Fuck Off, I'm Blogging Here

Simply the BEST blog on tumblr. A roleplay blog for Tommy Careful Danger Kracken Innit, character in a DSMP Urban Fantasy roleplay.

[babyanimalgifs]

Tiny round rain frog wakes up, yawns, rubs his eyes, then squeezes himself into his tiny hole. 

(Source)

[s-tier-redditor]

Tommy bends over the doorknob to Techno's apartment, hands busy. Techno had said that he was going to update the wards after the last time Tommy liberated a cake from him, but Tommyinnit isn't kept down that fucking easily. He cleverly and subtley got the information out of Wilbur how to defeat the upgraded locks, because he's just so good at deception and crime. You just need the old key, and some blood and intent, and luck (and Tommyinnit has so much personal luck people should probably fuckin' harvest it, probably), and there--

The door swung open. Tommy stepped triumphantly inside. Alright, what did this fucker have in his kitchen.

@laser-knife

[dreamwasinthevents]

Boros blinks at Purpled for a moment, then easily steps over him as she goes into the apartment. Not her doing and not her problem, honestly. "The apartment stays still as long as the door is open, so better get in quick before you're left behind!" she calls back to Tommy. Her mind is focused first and foremost on something to sate her before she burns through the rest of her form.

Dream's apartment is dim and a mess of blankets, pillows, and other knickknacks he's stolen. She moves easily through them to the kitchen, which is much cleaner, then to the pantry, which is still stocked. She reaches in, grabs the bag labeled BOROS SNACKS and returns to the other two, elbow-deep in a bag that should definitely not be big enough to fit her entire forearm. She plops down on the couch, giving a triumphant whoop as she drags out a rodent of some kind that's still struggling and somewhat glowing. She sinks her fangs into it, drinking out the magic embedded into it. She'll eat it too afterwards, but she needs this hit first.

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled pushes himself up, scowls, and gets to his feet. He turns to face Tommy (who is still outside of the apartment) and huffs. He snaps his fingers and with a flash of gravity magic, he sticks Tommy's feet to the floor. He smirks and places his hand on the doorknob. "Goodbye, Innit."

He then closes the door firmly in Tommy's face.

With that done, he turns back to Boros. He winces at the fangs in the body of the rodent and shudders. "So. First of all, ew. Second, never tell anyone I fell, especially not Dream. Third, what the fuck am I?"

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

What the FUCK. Tommy stares at the closed door. Where the door was. The currently blank wall. "What the FUCK," he says outloud, and then tries to dig his fingers into the wall to see if there's an edge he's missing. Nothing.

"Purpled you fucking dick," he yells to vent his feelings. Nothing.

Well, he did successfully curse Purpled, which-- flawless success for Tommyinnit. Nothing but Ws. FUCK WHERE DID THE DOOR GO. Okay, no. He's been closed out of Dream's apartment. Which is fine-- good, even. He doesn't care. He's fine with this. He's gonna go for a snack, maybe.

Tommy heads upstairs to see if the old-key-and-jiggle-the-lock trick still works on Techno's apartment.

@dreamwasinthevents

[dreamwasinthevents]

Boros hums as she looks at the wall. Yup, it was definitely here for a bit. She knocks on the wall, then huffs. "You know, I'm not a huge fan of joining Dream when he crawls around in the vents, but it is the best way of getting to the door when it's flickering around like this." She rolls her shoulders as she steps back from the wall. "But I think I know a way of calling it back."

It feels too soon to drop the act, but her magic remains limited so long as she's still cursed like this. She still needs her hands though. "You might want to step back," she warns. She plants her hands on the blank wall and digs in. She reaches for the strand of magic that follows the apartment every place it hides and she pulls hard.

It takes less than a minute to call the door back to the wall, but it takes enough out of her that she stumbles back from it, more scaled and snake-like than she was before. "Well, fuck," she says oh so eloquently as she surveys the damage to her mask. She's still bipedal, at least. She still has limbs. That'll do. She shakes her head and pushes open the door. "Shall we?"

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled watches the display of magic with palpable awe. He's not too shabby at it, if he does say so himself, but the power is as intimidating as it is impressive. He barely spares Tommy a look as he slowly enters, a bit nervous. This is it. His chance to learn more about what he is. Where he came from. And as he takes this first major step toward revealing all of these hidden truths...The laces on his shoes snap and he pitches forward, eating absolute shit as he lands face-first on the floor.

"Ow."

