Through The Looking-Glass...

This blog is on hiatus. Right now in my life I don't really have any use for it, and in some ways it's actually a hindrance to me. I'll leave the posts up in case they help or interest anyone.

[mx-alvin-deactivated]

Just a quick reminder that:

Not all trans people want surgery

Not all trans people want to take hormones

Not all trans men like women

Not all trans women like men

Not all trans people are romantically/sexually interested in others

Some trans folk like to cross-dress opposite of the gender they identify with

All kinds of people have their own definition of what is and isn't masculine and feminine and even then they don't always stick within those lines

Every trans person has their own definition of transgender/transexual that reflects who they are and their experiences

You do not get to define what being trans is for someone else

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You do not need too many people to make you happy, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[transcendingborders-deactivated]

[seventhlioness-deactivated20141]

The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.

Alysia Harris (via piecederesistancee)

[emiello]

Why is it a bad thing to consider that ‘biological’ sex is as much a social construct as binary gender is?

That doesn’t mean that gonads and genitals aren’t real, or that one shouldn’t them to be important ever. It just means that we put a lot of stock in something that isn’t really useful, and...

[gabrielthefool-deactivated20200]

I used to be really nervous about referring to myself as trans* in any way. I was worried I was appropriating from people who were “more trans” than me, so I should just avoid the word, despite grasping, on an intellectual level, that being genderqueer places me under the trans* umbrella. I mean, I don’t experience dysphoria related to my body. Sure, my belly could be a little smaller, that’d be nice, but it’s my body and I fucking love it. Not my fault that other people keep assigning meaning to it that’s just not there. I didn’t know from a young age that I was genderqueer. I figured it out in my 20s and 30s, once I had a word for it. That’s so far removed from the “standard trans narrative” that I just wasn’t sure I should even use the word.

Then I got this lovely tweet from a stranger while I was still thinking on how scared I was to stop and use a bathroom in a small town a month before. And you know what? Fuck it. If I’m going to be on the shit end of transphobia in such a blatant way, I might as well claim the word trans* for myself. I can be under the umbrella without taking space from someone who is “more deserving,” what ever that might mean.

[queer-zines-deactivated20240829]

Please, it is raining, get under the umbrella! I’ve been out since I was a teenager and I have had tons of physical dysphoria, and I don’t subscribe to the bullshit notion that others claiming trans* for themselves, whatever their circumstances, takes away from me somehow. It used to scare me a little— I was afraid that people would assume that my transness was the same as others’— like if enough genderqueer-identified people were not dysphoric ( or had sex differently, like I do ), then people would assume that I wasn’t dysphoric either, and my genderqueerness would cease to “signify" what I hoped it would.

I never acted on this fear— I never said anything negative to other people because of it—, I erred on the side of being generous with “my" identity. Over time, though, I see how my fear itself was a product of the oppression that we all face. I didn’t feel empowered to define *myself* because I’d been taught I hadn’t got a right to. I didn’t feel empowered, in other words, to define what my genderqueerness meant to me, because of cissexism, transphobia, patriarchy. Because I didn’t feel comfortable and secure and empowered to define and live my own identity, I had a secret wish that the shape of my social reality would somehow do it for me. That I would be able to belong to a definable class of “trans people," and I could be identified— be safe— by conforming to the cultural markers of my group. I felt like I’d be better prepared to defend my group, and by extension myself, against oppression. It’s the same psychological process as drives trans exclusion from Michigan Womyn’s Music Fest. It’s been documented in psychology and sociology studies that less powerful groups tend to try to maintain the borders of their identities from trespass by factions they perceive both as more and less “radical" (measured in “distance" from the majority). Being a small isolated group feels frightening, and a cohesive group identity seems to offer distinction, protection of some kind. But that’s fucked up and false. I don’t allow oppressors to determine the shape of my liberation through my fear. The realization that I am empowered to define my identity, define my relationship with my body, define how I want to have sex and with whom, have freed me from the desire to subtly police the boundaries of “my" identity. I want this umbrella to be as large as possible. It’s not up to me though; everyone has just as much a right to belong, and I have no right to define who is allowed in. But the fact remains that I think everyone belongs, and everyone can come in. I know some folks face oppression for being gender nonconforming and others don’t, but that shouldn’t be a criteria either. Because someday we are going to succeed, and cissexism is going to start to fade away (maybe not in our lifetimes, but maybe so.) And people will grow up without that oppression, and we’re going to welcome them and celebrate them, and not require that they qualify their transness with stories of oppression.

