untitled angst/comfort ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ sougo okita x reader
summary: a planned date with your boyfriend Sougo Okita goes south when he (accidentally? like he Knows but it's not his intention if that makes sense lmao) prioritizes work over you. Commence him trying to fix it after he's lost his mind to Hijikata over the phone.
content: angst to comfort, modern!au, there’s a shinsengumi HQ but they don’t live there, sougo and reader share an apartment. a bit of switching between calling them sougo/okita and toshiro/hijikata, but it made more sense in my brain for the interactions between the two of them to use their family name, and interactions involving reader using their given name. just seemed more right idk. if you'd like to share a similar headspace as me when I was writing it, I was picturing soft!okita like during the Mitsuba arc :) he's soft with reader like he was soft with her!
a/n: THIS IS MY BABY OML close to two months put into this off and on, and by far the longest thing I've ever written, but I adore it! working on more of the soulmate series, unfortunately the move took more out of me than expected but it's OVER NOW thank GOD, so enjoy this soft okita angst and come back soon for the reigen and toji soulmate saturday installments!
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“Y/N, hey, is something wrong?” Toshiro’s voice comes through your phone after having answered your call.
“No, Toshi, everything’s fine,” you reply with a smile forming on your face, body seemingly buzzing with energy. “I have some news! And I want to treat Sougo to a date where I share it with him. Could I meet up with you sometime today for you to help out with ideas?”
You could hear him inhale off his cigarette, pausing briefly before exhaling.
“News? Good grief, don’t tell me that bastard got you pregnant,” Toshiro grumbles in reply, rolling his eyes.
You had grown closer to Toshiro ever since you and Sougo had started officially dating, after you started coming around the shinsengumi HQ and were around his friends coworkers more often. Toshiro has honestly been a huge help to you, at first reluctantly helping you plan gifts for your boyfriend, but gradually warming up to you and giving advice if you needed more insight into Sougo’s brain, seeing as how the Demon Vice Commander had known the 1st Division Captain for far longer than you had.
It was because of this that Toshiro felt somewhat protective over you. You were a great match of a couple, Sougo and you, but Toshiro also knew that Sougo could be a bit dense sometimes, and that he can also occasionally let his brain steer him on a single track, effectively giving him a sort of tunnel vision (see: Katsura).
If Sougo ended up fumbling you, Toshiro knew how hard you’d take it. He saw how much you adored the captain, your eyes lighting up when you see him or talk about him. Hell, he knew how hard Sougo would take it - while the guy puts on the nonchalant sadist front, Toshiro has noticed how you’d softened the captain, so he tries his best to advise the both of you as best as he can when either come to him for advice.
He can already imagine the threats he’s going to lob at the sadist in order to ensure he doesn’t fall into the role of absent father.
“Oh my god Toshi! I am not pregnant. I suppose it’s not nearly that serious,” you reply, mirroring his eye roll. Your voice drops to a whisper before you speak into the receiver again, saying “I’ll tell you the news when I see you, I don’t want anyone else to know before I’m able to tell Sou.”
Toshiro chuckles slightly to himself, and he’s able to almost picture you comically dashing your eyes either way, as if trying to stay on the lookout for eavesdroppers.
“Alright, alright, I’ve got patrol soon, but meet me at the bench by the pond later. Give me two hours and I should be there,” he offered, tossing the spent cigarette butt down next to his feet, stomping it out with his boot.
"Thank you, thank you, I’ll see you then. Thank you!” you rush, quickly hanging up the call. Toshiro huffs out what could roughly be described as a laugh at your tone; it was sweet to hear you get excited like that for his brunette counterpart.
Toshiro pulled the phone from his ear and deposited it back into his uniform pocket. He barely heard his footsteps before Sougo was standing right behind his shoulder.
“Who was that, Hijikata?” Sougo asked monotonously.
“Just some confirmations about patrol, needed to drop off some intel after and had to plan the spot,” Toshiro lied, not wanting to give away that you had asked him for help with Sougo.
“Well aren’t you just employee of the month, Hijikata. Anyway, I’m gonna go try and get a head start on some paperwork,” Sougo said, turning around in order to walk off.
“Don’t you mean you’re going to go and pawn it off on a new guy?”
“Exactly, didn’t I just say that? Hijikata, you may need to get your hearing checked.”
Toshiro was right on time following his patrol. You were sitting on the wooden bench near the pond, the sky just starting to get darker for the evening. You were enjoying watching the ripples in the water, and how the movement of the fish would change the pattern.
When Toshiro topped the hill near you, coming into your line of sight, a small smile broke onto your face and you turned to give him a slight wave. He sat next to you when he got to the bench, adjusting his sword at his hip so it sat comfortably against him.
“So,” Toshiro started, lifting a cigarette to between his lips before following it up with a spark from a lighter. He inhaled, looking out at the water while exhaling. “What’s this big news you have?”
He turned just enough to more easily watch you out of the corner of his eye. He watched your eyes turn downwards, focusing on your lap where you were twisting your fingers around themselves, busying your mind and hands to distract from your nerves. A wide smile gradually formed on your face.
“I got the job,” you said shyly.
You had been working at a company in a sort of interim position, originally predicted to last approximately six months. Due to some restructurings elsewhere in the company that ended up affecting your job as well, you’re going on close to a year of having worked there, and over that extra time, you really solidified your desire to continue with your position.
Everyone in the shinsengumi knew how hard you had been working to try and secure the official role within the company. If Sougo wasn’t directly talking about how impressed he was with you, he was using you as a comparison for other members, teasing them along the lines of, “my girlfriend can do in thirty minutes what you’ve done in the last three hours,” in the hopes of them picking up the pace.
Toshiro’s eyes widened slightly, and the sharp inhale he took caused him to cough abruptly, forcing him to remove the cigarette from between his lips.
He settled down shortly after, offering you a nod and a small smile in typical Hijikata fashion.
“What did I say before, you were crazy to be worrying about that. I knew you’d get it,” he praised, moving his cigarette back to his mouth
“Yeah,” you breathed out bashfully. Your face goes serious when you turn to meet his gaze. “Please don’t tell anyone else yet. Obviously I wanted Sougo to know first, but I wanted to make it special when I told him and thought you could help.”
“I doubt you need my help, that bastard’d like whatever you put together.”
“Toshiii come onnn, I want it to be nice!”
Toshiro sighs, head tipping back to look across the darkening sky. “I have a connection with this guy who runs this nice steakhouse downtown. I’ll make a couple of calls and get you guys a reservation for this weekend. Guy owes me one, anyway.”
Your eyes go wide as you ask, “Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to call in your favor if you-“
“I’m sure, Y/N,” Toshiro interrupts with a reassuring smile, having turned his head halfway in your direction. “You guys are good together. And maybe Okita will stop trying to kill me so often if he’s more focused on you.”
While you know he’s joking, you can’t help but tackle him in a hug, thanking him profusely.
“Yeah, kid, don’t mention it. Just maybe keep him busy for me,” Toshiro responded, pushing you off of him before ruffling your hair.
The two of you sat next to each other on the bench for a bit longer, just looking out at the pond, before standing and deciding to head back up to the HQ.
Toshiro had done exactly as he said, helping you get everything set up for your date with Sougo the following weekend.
He had gotten in contact with his connection, securing you and Sougo a private room reservation at a high end restaurant downtown. Toshiro had even been able to organize a “Katsura-interruption-free” night, making sure everyone in the shinsengumi knew not to direct any sightings or tips the captain’s way while the two of you were dining.
A handful of months prior, you had hesitantly approached Toshiro, body rigid with anxiety. You’d come to get some insight from him regarding the situation with Katsura, and that conversation was a large reason for him helping out so much for this occasion, at least on the shinsengumi side.
“Hijikata, do you have a minute?”
You were standing in the entrance to his office within the shinsengumi HQ. Sougo and some of the lesser members were on a patrol, and you had decided to be there for when he arrived back.
You also had made sure to get there earlier than he mentioned being back at HQ, with the aim of being able to talk with Toshiro.
At this point, you had only just started to get to know the Demon Vice Commander. You had asked him questions here and there regarding Sougo and their shared past, so you hoped you weren’t overstepping with the conversation you intended on having with him.
He looked up at the sound of talking, tearing his eyes away from the paperwork in front of him to meet yours.
“Y/N, good to see you,” he shuffles the papers in front of him into a neater pile before standing up. “You know, you’re more than welcome to just call me Toshiro.”
He places a fresh cigarette into his mouth and lights it before making his way over to you in the doorway, gazing outside as you continue your conversation.
“Okita’s not back just yet,” Toshiro states.
“I know,” you reply, “I was, um, hoping to ask your thoughts on something. About Sougo.”
Your eyes are set on your hands wringing in front of you, causing you to miss the side glance and quirked eyebrow he threw your way.
“Well, I guess not about him necessarily, just.. regarding a situation.”
“Alright,” Toshiro responds, tone slightly questioning.
“I really like him, you know. I’m aware that we probably know different versions of Sougo, but he really is very caring and funny,” you started, “and I really admire his loyalty to you guys, and to his work. But, I’m starting to wonder where I really fit within his world. I almost wish I could read his mind sometimes.”
You huff out a sorry excuse for a laugh, wanting to put on a more nonchalant front. By now, Toshiro has turned slightly to be able to observe your expressions. You take a deep breath, seemingly grounding yourself, before continuing.
