I love how Norman and Ray react differently when it comes to betrayals. They feel hatred so differently which serves as a good parallel to each other.
Disclaimer: Norman and Ray don’t actually say this in canon, it’s simply what I inferred from when they felt betrayed by Isabella, Emma, and each other.
Norman’s a “I hate you. I should’ve doubted you instead of leaving you an opening to utilize my trust, and I failed to do so.” Which is a long and somewhat convoluted response but it’s still accurate. He acknowledges and directs his feeling of hatred towards the ones who caused said feelings first. Due to his mostly black-and-white thinking, he instinctively puts everyone who opposes him and his (interpretation of Emma’s) ideals on the enemy’s side and everyone he trusts in his own, so when betrayed, he is forced to re-evaluate everything he has ever known and piece it back together in a way that is coherent to him by blaming the other party and placing them on the black side of the chessboard first and foremost.
Meanwhile Ray’s a “I hate myself for trusting you despite my doubts.” Simple and straightforward. Also hurts the most because unlike Norman, he immediately directs his hatred towards himself. Doubt is a given, trust is a choice. His first betrayal (his mother) taught him that. Instead of acknowledging that the people around him exploited his trust, he blames himself for not doubting enough. For trusting too much. Like it’s his sin to bear the weight of guilt instead of the other way around. His self hatred manifests so easily that it’s hard for him to not immediately take the blame.
I adore how human their reactions are and how they differ so much. One jumps to hate the other person while the other jumps to hate himself. Yet still, they are similar in the way that, hurt comes with bitter hatred that momentarily blinds their senses.
Sometimes I forget that my friends are rich af because what do you mean you just casually buy me a manga volume. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GIVE ME BEYOND DESTINY ARE YOU INSANE-
Listening to “Married Life” while reading through chapter 180 is like killing oneself tbh. I got to the graveyard scene and it was the sad part of the song and it was such perfect timing I almost cried.
Sometimes I forget that my friends are rich af because what do you mean you just casually buy me a manga volume. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GIVE ME BEYOND DESTINY ARE YOU INSANE-
Listening to “Married Life” while reading through chapter 180 is like killing oneself tbh. I got to the graveyard scene and it was the sad part of the song and it was such perfect timing I almost cried.
Sometimes I forget that my friends are rich af because what do you mean you just casually buy me a manga volume. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GIVE ME BEYOND DESTINY ARE YOU INSANE-
Listening to “Married Life” while reading through chapter 180 is like killing oneself tbh. I got to the graveyard scene and it was the sad part of the song and it was such perfect timing I almost cried.
Sometimes I forget that my friends are rich af because what do you mean you just casually buy me a manga volume. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GIVE ME BEYOND DESTINY ARE YOU INSANE-
Sometimes I forget that my friends are rich af because what do you mean you just casually buy me a manga volume. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GIVE ME BEYOND DESTINY ARE YOU INSANE-
My TPN Character Analysis Series (Part 1): Barbara
(!!MANGA SPOILERS!!)
In anime/manga, when it comes to female characters that are not your typical bubby outgoing girl, people are quick to jump to conclusions about their personality, and one of these examples is Barbara.
Most people in the TPN fandom don't like her because she's apparently "too aggressive" or was "mean to Emma when she expressed her opinion about the demons." But they don't really understand why she is the way she is.
To start this off, her behavior is rooted through her trauma. She thought she was going to get adopted with her best friend Cislo when they both came of age (I say that because the specific age of shipment for Goodwill Ridge is not confirmed) when in reality, they were both sent to Lambda, an experimental farm that was known for heavily testing and drugging children. Not only that, she was severely traumatized because of what the people in that facility did to her. They ran experiments on her, drugged her, and it eventually gave her super strength, but it doesn't erase the fact that they damaged her mind physiologically.
When Norman blew up Lambda and saved her along with other victims, she was finally experiencing what freedom felt like after spending four years of her life living in torture, and because of that, she saw Norman as a savior, a God, which is why she indebted her loyalty to him.
Now, the main thing that makes her stand out from the rest of the other characters is how outspoken she is about her feelings. She was never given a healthy outlet for her trauma, so she kills demons and eats them as a sort of coping mechanism. She wouldn't care if people are uncomfortable with it because frankly, why would she? She wants people to know what the demons did to her, even if it's in a way they don't like. She will prove her point, whether you like it or not, which explains this moment in Chapter 124
Like I said in the beginning, most people in the TPN fandom don't like her because of this specific moment in the manga, but there's a reason why she acted the way she did, and a huge reason why it's absolutely valid for her to feel this way. She had never seen anyone who felt sympathy for the kind that murdered her people, tortured her, she believes that all demons are the same because of what she went though in Lambda.
