so the frank answer is that i actually have literal dozens of unanswered asks in my inbox from over the years. if i haven’t gotten to yours, it’s either because a lot of time has passed and im embarrassed to answer it now, it’s been lost in the abyss of other asks and submissions i receive, or i just enjoyed seeing the ask so much that i kept it in my inbox and stared at it while forgetting that i should probably answer. lol. i’m very sorry to anyone whose asks and submissions i have not replied to, but if you could see my inbox you’d probably agree that it’s kind of a disaster. i’ll try to be a bit more on top of it in the future but tumblr hates giving me notifications anyways, so we shall see.
(also, this ask was a little vague so i’m not really sure which ask you’re referring to. if you send me another one with more specifics i’ll see if i can find it.)
ive had that fic in the background of my mind for literally two years and your return and all the effort that you put into it is literally serendipity— and im rambling but besides the fic and the fact that im literally sososo excited to read it so much so that im gonna dedicate all of tonight to savoring it is!!! ah im so excited, you're amazing sabby just for so much and im glad you're back
hiya! this might seem a little... strange, that i’m making a text post response to an anon ask i’ve gotten recently, but in order to protect the identity of the person involved i’ve chosen not to publish it.
it came to my attention that there was a piece published bearing some similarities to something i wrote a while back. I contacted the author, and we had an amazing discussion. it turns out that there was a lot of factors at play, and the author was absolutely not at fault for these similarities. the author provided me with clear proof of this, and i 100% believe them when they said they meant absolutely no harm in publishing the piece.
i’d like to thank this author for taking the time to discuss this with me so we could get to the bottom of what really happened, and i would also like to thank the person who sent me the ask alerting me to the similarities. sorry if this is vague, but again i would like to protect the identity of this author as these similarities were through no fault of their own and they were extremely willing to work with me to reach an understanding about the piece. Both people (asker and author) did their due diligence and for that i could not be more thankful.
thank you everyone for the amazing support these last few days. i am so beyond touched by the messages i’ve gotten and the welcome back that the community has given me. i hope you enjoy the things i have cookin.
This is a long post that also happens to be long overdue. Also posted as a thread to my twitter (tl;dr at end).
Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I’ve been debating for a little bit on how to write this, going back and forth between feeling scared and feeling determined to say what I want to say. I’m finally at a point where I can confidently say: let’s talk.
First, I want to say this: I’m sorry. I haven’t been very consistent these past two years, with both my writing and with keeping in touch with everyone I’ve met online. If you’re reading this and I haven’t spoken to you in a while, know this: I will be getting in touch with you soon. I haven’t forgotten the amazing people I call friends.
If you folks will have me, I’d love to catch up with everyone I haven’t talked to during my absence. I want to make one thing very, very clear— me being gone was never about me not wanting to talk to the people on here or participate in this community. The thing I regret the most about being gone is leaving people in the dark. If my absence has in any way, shape, or form hurt you, I cannot begin to apologize enough from the bottom of my heart. That was never my intention, although intentions don’t fix the hurt caused.
I want to discuss the reason for my absence, so please bear in mind that I’m not trying to excuse being gone— just explain why.
Some of you may know that I have three diagnosed mental conditions that have mostly been manageable through medication and therapy. When I first started writing online, I was halfway through undergrad and I wanted a place where I could put my writing so people might enjoy it. I found that pretty quickly on Ao3. As I worked on getting my writing degree, I would spend hours and hours working on what became ASID. I was thrilled beyond belief when ASID drew in readers who left wonderful comments.
I have a huge amount of love in my heart for everyone who has ever read any of my works, and I wouldn’t change anything about that. Ever. But as I graduated from college, I started noticing that my mental health was on a sharp decline that it hadn’t been on since high school. I tried to keep it at bay for a while, because I was sure I would bounce back.
I did not.
I began to take small breaks as I jumped into graduate school. I feel very purposeless without school in the background of my life; I’d gotten a degree that a lot of people in my life implied was useless, and with every break I took I felt more and more like an imposter. What’s a writer who doesn’t write? Had I gotten my degree for nothing? I trudged on through grad school and received my Masters in May. It still didn’t feel right. I felt like a failure.