“I know what his position requires of him. It’s his job to take care of people like Katsura. It was somewhat inspiring at first, how easily he’d drop whatever he was doing to answer a call about a sighting and rush to get to the location.”
Toshiro took another puff off of his cigarette while you thought over your words.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s starting to make me wonder if I’ll ever take higher priority than his job. It’s not like I want him to quit, not at all! I just- when he leaves like that, I can’t help but start thinking -“
“Don’t,” Toshiro interrupts. He makes a mental note to try and mention this to Okita in private later. “Sure, Okita is good at his job, and he really insists on applying himself, especially when Katsura is involved.”
He inhales his smoke, collecting his thoughts before continuing.
“But trust me, Y/N. I’ve never seen that man dedicate himself to something or someone more than he has to you. Including his work. Hell, he’s always missing shifts to be able to be with you. Katsura’s like… he’s like this issue that Okita’s been working on for so long that it’s almost a sort of sunk cost situation, aside from an actual mission. Just, give him some grace with that one. Before you know it, he’ll have taken care of it, just like he always does.”
You nod in understanding, responding with a hesitant, “Okay, I believe you. Thank you for that, really,” and then after a beat, “Toshiro.”
He nods in acknowledgement, offering a slight turn of his lips while he throws down his cigarette butt.
The morning of the date, you woke up in the bed you and Sougo shared in your also shared apartment, both of his arms wrapped around your midsection while his legs were tangled with yours.
Your eyes slightly fluttered, quickly closing back after being bombarded by the bright light of the morning sun through the open curtains. Taking a deep breath, you allowed yourself to settle further back into Sougo’s embrace, his chest against your back and nose tucked into the crook of your neck.
Having felt you stir, Sougo tightens his grip around your waist, nuzzling further into your shoulder before giving a soft kiss to your skin. The feeling caused you to hum slightly, bringing a small smile to his lips.
He whispers a good morning against your back. You turn in his hold so that you are now face to face with the shinsengumi captain, meeting his gaze before giving him a quick peck to the corner of his mouth.
“Morning, Sou,” you greet, head dipping down to now tuck your face under his chin. “You sleep alright?”
“Always with you, baby,” Sougo replies, adoration lacing his tone as he rests his head atop yours.
The two of you stay there, entirely encompassed in each other, for a few minutes longer, before your boyfriend places a kiss on your hair and starts to untangle himself.
“I’ll be back after a shower,” he promises quietly. You nod softly, eyes still half closed from the light and remaining grogginess, smiling as you watch him walk into the bathroom, long legs making quick work of the task.
As you lay in bed and listen to the shower turn on, you roll from your side onto your back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. The smile on your face started to grow, your mind reminding you that tonight was your planned date with Sougo.
Since you hadn’t mentioned it to him just yet, and you knew he’d be heading out to the shinsengumi headquarters soon for his day of work, you figured you’d fill him in on your plans before he left, thinking it may also help him be able to complete his tasks and be able to return home to you quicker.
“Hey, Sou?” you call, and he replies with a quick hm? from inside the bathroom. “I’ve got reservations for us tonight, dinner in the city. You’ll make sure work doesn’t run too late, right?”
You first hear the shower turn off, and then the sounds of Sougo grabbing towels. He quickly makes himself present in the doorframe, your gaze turning to meet his figure, and you can tell he had only just wrapped a towel around his waist at the water droplets still running down his skin and collecting on the tiled floor of the bathroom. His hands are holding another towel, making quick work of tussling out the extra drops from his hair.
“A date, huh? When’d you put this together, doll?” Sougo asks, the corners of his mouth tugging up into a broad smile.
Your smile is mirroring his, and you let out a small giggle at how intrigued he seems.
“Been working on it,” you said teasingly. “But, I have a surprise for you, and I wanted to share it with you over something nice. So I found some strings to pull to treat you to dinner for it.” Your smile had morphed from slightly teasing to something more sincere.
Sougo could see the yearning in your eyes, your desire for him to appreciate your effort to surprise him with this shining directly through.
It warmed his heart to think that you cared about him that much.
He had finished toweling off his hair, now retreating back into the bathroom to dry the rest of the water off of his skin so he could return to you before needing to get dressed and leave the apartment.
“You know,” he calls from inside the bathroom, “you could always just tell me here. Save some time, and I can get right into the thanks that I know you like best.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, your thighs subconsciously clenching at his insinuation.
“Sougooo~ but I want us to go out and have a nice time! I’ll let you thank me all you want after. Maybe even let you do your worst. Really let you thank me for all this planning I did,” you continue to tease him, knowing he’s already got his mind running through ideas.
He saunters back into the bedroom, wearing his undershirt and uniform pants. After kneeling on the edge of the bed, he rolls over you, caging you underneath of him.
“That so?” Sougo asks, tone deep and wanting. His eyes are looking into yours hungrily, but you know your boyfriend - he can withhold himself, especially with the taunt of letting him run wild later.
And because of that knowledge, you look back up at him, eyes wide, nodding, before you let out the giggles you’ve been holding back. “You’re gonna be late for work, Sou. I’ll let you get back to this later. Promise, baby.”
His eyes remain on you for a few more seconds before he leans down to catch your lips in a kiss. When he breaks away, his eyes meet yours again.
“You sure are something else, you know that?” he says, rolling back off of you and walking over to the closet.
Your eyes follow his moves, watching his body - defined by his work and dedication - shift with every step. Your mouth doesn’t seem like the only part of your body salivating over him, and you can’t help but look forward to your activities after dinner.
While he’s pulling out the rest of his uniform, he asks, “So, where do I get the pleasure of being treated to tonight?”
Your reply consists of the name of a pretty high end restaurant settled further into the city. Upon hearing the name, Sougo’s head quickly spins around to look back at you.
“Y/N..,” he’s almost gawking at you as he says your name, face quickly morphing into a shocked smile. He laughs, shaking his head. “You’re crazy, you know that?” he asks while turning his attention back to the closet. “How’d you even manage to pull that off?”
“I told you I had been planning! And that I had found some strings to pull,” you answer, feeling the giddyness bubble up in your chest at his amusement.
“Alright. But I pay,” he counters, voice laced with a sense of finality.
“Wha- Sou! But it’s my treat!” you say before your lips turn into a pout directed towards the back of his head.
“I don’t care, dove. A lady never pays,” and this time, when he turns around to meet your eyes, you can tell that there’s no arguing with him.
You huff, crossing your arms over your chest, giving him as strong a glare as you can muster while trying to hide how distracted you are over him in his uniform. (Not like it would get past Sougo regardless, he’s flustered you well beyond this state many times while being in his full dress that he knows exactly what it does to you.)
He chuckles slightly, striding over to you in the bed before placing a grounding hand on the back of your neck. He pulls you into his chest, placing a kiss on the top of your head, just as he always does before he leaves the apartment to go to the sinsengumi headquarters.
“Listen, dove. You plan all the dates you want, to your hearts’ content, but I’ll be dead before you ever pay a bill,” he says genuinely.
“Alright, alright,” you respond with a breathy laugh. “Go work hard, Captain Okita. I’ll see you tonight for our date,” you continue as he leans down to press his lips to yours, your mouth curling up into a smile as he does so.
When Sougo returns to the apartment after his day of work, he finds you getting ready for your date in the bathroom. He stops in the doorway, leaning against the frame, taking in your standing figure in front of the mirror, unabashedly staring at your backside while you’re leaned against the counter working on finalizing your makeup.
After a few seconds you sense his presence, moving your eyesight in an attempt to meet his in the mirror. Instead, you’re only met with the sight of him ogling your ass.
You breathe out an unsurprised sound, only shocked at yourself for assuming Sougo of all people would be doing anything else.
At the sound, he realizes you’re now aware of his being there. He lets a small smile grace his face as he walks to meet you at the counter, his hands slotting themselves on the sides of your waist, eyes watching your hands move to apply the last of your mascara.
You close and put the mascara tube back into its designated spot in your makeup bag, exchanging it for your tube of lipgloss. You remove the cap, sliding the gloss across your lips. When you’ve applied what you need, you pucker your lips in the mirror while giving the rest of your face one last onceover to ensure nothing needs to be touched up.
Looking at the final product himself through the mirror, Sougo ducks his head to nibble at the junction of your neck and shoulder. He allows his hands to wander up and down your sides, and you glance over at him from the corner of your eyes.
"Sougo, baby, save it to celebrate after the news," you tell him, tone light and teasing, slightly chuckling at how easy it was for you to get him going.
"I mean, we could always stay in," he replied, pausing before adding, "or just be late."
You turn in his embrace, leaning your back against the bathroom counter and placing your hands against his chest.
"After dinner, baby," you insist, looking into his eyes. He ceded to your wishes once he saw the look of determination in your eyes, giving you a knowing smile and swooping down to steal a kiss from your glossed lips.
"After dinner, my dove," Sougo confirms, placing one last kiss to your shoulder and pinching your ass on his way out of the bathroom behind you, causing you to first jump and gasp in shock, but quickly settling into a laugh.
You lead him to the front door, slipping into your heels and grabbing your purse. As you turn to look at him again before you both are on your way, you pull his uniform coat closer together, straightening out the collar just slightly for him. His hands are back on your hips, gazing down at your choice of attire.