Her reaction wasn't just a "valid crashout", it was more than that. She saw Emma's hesitation and only said what she said out of assumption. She can't sympathize with the demons the same way Emma does because she saw how much the demons did to her. She wasn't saying that to be rude to her, it was because she couldn't understand why Emma, who was raised as demon food, wasn't happy to have the demons exterminated. Yes, she might have gone a bit overboard when it came to explaining her feelings, but she's not meant to be a perfect character. She's meant to be flawed, not in a bad way, but in a way that would want to make you want to understand her reason for her behavior.
Barbara, you deserve better girl. No one will mischaracterize you on my watch! 😭🫂
# i agree with everything that’s being said in the tags but # if you are talking about THIS exact reaction she’s making when she’s saying this # they didn’t change it or anything # that’s how it was in the manga # unless i just misunderstood your comment :(( # either way emma best actress tho i wish she wouldn’t have to hide her feelings and stuff # also tpn manga spoilers but i really headcannon that this trait of emma continues to be within her after losing her memories # i feel like she’d feel really pressured to be the emma that they knew so she’d hide those struggles to not worry anybody and that’s so :’(( # i’m just assuming that she’s a completely different person but still has her traits and habits from before # i’m pretty sure everyone will accept how she is now but they would definitly struggle at first especially norman and ray # all they have to offer to each other is love support and understanding # they are a family after all :’)) # tbh i need emma angst cuz we have to be realistic about her having amnesia # okay i’m really sorry about that rant but i needed to get it out my chest hehe # i’m done bye
Oh yeah Emma makes this exact face in the manga too; the thing is, in the manga she’s alone with Sonju: I suspect Emma would never show such a scared and vulnerable side of her to the younger members of her family 🤔
#Emma being a good actress is such an important part of her character? #I don’t want to stretch it too much but like- she’s good at hiding her feelings. She does her best not to make the others worry #In the manga she came back as cheerful and energetic as always? #In fact only Ray could notice something was wrong and that’s very sweet- those two really share a special bond #Again it’s so important to her character… Emma would do anything not to make her family worry #And (renewed manga spoilers please don’t read past this if you haven’t read the manga) #It’s so important for later developments????? #She tricks almost everyone (again Ray excluded) into thinking she was fine with demons eradication #And - you knew where I was going from the start - she managed to lie to everyone about the reward and on the consequences it would have had #Once again not to make them worry?????? #Long story short naaah I don’t think that’s how Emma would act I didn’t like this change ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #I acknowledge hiding your feelings is hard but I also know Emma is extremely good at it nonetheless #It’s also something that makes her way less naïve she may seem y'know? It’s important to her character!!! (via @just-like-playing-tag)
#Emma is genuinely terrifying#Shirai said that it would be dangerous for someone like her to exist in the real world#he’s right ya know#like looking at that manga panel makes me shiver#there are so many moments like that throughout#I mean#Ray was scary for literally five seconds and then suddenly everyone’s safer when he’s around#Norman is waaaaay scarier than Ray but not in a way that gives you chills?#like he scares my brain but not my nerves#Emma triggers my fight or flight instinct (via @esthelle-wanders)
How do you imagine the evolution of the relation between Isabella and Ray in the humans world if she wasn't killed by the demon (but just severely hurt)?
I don't have a firm outline for them beyond a certain point since there's a number of other factors that could influence their interactions, but I'm open to a variety of outcomes from authors as long as Ray's allowed to ride out the turbulent storm of emotions he has over this rather than glancing over them for some schmaltzy sitcom scenario where he forgives her at the drop of a hat and is acting chummy with her (outside of short-form lighthearted comics).
Here's what I imagine happening in the immediate aftermath of them traveling to the human world (borrowing a bit from this ask of yours for this)
Even with a No Reward AU and not having to handle Emma's disappearance on top of everything else, I imagine he would initially be pretty numb to interacting with her for himself.
Above all else, he would be there to reassure his younger siblings that she'd be all right. She survived the attack from the head of the Grace Field farms, but it would take her a long time to recover and they would have to let her rest when she needed it.
