ᴛᴇᴇɴ ʀᴜɴᴀᴡᴀʏ ;

CARMEN MOORE. recruit. runaway. hearts.

[kieraknightley]

           The more you try to do this, the more you hurt yourself.

[rvnawayheart]

OFELIAWALSH:

The gala and the hostage situation was being talked about everywhere she went. Not that Ofelia really blamed anyone. She would be gossiping nonstop about this if she wasn’t indirectly involved in the whole fiasco. But since she was and since the entire night had indeed been a fiasco, it was something Ofelia would rather not think about until she absolutely had to. 

Which was why she was painting the town red, so to speak. If painting the town red really meant running errands all day. And she supposed she was okay with that. Mostly. Being an adult wasn’t always glamorous, especially if you were trying to find anything to keep your worries at bay. Besides, her and PG had to eat. And as far as she knew, there were no food delivery services for cat food. “Which is a damn shame,” she muttered aloud to herself, shifting from one foot to the other as she waited on the subway platform.

As she shifted though, her plastic shopping bag broke which sent several cans of cat food cascading down around her feet. “Balls and half!” she said with a huff, starting to pick up the cans she could reach. “This is what I get for choosing plastic and killing our planet.”

“This is why you should always double bag.” Carmen chimed, offering her unsolicited two cents on the matter as she stopped a can of cat food rolling away from the dark haired woman with the heel of her foot. “Or at least not cram as many cans as you can into one bag.” She chuckled, a smile playing on her lips as she scooped the can of cat food up from under her foot and handing it back to the woman. It was a mistake Carmen had made many times before when she first moved into her current apartment, wrongfully misjudging just how much weight her plastic bags could carry. She’d lost many box of eggs and cartons of juice to her error in judgement. At least it had never been her favourite flavour of ice cream, she thought.

[lifeinpoetry]

Home doesn’t exist for girls like me.

Fox Brown, from “I Am Asked to Surrender My Things,” published in Winter Tangerine (via lifeinpoetry)

[rvnawayheart]

HALLIEWEBBS:

“You’re not the only one. We all tried.” And failed. What made Carmen feel bad made Hallie feel so much worse, knowing it was her job to prepare them all for things like this, and it hadn’t been able to do a thing in the end. It made her think of a conversation she’d had with Carl before - how all the training in the world couldn’t protect you from a gun. That was just the reality they faced. The thought of it made her thoughtful, reaching for the water bottle at her side and fidgeting with the flip top of it. “Trying to figure out what the next move is. Wondering if I should give in and look into training with guns. Seems anymore like that’s the only thing that’ll keep any of us together.” Though the thought  still made her skin tingle. She had never been fond of weaponry, never really an offensive fighter. But it looked now like the choice was offense or nothing, so she had to face the facts. “Though I don’t know. There are no clear answers.”

“Didn’t do us much good in the end, huh?” She sighed, stepping forward and dropping down onto the bench besides Hallie with a look on her face that could only be described as resembling a mopey child who had had their favourite toy taken away from them. Carmen was trying and failing not to dwell on their shortcomings at the gala, instead attempting to no avail to focus on the fact that everybody made it out of their alive. There had been no fatal casualties, that should be cause enough to celebrate in her eyes. And yet, she hadn’t been feeling in the celebratory mood since that night. It was wrong, twisted even that an event not ending in bloodshed and death made her view that as a win. What had her life become? “Any idea what that might be?” Carmen still hadn’t found her place amongst the Hearts, she was still keeping her options open. But ever since the night of the shooting, she found herself wanting to be able to actively protect the people she cared about. “I’m not a big fan of guns, I think they do more damage than good.” She sat forward as she spoke, staring out across the street. “But you know the funny part? I’m actually pretty damn good with one.” 

[faheys]

be as gentle as a leaf swaying in the wind, but as strong as a hail storm

ready for all hell to break loose // elena s. (via faheys)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

I wanted to forget the past, but it refused to forget me; it waited for sleep, then cornered me.

Margaret Atwood (via aboonoor)

[redfordheart]

I’ve been living a life on the road ┊flashback ┊sam & carmen

[rvnawayheart]

REDFORDHEART:

        This isn’t a permanent thing, she repeated internally. The phrase taking up more space and leaving less room for doubt as she moved through the space. She recognized Carmen from headquarters, and training sessions. But if you’d asked her if she imagined they’d ever be sharing a space, Sam would have given a dismissive shrug in place of response. She was a nice girl from what she’d seen, not the type you’d expect to end up in a gang. Though, most could probably say the same about her as well. 