"You even wore my favorite dress, huh? Must be something real special, doll," Sougo says, a hint of flirting and more than a hint of something sensual in his tone.
"Wanted to treat you right, Sou," you said with a smile, causing him to peck you on the lips, transferring gloss to him once again.
Sougo opens the front door for you, allowing you to step out in front of him. You stand in the hallway while he pulls the door closed and locks the knob, pocketing the keys in his uniform jacket.
He makes sure he’s acting extra gentlemanly tonight, and extends his arm for you to wrap your hand around his elbow before leading you down the steps from your apartment, his other hand resting against the sword at his side.
When you both reach his car, Sougo ushers you towards the passenger side, opening the door for you to slip into the seat inside. After closing the door, he jogs around the front of the car to get into the driver’s seat, and leans over the center console to give you a quick kiss to the side of your jaw.
He starts the car, connecting your phone to the radio, allowing you to choose the music during the entire drive. He has the faintest smile on his face at the sound of you humming along to the songs of your choosing, and he keeps the palm of his hand pressed into the top of your thigh.
If you noticed it, you didn't mention it, but Sougo would hold onto your leg slightly more when he took turns in the road, subconsciously trying to steady you against the movement of the car.
When Sougo turned into the restaurant, he drove the car around to the back of the building where the parking lot was situated and parked. Once his door was open, he quickly clicked the lock again on the door, making sure he had enough time to run to open your door for you.
You chuckled slightly to yourself when you realized what he had done, opting to just sit back against the seat while waiting for him to meet you.
When he gets to your side of the car, he reaches into his pocket, clicking the button on his key to unlock the car again and open the passenger side door.
Sougo's hand is outstretched to help you out of the car. You take it with a small grin gracing your face.
He closes the car door behind you, hand dipping into his jacket before you hear the click of the locks engaging again.
He intertwines his fingers with yours, allowing some slack in his arm in order to be able to lower your connected hands to swing slightly between the two of you as you walk to the front entrance of the restaurant.
He pulls the door handle, letting it open before ushering you inside in front of him. Sougo places his hand along the small of your back, following the feel of your dress under his palm as you make your way to the host stand.
The man standing behind the podium looks at you expectantly. "Do you have a reservation?" he asks.
"Yes, it should be for two, under Okita?" you reply. You can feel a slight twitch in his fingers at hearing that the reservation was under his surname, as well as his eyes focusing on the side of your face.
"Ah, yes," the host says with a smile after looking down the list in front of him. He made what looked like a signal with his hand, and a woman approached from behind the wall next to him. He introduces her as your server for the night, before concluding with, "she'll be directing you to your reserved room."
The woman, your server, led you around a couple of corners through a hallway before stopping next to a doorway.
"This is your private dining room. There are both food menus and a drink menu on the table. I'll return shortly with glasses of water and to get any drink or starter orders," she said with a smile and small nod.
"Thank you," you replied, offering a small nod in return.
Sougo's hand is still resting against your back, leading you inside of the room.
The room was large enough to contain the dining table and two chairs, as well as a longer, narrow table alongside one wall, without feeling cramped or like you can't move around.
Sougo directed you to the chair facing away from the door, if only to allow him the seat providing a line of sight to the room's entrance. He pulled out the chair, giving you time to slide into the space between the chair and the table before pushing the chair back in under you.
Once you were settled, your boyfriend circle around the table, taking his own seat in front of you.
The room was decorated perfectly for a dim, romantic dinner date. There were velvet curtains draped along the walls, along with a dark tablecloth laying across the table. In the center of the table stood two candle holders, each holding a lit pillar candle in them. Between the two candles sat a small bowl containing a few short stemmed roses.
"Reservation for Okita, huh? Is this some sort of hint at your surprise?" Okita quickly kicks off the conversation. "I didn't think I was making you wait that long, but -"
You cut him off with a breathy chuckle and a few shakes of your head.
"No, Sou, I told you I found some strings to pull. I needed a bit of help and the person who helped was who made the reservation," you explained.
"Hm. So you're having other people plan our dates, is that it?" Sougo replies teasingly, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.
"I just wanted it to be special," you said. Your face still held a laidback grin, but he could see in your eyes that you just wanted him to like what you had planned for him.
He reached across the table, encasing your hand in his.
"This is incredible, Y/N. Truly," Sougo assures you. "Now, about this news you have…" he starts, voice drifting off inquisitively at the end.
At that, your head falls back and you let out a laugh.
In Sougo's eyes, your laugh is the most beautiful sound to grace his ears. He believes he'd simply have to commit harakiri if he were to ever make you feel anything else than joy like you're displaying right now.
"Not yet, babe. Be patient! You have all night to find out."
He huffs at your response, "if you insist."
He still has a grin on his face.
After a few more minutes, your server comes back, carrying two glasses of water like she had promised.
"Have you had a chance to look over the menus? Are you wanting to order any drinks, or any starters?"
Sougo opened the drink menu, quickly scanning before his eyes settled on what he was looking for. "Could we get a bottle of sake?" he asks, following up with a 'this one' as he points to the one he had chosen for the two of you.
"Excellent choice. And starters?" she asked.
Sougo looked at you, gaze holding his question. You simply shake your head.
"We'll pass, thanks," Sougo says to the server.
She nods her head, letting you know that she'd be back with the sake.
Sougo opens his menu to start looking through the options, and you followed suit. While the two of you were browsing the lists in front of you, he reached his hand around both menus to again hold your hand in his.
At the feeling, you looked up at him, gaze meeting his eyes that were already looking at you. When his eyes lock with yours, he gives you a smile as his hand squeezes your affectionately.
"This really is nice, Y/N. Thank you. Really," he says. His demeanor slightly shifts, however, with his eyes slightly darkening as he allows his gaze to drift down your figure. His smile gets a little more devilish before he adds a low, "and you'll be the one thanking me later."
His eyes drift back up to meet yours, noticing the blush dusting your cheeks as you duck your head to try and hide the darkening of your face behind your menu.
"Alright, alright, no need to hide, dove. I'm sure the sake's almost here."
Almost instantly after he finished his sentence, the door opened again. Your server entered, this time pushing a small rolling cart. The bottle of sake that Sougo ordered was placed on top of the cart, as well as two ochoko.
She reaches the table, stopping the cart to be against the side, between the occupied chairs on either side. She places one ochoko in front of each of you, holding out the bottle before opening it and pouring some into each cup.
"I'll leave this here with you all. Please, take a few more moments to browse your menu and enjoy a few drinks, and I'll return shortly to take your food order," your server says before placing the bottle of sake on the side of the table. She rolls the cart back to the door, proceeding to open the door and step into the hallway behind the pushed cart.
"Well, love, do you suppose we toast?" Sougo directs at you.
"Of course!" you replied, collecting the cup in your hand. You hold it up slightly, directing your arm more forward to be closer to his cup in his hand, looking at him intently.
When he realized you were waiting for him to speak, he says, "Cheers to whatever surprise you have up your sleeve."
Sougo stretches his arm out more towards yours. You do the same, matching smiles on both of your faces, as your cups slightly clink against each other.
"You'll know soon, Sou," you said, sipping the sake out of your cup. As you do so, you let your eyes drift to him above the rim of the ochoko, watching him drink his cup quicker than you drank yours.
Once you finish your first cup of sake, Sougo gets the bottle from the table to pour both of you another cup.
"Shall we decide what we're going to order?" he asks as he finishes pouring and places the bottle back down. He directs his eyes to observe your face, and you nod in response.
You both spend the next few minutes sipping on half of the sake in the newly poured ochoko and looking over the menus in front of you.
When the server returns, you both place your orders, handing all of the menus back to the server.
"I'll get that back to you once it's ready," the server says with a smile, ducking back out of the room with the menus.
While waiting for the food, you and Sougo each had some more sake, finishing what was left in your cups from the second round that was previously poured. Among the drinks, you both talked very casually - about his job, or your hobbies, or something Hijikata or Kondo did or said.
Around fifteen minutes had passed of you and your boyfriend sharing laughs, sipping sake, and enjoying each others company when the door opened again, your familiar server entering, again following behind a rolling cart. Instead of sake, the cart now held each of your ordered dishes.
The server again stopped the cart next to the table. She picked up each dish, reiterating what was ordered as she placed the plates in front of both of you.
"Please enjoy, and don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything else," the server said, with you responding with thanks and Sougo nodding once.
"Oh my god, Sou, this smells incredible!" you gushed, mouth watering at the sight and smell of the food before you. He just nods slightly in agreement, but you can see that his eyes have slightly widened, showing that he was also eager to dig in.
You each start to pick up your food, and you had just brought the first piece up to your mouth. Your jaw was slack in order to take the bite - and you're interrupted by the sound of Sougo's phone ringing.
Your food stops in front of your mouth, arm frozen by the sound. You glance up at him hesitantly, closing your mouth and lowering your utensil back to your plate as he answers the call, bringing the phone up to his ear.
Surely it's nothing, you think to yourself. Toshiro took care of anything that could potentially disrupt your date… right?
"Captain Okita," he answers with, eyes set on his plate in front of him as he falls silent to let the person on the other side say what they were calling for.
His eyes widen before setting into a glare directed at his meal, jaw clenching as he listens to the rest of what the other person is saying.