But seeing the children she was willing to die for and being part of their family again would be healing for nearly everyone. He wouldn't want to rob her of the opportunity to reconcile with his siblings and walk further along the path of redemption because he wouldn't be there right now if his family hadn't given him the chance to do the same. Likewise, he wouldn't want to deny his siblings the opportunity to know their mother in a world that's kinder to all of them.
So he'd be supportive of them visiting her one on one or in small groups, even when they'd ask him if they were sure he was okay with it. They knew he was her spy for years and had a unique relationship with her, that he was familiar with an Isabella they had comparatively known only briefly. It might hurt seeing them interacting with her casually like nothing had happened.
For Emma and Norman, they might have an inkling of there being another layer to their relationship, but they wouldn't push him until he was ready to tell them himself.
[From this ask:] I'm also someone who likes to overthink about this panel from chapter 174 and Norman's incorporation in it. It could easily be due to knowing Ray had a unique relationship with Isabella by virtue of being her spy for years…but why not throw more angst in with him being aware of the extra layer of gravity between the two as another reason for his knowing and somber expression here? (You could also extend this to Emma, but I focus on Norman just because we can see he's looking back at Ray whereas Emma's still looking in the general direction of Isabella). He had over a year in Lambda to reflect on his time at Grace Field and pore over all the oddities he noticed between Isabella and Ray but chalked up to other things at the time…and isn't that so incredibly like Ray to keep that kind of conflict and pain to himself, either to spare others or because he loathes pity. There's a sad fondness tinging the thought.
But he reaffirms that it's fine, brushes the sentiments off and states his relationship with her shouldn't dictate theirs.
Jessica, Matilda, Scarlet, and Sienna wouldn't push him on this either. If for some reason they were in possession of his note, they'd return it to him to let him know they were aware of its contents, but if not, they'd still let him know that they knew about their relationship and that Isabella kept his note all that time. A balance of wanting to advocate for her after everything she had done post-escape by presenting him with facts that he could interpret for himself while knowing it wouldn't magically mend everything (in the same way they couldn't seamlessly integrate into the lives of their biological children with a snap of their fingers).
This is how Ray ends up visiting Isabella at least once by himself while she's in a coma, watching her breathe with the help of machines. Up until the day of their reunion, he didn't hesitate to call her a monster after nearly two years of thinking she was dead because of the note he wrote as bait to get her in trouble with headquarters, a wry smile playing on his lips at the thought of her being considered a "good parent."
(Chapter 169 Bonus Comic)
But now there she was, willing to die for them, to keep them safe. She lead the covert uprising against Peter Ratri among the sisters for over a year. That amounted to something.
(Chapter 174)
Yet despite what he said about holding no grudges in the immediate aftermath of Peter's suicide, he can't just let go of years of hypervigilance, of being constantly on edge to not show a hint of vulnerability lest it foil his meticulous, multiyear plan, and knowing what he represented to her after he shattered the blissful delusion she'd fallen into at Grace Field for five years. That fear and feeling of being small in her presence was etched into his memory, carved into his bones.
Now that he finally has a say in how their relationship should progress instead of being at her mercy, can rage at her until he's out of breath and be just as petty as she'd been, make her work and beg for his forgiveness to try to amend every cruelty she inflicted upon him, there's just…an emptiness he keeps coming back to. No matter what they did, he would never have an untainted childhood with her, and now that she's back in his life he's left to grieve that again.
I imagine he'd circle through that numbness, grief, anger, frustration, and envy (as stupid and pathetic as that last one in particular makes him feel, seeing his siblings being able to interact with her so easily, her carrying no extra baggage with them, the kind of relationship he was ashamed he ached for when he was at Grace Field) for some time as Isabella recovers and integrates back into their family, and if their biological connection hasn't been revealed already through some external force this is probably where he reaches out to someone (defaulting to Emma, Norman, Don, and/or Gilda) to talk about it, though whomever he speaks with they make it clear he's not obligated to forgive or interact with her.
For Isabella's part, she accepts whatever his feelings may be after having two years to reflect on how she treated him.
(Chapter 177)
"I couldn't dote on you." Not because I was forbidden from favoring you beyond somehow sparing you from eventually being shipped out—as long as I produced the desired results, I could do as I wished—but because I couldn't separate the violence you were born out of from you as a person.
Her not making excuses for that could go a long way.
