sanriorckstr

virtual diary blog

[rynsanriorckstr]

intro!!?!? ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊if you wanna see my carrdco

i’m ryn! 

if its not obvious i luv anything pink, sanrio, ribbons, and anything cute. im making this virtual blog to put entries out on the internet to escape the treacherous reality ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚! 

[rynsanriorckstr]

diaryn #4..

5.28.2025

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i forgot this blog existed,

it just shows that so much has happened in, even though my life may seem so mundane to others. i got diagnosed with ocd a few years ago. the intrusive thoughts got better for a bit. now they've gotten worse again. its like im torturing myself with these disgusting thoughts i cant get rid of. im scared my worst fears will come true.

in school ive made new friends. theyre all so funny and smart. i cant help but compare myself to them. it feels like im so average compared to the rest. i just want to be happy with myself.

i was getting better. now i dont know if ill get better again. i hope I do.

[rynsanriorckstr]

diaryn #3

i wish people could hear me by the voice inside,, but i don’t want anyone to ever hear my thoughts

i think everyone has morbid thoughts sometimes, its just a matter on how one responds and reacts to it. 

its sunday for me today, and i don’t wanna go to school tomorrow, i’ll study in a bit for a practical test, i hate mondays, beacuse it feels like im restarting the week and having to go through everything again and im basically just waiting for the weekends to come. its all i think about, what i’ll do once im just at home, but when im actually at home, i feel bored, i just lay there, i don’t do anything and when its sunday i always feel like i wasted time on what could’ve been fun and great

i have so much to submit this friday, i hope i can make it and do all before the submission date

[rynsanriorckstr]

diaryn #2

i actually just learned this month that you can’t feed babies water..

ill be honest i kinda wanna be a mom, but i also dont want to be a mom. the idea of being mom sounds lovely, except giving birth thats terrifying, but im so scared i’ll end up as the worst of my parents.. like they’re really great! but sometimes there are days that i wish they didn’t have me and maybe they’d be happy. and also, the idea of being trapped in a loveless marriage, that terrifies me. my mom has always joked about how i should marry a man that’s rich and doesn’t get angry fast, which are obvious cries for help, but when i mention how i dont want to risk it and get married she is always shocked. like who gave me the idea of the scary life of marriage!!!!! i don’t want to marry someone who won’t love me forever. i don’t want to waste my years away in the house, i’d make a terrible traditional wife. i don’t think i’d ever date rn or in college. and also finding someone who loves me would also be impossible!! i want to be rich, so i can take my mother around the world. but right now, i’m scared i won’t be able to achieve that. i don’t wanna be that sibling that always has to ask for money because she can’t afford rent. why does my highschool life have to reflect my future its so scary! im also so lonely in class i don’t have any close friends it sucks. whenever there’s a pair work the guy who doesn’t do a single thing  always looks at me then i’d be forced to pair with him ugh. well atleast two girl ( who are just absolutely pretty and kind and smart) offered me to group with them next time ugh kind people are treasures in this world

[rynsanriorckstr]

diaryn #1

my mathematics exam is coming up this tuesday and im so screwed!!! ive been flunking that subject along with chem... actually i’ve been doing okay in chem, the topics are easier this quarter, i even got a perfect score on quiz the other week so i guess not everything sucks!! the power of hello kitty is on my side..