, like shattered glass that will never be able to be put back together. Then, you bravely grab your phone on the other side as the screen brightens up in your presence. Slowly, you typed out a message to Su in his contact. However— your fingers are also trembling from finding proper words, stumbling deeper and deeper to try to talk with him about your secret.
"My hands are shaking… I can't type well…" As you approach the end of composing your message, your fingers still tremble. While trying to find a way to calm down, the option you could take is to think about Su, your dearest friend, and how he once vowed to always be there whenever you have troubles ahead.
“…Calm down. Because if I take it slow, it will be okay—”
You finally completed the words that you typed on that screen.
“…Alright. All that is left… is to simply send it… Then maybe—”
“Eh…? Ah, that’s true. They may be a Herrscher.”
You are struck by another flashback, this time with a voice from an old acquaintance. Were they talking badly about you or only making up rumors?
“They are hard to deal with.”
“That’s how an ordinary herrscher talks, right?”
Again,
“Don’t they just want to stand out with humanity?”
And again.
Your mind is filled with increasingly familiar voices, as though they are repeating the same things over and over again. Were you genuinely human, or were you a herrscher set on destroying humanity?
The more you remember, the more it starts to hurt your head.
“It might be a misunderstanding, right?”
"Well, that sounds awful, doesn't it?"
“They’ll eventually betray our backs one day! Do you not ever even notice?!”
You tremble uneasily once again as more voices start to observe you from a distance.
"Everyone won't do something like reject me, will they? Su can easily ease someone's suffering if I believe…“
You clenched your left arm, suppressing the agony that has plagued you for years. Su is probably the last thing on your mind.
“I’ll keep waiting forever.” He spoke those words, which were as warm, consoling, and reassuring as a ray of sunshine. You came from the dark, and he was your light. Will he accept you for who you are, even though you intended to give him a sincere thank you?
He is kind, and so are the others. His warm smile fleeting in the bright sky onto yours, illuminating the shadows that kept you between.
How lovely Su was.
You have been close friends with Su as long as you can remember. In high school, he bumped into you and the two of you ended up exchanging texts.
His friendship would remain the same to you even after the incident— where he was trying to find you from the rubble and dirt that built up from destruction. Su would successfully find you when time passed, and he promised to protect you as always.
Su was calm and polite to you, and he was willing to understand your feelings, troubles, and secrets. He accepts and supports you in what you want to do and what you want to be.
He is kind, right? Will he be willing to accept your secret about you being a Herrscher?
For now, you'd like to think about that, but you're unsure because you are the honkai - and Su is a fighter. If you betray him now, would he hate you for what have you done? No. He won’t, right?
…
You spaced out on your work just as you were about to submit a file on Su’s documents. In that sight, you were only thinking about him, his lovely smile, and everything else about Su until it shifted towards your secret. Your eyes looked like they were about to empty and lose their shine too, as you only stared into the blinding light illuminated by the lamp.
“Su…”
“Yes, [Name]?”
You shifted back quickly to reality when Su called you behind, placing his warm hand on your shoulder.
“Are you alright? You seem to be spacing out for a long time.” His face was a touch of concern even from the doctor himself. You try to find the words in your mind— until you decide to tell him that you are doing “alright”.
“Ah— I am okay, Su. I was thinking of something..”
That was a lie, and he believed it easily.
“I see… If you need help with any of your feelings— you can ask me.” Su smiled gently at you as if he drowned fully in your lies and mask. You smiled at him back too, however guilty also for the words you have said. You want to tell him more of your feelings, especially the deep ones, nevertheless, you do not want to pressure yourself fully.
“And about the file on the cure—”
“I’ll submit it tomorrow early morning. That’s all.”
You quickly assured him with almost raising your tone, which almost startled Su in his mind.
Shit.
“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then, and goodnight to you.” His calm demeanor returned as his gaze softened to you, as if he was falling for your lies.
He waved his hand and left your office in the sound of the night.
You lied and lied again.
“…Hah. How can he easily follow with my words?” Your tone went blunt and straightforward. You cannot believe how pathetic he is to listen to you, always lending out a hand, and eventually comforting you. He was a warm heart indeed, like a bathing sunshine flowing in the wind, that is what you see in him.
He was your friend and always been.
Will you eventually deceive him with your secret one day?
…
Su sighed in his place, continuing the write one of his documents about researching a cure for the honkai— and for his patients as well.
In reality, he was thinking of you, especially on your tone since earlier.
“[Name]… Are they alright?” He spoke in the silence of his own office, slightly fidgeting the pen and staring at the paper. Sighing, he rested his hand on his cheek.
“I’m hoping that they feel well at least, I don't want to pressure them further…” Su’s voice full of concern wanted to think about you more; those positive moments that contained your genuine smile and unique personality. He loved you no matter what type of person you were, and would always continue to do those.
Even in the current time when honkai is invading, he promised to always be there for you as always.
…
You lie softly down in bed getting ready to sleep despite the time being 1:00 AM. —All of that hard work has been paid off, right?
You sighed staring at the empty-looking ceiling leaving your eyes to wander where you are and what you are doing.
“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then,”
That flashback replayed in your head just now, almost letting out a gasp. You acknowledge that you did lie to him and he seems to simply accept it. Even if you are a dear friend of Su, you should not make a lie to him as he sometimes can perceive it in a way.
From your perspective, it seems you've been wanting to tell Su about your secret for as long as you can remember. For everyone, you also wished to reveal it too.
Unfortunately, if people found out, they would hate you and throw you out to death instead, especially in an organization called MOTH. Back then, you covered your identity as a herrscher and joined to find a purpose in your life.
—In that life, you were only a little person who yearned to find more of yourself, only to realize that you shouldn't belong here in this world.
Yet, one of your loved ones loved and accepted you for what you are. You were harmless, kind— and happy.
However, where did all of the happiness go?
You sighed once again, pulling the soft blankets in your bed and covering up the coldness. You clicked off the switch on the lamp shifting to complete darkness. To get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, you slowly close your eyes.
You thought about Su instead, his lovely smile.
Your lovely friend, and your savior.
—And eventually, you’ll go lower with him to discover your secret soon. Maybe in your imagination, he could accept you and keep it a secret ‘no one knows.’
thanks for reading! there will be a part 2 of this