Eventually they do start speaking to each other regarding topics that are easier to broach, like the other children, gardening, cooking (I don't know if she started cooking once she became Grandma or if it would something entirely new to her in the human world since the farm system purposely stratified labor as another measure to prevent the sisters from revolting), before tackling their deeper rooted issues or discussing matters like the origins of the lullaby.
whatever whatever pacing and subject focus issues re: the manga aside, there’s a whole big thing about late story isabella, how she interprets ray’s address as forgiveness, but . . . it’s maybe just more speaking to how their worst qualities are the ones that they share. not as much a “ you’re my mom and i forgive you ” as it is a “ i get it, i’m there too, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway, stop feeling sorry for yourself ” and it just. tapers off into something impersonal, something more just a person speaking to a person than a son to his mother. and then there’s emma’s big wrap-up speech about how isabella’s love &. kindness before the jailbreak arc began had been genuine, and how they all just remembered the happy things about living in grace field, and she’s speaking on behalf of all the kids. but that speech doesn’t apply to ray, like at all at all. as near to the present as ayshe’s inclusion, and the visions at the seven walls, ray isn’t at peace with isabella. he doesn’t remember only the happy times , because the happy times for him only lasted for as long as he’d been willing to pretend he didn’t know about the farms.
and speaking of all that, it’s crazy how ray rlly kinda invoked his own mistreatment when he robbed isabella of that easy blissful delusion, just off the basis that he happened to retain more memories than what was normal &. decided that he loved emma and norman more than he feared the consequences of laying his cards on the table, but it’s even crazier that she let him do that. she rlly stood there and let her six year old kid weaponize himself, really let that bond shift from that of a child and their protector, to one that was almost purely parasitic, transactional, &. conditional by definition.
ofc it’s all painfully logical and understandable how far into this system characters like isabella and sister krone had sunken &. how it took watching these kids do what they never could to put their own humanity back into perspective, but just……………… hhhh. it’s broken, it’s a tragic cycle, and for as much as isabella did love her kids, as nice as it would’ve been to just raise them all like a normal mother should, the backbone of her character journey &. ultimate redemption was laid out plain and clear right to ray’s face that everything, including his birth, was all just collateral damage of isabella’s desire to survive in this world as according to the demon’s rules, longer than most ever could, and find some sort of meaning to all this sacrifice in the only option that’d ever been available to cattle like them. the tragedy is that the prioritizing of her own position trumps that love of a mother more times that it ever didn’t, and that’s the mom that ray was left with.
#YEP. #conclusion did not address the messed-up human cesspool that is most of these character’s psyches #it didn’t need to be angsty. it needed to be honest. #it needed to let stuff be messy if it wasn’t going to address them #but it tried to make everything shiny and it didn’t work #regardless the ray-isabella dynamic is excellent and deserved so much more time. #like several volumes of time (via @esthelle18)
Isabella is such an unintentionally funny character because she’s just as aware of all of this as Ray is, and she also knows Ray knows the secret of the house. Maybe not entirely how he came to find out about it and how long he’s known, but she at least knows that he’s known since he was six years old. This woman is so spiteful that she was going to send off her biological son via systemic medical rape that she was forced to carry to term as a special offering to The One knowing that, since he was depressed because of everything that was going on beneath the veneer of Grace Field with his only respite being his two best friends, his brain was going to taste fucking terrible. Killing multiple birds with one stone.
@punching-unicorns Hmm! I continue to debate how much of her maintaining her deal with Ray was strictly for pragmatic reasons and how much was due to wanting to keep him close out of some painfully complicated mess of emotions that was constantly oscillating between a tainted affection and spiteful hatred. Any time she would find herself falling into the former, forgetting the circumstances of their relationship, him being the living, breathing reminder of one of the worst things HQ forced her to endure would resurface and how they chose to put him in her plant as if to silently mock her and unknowingly rub in how pitiful the life of a Mom would always be under this system. To openly love him would be one step further in giving in than she’d already done by accepting the Mom position and loving all the other cattle children she raised for slaughter, and she hated to give that much more of herself than she already had when she wasn’t aware of his origins. So she would dutifully do what was tasked of her, but on her terms, as petty as they were.
And once Ray was gone hopefully she could finally put these turbulent feelings to rest.
