heyyy, i need to vent even tho i know nobody is going to read all this
before spilling all my problems here, i want to give a quick introduction: sooo i am not that good in english, like i understand and can read in english but i have some difficulties expressing myself since english is not my first language; sorry for eventual mistakes.
this year has been a year gosh, with my personal problem and eds i really had same great difficulties. this massage is for people like me, who feel constantly like shit because they don't feel comfortable in their body. i get the struggle of waking up every morning wishing that your body was different, skinnier and prettier.
my body weight went up and down, i have been small and huge, i have binged and been in severe calorie deficit. i went through all the possible stages, bullimia, ana and binge eating. but sometimes i feel like i am not doing enough or i am not enough, and other times i feel like i am faking it.
since january i promised myself to not give up and to reach my goal at the end of the year. but here i am, with my fat body, crying because i wasted an entire year. i gave up, i failed so many times. but i am tired of this shit. constantly feeling like a big fat piece of shit.
"i will start on monday" i said. 51 mondays passed. 51 weeks of doing nothing. of feeling like nothing.
but what can i really do? repeat the same shit for 2022? cry myself to sleep? cry my fat away?
punishing myself will not make me feel better o look better. insulting myself will not make me grow in the beautiful person i want to be. beating myself up will not make me be better. cutting myself, bitting myself, punching myself, ripping of my hair, self sabotaging my life will just make me more miserable and lonely. what should i do then?
i wished there was somebody that could help me find the right path, a person that could slap me every time i fuck up. but i am alone.
do i really want to remain this shitty ass person or grow up? act my age? and not cry like a baby who desperately need mommy?
i really don't want to repeat this circle. i am tired, i have always been tired. i don't want to do this anymore.
but i know that somewhere there is hope for me.
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
prguitarman
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
yousharknotpass