[mx-alvin-deactivated]

Masculinity; not the be-all and end-all after all.

Firstly, I'd just like to say I'm really happy to see the amount of people who liked/reblogged my last personal post and therefore related to it (admittedly this was 4 weeks ago, so maybe people have forgotten about it now). Either way, it makes me feel far less alone (and I hope it did the same for others reading it).

After I made my last post I decided to try and 'experiment' with some of the things I was discussing in it to do with my own personal gender presentation. I wanted to see how I'd feel about various forms of gender presentation on myself once I tried to rid myself of the notion that in order to be legitimately non-binary/neutral/neutrois/agender you had to look overtly masculine. Furthermore I wanted to see if canning this notion made me feel any different about my body.

I must say that this past month has been pretty liberating. I've started to see my gender, my presentation and my body in a whole new light. Since deciding to stop trying to squeeze myself into the 'passing as cismale' presentation box, I've been far more relaxed in my day to day life, as well as just being able to think about other things in my life other than gender (after all, my gender is only a small part of my overall personality). Experiments with my presentation have included wearing eyeliner from time to time, wearing neutral clothing (note neutral - not masculine) and not binding for a week and instead wearing a bra I bought.

The latter as it happens is the most interesting of the 'experiments' for me. Whenever I went out with the bra on, I felt incredibly self-conscious and incredibly anxious. I felt wrong - incongruent - even though I knew that when binding strangers and members of the public merely perceive me as a flat-chested woman, rather than a man or anything in between. After a week I took the bra back for a refund and managed to find a comfortable sports bra which makes me reasonably flat (though not perfectly so), yet is also mentally and physically comfortable for the days I need a break from harsher binding. Once I started wearing this sports bra I felt such sudden relief; I felt like myself again.

I found all of this surprising however because when I'm alone and naked (or naked with only my partner) I feel completely at ease for having breasts. I don't see them as breasts at all, just merely some lumps-n-bumps about my body, and I'm completely fine with it (especially considering my partner knows, accepts and 'sees' my true gender - they don't just see a woman). Because of this I assumed that my feelings when out in public were social dysphoria and would go away like other aspects of my dysphoria have gone/lessened since not trying to pass as male; after all, I know that binding has no effect on people's perceptions of my gender, so I'm not helping myself pass at all when I do.

Honestly, even if it is still a form of social dysphoria, finding this out felt so liberating; I realised that I was doing this for me and my own comfort and not for others to perceive me right off the bat as my gender (which is very unlikely to happen as someone who's non-binary) nor to please the online FAAB trans* community that seems to value masculine presentation so much.

This post has got a bit rambly because it's 1.30am where I am, but I guess I just wanted to write down and articulate how freeing this has all been for me. The realisation that being a FAAB non-binary/agender individual doesn't mean I need to pass as cismale/present as overtly masculine has been not only liberating but also a huge eye-opener. I'm looking at gender a lot more differently than I was before, because despite knowing and preaching that gender expression =/= gender identity, this past month has really opened my mind to just what that means, and that just because I'm non-binary in a binary world doesn't mean I need to pander to the opposite end of the gender binary I was assigned as at birth in order to be legitimate.

[onlytheshallow]

I want to talk about why myself and almost every genderqueer person I know feels constantly at odds with either their body or the trans* community. I should say first that I don’t think this is singularly a trans* problem, but rather one forced on us by a patriarchal society and then accepted as...

[mx-alvin-deactivated]

Had to reblog this. I've been thinking about this stuff a lot recently. I aim for androgyny because it makes me feel comfortable and most authentic to myself, but I've stopped trying to follow society's view of androgyny so rigidly. I like wearing eyeliner sometimes for example, and I'm not thin and angular enough (my thighs and butt are quite big) but that doesn't mean I can't rock a gender neutral look and therefore feel comfortable in my own skin.

Despite what society tells us all, masculine isn't the default. Masculine is just one of the many traits people can have. 

[unapologetically-human]

It’s okay to change your yes to a no. Yes’s aren’t permanent. They’re something we choose again and again, each and every day. Something we have to right to recall and reconsider as soon as saying yes no longer feels conducive to our wellbeing and happiness. It doesn’t matter whether you said yes to a job, a date, a relationship, sex, a favor to a friend, a social endeavor, or a vow of silence — you don’t ever have to commit to something that forces you to compromise who you are and what feels right; especially if it’s something you agreed to under pressure, intimidation, or force. Changing your yes to a no might make people angry. It might hurt their feelings, cause them to see you as a flake, and result in lost connections. But if saying no means staying true to yourself, honoring your feelings, and making self-care a priority, it’s worth it. You are worth it. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)

[topless-hanbei-deactivated20140]

I got pretty intense about some issues that are very, very important to me in a skype chat and felt that, despite the fact that many people already speak out about this here on tumblr, it could serve to be posted. I touched it up a little and bolded some of the biggest points.