"Listen, I'm nearby, give me just a couple minutes and I'll be there. Keep your eyes on him, don't let him out of your sight until I get there to take care of him," Sougo spits over the phone.
At the sound of his words, your heart drops. Of course it's Katsura. Your eyes quickly shift down to your place setting, food cooling more the longer you both sit there.
If it weren't for his conversation confirming otherwise, you likely would have been hopeful, assuming that surely he can let it go just this once, if only for the fact that you'd planned and brought him on this date tonight.
You tear your eyes away from the plate in front of you back up to your boyfriend as you hear the commotion of his chair being pushed out and his sword clattering against his side.
Sougo is already apologizing to you, a jumbled mix of I'm so sorry, baby's and it won't take long's as he rushes to stand up out of his chair and situate his jacket across his shoulders.
"You know how important this specific task is for me, love. They said the sighting was close by, so I won't even take long, alright?" he quickly says, "I'll just take him down and let the other members take care of the paperwork and transport."
He sounds like he's almost begging you to understand him as he grabs your hand in his to place a quick kiss to the back of it, but he doesn't let his need for your understanding cause any hesitation inside of him.
Your heart is in pieces at this point, eyes searching his face for anything that could hint that he'd change his mind, that he'd stay here with you. As he releases your hand for it to return to the table, you know you won't find it.
Sougo can see the heartbreak in your eyes, and it shoots straight from his eyes to his heart where he feels his crack at the sight, too.
I can't let it show, Sougo thinks. I can't be vulnerable in this job.
He rounds the table, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead as his hand cements his sword in place at his hip, and then rushes past the table and out of the reserved room. You watch his jacket billow behind him, following around the corner of the door, as you hear him repeat that he wouldn't be too long and that he would be right back before you know it, so go ahead and start eating!
As you sit, feeling stuck in your seat, still watching the doorway, you come to the conclusion that you're not even hungry anymore. You can already feel the sobs starting to form in your chest, and you worry they'll force their way out even sooner if you were to try opening your mouth to eat your meal.
The restraint you feel circling your chest grows tighter as you look between the two plates of food sat on the table in front of you, already having cooled. The thought that neither would be eaten, and would remain cooling, caused the final contraction that led you to start throwing your things together to leave.
You already knew that you'd rather not have a breakdown inside of a restaurant, let alone a restaurant of this caliber.
Your server returned after having seen Sougo rush out, concernedly asking if everything was to his liking. You nod quickly in response, already reaching for your purse while stuttering out apologies.
"Yes, of course! I'm so sorry for the- the commotion. He just had something come up with his job, urgent matter," you said, voice strained. You busy your hands by searching through your bag for your wallet, opening it to sift through the money you had inside.
"Are you alright?" she asks, her eyes harboring concern as she watches you try to rush through your actions.
"Yes, yes," you insist while nodding. "I just, um, also.. had.. an ur-ugrent matter come up," you said, sentence full of pauses and choked words. You sounded as if you were trying to not only convince her of your being fine, but also yourself.
You pull cash out of your wallet, surely enough to cover the bottle and meals, and rush to place it into the server's hands, telling her to just use the reservation contact information if it somehow wasn't enough.
Your next actions mirror those of Sougo, as you rush to leave both your private room and the building itself, moving as quickly as you can in order to cross the entrance threshold before your cries make their way from inside your chest and out into the world.
Sougo finds himself traipsing back to the restaurant, steps landing heavy as he lets the feeling of being pissed off beyond belief stew inside his chest. He figured he would at least let it fester until he returned to your date, to you, where he knew all of his worries would melt into the background - your presence was always very grounding for Sougo, especially with the occupation he has.
Which is why he's doing his best to get back to the restaurant right away, right after finding out that the call was a false alarm. There was no Katsura, and the shinsengumi member that made the call unfortunately got to see a side of the captain that anyone rarely had to see.
So now, Sougo is rushing back towards the restaurant where he left you sitting, feeling a pit start to grow in his stomach at the idea that he'd have to face you after having left you like that.
After having seen the look in your eyes as he left.
When he reaches the front door of the restaurant, he briefly pauses, hand holding onto the handle, and takes a deep breath.
He was sure you'd forgive him. He'd more than understand if you were even cold towards him for a time after tonight.
But nothing would have prepared Sougo for the feeling that overcame him when he reached what had been your private, reserved room.
He stops in his tracks so abruptly when he reaches the doorframe that he almost falls forward. You weren't there.
You weren't sitting in your chair, enjoying your meal, waiting for him to come back for more sake and dessert and your news. He's instead met with the sight of staff cleaning off the table. Your table.
The pit in Sougo's stomach has now grown into a tree. It was eating him alive.
For what seems like the first time in his life, he almost couldn't form words. He was rambling and rushing his words to the staff, surely coming off as crazed in some way.
"N-no… no. No, this room is reserved, my girlfriend should be here. We were just having dinner, I…," he trails off, before almost whispering, "She was supposed to be waiting for me."
He can't seem to pull his eyes away from the now empty place settings that used to be on either side of the table.
The multiple staff members inside the room all looked at him sadly, and the woman who had served the two of you calmly explained to him that you had left.
That seemed to somewhat break him out of his trance, and he started shuffling through his wallet. His eyes remained trained on the item, not on the staff, but he's firing off so many questions, some mumbled and some fractured, but most asking where you had gone or where you were.
His rambling was cut short when, as he tried to hand your server money, only to be met with her stopping his extending hand before explaining that you had already paid before you had left.
Sougo found himself clenching his jaw. He had never felt emotions this strong, and had never before felt like this much of a failure, either.
He had failed you, he realizes.
He sets himself, closing off any door to potential and strong emotions for right now. He just needed to figure out where you were and make sure you were okay, and he could worry about fixing things with you once he had found you.
As plainly as he could manage, he asked your server, "When exactly did she leave? Do you know where she went?"
"I- " the server started, before meeting Sougo's eyes and going quiet from the distressed look in them.
After watching each other for a few moments, he hung his head, pulling a hand up to rub his hair.
He very meekly asked, "Was she alright?"
The server extended her arm to comfortingly place it on Sougo's, and he found himself unable to meet her eyes again as she answered.
"Honestly? I don't think she was okay. She looked pretty defeated, ran out of here after paying. She seemed like she was crying when she left."
Sougo swears his life ended right there. Or he wished it did. He'd rather be dead than know he was the one to have done this to you, to have made you feel this way.
At the sight of him rubbing his hair more aggressively than before, she added, "The sooner you go, the sooner you can fix it," with a squeeze to his arm.
This seems to register to him, because with a curt nod and no other words, he finds himself once again dashing out of the restaurant, stopping when he hits the sidewalk outside alongside the busy street, head swivelling to look both ways. He was the one that had driven the both of you, so you surely couldn't have gone far, but where could you be?
At this point, Sougo was feeling frantic. Unless you had taken a cab or an uber back to your shared apartment, you were just roaming somewhere in the city.
He decided to first check the parking lot, just in case you had gotten mad and were waiting for him at the car to go back to your apartment, but no luck.
As he runs back out towards the sidewalk, he can feel the fear starting to catch up to him.
He's now standing on the sidewalk again, with one hand positioned on his hip and the other on his head, trying to wrack his mind on what to do next.
He fumbles around in his jacket pocket to find his phone, subconsciously pacing as he gazed at the lit screen in his hand. His thumb hovers over your contact briefly before finally clicking on the phone icon.
As he expected, it rings a few times before going to voicemail. Sougo figured you wouldn't want to talk to him, but he still tries one more time, ending up with the same result. He hesitates on the thought of sending you a text, deciding on sending you one anyway.
Please call me. Or just tell me where you are. Please.
After staring at the screen for a few moments, words staring back at him unanswered, he settles on sending one more.
Please just stay safe. I'll find you and I'll make it all up to you, I promise. Just please be okay. I love you.
He rereads his messages a few times, hoping that he conveyed everything he intended to.
He needed you to be safe.
When Sougo breaks away from the phone screen, he runs his hand down his face. His next course of action would be calling Hijikata. He knew the two of you had gotten closer, so maybe you had gone to him, or at least contacted him, when you left the restaurant. Better yet, maybe you had called him for a ride home.
He scrolls through the contact list, landing on Hijikata's contact and quickly clicking on the phone icon before pressing the phone against his ear. He's still pacing while listening to the ringing of the outgoing call.
When Hijikata answers the phone, he's met with a version of Okita on the other side sounding like he has never heard Okita sound before. Hijikata can hear the sound of traffic, and Okita seems to be almost panting as he intakes oxygen and blurts out bits of sentences.
It takes a solid two minutes for Hijikata to even get Okita to settle down enough to tell him what's going on, and he asks for him to start at the beginning.
"She, uh, we went out for dinner tonight. Her plan, her treat, whatever you want to call it, I don't know," Okita starts, already starting to feel the exasperation well up in his chest at the idea of having to vocalize his mess-up. "But she said she had news. Went into town, to that nice restaurant you always talk about. And-"
Hijikata could hear the slight hitch in Okita's voice as he paused, steeling himself before continuing.
"And I got a call when the food came out." Hijikata felt his own heart stop at that sentence, eyes closing in the silent moment after, hoping that he wouldn't hear what he thought he would. "One of the newer members said he had spotted Katsura nearby."
