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@s-t-r-a-p
The wheels are slowly turning to get us a new sign.
Student government recently requested hard copy of before and after photos of the sign.
Someone in Hunter's graphic design department offered to make us a new one almost immediately after photos were posted online, but everything needs to go back through official avenues.
Hunter College, CUNY, in the middle of Manhattan.
This sign was up for about a week [EDIT] 3 days (posted on October 2nd).
We had petitioned for 3 years to get the sign placed.
There are only 2 other gender neutral bathrooms on the 68th street campus, which spans 3 tall buildings and the much older, smaller Thomas Hunter Hall where this bathroom is located.
It only took 3 days for this sign to get vandalized and rendered illegible. We just want a safe place to pee.
After years of petitioning and fighting, we finally have our gender neutral bathroom officially recognized by the administration!
Literally.
Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You do not need too many people to make you happy, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.
Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
i hate the 'gender is between your ears, sex is between your legs' thing.
the way people try and talk about sex as an essential, immutable, purely scientific fact strikes me as naive and dishonest. i don’t mind descriptions of my body, but people always make the seamless move to prescriptions of what those descriptions mean, and at that point they’re talking about socially constructed rules.
Since I’m always blathering on about consent, including consent in non-sexual situations, I’ve noticed a common belief that a lot of people have. It can basically be summed up like so:
If you’re interacting with someone sexually, you need their consent. (Duh.)
If you’re interacting with someone of the gender to which you’re generally attracted (i.e. you’re a straight man interacting with a woman), you should be careful and get their consent before you touch them.
BUT! If you’re interacting with someone of a gender to which you’re not attracted, or you’re interacting with a family member or a friend and so the situation is, in any case, “not sexual,” THEN you don’t need their consent and you should feel free to hug them, touch them on the shoulder, or even grope them “as a joke.”
The reason this is on my mind right now are two articles, and my life in general.
One article is by Ginny over on the Polyskeptic blog. She recounts a disturbing incident in which another woman wanted to get a better look at the tattoo on the back of Ginny’s shoulder and proceeded to lift up the strap of her tank top in order to do so–without consent. A man nearby told the woman off, but she responded that it’s “just the shoulder” and “I just really like tattoos.” And then:
But something the guy said, or maybe just the way I was sitting there rigidly instead of turning around to engage in friendly conversation made the woman realize she was maybe being a tad inappropriate, so she let go of my clothes and patted me soothingly on the arm and said some half-apologetic patter. To which I didn’t really respond because I was still in my “I am so weirded out right now and your soothing pat is STILL YOU TOUCHING ME” frozen zone. And I think by this point she got that I was really uncomfortable, so she broke out the magic words to make it all better: “It’s okay honey, I didn’t mean anything by it, I mean, I like men, ha ha.”
She didn’t realize that which gender(s) she happens to be attracted to is completely irrelevant.
The other piece is on Role/Reboot, and is written by a gay man who witnessed the following scene:
Last Thursday night as I was coming home from work, I noticed a fellow gay man who I have seen around Washington, D.C., at various nightclubs and bars. As we both entered onto the metro, we sat in seats relatively close to a young woman. The woman, who appeared tired, smiled at both of us and put headphones in her ears. In D.C., this is usually a plea tosubtly ask someone to allow you to reach your destination in peace without being disturbed. Since I understood this unwritten transit rule, I respected it and pulled out an article to read. Unfortunately, my brethren took this as an invitation to engage in a one-way conversation.
Slowly moving into the seat next to her—despite no one else occupying his space—he began touching her clothing and body and commenting on the “fit” of her dress. Then he proceeded to touch her hair since he “loved how long her locks were” and “wished he had hair like hers.” Unamused by his male privilege and what he considered to be compliments, she politely said thank you and asked if he could quit touching her.
Obviously not appreciating this young’s woman rejection of his “compliments,” he immediately referred to her as a “bitch,” and told her “it’s not like I want to have sex with you—I’m gay.”
Of course, women are not the only victims of this. On the June 14 episode of Citizen Radio, Jamie Kilstein recounts a scene he witnessed on the subway in which two white women–clearly tourists–sat next to a Black man who had headphones on. They tried to talk to him, but he either didn’t hear or ignored them (reasonable in New York City). So one of the women put her hand on his knee and made a comment about it being a “tight squeeze” on the subway, and he immediately responded, “Don’t touch me.” There didn’t seem to be anything sexual about the situation, but that doesn’t make the woman’s behavior any less inappropriate. (While I don’t want to read too much into this, it definitely makes me think about the entitlement that many white people feel to touch Black people, especially their hair.)