Deep down, she probably knew the significance of this would largely go unrealized by those she intended to get back at, and yet when one is forced to live such a routine, mundane life under the thumb of such a system, knowing there are humans out there who live lives freely without having to make any similar sacrifices, it eats at a person. So she took it out on the only other person in the house who had an inkling of the true hell they lived in. Never directly in the form of physical abuse or boorish spoken threats because the former would be counterproductive and the latter lacked the perceived elegance she’d cultivated about herself, but in the form of emotional neglect by withholding affection and regularly keeping him off-kilter with the choice of words she did use. Not constantly, because him being perpetually fearful would render his services useless, but enough to keep him on his toes while still lulling him into some semblance of security to explain his confidence in his exchange with Norman when it’s revealed he’s the traitor.
And then in a case of bitter irony, Ray’s retaliatory act of spite was threefold in its pettiness:
to Emma he verbally confirms he intends to deprive the demons of the feast they waited twelve years for
to Isabella the caretaker who sacrificed her charges so that she could live, he silently denies the means of prolonging her pitiful life
to Isabella his mother he proves that he’s better than her, that he isn’t afraid to die because dying as a human is better than whatever pathetic existence she had carved out for herself, ideally forcing her to look at him one last time with the same look of terror she had on her face the day she realized their biological connection
These are what I think he’d focus on in his moments of anger over the years, though he’d still primarily be guided by a selfless love for Emma and Norman. It’s a misplaced, manic bravado he’d whipped himself into that night, thinking his death would be “the best way” to both ensure the survival of his last most precious person in the world and atone for all the siblings he did nothing to save, but this is the headspace he’s in after a lifetime under such an oppressive existence.
What's your thoughts on Ray and Norman's conversation after the spy reveal, where Ray says Norman should've discarded him and Norman says he would've but Emma convinced him otherwise? Was Norman really going to do that? (sorry if you've already talked about it but I missed;;)
You're good! I talked about the framing of the end of the scene here forever ago in internet time, touch on it here as an add-on to a post regarding the false belief there was a rivalry founded on the basis of a classic love triangle inextricably integrated into the core of the narrative (i.e., Norman and Ray actually dislike each other because they're both vying for Emma's romantic affection), and a brief summary of those feelings in this paragraph from this post, so my thoughts on it are kind of scattered about lol
Ray knows Norman, knows his sense of rigid morality well enough to account for him discovering his alliance with Isabella and using that to his advantage, to further push Norman away so he’ll be more comfortable with using him (he even chides Norman for not keeping his original plan to do this a secret) and so his death will hurt him and Emma less. And for roughly the entire back half of October 2045, Norman did genuinely hate Ray for his betrayal in the same way he hated Isabella, his reaction so visceral at being deceived and hurt by people he had loved all his life. He would have been willing to sacrifice Ray if not for intervention from Emma, which opened him up to directly confronting Ray and, in turn, led him to discover Ray’s true motives. He was so humbled and taken aback by the depths of Ray’s love and loyalty he returned to his original categorization of him: a dear friend who needed to be saved from his intended fate in their cruel world. Even if saving him came at the cost of his own life; even if he desperately wanted to live.
So I do believe Norman would have done it given the circumstances, and that Ray was banking on him doing so if Norman suspected him of being the traitor (and from Ray's perspective, this was the more likely outcome because of how much stock he puts in Norman's intelligence).
It fits with Ray's meticulous planning, Norman's overall morality when left on his own at this point in his life plus his pride and ruthlessness, and the series' themes of redemption/second chances for those who genuinely work toward change and the positive influence of friendship/solidarity over isolation.
Upon discovering the truth of the house, Norman's first instinct is to grab Emma and Ray and get out of there.
His mind is absolutely fried by what's just taken place and its implications, and he's scrambling to come up with a plan, focusing on whatever he believes is still familiar and safe to ground himself so he can shake off the emotional and mental paralysis he's in. I love how both the manga and anime convey how shell-shocked he is with the weary lines under his eyes and the thousand-yard stare he's got going on as he's floating outside himself. It's all completely understandable.
This is one of my most-cited details about the anime taking advantage of the medium shift. Both Emma and Norman are completely shocked by Isabella being there, but it only takes Norman a second to shift between that initial shock to sorrow over realizing what it means that the woman who he’s viewed as his mother his entire life is here casually talking with demons and not recoiling in horror at what’s taken place. He genuinely loved her.
(Chapter 6)
It's part of why he reacts so viscerally to her betrayal, another being his pride taking a hit due to being outmaneuvered by her. He's scored perfect 300s on his test since the day he started taking them at four-years-old, the first child in the history of Grace Field ever to do so. While he's never haughty or smug over this, he does find comfort in his intelligence. This undermines him in a way that not only cuts him to the quick, but also puts his family at risk, and he's determined to come out on top in this game of high-stakes wits and save them.