Every time I logged on to talk to friends or check my comments, a voice in the back of my head kept popping up. I was getting older and less motivated. Life outside of undergrad hit me all at once. Nothing I wrote felt good enough to post. The amount of debt I was in already made me ill, and I went through four years of schooling just to feel like the degree I earned was for nothing.
There’s a weird misconception that artists have to be suffering to make good art. We have to be low to do our best. And I was low, lower than I had been since the absolute worst days of my life, and I still couldn’t produce anything. The pain wasn’t enough to jump-start me. What worth did I have, then? What worth does someone who has put their heart into their writing have if they can’t write anymore?
I mistakenly felt like I was an imposter among genuine people, like the friends I had made and the writers I admired were on the other side of a window, in a place I couldn’t get into. When the pandemic rolled around, things had already been teetering on the edge. I won’t sit here and pretend that I got hit any worse than anyone else during 2020— I had a roof over my head and a place to go during my state’s lockdown. But there was ample time, and yet I still wasn’t writing. I couldn’t even do that right. I had to rawdog my mental illness for a stretch, live in a town where the worst trauma of my life had happened to me, and feel like a total, complete, garbage failure every single day. Logging in was more and more of a reminder that I was dead weight.
Financially, I wasn’t doing much better. In the past year or so, I’ve had to provide for myself living on my own on an nonprofits’s pay (not much), as well as occasionally provide for my uncle. I’d thought that by my mid-twenties my life would be different; that I’d be better. In the last few months, it’s become clear that I require surgery for something that may not yet be able to be covered by my insurance; my options now are to wait for it to progress and get worse for coverage or pay out of pocket for the surgery sooner. It’s likely I will need a second one afterwards to completely correct my issues.
For a while, that just made the idea of writing again feel selfish. Why spend time interacting with the community when I should be working to make money because I wasn’t eligible for the stimulus? Why sit down and write something that I would probably just scrap anyway? There’s a lot of other more personal things that happened during my absence that I won’t delve into, including the passing of our family dog. I’m sorry if this seems vague as well, or if it appears that I’m just trying to make excuses— I’m not. Ever since I was younger, I’ve always kind of receded in on myself any time I feel anxious or like a phony. I know it’s not a good habit.
So that’s why I’m here right now, writing this. If I could go back and tell myself that those things I thought about myself weren’t true— that I deserve to have fun in this community and I deserve to talk to the people I care about— I would. But unfortunately, I can’t do that. All I can do is move forward.
I’m not going to sit here and promise that things will be the way that they were back when I first started; not right away, at least. But as of lately I’ve been letting myself peek at my Tumblr dash every so often or log into my Ao3 to see my comments. Those things used to scare me— and they still kind of do right now— but I can’t let them anymore. Joining this community is one of the best things I have ever done. I mean that. The people I’ve met, the comments I’ve received, hell even the discourse I’ve jumped in on— I wouldn’t trade any of it. Things might be overwhelming for a little bit as I adjust to being back after so long, but I want to be here. I want to let myself be happy again.
If you’ve read this far— thank you. Thank you so much for your love and for your patience. Like I said before, I cannot stress enough that my absence was because of myself alone and had nothing to do with my amazing friends on here or the community. If I haven’t messaged you in a long time— again, I apologize. I really, really did drop off. But the only way I can be better at being consistent with the people I care about is by holding myself accountable, not shrinking away.
It may take me a few days to really sort through all of my unread messages and comments and asks and give them the attention they deserve. But I promise, I’ll reach out to everyone whenever I’ve taken the time to do so. Thank you all for being there even when I am not.
Tl;dr—Mentally and financially, I’ve been struggling a lot this past year. I fell back into bad habits of receding into myself and leaving people in the dark, and I really wish I hadn’t. I’d love to be a more active part of this community again. I love all of you so, so much.
