It’s not that I have anything against non-con or dub-con in fics. It’s a safe space to explore, it’s some peoples’ kink. It’s fine. I assume we’re all adults who understand the difference between fiction and reality and act accordingly. But then sometimes I get all concerned because I’ll read a tag for dubcon and go in and it turns out to be noncon. Like, really non-consensual. And I get that AO3 has a “Choose Not to Warn” tag that’s kind of like a get out of jail free card for that kind of thing, but if you’re going to tag for it anyway, please use the correct one.
Like. I just… worry. Because there’s a lot of stuff that I don’t think people realize they think (or don’t) about what constitutes rape, and especially male rape. And I bet there’s a shit-ton of things that I don’t realize, either. But, please:
If they say ‘no’ but you do anyway, it’s rape.
If they fight back in any way, shape, or form but you do it anyway, it’s rape.
If they ask you not to, even politely, but you do anyway, it’s rape.
It’s still rape if there’s no penetration, by you or of your victim.
It’s still rape if it’s a male and the attacker is the one being penetrated, because–
It’s still rape even if they become aroused.
It’s still rape if they’re asleep and can’t consent (unless it’s pre-negotiated).
It’s rape even if your genitals are not directly involved, or no skin was touching skin.
It’s rape even if they have an orgasm.
It’s rape even if you’re already in a sexual relationship, if they said no.
It’s rape even if they decide to have consensual sex with you later.
It’s rape even if you fall in love.
It’s rape even if ‘you know they want it.’
It’s rape even if they change their minds about some kind of sexual stance they had before, because they had sex. Because they were raped.
Some of these things have been used as arguments against rape victims, both male and female, and I worry that in some cases the things that get said or are left unsaid lead us to think something ‘isn’t really rape.’
Fanfiction is fiction. I know that. I’m just saying that, please, if you’re trying to alert people that your work might have dub- or non-con in it, tag for the thing it really is. Show people that you understand the difference. If you’re tagging because you’re worried about triggering anyone, please respect that the difference between dubcon and noncon can be both small and vast–small in terms of what you’ve differentiated and vast to the person reading it.
Again, this isn’t to shame anyone who writes or reads non-con, or the idea of dub/noncon fics in general. I read them, myself, and have found some really good ones out there. But then sometimes I come across noncon that’s parading (mislabeled) as dubcon, and I just… worry.