A slightly different but similar thing happens with friends and family. People–especially children–are often shamed and guilt-tripped for choosing not to show physical affection for family members, even ones they do not know well or necessarily feel comfortable around. The assumption here is that being someone’s family member entitles you to physical affection from them, just like being someone’s partner entitles you to sex from them. While plenty of people hold one of these assumptions but not the other (generally the first but not the second), they are cut from the same cloth. And that cloth is the belief that social tiesentail a duty to provide physical affection, and that if you do not provide it, you are being a bad friend/child/sibling/partner/etc.
How does this relate to the three stories I linked to? Well, many people apparently believe that once you take sexual attraction out of the equation, there’s absolutely no reason for someone to be uncomfortable with being touched (in nonsexual ways). If a gay man sits next to me on the train and starts touching me, I have to be okay with that because he’s not interested in me that way. If a straight woman starts lifting up my clothes to see parts of my body that I covered up, I have to be okay with that because she’s not interested in me that way. If a family member wants a hug and a kiss from me, I have to provide them because, well, obviously it’s not “like that.”
(False, by the way. While I am fortunate to never have experienced incest, plenty of people have.)
For starters, I’m really glad that some people have realized that you shouldn’t touch strangers without their consent if there’s a possibility that you’re sexually attracted to those strangers. But why can’t we expand that to people of all genders, whether you’re attracted to them or not?
There are plenty of reasons why someone might be uncomfortable with being touched, regardless of the sexual orientation of the person touching them. Some people have triggers as a result of past trauma. Some people just don’t know your intentions because they don’t know you or your sexual orientation, so they don’t know if you’re a friendly stranger expressing physical affection because…I don’t know, you like to do that? or if you’re someone who intends to harass and/or assault them. And, most importantly, some people–many people, I’m sure–just want to be left the hell alone by strangers. Sometimes being touched by someone you don’t know is just unpleasant, scary, and uncomfortable.
Furthermore, if we accept “but I’m not even into [your gender]” as an excuse for nonconsensual touching by well-meaning folks, that also leaves it open as an excuse for actual predators to use.
Your desire to touch someone sexually or nonsexually for whatever reason does not outweigh their desire not to be touched. It doesn’t matter why they don’t want to be touched; that’s their business. Just like you wouldn’t touch a bag or a purse that belongs to someone else, don’t touch a body that belongs to someone else–which, by definition, is every body except your own.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. I dislike all physical contact from all but a handful of people, because I have SID and what they think is affectionate and wonderful is painful for me. It hurts, bad. My parents used to tell me I HAD to hug and come into physical contact with them and other people I didn’t like. They would try to hug me after I said no and I’d run, and my father would chase me down and scream at me that I had to hug him, and tackle me or vice-grip me from behind if I couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time to lock the door. That’s how badly he ‘needed’ to hug me. I grew up hearing that my parents required my physical affection.
how come a good portion of people get why it’s not ok to assume children are heterosexual but the same people don’t get why it’s not ok to assume children are cis
And people get actually angry if you use neutral pronouns for kid and act like you’re forcing the kid to be trans by not assuming it’s junk will have any baring on it’s gender ID.
Like how fucking dare you let a kid figure out who they are?!
The fact that oppressed people can’t make a single angry statement about their oppressors without being asked to clarify they didn’t mean literally everyone in that group just in case they hurt someone’s feelings blows my fucking mind.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings by pointing out that you’re part of a group that benefits from the dehumanisation of others.
I guess I was just too busy being actively dehumanised to care.
Being able to “transition" i.e. taking hormones and/or having surgery is great, if you are fortunate enough to be able to do so (safely and legally) and that’s what you want.
But not all trans people can afford to transition. Not all trans people can access trans-friendly doctors or pharmacies. Not all trans people are in a place safe enough to transition.
There is nothing more wonderful than seeing someone happy with themselves after they are able to be the person they are, inside and out.
But there are lots of trans people who are painfully living with the reality that transitioning may never happen for them. These trans people may work really hard at loving the bodies they’re in because circumstances will likely never change for them.
So please, keep that in mind when you create a standard for what you believe being trans looks like because no matter how hard it may be to hear it, being able to transition is a privilege.
thoughts on the term "breeder"
Okay, so apparently a lot of straight people are upset about occasionally being called a “breeder."
Personally, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen or heard this word used in reference to straight people. But a lot of them seem to think that the term is very widespread in the LGBTQ community.
They also don’t seem to understand the context. Whenever I have seen this term used, it has been used ironically. You know, a big argument of homophobes is that LGBTQ folks are “unnatural" because they can’t reproduce, essentially reducing us to our sexual habits. In that case, the term “breeder" is used to turn that argument on its head and show the other side. Of course not all people in heterosexual relationships, whether straight or queer, can or want to have children - we know that, you don’t have to rant at us about infertile couples, etc. But the point of using the term is to show how ridiculous the “gays are unnatural because they can’t reproduce" argument is.