Hijikata let out a sigh, not realizing he had been holding his breath. He moves to grab his pack of cigarettes and his lighter, already walking towards one of the patrol cars in case he needs to be of any assistance.
He obviously knew why you wanted to treat Okita to a nice dinner tonight, and he had done everything he could to help it run smoothly.
Hijikata tried to keep any and all news of Katsura out of the captain's phone for the duration of the day, but he made it very clear that, at the absolute minimum, no one contact the captain during the evening hours.
Obviously someone didn't get the fucking memo, he spat in his thoughts.
Now leaning against the door of one of the cars, Hijikata takes a drag off of his cigarette, eyes turning down to watch the pavement below his shoes.
Okita is still pacing on the other end of the phone, along the sidewalk, as he waits to hear what his fellow shinsengumi member had to offer.
"I'd hope you would have ignored it, seeing as it's Y/N and all," Hijikata starts, taking another puff of smoke to let the insinuation hang in the air, "but I have to assume that's not the case with how you're sounding over there."
At the sound of that, Okita realizes he genuinely did make the wrong choice.
He stops pacing along the concrete, turning to let his body fall back onto a bench. His shoulders slump as he places his elbows onto his thighs, supporting his head in his hands.
"I just- it was close. It was nearby and I figured, if the food had only just come out, I could get it taken care of quick, make it back to her before she had even had a chance to eat much."
Hijikata heard the hitch in Okita's voice again, more pronounced this time. When Okita started talking again, having paused to try and regain his composure, Hijikata still noticed the slight crack in his voice as he continued.
"Hijikata, she looked so sad. I still left anyway, but I just, I-I thought sh-she understood," Okita said, steeled front coming down in front of his very own eyes. He didn't realize he was shedding tears until one trailed all the way down his arm, slipping inside the cuff of his uniform shirt sleeve.
He hastily dried his eyes, and during this brief lapse in conversation is when Okita's brain decided to start running without his consent.
Hijikata found himself listening to some rambled, gradually more breathless nonsense coming from the man on the other end of the phone, mumbled sentences about how maybe this was a ploy by the freedom fighters themselves to get you as leverage and-
Throughout Okita's rambling, Hijikata tried interjecting, speaking the captain's name at various points. He finally decided he'd have to yell through the reciever in order to get the younger man's attention.
"For fuck's sake Okita, she got the job!" Hijikata spits loudly over the phone.
The sentence opened up a short silence, being ended by only a small, meek, "what?" from Okita.
"She got the job, Okita. You know-" Hijikata tries explaining before Okita interrupts him mid-thought.
"Hijikata, I know what fucking job. The only job she's been working her ass off for for the past year," Okita responds, before seething thoughts make their way into his brain. "How do you know, Hijikata? Tell me what the hell is going on!"
Hijikata sighs on his end of the phone, dropping his cigarette to stomp it out with the toe of his boot. He opens the driver side door of the patrol car, sitting half inside of it, feet still on the pavement outside, in order to explain the situation.
He's irritated that he now had to ruin your entire surprise, your entire plan, because this bastard had to go and chase after Katsura.
However, he realizes that if he doesn't explain, Okita will likely fuck it up and lose you, and then Hijikata would have to deal with that, which is not something his cigarette budget can handle, so he explains regardless.
"She wanted to surprise you," Hijikata started with the obvious. "She had gotten the news and the first thing she did was come to me and ask how she could treat you. I tried telling her it was your job as her boyfriend to treat her after news like that, but she insisted."
Although he couldn't see Okita on the other side of the phone, Hijikata could imagine the younger captain was listening intently, eyes focused on the ground in front of him to maintain his composure. If he could see him on the other side, he'd know his imagination was correct.
"I'm the only other one who knows, only because she wanted my help on planning something nice for you tonight. You would have been the first to know otherwise; I know you know that, Okita," Hijikata continues. "I even told everyone to stay quiet about anything Katsura, at least to you, at least for tonight. I tried to make sure, for her, that you wouldn't do something like this and unknowingly fuck it up, but of course some fucking jackass had to go and run his mouth," he finishes his thought, almost spitting out the last sentence into the phone.
Okita is still sat in silence, chest starting to feel restricted at the confession from Hijikata. He didn't have time to indulge his thoughts on just how much you had put into this date, for him, before Hijikata continued.
"She came to me, you know. A while back. It was something I meant to mention to you so it didn't go this far and I just- I don't know. I guess I just never got around to it. But, um, she was… worried. About your… thing. With Katsura. It sounded like she had been stuck in her head about you leaving all the time. I didn't let her get very far with the train of thought before I stopped her, so I don't know what she was thinking. Cheating, you getting hurt, something else, who knows. But I stopped her because I knew whatever it was she was worried for, it wasn't anything to be worried about."
"Hijikata, I-" Okita starts before being interrupted by the vice chief.
"Okita, please. Listen to me and then I'll come get you. We'll find her, okay? But please. I think you need to hear this first."
Okita's eyes widened slightly, the man on the other side of the phone having a slight tinge of desperation to his tone, making Okita's stomach churn. He nodded in response first, eyes locked onto the oragnic pattern of cracks in the sidewalk in front of him, until he remembered Hijikata couldn't see the action. Okita cleared his throat, pushing a hoarse, "alright," from his throat.
"When I stopped her, I told her that I had never seen you dedicate yourself to anyone else like you do to her." Okita felt his breath catch in his throat, ears starting to burn from this perception of him, despite the truth to it. He just wasn't aware it was visible to others so explicitly. Hijikata goes on, "I told her she made you more tolerable, but, you know, in the sort of way where, when you have something good, and you know that, and it just sort of… settles in your soul."
Okita could feel his eyes start to well with the start of tears, and finds himself leaning back against the backrest of the bench, head tilting back so he was staring up at the night sky, phone still pressed to his ear. He bit the inside of his cheek to try and prevent his bottom lip from slightly quivering, and it worked somewhat.
Unfortunately for Okita, Hijikata buried the last nail in the coffin with the last part of his speech, telling him, "I can tell you love her, Okita. I know I've never heard either of you say it, but it's visible. And I swear to god if you fucked this up, over Katsura…"
Okita was starting to think that this phone conversation would haunt him for the rest of his life. He pressed his eyelids tightly closed, willing the tears not to fall as he sat himself more upright. Now that there was silence on the other end of the phone, he was able to start to take in the physical response his body was having as he processes what Hijikata had just said to him.
Okita could feel the gradual tightening of his chest. His head feels as if it were swimming, blinking seeming to skip more frames of reality than usual. He feels frozen. He feels like he's going to throw up.
He forces himself to speak, but only bits of a sentence are able to be spat out.
"I- Hijikata- she- fuck- " is all Okita can manage to get out while he tries to settle his rapidly quickening heart rate. He has since stood from the bench, and is instead now pacing along the front of it. He runs his hand through his hair, pulling slightly at the ends when he reaches them.
"Hijikata, what have I done," Okita whispers into the phone. His breathing has increased since he opted for standing, but not from the pacing he is still maintaining. His voice has increased slightly in volume, now a normal speaking volume as opposed to his prior whisper. "What do I do?!" he's asking Hijikata rapidly.
Okita has now resorted to yelling into the receiver, asking, "Hijikata what the fuck do I do to fix it!!"
Hijikata pulls his feet into the car, starting it in order to head to wherever Okita is after he starts to hear the captain start rambling about possible options to fix what he's messed up.
Okita is on the other end of the phone, mumbling off random ideas such as having no contact with the shinsengumi headquarters after his work hours, and eventually he starts mulling over the pros and cons of simply leaving the shinsengumi entirely.
His murmurs are cut off by Hijikata strictly addressing him, causing Okita to stop in his tracks while pacing, listening for what the vice chief would say on the other end of the line.
"Okita, she doesn't want that," Hijikata says with a sigh. "She admires you and your work. Just- just get to breathing right again and I'll come to you. I'll help you figure it out, just- stay put."
Hijikata definitively hangs up the call, waiting on standby watching his phone for Okita's location to come through.
Once Okita sends the location, Hijikata puts the car into gear and starts heading towards him, blaring the siren when he needed to get through heavier traffic quicker.
When Hijikata hung up the call, Okita slowly lowered the phone down to his side before pulling it back up to his face to check the message thread between the two of you.
He sighed, hanging his head briefly, depositing his phone back into his jacket pocket.
He allows himself to fall back onto the bench, shoulders slumping forward, arms resting on his legs while his hands hang in the space between them.
And all he can think of is you.
As Okita sits there waiting for Hijikata to arrive, he can't help but feel helpless, and starts bouncing his leg subconsciously to relieve some of the pent up energy that seems to be building within him, his mind running with ideas of how to get you to forgive him.
When Hijikata pulls the car up next to the curb in front of the bench that Okita was residing on, the first thing Hijikata noticed was just how wrecked Okita looked.
Okita's head shot upwards to look at the street when he heard the car approach and then park in front of where he sat, only to be met with the sight of the patrol car, Hijikata sitting behind the wheel.
His leg was bouncing with seemingly no intention of stopping. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bloodshot, with the area surrounding his eyes red from the friction of him rubbing around them. His hair was disheveled after he had anxiously ran his hands through it time and time again, another way to burn off some of the nervous energy coursing through his veins.
