on selectivity & why being selective or private is not the same as “elitism”:
there are a few other posts like this out there but this became relevant & i felt the need to do a small write up on this.
if you’ve been in indie rp long or even just a little while it’s likely you’ve seen the words “selective” and / or “private” ( sometimes both at the same time ) floating around. if you’ve been in indie rp long then you’ve also probably seen the word “elitist” floating around as well, often times when describing specific rpers or fandoms that are particularly selective & / or private.
some people might not know what this means but here’s a run down of how i have seen most people describe it:
can be choosy with who they choose rp with
only roleplays with mutual followers ( meaning they follow their rp partner and their rp partner follows them )
BEING SELECTIVE AND / OR PRIVATE IS NOT THE SAME AS ELITISM.
it’s understandable that some people may take it as a personal slight when an rper who is private & / or selective chooses not to rp with them, but don’t be confused. it isn’t. selectivity is not elitism. elitism in the way it is most commonly used by people in the rp community tends to paint roleplayers labelled it as “snobbish” aka: “one who despises, ignores, or is patronizing to those they consider inferior”.
selectivity can come across as being ignoring of those who are “inferior” but the truth of the matter is more often than not the selectivity of a particular roleplayer or fandom has more to do with the any number of the following:
they have had bad past experiences and retain selectivity in order to keep themselves safe & comfortable
they have a lot of followers and therefore a lot of potential threads & are attempting to keep things orderly & under control as to not become overwhelmed
they prefer an uncluttered dash to keep anxiety at a minimum
they have anxiety & prefer to stay within a certain group of people because it helps them feel safe & comfortable
they have trouble maintaining muse if their writing doesn’t mesh well with the other person
they have trouble maintaining muse if they feel they can’t get along with the other mun ooc
so basically what i’m saying is writers are selective & private NOT because they feel you are inferior or are “elitist” but because:
selectivity helps keep that hobby fun, safe, comfortable & easy to maintain for them
IT IS RARELY IF EVER a personal slight against you or because they do not like you specifically. it is almost always because of one of the reasons listed above. selectivity helps maintain an individuals rp space safe, fun, comfortable, a hobby what roleplaying is.
please stop making those who are selective & / or private feel guilty for maintaining these things. being turned down to roleplay with someone can be disheartening but in my experience it is rarely a personal slight against you and can be for any number of reasons outside of it. making that roleplayer feel guilty for turning you down is a manipulative and not good thing to do and is actually more than likely a part of WHY so many roleplayers are selective & / or private. making people feel guilty for maintaining their hobby and keeping it a hobby for them kind of defeats the purpose of roleplay.
additionally, NO ONE OWES YOU AN EXPLANATION for why they do not want to write with / follow you. i understand that can be a hard pill to swallow but more often than not in my personal rp experience, explaining to someone why i do not want to write with / follow them has led to unnecessary drama or them being unnecessarily rude about it when i have been nothing but polite. you are not ever owed an explanation for why these things are. explaining those things can cause those rpers unnecessary anxiety, stress, & drama that– once again– makes roleplay less of a hobby than it should be.
people have the right to not want to roleplay and / or follow you. the sooner you accept that that is not against you personally, the easier this hobby will become, trust me.
additionally, even if people don’t like you specifically or your writing that is THEIR OPINION which they are entitled to & which may impact whether or not they want to write with you & that still doesn’t really make them elitist, it just means they have a personal preference that you don’t fit. it might be a hard reality check, but roleplay doesn’t revolve around you or me or anyone. all of us will be faced with people no matter who we are who do not like our writing, our choice in muse, our characterization, who we are ooc, AND THAT IS PERFECTLY HUMAN & OKAY. if that happens, you are still not allowed to make them feel guilty for that. actually, you’re allowed to, no one can stop you, it just still doesn’t make it any less inappropriate for you to make people feel bad about their preferences or get haughty about it and label it “elitist” because god forbid someone doesn’t like you or your writing or is selective in a way that excludes you.
the bottom line is — selectivity is for comfort, safety, & to keep things fun. whether a selective rpers choice not to roleplay with you is because they don’t like you specifically or not doesn’t matter. it doesn’t make it elitist. and it is NEVER appropriate to make people feel guilty over these things.
guilt tripping & starting conflict over selectivity does not help things. it makes people feel guilty, it actually contributes to that selectivity, it’s petty and it causes anxiety & unnecessary stress to a HOBBY ( god how many times do i need to remind people this is a hobby and not a job ).
something that’s ESPECIALLY important is that seeing as selectivity can many times directly tie in to an individuals mental health ( re: anxiety, depression, etc. ) guilt tripping is ESPECIALLY bad & can have severely negative impacts on those things. ignoring this is a really crap thing to do & hurts a lot of people & just in general perpetuates some nasty things. selectivity can be a tool to help with anxiety and depression as well as other mental health things that impact how people roleplay and spend their time here. guilt tripping applies to that in really bad ways and, again, calling selectivity “elitist” applies to those things as well. something i wish more people would keep in mind.
FURTHERMORE, HOWEVER, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO ANYONE’S TIME. NO ONE IS OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH OR FOLLOW YOU. DON’T MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD ABOUT THESE THINGS IT’S NOT COOL.