(Chapter 10)
So after being dealt the crushing blow that Isabella was raising him and his siblings just to be food for demons, a few days later he's dealt another one when Krone's appearance leads him to instantly suspect Ray as the most probable and convenient informant for her. Ray was one of his two main pillars of strength he could fall back on in a time where his whole world has shifted beneath him. They had been together ever since he could remember, and he was disgusted with himself for even thinking Ray could do this. Like Isabella, he genuinely loved him too. In the face of the insurmountable conclusion he'd drawn, however, he couldn't ignore reality, not when the lives of Emma and his siblings hinged on him not making any more mistakes.
The revelation of this betrayal silently festers over the course of roughly two weeks. During that time, Ray even encourages Norman to be ruthless when dealing with his enemies.
(Chapter 7)
It doesn't take long for Norman to get on board.
(Chapter 9)
And while he ultimately comes to the conclusion that suppressing the adults is the better course of action,
(Chapter 10)
the poignancy of the fork symbolism is still there: stay vigilant, stay sharp, stay ruthless. Even if it means discarding one of your best friends once he's no longer useful in the escape plan. (I'll use this as an opportunity to plug one of my favorite pieces of art on the subject by @nekokat42. It's funny how over the course of the story, Norman ends up taking after Isabella the most out of the trio on this front.)
In the same way his categorization of Isabella has shifted in his mind, so too has his categorization of Ray, and he would have stayed there if Norman hadn't sought Emma's perspective on the matter. It parallels nicely to when she acts as his moral compass in chapter 1/episode 1.
Emma's automatic, genuine desire to save everyone quickly sobers him up from his stupor and his plan for just the three of them to escape. He's touched by this, her being far more selfless than him, and he silently chides himself for not even considering trying before resolving to make Emma's ideal outcome a reality.
(Chapter 13)
Emma reaffirms the importance of considering the nuance and material circumstances of their situation, what the logical fallout would be for the traitor if they were left behind during the escape, and the biggest thing for Norman, striving for better instead of settling for pragmatism when you still have the opportunity to effect change on the world around you and reach an outcome you'll be happier with.
(Chapter 14)
(Chapter 13)
Norman being willing to use and discard Ray makes the impact of him switching his stance on the matter and later realization of Ray's true motives hit harder while also providing a basis for his actions and beliefs during later arcs after he's been isolated from the positive influence of his family.
(The Good Place; borrowing because I like the conciseness and feel it's applicable to Norman, Ray, and Yuugo.)
With the way the final seconds of this sequence are framed in the anime—going from a shot of a giddy yet harried Norman to a self-chiding Ray to Eugene's drawing of a trio of children—I feel like they wanted to draw attention to this aspect of his realization more than chapter 14 did where Norman's more focused on what Ray's position as Isabella's spy affords the plan. Here it looks like he's taking in the full ramifications of the choice he would have made if he hadn't talked with Emma; a future where he threw away a dear friend who had made years of impossible decisions as Isabella's sheepdog and was willing to die so that they could have one, because for Ray it's always been about Emma and Norman. What once appeared to be a selfish choice to save his own skin was actually one born out of love and loyalty, and once again Norman is disgusted with himself over his presumptions and saddened by Ray's intention to die, though at this point he hasn't seen the lighter fluid stockpiled under Ray's bed, so he has yet to figure out how he plans to pull it off. It's an ache profound enough to leave him startled and reaching to cover his mouth in its wake. One that could possibly be prompted without Norman intending to discard Ray since on top of everything else already going on he's now aware Ray plans on killing himself, which is devastating, but I think it's more poignant if he was going to go through with it.