The two men watch each other for just a few moments before Hijikata speaks up.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Get in, Okita," he says.
Okita blinks a few times, shaking himself out of his daze, before stumbling over his own feet to get into the passenger seat of the patrol car.
"You know where she is?" Hijikata asks. He can tell the answer is no from the look Okita gives him in return, trying to hide the feelings of pure despair he was feeling.
"Alright," Hijikata starts, "let's head in the direction of your apartment. Surely she thought to go back before realizing she was in town. Maybe we'll see her on the way."
Okita nods solemnly, turning to look out the window into the dark night, lit by the streetlights and passing car headlights, while resting his head against the glass. Now that he's sat down, able to work through his thoughts, the exhaustion is hitting him quick. He chooses to close his eyes for just a bit, trying to get at least a hint of rest before trying to explain tonight to you.
When you left the restaurant, your mind was reeling, causing you to be unable to think straight. You knew Sougo was determined to capture Katsura, but you never imagined he would go this far.
The slight breeze was tousling your previously done hair, causing flyaway hairs to break free from the style. Your undereyes held the remnants from when they were ringed in your mascara, having tried to blot away as much as you could with a napkin from the restaurant that you had thrown in your purse while gathering your things.
The only thing you could think about was going home, getting undressed, washing your face, and collapsing into the bed.
Once you stepped foot into the evening air, however, you were reminded of where you were and how you had gotten there. Without Sougo and his car, you wouldn't be able to get back to your apartment. You'd get a taxi, but in your haze while trying to get out of the restuarant, you didn't realize that the enough cash to cover the meal just happened to be all of the cash you had in your purse. You'd order an Uber, but last you checked, Sougo's card was the one loaded into your account, and you were so blinded by your upset that you ignored that option entirely.
You figured you needed to clear your head and calm yourself if you were to take any action tonight, so you chose to simply walk in the general direction of your apartment for the time being. You remembered the way Sougo had driven as you made your way to the restaurant, and walked along the sidewalk that way for around ten minutes. At that point, your shoulders were slumped, and your heels were hurting not only your feet, but also causing pain in your back from how you were walking in them, leading you to scope out the nearest bench and sit down in the middle of it with a huff.
As soon as you took your phone from your purse to figure out your next step, the screen lit up.
You stared at the screen for a moment, contact name bold across the top, with the background now having changed to his contact photo - your favorite photo of the two of you.
The photo was taken on one of his days off, the two of you opting to just have a cozy, casual day inside. You were both bundled up in blankets, looking silly, standing in front of your bedroom mirror that leaned against one of the walls.
The sight caused your heart to jump into your throat, instantly getting choked up.
You quickly swiped to decline the call.
Turning your phone screen-down and lowering it into your lap, you craned your neck to gaze up at the night sky, hoping the tears that were quickly collecting along your waterline didn't break free. Not long after, you felt your phone buzzing again, signaling another phone call.
You didn't even look to see who it was, already knowing it was Sougo again. You clicked the button on the side of your phone twice to send the call to voicemail.
You still didn't turn the phone over when you got the vibrations of a first text message, following immediately after the declining of the second call. You did, however, check the screen when you felt a second text come through.
Sougo: Please call me. Or just tell me where you are. Please.
Sougo: Please just stay safe. I'll find you and I'll make it all up to you, I promise. Just please be okay. I love you.
The tears welled quicker than before, some strays breaking free of your eyes and falling down your cheeks before you were pressing the palm of your free hand against each of your eyes in an attempt to stop the flow.
The jumbled thoughts in your mind continued to weave themselves around each other, your sadness turning to anger now after having seen his attempts at contacting you.
Spitefully, you decide to simply turn your phone off for now, wanting to just sit on the sidewalk bench for a while and watch the cars that passed you by occassionally. You were going to allow yourself just a bit of time to sit with your thoughts and your feelings, think over what you'd say to Sougo, and even contemplate if this relationship was worth continuing, before you'd turn your phone back on and figure out how you were going to manage to get back to the apartment.
After around ten minutes of driving, Hijikata does a double take after catching a glance of a woman sitting on a sidewalk bench a bit ahead of the car. When he realizes it is you, he silently sighs from relief. Yes, Okita was your boyfriend, but Hijikata was still fond of you as a friend, and was internally worried about you after this entire situation. He also couldn't help but feel his stomach twist slightly at the thought that tonight may have gone different for you if he had simply remembered to mention your past talk to Okita.
In order to not spook you, a lone woman on a sidewalk bench at night, Hijikata took a turn a few turns ahead of where you sat, choosing to instead circle around the back of the block where you were. Hijikata was also knew that you'd recognize the patrol car immediately, and didn't want you to either ignore them or travel away from them, depending on how upset you were at Okita, assuming you were upset with him in general.
When the car pulled closer to the intersection of the road in front of you and the road directly passed you, Hijikata pulled over to the curb, allowing enough distance in front of them to where the car would be hidden behind the building behind you.
He had noticed Okita drift off virtually the second he sat down in the patrol car. He figured the excitement of the chase for Katsura, as well as the disappointment he felt with the entire situation with you, that the younger man likely needed a bit of rest. Althought he had let him sleep up until now, he needed him to be awake in case you were up to talking to him now as opposed to waiting until a later time (not to mention he didn't want to leave the car basically unattended).
"Hey, Okita. Wake up, come on," Hijikata spoke, nudging Okita's arm.
Okita jerked awake, eyes wide and looking around at his surroundings to try and gauge how long he had been asleep and where exactly they were at the moment.
When he couldn't determine either, he asked, "Hijikata, where are we? How long-"
"Don't worry about it right now, stay here and watch the car. I'll be back in a moment."
At that, Hijikata wasted no time in getting out of the car, breaking into a slight jog when he hit the sidewalk until he neared the corner of the building. He then slowed to a walk in order to be quiet when he approaches you, wanting to ensure the best chance of you not running and at least letting him talk to you.
Hijikata passes the edge of the building, flooding himself in the streetlamp light. He clears his throat as he approaches the bench you're sat on, not wanting to scare you by just appearing next to you.
When you don't seem to have any reaction to this, seemingly not knowing who it was, he took the opportunity to speak up and ask, "mind if I sit?"
He watches your head swivel towards the sound of his voice, eyes wide in shock at the fact that your friend was stood next to you when he wasn't even supposed to be nearby, at least to your knowledge.
Hijikata took in your appearance, noticing that your hair and makeup was done previously, but both seemed to have fallen victim to the night breeze and your restless hands.
"Toshiro," you spoke, voice coming out just barely louder than a whisper. He also noticed the slight hoarseness, and since you cleared your throat after saying his name, he figured you had wanted to clear away the sign of your current emotional state. "What are you doing here?"
Hijikata takes this as an opening to sit next to you, pulling his cigarettes and lighter out of his uniform jacket.
"I have a feeling you already know the answer to that question," he replies, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it.
You watch his face as he inhales. He's faced forward, so your view is of his side profile, and while his face portrays indifference, you can sense that there was something else underneath.
After a few moments, you sigh, shifting to look down at your lap, giving a slow nod.
It's silent between you for a stretch, until, after an exhale of smoke, Hijikata speaks up again.
"He's really worried about you."
You scoff in response, leaning back against the bench backrest and tossing one leg over the other to sit with them crossed. You move your arms across your chest to cross them in a similar fashion.
Your reaction causes him to glance at you out of the corner of his eye, and he notices you biting your lip, but your expression doesn't look angry - he recognizes the sad look in your eyes. Hijikata had seen the same glassy look the day you shared your fears with him.
"Listen, I know he fucked up," Hijikata said to you. "He knows he fucked up. Doesn't mean you have to forgive him."
That sentence caused you to turn your gaze back to him. He took another puff off of his cigarette before continuing.
"But, if you want to know what I think, you guys are good together. I think it's worth it to at least let him talk." He turns to meet your gaze. "Let's just get you both home, yeah? I don't want to leave you out here."
You looked between both of his eyes before turning your gaze to the street.
Hijikata stands from the bench, dropping the spent cigarette before crushing the butt with his shoe.
He nods, "Yeah, got him in the patrol car. He called me, you should've heard him," he said with a chuckle. His slight smirk dropped when he turned and saw the look on your face.
Hijikata sighed before speaking again.
"Listen, let me call you a ride back. I won't ask you to ride with us, I won't even make you listen to him if you really don't want to. But I want you to get home, and safe. I'll have Yamazaki come get you and take you back to the apartment, and I'll drive Okita back, and we can go from there."
He watches for a reaction from you, being satisfied with the slow nod you give him in reply, before turning around to head back down the dark street to where the patrol car is.
Hijikata gets a handful of steps away before turning his head slightly, saying to you over his shoulder, "and turn your cell back on, in case Yamazaki needs to call." After a beat, he adds a small please.
You watch him retreat behind the building, eventually grabbing your phone to power it back on.
You wouldn't admit that you felt a bit upset at the fact that Okita hadn't tried to contact you again after you had ignored his calls and texts, but quickly wound up feeling poorly about yourself for wanting him to reach out despite your cold shoulder.
The sound of a car turning at the intersection next to you makes you look up. Your breath caught in your throat when you noticed it was the patrol car that Hijikata had driven here in. From where you were positioned, you only saw him facing straight ahead as they passed you. When they were heading away, you could see the figure sitting in the passenger seat, head rested against the glass of the window besides them.