       ❝ It’s nice. ❞ Sam said, her eyes following the pipelines around the room. But the words sound disingenuous and cook cutter, despite their sincerity. She did like the apartment, it’s industrial vibe reminding her of the city around them and how much she loved it. It just, didn’t show in the way Sam moved like around like a invader on foreign land. Once, there had been a vase that her bag brushed by and it shattered when she tried to correct her stance. She barely lasted the week before they were rid of her. 

      In spite of it, her steps were heavy, they searched for the loosest floorboard and the familiar groan that usually followed. In the room it had been beneath a faux fur rug, and she’d hidden most of her money under it for safekeeping.  ❝ Is there a fire escape? ❞ She asked back over her shoulder at Carmen as she moved about. It was a shot in the dark, the building probably had one but the chance it was attached to a room that wasn’t occupied was slim. A girl could dream though. 

     Sam peered around, spotting a few items she was almost positive didn’t belong to Carmen in the space. ❝ Do they know? ❞ Voice falling into a softer tone just in case, but the question seemed not as targeted at just Carmen this time. Instead leaving equal room for either woman to answer her question. She didn’t know what prompted the question, maybe some logical part of her brain new that despite how desensitized to it she was that this wasn’t everyone’s reality. It couldn’t be, who would they steal from?

         Carmen was happy, pleased even that Sam appeared to like her new apartment— at least she thought she liked it. Honestly, it was hard to say. The redhead wasn’t an easy person to get a read on, something that would change over time, she hoped. It was going to make for an awkward atmosphere around the apartment if Sam didn’t feel comfortable, didn’t let whatever walls down she bad built around her to protect herself. Carmen understood the need to protect herself, having been shy, aloof and reserved when she’d first joined the Hearts as a recruit. She’d opened up in time, flourishing into the social butterfly she was today. “ I’m glad you like it. Hopefully it’ll be your home for as long as you like. ” Carmen wasn’t dumb, she knew eventually all the girls living under the same roof would have to move into an affordable place of their own, but for now she was happy to have them all under one roof. Especially Sam, she finally had somebody she could talk to about all of their work related business when she wasn’t at their HQ.

        “ A fire escape? ” Carmen echoed, glancing past Sam and towards the trainer with a look of deep confusion written across her face. It wasn’t a question she had been expecting, or one she could think of why it would be important to her new room mate. She drew her attention back towards Sam, not wanting her to think she was exchanging glance with the other woman as some form of secret conversation. Carmen wanted Sam to feel as comfortable and at home as possible, even if that meant building a fire escape outside of her bedroom window with her bare hands if that was what it took. “ There’s no curfew if that’s what you’re wondering. You can come and go as you please. No need for fire escape shenanigans. ” Her voice was full of light hearted teasing, the corners of her lips curling into a smile. “ If it’s that important to you though then yes, there’s a fire escape. If you carry on through the apartment, there’s a small window just at the end of the hallway that gives you access to it. ”

        Carmen shook her head in reply to Sam’s question, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she took a seat on the arm of one of the large, plush armchairs. “ They think I’m a temp worker, it was the only story that seemed believable for a school dropout. I already told them you’re a friend from work. Saves them asking questions we don’t need them asking about how we know each other. ”

[wordsnquotes]

She’s known sadness, and it has made her kind.

Nathan Filer, The Shock of the Fall (via wordsnquotes)

[nikitamearsgifs]

[rvnawayheart]

HALLIEWEBBS:

“Oh - it’s okay.” Hallie nodded to reassure her, though at the same time, her lips were downturned in a little expression of pain. She tried to think about it a little more clinically, sitting up and turning to face Carmen fully. “A sprain. Guess it’ll slow me down for a few weeks, but I’m trying to work it so it’ll heal up.” She smiled weakly, shrugging her shoulders. “Enough about me, though. I made it through in one piece, guess I need to be thankful for that. How are you doing?” She nudged Carmen’s side just a little, the bump of shoulders gentle. “What happened with you? I’m still trying to play catch up.”