i just realized that there are absolutely zero pictures of yugo, lucas, conny, isabella, and all the other kids that died in gracefield/B06-32. they can only rely on memory alone and some day they will forget what their voices sound like/what they look like and now im crying
#this is why I hc Yvette to be a portrait artist once she grows up #So that even if there aren’t any photographs of a person she loves they’re at least immortalized through her art #or at least that’s my coping mechanism T-T (via @s8fingracefield)
#I'm a firm believer of Yvette drawing them perfectly and somewhat capturing their personality as her abilities develop #Isabella's soft smile. maybe a frown you couldn't see to often #her with her hair let down after tugging the babies in #Yuugo in the morning looking like he had a fight with a bloodthirsty demon but no. it was just the clock #him drinking tea and being in thoughts #eating cookies with Lucas #Lucas explaining smth. reading quietly or taking care of the scars of his lost limbs #all those little moments even Ray didn't see (via @officersnickers)
The shared artist Yvette recreating portraits from memory headcanons…🤝(I also like Ray doing this too)
#I love the idea where Yvette notices Don taking a sheet of her sketchbook sometimes to draw Little Bunny w/ pigtails whenever Don misses her #so in turn she tries her best to sketch Conny from her memory but since it’s her first serious portrait she has such a hard time drawing her #Also she doesn’t have the clearest memory of her so with every feature that doesn’t look like Conny she erases it in frustration because… #“No no no no! That’s not what Conny looks like! Her eyes are more downturned than that! Her smile is brighter than that!” #She cries in frustration because she regrets not drawing any of her siblings before they left the house and died to a demon. So many regrets #Everyone notices her change in mood and physical isolation so they try to comfort her by asking what’s wrong and being goofy to lighten mood #then they realized what she’s crying about and like a row of dominoes falling down they cry. They finally cry together for who they lost. #This happens in the bunker btw. Yuugo had half the mind to bully them while they’re crying but he also relates and understands the guilt soo #he just avoids them and stays in that one room with the word “Poachers” in it #Anyway Don is bawling his eyes out and does little critiques but in his own big bro way (teasing) #Ray was (forced to be) of big help due to his clear memory of Conny. It was hard for him to talk about her because emotional repression #but they made it work! Had a mental breakdown halfway through but everyone got to open up one way or another thanks to Yvette!!!! #from then on Yvette would make portraits of everyone she remembers knowing dead or alive #that includes Isabella Krone Yuugo and Lucas (even Norman since she thought he died) #Oh speaking of Yvette and Norman she would cry if she realizes that Norman wrote his “last words” in HER paper #does she know it or does she not? Either way I cried about that once in the middle of the night #In any case while their faces may still be immortalized through this hc their voices will inevitably be forgotten… which breaks my heart sm (via @s8fingracefield)
And memory keeper Ray headcanons magnified by the whole Grace Field group joining in…these are the things we were robbed of during the multiple timeskips… (and the doubled-edged sword that comes with this for Emma, getting to learn these memories alongside the others but not remembering the foundations on which they were formed)
While listening to the stories of the days she spent at the House, Emma gently opened her mouth.
"Hey," she looked at others and asked. "What kind of person was 'Mom'?"
The children answered, telling her almost everything she could possibly want to know. She knew what type of place the House was, and that the woman who the children called their mother was a breeder who was appointed to manage the children. Emma thought that it might be a painful subject, but she couldn't help but bring it up. Hearing stories about the House made her more curious about that person.
"Emma."
When she imagined her name being called by a gentle voice, her chest filled with warmth, but it also left an ache.
"She protected me, and in the other world, she…." Emma murmured the words and embraced herself. She knew the woman couldn't come here, and the reason why she couldn't come here. "She was an enemy…but she helped us, didn't she?"
"Yes. She was a kind and strong Mom," Norman continued with a quiet voice and remembered that time.
The demon's claws nearly impaled Emma, who was protecting a younger sibling. Both he and Ray held guns, but they couldn't make it in time.
But the huge claws were blocked from ever reaching her.
Isabella protected the children, using her body to shield them. The adults who had survived the farms are, in other words, the 'breeders' who continued to sacrifice the children. Isabella shipped out Conny and all other children knowing they would die. That past could never be changed.
But at the same time, the love she had for them was genuine.
"It'd be nice if Mom could come here with us…"
"Yeah, I wanna meet Mom."
When Nat commented, Rossi replied in a small voice.
All the children had a similar expression. They shed tears but wore smiles on their faces. Emma, who had no memories of the woman's last moments, was no different. She uttered slowly.
"Yeah, I want to meet her, as well."
Maybe Emma's dreams were like that because there were dreams about the person who protected her at the expense of own life.
Emma held her hands near her chest. Naturally, they moved to clasp the pendant she wore.
What hurt about losing the memories was not being able to remember the important people in her life that she wouldn't be able to meet anymore. She wouldn't be able to meet and laugh with them; or make new memories with them. The thought hurt her deeply.
~ Excerpt from TPN Light Novel 4, Films of Memories, translated by @1000sunnygo