Not much was said in the patrol car between Hijikata and Okita on the way back to the apartment. Hijikata refrained from mentioning any part of the conversation, only telling him that you'd be picked up and brought back, and that after that, it would be up to him what happens next. Okita forced down a gulp, pit returning to his stomach at the thought of talking to you.
It wasn't long before Okita realizes the pit is actually from the thought of you not forgiving him.
The drive back felt like mere seconds to Okita, what with his mind racing with numerous thoughts - of you, you and him, what he'd say, if you'd forgive him… if you'd stay with him. The last one he shook away quickly, not wanting to dwell on the possibility.
Before long he found himself sitting in the car in the parking lot of your shared apartment complex. Okita couldn't yet bring himself to even glance up at the apartment building, let alone the door to enter the space he shared with you.
The two sit out in the parking lot for a bit, mainly in silence.
"I figure we'll let her get here, go on up and get settled, before you go up," Hijikata says, facing forward and starting to spark up a cigarette. Okita just solemnly nods. He doesn't have anything else to say to that, really; he agrees that you should go up first and get comfortable before having the conversation that he's dreading.
After a bit longer, the time taken up by Okita's racing thoughts and Hijikata's draws and subsequent exhales from his cigarette, another set of headlights lights up the building. For all the running that Okita's thoughts were doing, his mind is suddenly rendered silent at the sight. He isn't even sure that he's breathing at the moment, body entirely encompassed in a level of anxiety he didn't even previously think his carefree nature would allow for.
Surprising even to him, his eyes stay trained on you as you get out of the car, noticing Yamazaki driving and realizing that Hijikata must have called him specifically to pick you up. Okita makes a mental note to thank the both of him, regardless of how out of his nature it is, for ensuring that you got back safe and secure. He watches you lean over into the open window to thank him, and then continues to watch as you make your way to the stairs and then start climbing them, heels and purse in hand. Even after you unlock the door and go into your shared apartment, his eyes stay fixed on the now closed door.
After a few minutes, he lets out an audible exhale, palms rubbing up and down his uniform pants to rid them of the sweat that won't stop collecting.
Okita is startled out of his daze by Hijikata clearing his throat before saying, "I get you're nervous, but I don't think it'll help your case to keep her waiting all night."
Okita knows Hijikata's right. As much as he's feeling nervous right now, he knows he needs to go right his wrongs sooner rather than later. After another exhale to try and rid his mind of some of his nervous energy - to no avail - he's leaning forward to pull the door handle. Okita opens the car door, swinging his feet over the side of the car and setting them down on the pavement. He gives himself just a moment while sitting like that, again trying to calm his nerves, before finally getting out and closing the door behind him.
Okita doesn't look back at the car as he stands outside of it. He spends a second just watching the apartment door, simply hoping that this would go well enough for the two of you.
As he walks towards the stairs, his eyes are fixed on his feet as they take steps forward and his hands are shoved into the pockets of his uniform jacket.
For the first time in his life that he can remember in the recent past, Sougo feels like he's going to throw up from the unknown factor surrounding the impending conversation. He's never felt like this for anyone, and, if anything, that thought is making his nausea worse because what if you don't want anything else to do with him?
The thought causes him to press his eyelids tightly closed, not wanting to dwell on that possibility. He knows you love him, and that you've been through so much together. He wouldn't blame you if you wanted to be done with him, but surely you wouldn't just throw all of it away?
Sougo reaches the stairs, pausing to again take and release a deep breath before pressing forward up the stairs and to your shared apartment door. When he reaches the door, he waits again to just take in the visual before him: the doormat that you had picked out to 'make it feel more homey', the unit number emblazoned against the door surrounded by the seasonal hanging door decoration that you had picked out while running errands. He remembers how excited you looked when you showed it off once you brought it home, explaining to him just how perfectly it would look against the paint gracing the wood.
Sougo can feel the weight of the set of keys that rest in his pocket. He mulls it over in his mind briefly, opting to instead knock and let you decide when to open the door instead of unlocking it and letting himself in.
He removes one of his hands from his pocket, bringing it in front of him to lightly rap against the door. The action brings about another wave of nervous energy to his system, and Sougo finds himself once again taking in and exhaling a deep breath to try and assuage the overwhelming feelings. He steps back to wait for your appearance in the doorframe, eyes again finding his shoes below him.
Sougo was expecting you to make him wait outside for at least a small amount of time, but it was mere moments before he heard the knob turn before him and the hinges start to shift. His gaze jerks up embarassingly quickly, and you're met with the sight of his wide eyes swimming with sorrow and anxiety. You had never seen Sougo this distraught, and while the sight before you broke your heart, you attempted to stand your ground before the conversation you figure is about to happen.
You both just look at each other for a moment, each taking in the appearance of the other. Sougo notices you've changed out of your date clothes, settling on a set of soft sweatpants and one of his shirts (which he let his gaze remain on for a moment longer, figuring that that in and of itself is at least not a bad sign - a neutral one at the least, he hoped). He also found your makeup to have been removed, putting on display your slightly puffy, tired looking eyes, which caused his stomach to twist at the realization that his actions were what caused your grief. On your side, you immediately noticed his timid stance, seeing as it was so out of character to see him so stiff and unsure. His eyes mirrored yours, his wide gaze both red rimmed and bloodshot. You could also tell how much he had been messing with his hair, considering how disheveled it looksedcompared to his usual soft and straight tresses.
You watched as Sougo tried to figure out what to do first - his mouth opening and closing as if trying to choose which words to start with, his hands rustling in his pockets as if he wanted to reach out to you but was holding himself back. His wide eyes remained on yours until he pressed them closed as he dropped his head, pulling a hand free to run through his hair.
"I'm so sorry, baby," Sougo breathed out, voice catching at the pet name.
You reached out to grab the end of his sleeve of the arm that still kept the hand inside of his pocket. When he felt your touch, Sougo's hand that was messing with his locks halted immediately, and his gaze jumped back up to yours.
He found himself almost melting on the spot at the sight of a small, tired smile on your face, watching as you flicked your head towards the inside of the apartment, motioning for him to come inside.
You released his sleeve, retreating into the space to allow for him to follow you. Once Sougo stepped inside, he immediately shifted to the side to remove his shoes and place down his sword after removing it from his side. After repositioning himself forward, about to head further into your shared apartment, he's instead met with your body pressed against his front, arms wrapping under his and around his torso. The action causes him to go entirely still, shocked at the fact that you're just accepting him back in at the moment.
At the sound of your words, Sougo did finally melt; a soft, "I'm so glad you're okay," left your lips, and he immediately dropped to his knees in front of you, wrapping his arms around your thighs and burying his face in your stomach.
As much as you wanted to stay steel-faced when he first arrived, you felt your heart shatter as he tearfully chanted I'm sorry's and I love you's into the fabric of your clothes. You found yourself lowering to the ground as well, coming face to face with your distressed boyfriend. Your hands found his cheeks, leading his teary gaze to meet yours.
At first, he closed his eyes shut, not believing that he should be allowed to interact so softly with you right now - why weren't you furious with him? However, at the feeling of your thumbs brushing against his skin, up to under his eyes, as soft as ever, he slowly opened his eyes to inspect your expression. Sougo was only met with the soft countenace that he had come to associate with your being.
You watched each other for a moment longer before he heard you speak again.
"Sou, why don't you go get changed, and I can fix us both some tea while you do that. We can talk then, if that's okay," you said.
Sougo's mouth was slightly agape, seeing as how his nose was stuffy from the emotions of the night. He looked at you with wide eyes and open mouth, trying to determine if this was truly reality - if you were truly being this soft, this kind, with him after his actions at dinner. When he couldn't find anything suspicious within your facial expression, Sougo nodded slightly, watching you the entire time as you stood and extended your hand to help him stand as well. He only let his sights leave you after he headed towards your shared bedroom, since you were now behind him, but he stole a quick glance over his shoulder once he reached the threshold of the room, only to see you moving around the kitchen to prepare the cups of tea for the both of you.
Sougo felt as if he was moving subconsciously, body on autopilot as his brain tried to make sense of your calm and loving demeanor towards him. He feels himself steer towards the closet, working to choose lounge clothes just as you had. As he goes through the motions of getting changed, his mind wanders to you - how you're being so understanding, so willing to forgive him. It causes the knot in his stomach to tighten, leaving him to wonder what he had done in his past to be so lucky as to call you his.
When Sougo had fully changed out of his uniform and was dressed in more comfortable garb, he found himself timidly walking back towards the kitchen. As he got closer, the smell of the tea started surrounding him, accompanied by the sound of you softly humming a song he had heard you listening to recently.
Sougo's mind continued to berate him, flooding his head with thoughts about how he was able to remember and notice these small things about you. If he could notice those, how had he somehow missed the fact that his sudden Katsura related departures were taking a toll on you?
He stopped in the doorway, your figure now in view while you poured tea into each of the cups. Sougo flinched slightly when you got spooked at the sight of him, not having heard his light footsteps against the wooden floor, jumping slightly as you moved to collect the two teacups.
You chuckled slightly, saying, "Good thing I hadn't picked them up yet, huh?"