Carmen was relieved to hear that Hallie was okay and that her injury was nothing more than a sprained ankle. While it might hurt like a bitch and inconvenience her daily routine, it was nothing life threatening that she needed to be concerned about. Sometimes Carmen found the amount of people she was now constantly concerned about overwhelming, remembering a time when the only person she had to be concerned about was herself. There was a time when she could count on one hand the amount of people she cared about, now she found herself struggling to keep track of them. Ashley, Samantha, Hallie, Rosalie, Kendall, Ruby, Tilly, Yasmin and even Laina. “I’ll live.” Carmen said casually, shrugging her shoulders awkwardly and smiling faintly as Hallie bumped her shoulder playfully. “The lights went out, they jumped me, I tried fighting back and lost.” Carmen said with an air of nonchalance, she hated saying it out loud; let alone to another person. It made her feel as weak and helpless as she felt when was just a little girl, unable to defend herself. 

[gifsense8]

[thegunlady]

You first.

[rvnawayheart]

HALLIEWEBBS:

Hallie was never the type of person to reveal when she was struggling. Be it a mental or physical struggle, she tried her damnedest, every time, to keep it to herself. After all, she was nothing really if not stubborn - a model of the stiff upper lip. 

But in the aftermath of the gala episode, she was having a hard time keeping it together in both capacities. Mentally, she was simply drained, nerves getting the best of her - worried now about her gym, about her friends - her future. Then there was the sprained ankle, something her job instructed her how to care for, but even the best care could only get you so far. Walking around town had become exceedingly difficult, the pain slowing her down. Eventually, she gave up on trying to limp any further and sat down on a nearby bench - oblivious to any company nearby as she leaned down to inspect it. It was only when she heard a voice apparently directed at her that she looked up again, in the midst of trying to adjust the brace. “Sorry?”

“I was just asking about your ankle.” Carmen was beginning to realise how lucky she had been at the gala, the only injuries she had suffered during her time as a hostage was from the initial fight. It had could have been a lot worse for her, she could have suffered from worse injuries than a few bruises and her wounded pride. A frozen bag of peas, ice or an ice pack would soothe the pain of her bruises and more training with Hallie or Rosalie would fix her pride in time, but at least she hadn’t been put out of commission like she worried Hallie had been. 

Maybe she’d have to rethink Hallie training her harder on seconds thought.

[rvnawayheart]

DECLANCROSS:

He watched the traffic passing slowly in front of him as he continued looking through his pockets, letting the cars and people distract his thoughts from images at the gala. Declan knew gangs existed and had indirectly been connected with them thanks to Nate and Wren’s patronage to the bar he worked in. But the sight of the guns pointed right at him and his sister had haunted him. What the gun had gone off? What if it had hit him or Tessa? Sighing hard, he focused instead on more mundane topics like grocery lists and what he wanted to watch on Netflix when he got home.

He was already off work and he wasn’t expecting anyone to meet up with him there, so it took him a long moment to realize the stranger was talking to him. “Maybe,” he said before finally locating the cigarette he had bummed off one of the other bar tenders earlier. “Actually, nope,” he said, pulling out the cigarette and holding it up slightly to show what he had been looking for. “I always ends up losing them when I have them loose like this,” he said with a one-shoulder shrug.

Her brows crinkled together as he continued to search around his pockets for whatever he was looking for, making her suddenly cautious of the amount of distance she kept between the pair of them. Carmen didn’t know whether he was searching for something he had simply misplaced or whether it was something she slipped from the pockets of the jackets left unattended in the bar. Admittedly it wasn’t her finest moment of pick-pocketing, she should have been paying more attention to which jacket belonged to who. Always know your mark. It was rule number one for every member of the hearts, whether they were a thief, a spy or an assassin. Carmen almost sighed with relief when the dark haired man held up a cigarette, he hadn’t been the owner of one of the jackets she’d pick-pocketed after all.

“I think that’s what the little packet is for. That and to save any of the tobacco from spilling loose into your pockets, I guess.” Carmen gave a small shrug, she’d never been a smoker. She’d never even tried before. 

[rvnawayheart]

REDFORDHEART:

“I’m assume you stole a fry as well?” Sam asked with a level of effort to her sarcastic wit that was never there before. She’s glad it’s Carmen, not really being up for much company. She couldn’t be on, in the way she normally was. She was sore, both inside and out. But she wasn’t shocked, and that lack of shock was salt on an already open wound. 

“Where are you coming back from?” Sam asked, eyeing the bag that held her chicken and waffles inside. It’s a comfort food, and she needed comfort. 