I don’t know if a hq-themed ask game has already been done, but since I’m still new to the fandom I thought this could be a fun way to get to know more people!
Haikyuu!! questions to fill your askbox
🏐 Do you play any sports?
💕 Your top 3 favorite characters
✨ Your favorite team
💀 A character you don’t like so much
🦋 In what kind of moments do you feel like you could be able to fly?
🌲 Are you tall, short or average height?
☁️ What’s your biggest dream/a goal you want to achieve?
👟 What’s your favorite volleyball position?
🌻 Which character do you relate to the most?
☀️ Do you have someone or something in your life that inspires you to work harder?
✒️ Any quotes from the anime/manga that you especially like?
🐱 If you were to create your own team from scratch, what would be the mascot?
👑 Have you ever been called the king/queen of something?
🌈 Share a random headcanon you have for any character(s)
💘 Do you have any ships?
🎀 If you are a content creator, share an art/writing piece you’re proud of
💌 Recommend another hq blog or an art/writing piece that you like
🍙 What’s your favorite hq food/the one you’d like to try the most?
🎵 A song that reminds you of your favorite character/ship/team
🐣 Build a friend squad or a family with hq characters
I will honestly never forgive y’all for going crazy over kylo ren. like u literally had poe and finn and u chose kylo. that’s like saying u would fuck jar jar binks over anakin or obi. rip to ur taste in men but I am different
I do apologize for not being online consistently. 2020′s been a rough year for everyone, and I’ve got some personal stuff going on. As does everyone else. I’m trying to get back into the groove of writing though!
I hope everyone is well. Reading comments has certainly been a bright spot for me during this pandemic. I want everyone to rest assured that I plan to continue to work on Crows in the Catacombs, ASID, Shouganai, Polarity, and Cat’s Cradle once again when I’m in a better place mentally. I’m also hoping to continue writing for stardew valley and begin putting out some writing for daiya no ace (kuramochi stans wya? I’d ride or die for that green haired bitch).
Wear a fucking mask (OVER YOUR NOSE TOO!!!!) and wash your hands,
HIIII I LOVE ASID SO MUCH YOU’RE SUCH A TALENTED WRITER 🥺❤️ your world-building is so well done. smtimes i even forget asid is mainly about the nsfw. it’s amazing how u add so much depth to one shots ❤️ I STAN
I STAN YOU NONNIE YOURE SO CUTE THIS ASK MADE MY HEART HAPPY
I just need to know pls. I read Study in Depravity with Oikawa and pls tell me, they married and lived a happy life and had a full volleyball team?? I was already mushy inside then I read the Kuroo one and ..if I watch some fluffy videos right now I think I will cry T.T. Are you active on ao3? I followed you there :3
They are married and have a whole volleyball team of kids (plus a pinch server lol) and renew their vows. And uncle iwaizumi introduces all his nieces and nephews to godzilla. A very happy life. I am def trying to be more active on AO3! <3
HI I JUST WANTED TO LET U KNOW I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR WRITING. Quarantine got me on fanfiction again and I found Polarity and it’s so flipping good ?! Loving all the characterizations and Emiko is so pure 😭 this is not meant to be pushy because real life is crazy and you owe nothing to us but will it ever be updated again? Hope you’re safe and doing well !! Thanks for all the stuff you put out there : )
It will be! No worries :) Emiko is one of my favorite ocs to write for, and I’m really touched that so many people like her. I like when reader characters have other characters around that contrast them because I’m a whore for juxtaposition!!!!!!!!!! luv ya <3
hiya! i found your drifters fic shouganai a while back and adored it to bits! i hope you don't mind me asking, but do you have plans to continue it? there's no rush, of course; i'm just glad to have read it at all. you did an amazing job fleshing out the reader character, as well as their dynamics with the canon characters, and i often return to reread it. hence me asking haha. thanks so much for writing it!
I do have plans to continue it! I’m a little bummed we don’t have a whole lot more drifters content to inspire me. But I am really looking forward to working on it again!
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