His expression stayed neutral and observant, gaze trained on you, but gave a short, singular nod in response. You sighed, picking up the cups and moving to place his cup across the counter from where you currently stood. Sougo silently walked over to the drink you had prepared for him, placing his palms on either side of it against the counter.
"Y/N," Sougo started, voice catching slightly at the mere attempt of saying your name. His gaze was fixed on the liquid in front of him as he cleared his throat and tried again, shoulders gradually slumping from the coming talk. "I want to say that I'm sorry, but that obviously wouldn't even begin to fix what I put you through tonight."
"Sougo," you started, causing him to lift his eyes to watch your face. When his eyes landed your figure, he realized that you were also fixing your gaze on the tea in front of you. "I won't lie, you leaving tonight was devastating."
You stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. At hearing those words, as well as the emotion buried within them, Sougo had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the tears threatening to grace his waterline at bay. He nodded solemnly, but didn't remove his eyes from your face, despite your gaze staying on your cup in front of you.
"I'm assuming Toshiro told you the news?" you asked, face shifting up to look at him, your eyes meeting his, the glaze coating your eyes causing his heart to pang with emotion. Sougo briefly considered lying, giving you the benefit of telling him your news yourself, but decided against it; the last thing he wanted to do during this conversation was give you any more reasons to believe him to be unreliable, so he again provided a small nod in response.
Sougo watched you give a half-hearted smile and nod, eyes drifting back down to stare into your cup of tea. He never let his eyes leave you, determined to see you -really see you - from now on.
The second he saw silent tears start sliding down your cheeks, he froze in place, wide eyes growing even larger. His immediate instinct was to go to you, like he always did when he found you crying, but the uncertainty of where he stood with you kept him rooted to his spot.
The tears were only few in number at first, but as he watched them increase in both number and frequency, accompanied by your gradual sniffles and swiping at your eyes, he forced himself to break through the force keeping him stuck to the floor across the counter from you.
Sougo wasn't even thinking as he rounded the counter to comfort you, no longer considering that you may not want him to; he felt he needed to console you, especially because it was his own doing that you were feeling so down. In the blink of an eye, he was wrapping his long arms around your figure, pulling you into his chest and holding the back of your head delicately. His fingers hesitantly started running along your hair and back, and the pit in his stomach was growing the louder your cries got. When he felt your hands reach up to grip the front of his shirt, feeling you use the connection to pull yourself impossibly closer to him, Sougo felt his own eyes well up; this time, he allowed the drops free from his eyes, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling as they fell.
His chest contracted further, and the only thought in his mind, aside from making sure you were okay, was the repetitive idea that he was to blame for your current state.
When your tears turned to heavier sobs, Sougo braced himself, pushing down the wave of guilt he felt to first tend to you - it was the least he could do for unknowingly and continuously putting you through the stress of his sudden goings.
He gave you a squeeze before leaning down slightly, shifting your body to the side and hooking one arm under your legs. Sougo made sure to carefully grab your hardly touched cup of tea as well before carrying you towards the comfort of your shared bedroom.
When he was stood next to the bed, holding both you and your cup, his first order of business was gently placing the cup on your bedside table, and the second was to tend to you. Sougo was already determined to do whatever it took to cease your tears - even if it meant leaving you be.
He placed you on the mattress, positioning you as if you were sitting on it, legs left to drape over the side of the bed. He kneeled on the ground in front of you, arms remaining wrapped around your figure until your tears started to become overpowered by the yawns breaking through the pattern of sobs.
As your tears continued to ease, Sougo separated himself from you just slightly, delicate hands coming up to gingerly cup your face. He brushed his thumbs along your cheeks, collecting any leftover tears and rubbing away the remnants of the streaks left in their wake.
Your gaze met his, and the two of you maintained the eye contact for a moment, each seeing the vulnerability in the other. Your hands reached up to grasp onto his wrists as he started placing light kisses all across your face. After a few moments, Sougo rested his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply.
"I'm so sorry," Sougo spoke quietly.
"Sougo -" you tried responding, but were quickly hushed by the shake of his head. He opened his eyes to look into yours, separating himself slightly from you to get a better look at your face.
"No, Y/N, please," Sougo said, tone pleading. You looked between his eyes, seeing how desperate he seemed, and offered a nod to signal him to continue. "I'm so, so sorry. I…" he takes another deep breath, briefly closing his eyes to ground himself before exhaling and opening his eyes back to once again meet yours.
"I should have realized," Sougo started, "that suddenly leaving so often would affect you. Doesn't matter if it's work or whatever else. I can't even begin to explain how absolutely stupid it was of me to leave you tonight, for Katsura of all things!" He scoffed lightly, glancing over towards your bedside table, being reminded of your gradually cooling cup of tea.
He broke away from you temporarily, extending a hand to grasp the handle and offer it to you. You accepted with a small smile, wrapping both of your hands around the cup. When he resituated in front of you, he opted to fully sit back on his feet, knees bent below him and placed between your feet dangling off of the side of the bed. In this position, he had to look up at you slightly, and it only made more apparent the pleading look in his eyes.
"I shouldn't have had to hear from fucking Hijikata that you got the job you've been working your ass off for," Sougo continued, rolling his eyes with a paltry sneer at the mention of his commanding officer. When his gaze returned to yours, his expression softened again. "You planned everything for tonight, Hijikata even told me you got him to help with the quick reservation and keeping the shinsengumi quiet for me and-" he paused, gaze staring hard into yours. "And I still let you down, Y/N."
One of your hands reached out to cup his cheek after placing your now close to empty cup back onto the side table, and he found himself leaning into your touch, eyes closing softly. His own hand moved up to rest against yours, and he turned his head to press a chaste kiss to your palm before continuing his pleas for you.
"I'll do anything to make it up to you, if.." he had to take a deep breath before his next words. "If you'll let me. And if not I completely understand. I can't believe I didn't notice or recognize or realize and - god I'm such an idiot!"
Sougo released your hand, causing you to drop it back to your lap, as he aggressively tugged at his locks. You grabbed his wrists to stop him and get him to look at you again; his watery, anguished eyes were staring back into yours, eager to hear your response. He was hopeful that it was in his favor, not that he felt he deserved it, but god did he feel he needed it.
"But you know now," you said, voice hushed. His eyes observed the expression painted on your face, looking over your soft eyes and loving smile. At seeing you looking at him like this, entirely soft and unarming, the dam holding back all of his emotions was demolished. Sougo felt the tears start falling freely down his face, ducking to bury himself in your legs as you still sat before him on the mattress. You brushed his hair with your fingers, giving him some time before lifting his face and pulling him up to sit next to you on the bed.
Sougo couldn't bring himself to meet your eyes yet, still trying to solve the teariness plaguing his eyes. However, at your words, his face jerked up to analyze yours, making sure he wasn't hearing things: "You said you'd do anything to make it up to me?"
He watched the small grin start to form on your face, comforting his racing heart. His wide eyes stay fixed on yours as he nods aggressively, leaning in slightly, eager to hear your next words.
"Take me out to celebrate my getting the job," you replied, expression not shifting, gaze holding his. "Make it fancy. I want to dress up and have drinks and a good meal. And please, no Katsura," you finished, looking between his eyes to gauge his reaction.
"Baby," Sougo all but breathed out, "I'd quit the shinsengumi if that's what it took to keep you from leaving me."
Your laugh that followed stalled any and all thoughts that could have possibly been in his brain at the moment. Instead, he relished the sound, swearing to himself to only elicit happy sounds from you for the rest of his life.
"You don't have to do that much, Sou," you reply, and he feels his muscles lose some of their held tension at the sound of the petname for him coming from your mouth. "I admire your dedication to your job, it's something I love about you. I just ask you dedicate a bit more to me."
Sougo all but launched the small distance between the two of you, wrapping you in his arms in a tight hug. His face rested in the crook of your neck, and he felt more of his nerves dissipating as he inhaled the smell of you.
"I love you," he whispered into your skin, quiet enough to stay between the two of you, despite being the only two in the room, let alone the apartment. "So much, Y/N. I promise you, it's always you, only you, always."
"It better only be me," you say with a teasing smile, your tone of voice portraying the expression on your face despite the fact that Sougo couldn't directly see it. He squeezes you tighter, unwanting to let go of you. He falls backwards onto the bed, bringing you along with him since you were still bundled in his arms.
"Always only you, dove," Sougo said lovingly, pressing a kiss to your temple. You both just laid in each other's presence for a few moments, eventually shifting to be laying against the pillows instead of sideways and on top of the blankets.
As Sougo pressed a kiss to your forehead, he hears you mumble, and you sleepily snuggle in closer to his figure. Despite the emotion of the night, it takes Sougo a while to go to sleep that night - he figures he wouldn't have slept at all if you hadn't been pressed into his side. His brain is filled with thoughts, some that he attempts to rid himself of the moment they grace his mind, such as those running through other outcomes of tonight. However, the thoughts that he humors are those of ways to make it all up to you - and he intends to for as long as you both live.
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a/n again: sorry if it seems I fumbled the ending, I had it imagined differently until I got to it and decided on this! I hope y'all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing about himmmm
(my lovely forever tag despite being ragebaited bc men ain't shit (ily) @oksukuna , and @murmur1233-3 bc i figure you may want to read!!! <3 )
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