“One or two.” Carmen admitted, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “Call it a form of payment for bringing you your,” She glanced down at the bag, examining the tab of paper with her order scribbled down on it, which she could just about make out. “Chicken and waffles?” She crinkled her nose in disgust, arching her brow as she handed the bag over to Sam as if it was filled with toxic waste. “You have a strange and horrifying appetite. Did you know that?”

She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair as she moved into the kitchen area of their apartment, her stomach grumbling in hunger. She hadn’t realised how hungry she had been, how badly she had been craving some salty french fries before she had started pinching Samantha’s on her ride up to their apartment in the building’s elevator. “No where in particular, I just needed to stretch my legs.”

[rvnawayheart]

DECLANCROSS:

Declan rubbed at his shoulder as he stepped out of the bar he worked at, his shift finished and the rest of the day ahead of him. His boss had told him it wasn’t necessary to come into work so soon after everything that had happened, but Declan had insisted. If he had stayed home, he wouldn’t have been able to rest. He would have been constantly checking up on his sisters just to double check they were okay, even though he logically knew they were just fine. But the image of a gun pointed at Tessa was something he would never be able to get out of his head.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed, his hand dropping from his shoulder as he patted his jacket pockets to look for a cigarette. His shoulder was still stiff from the hostage situation, but he was happy that was all that was wrong with him.

Carmen wasn’t overly fond of drinking, she hated the bitter taste of beer and the memories that came with it. Memories of her father, stumbling home drunk on many occasions after spending hours at a bar, the smell of beer rolling off him in waves. She remembered the countless of screaming matches her parents had when he had drank one too many beers, the punched walls and desperate sobs of her mother. She remembered when he’d turn his drunken anger towards her, or worse his fists. It was why Carmen didn’t like to drink, the fear of one day becoming like her father if she numbed herself with alcohol like he did was always in the back of her mind. A tiny, unforgiving and cruel voice telling her that she would end up just like him was always present as alcohol touched her lips. 

Today was different. There was no voice scolding her for slipping into the bar in the middle of the afternoon, only a voice that spat words at her like weak, helpless, useless. Normally she would have ignored the words swirling around inside her head, but after how easily she had been restrained by the masked men at the gala and how useless she had felt amongst her group of hostages in the basement, she couldn’t help but feel like the words held some weight to them. So, she drank. Attempting to drown out the voice with a whiskey and coke, distracting herself by hustling the stragglers inside the bar out of their money in a game of pool until she grew satisfied with her winnings.

Carmen headed for the door, stepping outside of the bar before the men inside realised what she had done, how she had played them like a fiddle. Sam would be so proud. As she stalked away from the building, counting her winnings, she frowned at the man rubbing his shoulder, cursing as he patted himself down. “Lose something?” Carmen asked with polite curiosity, pocketing the money she had been counting in case the dark haired man happened to be one of the idiots she had hustled. 

[rvnawayheart]

REDFORDHEART:

It was no secret that Sam had gotten roughed up at the gala, her reckless desire to escape paired with the lack of bonds to anyone else in the room. It was a molotov cocktail waiting for a spark. She wanted to get back to Ashley, to Carmen, to anyone she recognized. Anyone other than the strangers around her. But it hadn’t worked out the way she wanted. 

And anyone who knew Sam, even a little knew she preferred to lick her wounds in private. Locked away in her room, with the window open so she could reach out and pet whatever strays came to visit. She’d counted three just in the past hour but it was nearing dinner time so she knew more would eventually show up. 

Speaking of, she was waiting for take out when she heard the door. Opening it to see someone who was definitely not her delivery man. “Hey.”

“Is that any way to greet the girl who got your food for you?” Carmen asked with a sarcastic tilt of her head, revealing the bag of take-out food she had hidden behind her back before knocking on their apartment door. She’d forgotten her keys again, or misplaced them. She wasn’t sure which, though she was betting on the latter. Her mind had been other places the last few days, still reeling from the events of the gala and trying to return to normalcy amongst the chaos, anger and frustration amongst the gang members. She did a good job at hiding how she was really feeling — helpless and weak. Only letting the mask slip for a small, handful of people. Samantha included.

“I grabbed the bag from Joey as I was coming in the building.” Carmen said, sliding past Sam and answering a question that hadn’t been asked but sensed had been coming.