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

Okay so the magic was AMAZING and a tiny bit terrifying, Tommy says "fuck yeah" out loud and completely involuntarily. And then several things happened that competed violently for front of brain. The nameless hot older woman got fuckin' scaly (was that a TAIL?) leading to the urgent question as to if he's like, into scales. At about the same time, Purpled tried to knock his own fuckin' teeth out on the floor. (Wilbur made the BEST charms. He's just so good at this.)

Tommy split the difference by saying "HAHHAHAH IDIOT" very loudly from where he stood in the hallway, eyeing the snake-woman nervously. Did she eat people, and importantly, was he into that?

@dreamwasinthevents

[dreamwasinthevents]

Boros giggles as Tommy shouts at Purpled. Oh, she was having a blast! "I can definitely see why all the women like you," she says in between her laughter. "I certainly do. And magic, darling." She turns back to Purpled and adds, "I don't mind showing some of Dream's secrets, so long as you share one in return. Both of you, in fact. But... maybe wait until we get there."

She hums as she steps away from them, breathing in to find the trails of magic that embed themselves into the walls. It'd be easier as a snake, but then all that magic used to turn into this would be a waste. Unfortunately, all she can sense is that the damned has moved again. "It's moved again," she hisses. "Where was when you last saw it?" she asks to either of them.

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled shrugs and looks to Tommy. "You said it was on the first floor, right? And then it goes to the basement after that?" He doesn't like the idea of sharing secrets...or spending more time with Tommy. But. He needs to know. Ever since Dream stopped by a few days prior, he'd been questioning everything.

"Tommy, if you wouldn't mind leading the way? Since you insist on being involved and all."

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

"Sure! I can fuckin' do that!" He is in control of this conversation. This is going well. He is not scared of the woman with the hair. She laughed at his jokes, which means he's getting a good grade in women, something he always gets, because he always gets good grades, no matter what Wilbur told you, and also all the women love him. Tommy leads the way confidently and manly-ly down the stairs to the first floor.

"Usually if it was on the first floor, it's in the basement next, but I dunno, it moves a lot, I'm only medium good at magic." (He is not.) He stands in front of the blank wall in the basement with exits to storage and the furnace room, and puts his hands on his hips. "Well, fuck."

@dreamwasinthevents

[dreamwasinthevents]

Boros snickers under her breath at Tommy. Oh yes, she remembers that little lie Dream told him once. She breathes in deeply, resisting the urge to flick her tongue out and taste the nerves radiating off of Tommy. She can see why Dream enjoyed fucking with him, if he smells this delicious. Humans don't flick their tongues, because they don't need to track their prey through the undergrowth.

"Dream's... busy right now," she replies, leveling a bright green gaze at Purpled. She considers him a moment. "Unless," she says, drawing the word out in a little hiss. "There's someone else you're looking for?" She smiles at him, her eyelids nictating rather than the regular human blinking.

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled looks at Tommy. "We have business to discuss. Besides, I don't see why you care. Don't you have other people in the apartment complex to sexually harass?"

He glances back at the woman to see her 'blink' and catches on. This is the fucking talking snake. "Yeah. Yeah, there is someone else there I also want to talk to. If you don't mind showing the way."

He didn't want to know what Dream was busy doing, honestly. It was probably something stupid or weird or illegal. Possibly all three.

Or, far worse, something involving his sister. Which, if that were the case, he wanted no part in it.

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

"I FUCKING DIDN'T HARASS YOU IT WAS A CURSE YOUR ASS IS FUCKING FLAT ANYWAYS," Tommy yells at a perfectly reasonable volume for a public stairwell. He glares at Purpled. "And it's a fucking public stairwell why shouldn't I be here! I'm charmin' and likeable and su-wav, all the women say so!" He appeals to the terrifying woman with the fancy hair, resisting the urge to kneel or bow or something, it doesn't matter, he's normal. "I can come along, right? How'd you get your hair to do that fucked up funky stuff?"

@dreamwasinthevents

[dreamwasinthevents]

Boros shifted her weight to the side, smiling slyly at Tommy. She then turned her attention to Purpled and smiled wider. "You boys seemed lost. You two looking for somebody? Or... something?"

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled straightens up. "Apartment 404. I need to speak to someone there but it's a little hard to locate, apparently. You know where it is?"

He tucks his hands in his pockets then notices something feels different. He doesn't know what it is but he's too focused on the strange-yet-familiar woman at the top of the stairs.

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

Wait a fucking second. Hold up. What's this about Purpled having "needs", whatever the fuck that means. Tommy narrows his eyes.

