dance with me in the rain

tannertan36
Xuebing Du

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Love Begins
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
noise dept.
hello vonnie

PR's Tumblrdome
One Nice Bug Per Day
Sweet Seals For You, Always
trying on a metaphor

roma★
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
we're not kids anymore.
Not today Justin

Origami Around
🪼

seen from Canada
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@ruutina
dance with me in the rain
Nadia Maria
izbeidzies derīguma termiņš//
noskan modinātājs, un es atveru acis
“šī diena būs labāka nekā vakar”
es nodomāju
nav spēka, bet ir jāceļas
aizeju līdz virtuvei
ārā ir tumšs
bet skaisti sakārtās lampiņas griestos liek pasmaidīt
atveru skapīti un sniedzos pēc maizes kukulīša
es nodomāju
“kad es pēdējo reizi ēdu mājās gatavotu ēdienu”
kurš to vairs atceras
paskatos uz maisiņu, kurā ir ietīta maizīte
uz tā ir rakstīts 19. decembris
šodien ir 29. decembris
tā vismaz man šķiet
visas dienas tik vienādas pēdējā laikā
nodomāju
“labi, es tāpat brokastis nekad neēdu, nekas traks”
un izmetu iepakojumu miskastē zem izlietnes
apģērbjos un steidzos atpakaļ dzīvē
treniņš, skola, darbs
skola, darbs, treniņš
darbs, treniņš, skola
secība jau vairs nav svarīga
jāieskrien rimčikā pēc kaut kā garšīga
vitrīnā skaisti izkārtotas smalkmaizītes
es nodomāju
“šodien var, šodien nepaēdu brokastis”
paņemšu rabarbera maizīti
nebūs tāda kā omes taisītā, bet derēs
“paldies, jauku jums dienu”
turpinu lēnam steigties uz nākamo lokāciju
austiņās skan Mac Miller ROS
viņš dzied
“have you ever been in love”
domājot par mīlestību, iekožos bulciņā
ar mokām pievaru pirmo kumosu
pirmā doma
“fuu”
par ēdienu ta nedrīkst teikt, bet
paskatos uz leju un iekšā ieraugu baltu, pūkainu ievārījumu
smieties vai raudāt
nav laika ne vienam, ne otram
noskaloju šodienas neveiksmes ar ūdens glāzi
“koncentrējies uz pozitīvajām lietām”
es sev atgādinu
pulkstenis rāda 22:00
iesprūdusi domās un darbos saprotu, ka tā arī neesmu neko saturīgu ielikusi vēderā šodien
nodomāju
“tas izskaidro slikto garastāvokli”
dodos atkal uz virtuvi
ārā atkal ir tumšs, bet izkārtās lampiņas sasilda telpu
es atkal pasmaidu
atveru ledusskapi:
1 sažuvis tomāts
ciets siera klucītis
24 datuma piens
marinētu gurķu burciņa
aizmirsu nopirkt visu vakariņām
“veikals jau ir ciet” nodomāju
tā it kā man būtu enerģijas aiziet, ja tas būtu vaļā
izvandu apakšējos virtuves skapīšus
atrodu ātri vārāmās nūdeles
atvieglota nopūta
uzlieku vārīt ūdeni
kad iztecēs mans derīguma termiņš?
Stealing Beauty (1996)
Kees Scherer. Seine in the mist,Paris 1955
nesteidzīgi svētdienu rīti
pankūkas
silta tējas krūze
tu un es
idille
vienīgi tāds tu
nemaz neeksistē
Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000)
Why do I think that writing my feelings down on a paper would help? First thing that comes to mind - it did before. But, did it tho? Did it actually help me?/// Or was it something I made myself believe, back when it was possible to make "yours truly" to believe in something. Why does other people's reaction/actions affect me so much? Why can't I seem to make right decisions? Why does everything feel wrong? Has it always been like this? Have I always been this delusional? If I was, why am I not anymore? I could say it is getting bad again, and not like the usual bad, where you legitimately have a reason to be sad, or the sadness that lingers you after watching a heart breaking movie or seeing an old person sitting alone eating his lunch. It passes. But this one, it..huuuummmmm..grows with you, within you. And one day you realise you've become one. Going to shower feels like a task, the dirty dishes pile is only getting bigger, and it is easier to buy new underwear than to wash old one, you even have to start breathing manually. You slowly lose touch with your friends, because it feels like you're hurting them. Am I hurting them? Intentionally or not? Maybe it's all in my head. Self isolation it is. (Obviously the right choice, innit?) But, I guess, it's just the way life is. I will go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning, put smile back on my face and act as everything is just peachy, cause that's what we're supposed to do, right?
me in a bad place
duncan hannah with his painting my funny valentine, 1981.
About to disappear for a month or 12
your body your art