This is on the topic of gender and not only how you shouldn’t treat people differently or badly at all for identifying as something other than their biological sex, but another issue that adds to the fact that people should be allowed to express these things more than they are.

Read More

[fcyeah-deactivated20220616]

Call to end intersex genital operations

[s-t-r-a-p]

Advocacy groups call for end to genital surgery on infants with intersex conditions, saying many operations are not medically necessary and are performed to reinforce a particular gender.

This is a group specific to Australia, but the concept still holds.

[pilgrimkitty]

Look, if you’re a FAAB genderqueer person and you dress femme, that doesn’t negate your gender identity.

If you’re a MAAB genderqueer person and you dress masculine that doesn’t negate your gender identity.

Your clothing, makeup, hair and accessories have absolutely no bearing on your gender identity.

Wear whatever the fuck you want, and be who you are, and if people can’t handle that, fuck ‘em. Nobody has the right to tell you who you are except you.

[caterjunes]

kendra and i were eating at an ice cream place and found these hella awesome unisex bathrooms

[heavenslittlemachine-deactivate]

did u know people have been proposing gender neutral pronouns literally since the 19th century. the word thon was invented in 1884 and was in funk and wagnell’s standard dictionary til the late 60s…please do not pretend that gender neutral pronouns are a wacky and grammatically unfounded recent phenomenon 

[queerascat]

“The Binding Dilemma”

trying to decide if i should buy a binder and if so, which one?

[mx-alvin-deactivated]

You could always try buying a good sports bra so that when you meet your family again your chest looks pretty small, and therefore give yourself some more time to think about specific binders you might want to buy (as well as giving you a chance to buy one when money is less tight).

I personally only use sports bras to bind (I'm a UK 34B, so reasonably small, though also not the smallest out there) and I find some of them to really work well in flattening you out. You don't look completely flat without a top on, but with a shirt/t-shirt on (I also wear reasonably fitted tops) I look pretty much flat. Considering cisguys aren't actually completely flat, it looks a bit like I have pecs - it's great!

Hope this helps a little. Good luck! =)

[altredstates-deactivated2013070]

My nails and gender identity:

So, over the last month, I’ve been in full on guy-mode, due to me growing my facial hair out for a film I’m shooting this weekend. I have this very cool, piratey looking ‘Van Dyke’ and am out and about each day in a slim, tailored, black suit. I’m usually riding my skateboard from from place to place, as my car is out of commission. Honestly, I’m very confident in my male image. The thing that DOES sometimes throw people off, however, are my nails. They’re currently a deep, shimmery crimson (painted with Sally Hansen’s ‘Wined Up’). I love the color and it’s nice when I’m occasionally feeling that dysphoric, bigender switch to be able to look at my hands and focus on a part of me that’s a bit more ‘feminine’. Now, here’s the funny thing. I’m complimented on my style a lot by other guys. They like the fact that I dress confidently and professionally, while still keeping with an edgy and alternative flair. Since painting my nails this bright, shimmery red I’ve received a lot of stares on the street and on the subway. Finally, men started commenting on them. And not the way you’d immediately think: “Hey man, I really dig your nails.” “Just wanted to say I like your look. Cool nails.” “Dude, your nail polish is awesome. I wish I could do something like that!” So I asked these guys why they didn’t paint THEIR nails. “Naw man, I couldn’t.” “My friends would give me such shit.” “My work would never allow it.” Now, keep in mind, these were all VERY heteronormative looking men. Some were younger, but one was middle-aged and conservative looking and another was a latino man who looked like he might have been in his early 60s. They all dug my nails. And why not? Bright, shimmery red is a color men get excited about a lot. Just think about sports cars. They’d love this color on a ferrari! I was expecting to get a lot of shit for painting my nails like this but, instead, I got a lot of compliments and discovered just how many guys feel trapped in their gender expression. I have a feeling that, if these guys got their nails done and wore them confidently, they’d probably get the same positive response. But I think the fear of tainting their masculine image might prevent them from doing so.

[lead-jazz]