"Wait, why'd you fucking need to talk to Dream? He doesn't have the money to pay you for any shit, he told me he was flat fuckin' broke." Oh god the woman is still here. He can hear her breathing. Why was breathing so distracting.

@dreamwasinthevents

[angelicguy]

there is a war between types of users on this site and this is what it looks like

[dreamwasinthevents]

Someone laughs behind Tommy, a very feminine and older laugh. The woman had been listening in on their conversation, enjoying the show, and thought, well, might as well step in rather than let the show end. "Curses do really work for anyone if they've got the right equipment," she replied, loud enough for Purpled to hear.

Her voice drifted, layered with a hiss she could never quite hide. Maybe it would work in her favor this time, bring that interesting boy back into the spotlight. Dream was... busy, and Ouroboros heard quite the fuss through the vents. It was only natural to be curious, especially when curses were afoot.

She runs her fingers through long black hair, mottled with white like her scales were. It's been a long time since she last shifted like this, and she went with the last form she remembered.

@purpledgravity

[purpledgravity]

Purpled paused and turned at the strange voice. There was something familiar about it.... "Right. Sure. I mean, I have to deal with him, so I feel plenty cursed as-is." He glanced up at the woman and narrowed his eyes.

Something about her made him feel a little uncomfortable but. He didn't think he should just walk away, though he couldn't tell why.

@s-tier-redditor

[s-tier-redditor]

"Yeah!" Tommy says, crossing his arms. "Purpled's totally fuckin' cursed! Oh hello-- hi, ma'am." Oh no, a full fuckin' woman. Who was old, but in a not-terrifying sexy way. With fancy hair. And boobs. He can totally handle this. He leaned back up against the Bannister so she would have room to get by.

She was leaving, right? He didn't have to do an extended conversation, right? Cause he would totally fuckin' crush a conversation with a grown-ass woman, but maybe he just didn't want to. For personal reasons. That were secret and personal.

@dreamwasinthevents

[purpledgravity]

"....That's a terrible lie, even for you. I mean, you're a weird dude but I highly doubt you're able to curse people. Listen, everyone can tell you're like. Super repressed. But you gotta at least ask."

Purpled considers this. "I mean, I'd still say no. But consent is non-negotiable." He turns and starts heading down the stairs faster, eager to get away from Tommy before he punches him. Which he's within his rights to do! But his ears are already ringing.

[s-tier-redditor]

"Anyone can fucking curse people if you have the right fucking equipment!" Tommy yells down the stairs. "And I do, have the right equipment! My curses are as powerful as my cock! Which is fuckin' mag-nif-i-cent!"

Well, this could have gone better. On the poggers side, Purpled did not pull the amulet out of his back pocket, so he was still cursed, flawless victory for tommyinnit, his and Sapnap's beautiful hair was avenged. On the less-poggers side Wilbur was potentially going to kill him fuckin' dead. Hmmm.

[eyeballapproved]

Michelle Robinson

[tindomielthings]

_ocean.life__

“Crabs have very deep emotion and often have romantic partners and many friends throughout their life.”⁣⁣

Video by @michaeloftiktokofficial

[babyanimalgifs]

Long Live The King

(Source)

[valscrapbook]

[evidenceofdespair]

[purpledgravity]

"You did!" Purpled backs away from him. "Like, dude, I know it's nice but at least ask first! You don't just feel a guy up without permission!'

This has gone the worst possible way. He should have just left. Abandoned Tommy to his own devices and figured it out on his own. "You know what? Deal's off. You can grow your hair back normally, I'm out."

[s-tier-redditor]

If Wilbur hears that he's been grabbing people's asses without permission he's going to kill him, and Tommy is going to deserve it. How did a simple ordinary revenge plot that anyone would have fuckin' done, that he absolutely fuckin’ deserved to do, that any person or woman would agree was justified and sexy to do, even, come to this? Tommyinnit doesn't deserve this much cosmic punishment. He's a good guy. This is not fair. The mental wheel in Tommy's head spins frantically between "profess your love to purpled you can totally fuckin' seduce him and make him forget this", "set off a bomb and escape in the confusion hoping purpled is killed in the blast”, and “start talking in galactic and pretend you don’t understand what purpled is seeing”. What the wheel settles on is something else entirely, an attempt at honesty. “Oh, I was just tryin’ to curse you,” Tommy says, leaning on the bannister and folding his arms, faux-casual. “I wouldn’t touch your shitty ass for fun if you fuckin’ paid me.” A pause. “Unless you want me to. In which case tommyinnit is a very fuckin’ experienced lover.”

[justcatposts]

This cat visits regularly and he always has a treat! 

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