Queer people have spent lifetimes putting up with being reduced to their genitals. But now that we’re taking that and using it as a weapon against our oppressors, straight people are getting their feelings all hurt. Oh, you don’t like being reduced to pure sex? Yeah, it sucks a lot, so how’s about you stop doing it to us.
Personally, I don’t use the term. I prefer cishet (although there is nothing at all offensive about that term, straight people still get pretty offended over it). That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the context of the usually rare use of the term “breeder." I also have seen no evidence that the term is widespread. If you can give me stats and studies showing that the term “breeder" and general “heterophobia" are spread to match or surpass the myriad slurs against queer people and general homophobia, then you can come and talk to me about oppression. Until then, queer people have the right be angry, so you keep your hurt straight feelings to yourself and let us be angry at the countless ways in which you are still oppressing us today.
I’m not denying that the LGBTQ community and movement doesn’t have its own problems, because we’ve got more than enough problematic shit to go around where intersectionality and inclusion are concerned. But don’t you dare think you can cite those problems as part of your “straight struggle."
Sorry I’m not sorry. Bye.
while previously i had not made the connection of "inability to reproduce —> str8s are breeders" thing
the main issue with the term “breeder" being used to denote str8ies is that it’s transphobic. it erases queer trans* folk — many of whom may have biological children or are able to.
the problem is not with how straight ppl react to the word, it’s with cis queers shoving trans* queers to the side to make some “profound point" about str8ies.
in conclusion: “breeder" is transphobic, and the difference here is transphobia is very very real (as opposed to hetereophobia, a coping mechanism rather than a systematic reality)
FTM Natural Transitioning Resources:
I experimented with NT for a few months and did a lot of research. Here are all the blog posts I wrote:
http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/summary-of-natural-transitioning/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/first-week-on-natural-transition/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/starting-natural-transition/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/1-month-on-nt/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/nt-update/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/week-7-on-nt/ http://boxersandbinders.com/uncategorized/natural-transition-update/
Here are the voice training videos I created:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiGvdm7Zo-s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo5ACPZM7Iw
Here is my Facebook Page where I keep updates on news and other things, including NT resources:
https://www.facebook.com/BoxersAndBindersAnFtmStory
Follow these tips to brighten your morning!
Stretch. It’s a wonderful way to loosen your joints and increase flexibility. It will also get rid of any knots in your muscles from sleeping! You can try yoga or meditation, too.
Take a shower. Showers wake you up and will leave you feeling fresh and ready for the day!
Make your bed. You’ll be less likely to get back in and it will make you feel productive!
Eat a healthy breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day, so give your body the calories and nutrients it needs!
Turn on some music. It’ll leave you feeling happy, relaxed, and ready for the day!
Wear something cute. You’ll be feeling confident and comfortable all day long! To save time, prepare your outfit the night before.
Read an inspirational quote. Find one that motivates you!
Wake up early. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready in the morning. If you’re less rushed, you’ll be in a better mood for the rest of the day.
Drink a tall glass of water. It’ll get you hydrated and feeling good!
Make a list of things you want to accomplish. Reward yourself at the end of the day if you complete all of your tasks. A list will help keep you focused and satisfied when you can check everything off!
(via
imgTumble)
Saving this and going to start doing this as well in the summer, sounds so peaceful.
How do you politely correct people who misgender you? Mind you I’m not trans, I am cis. But I get misgendered almost every day at work.
Just tell them who you actually are? Like if someone calls you “he" just tell them that’s not your pronoun, or if they call you “young man" then say you’re a woman. This is one of those situations where bluntness is unavoidable, so all you really can do is something like “Please don’t call me (X) because I’m actually (Y)".
Big difference between accidental and deliberate misgendering
if it’s accidental then the person who’s done it will probably apologise and be embarrassed and stop doing it
if it’s deliberate then the person who’se done it will probably continue to do it and make a bunch of shitty excuses
also remember this homily: once is an accident, twice is a mistake, three times or more is on purpose :) so someone who keeps misgendering a person consistently is doing it on purpose too
When Gertrude “Ma” Rainey—known as “The Mother of Blues”—sang, “It’s true I wear a collar and a tie, … Talk to the gals just like any old man,” in 1928′s “Prove It on Me,” she was flirting with scandal, challenging the listener to catch her in a lesbian affair. It might not seem like a big deal to us now, but back then, pursuing same-sex relations could get you thrown in jail.
H/T The Huffington Post
