There it was. The sharp hatred in his voice that she grown all too accustom to these past few days. It was hard to fully believe that this man before her- the one capable of shooting daggers at her with his eyes and the one who was set on tearing what little was left of her down- that this man was the same man who used to shower her in his adoration. The same man who would diligently cleanse her doubts away with each kiss. The man who managed to fill the empty pit inside her chest with nothing but bliss, could crumble her heart into dust with just a few simple words. Without their daughter, his love for her seemed to all but disappear.
“Really Nik?” A pained laugh cut through the stiff air around them at his thoughtless question. A breathless look overtaking her, not even the littlest bit surprised anymore. “You have an entire room to remember her by. Can’t I-” She cut herself off. Her nails digging into the raw skin across her palms as she balled her fingers into fists. Another shaky breath escaped her as she resolved herself to remain calm.
Can’t I have this? But, there was no use asking that question, for she already knew the answer. No. No she could not. For she was a monster and he was the adoring father set to punish her at any chance he had. And why shouldn’t, he? It should have been her after all. It should have been her ashes they scattered across the river and he was never going to let her forget it.
So, instead, she picked a new question. “When have I ever asked you for anything, Nik?” She asked, knowing fully well the answer to this one too. Her husband was relentless in his generosity towards her, showering her with present after present, and she cherished them all, even if she didn’t always know what to do with them. While, Samara had been raised at a young age to not get attached to such items. Attachment was weakness or so she had been told before he had plowed his way into her life. And once he had found her way into life, Samara was not willing to risk her luck by asking for anything more. “Because I haven’t. Not once for you were always enough. But, now, I am asking- no, I am begging you, as my husband, please can I have this one little thing to remember her by?”
It had been a gift Samara had gifted their baby girl when she came of age. The necklace, itself, wasn’t much. No more than two small simple metal wings hooked onto a leather string and, yet, her sweet little dove never seemed to take it off. A simple gesture that had meant the whole world to, at the time, the reality new mother. And, now, she hoped it could be one trinket she could hold onto when she inevitably left the place she called home for so long.
It was what the blonde didn’t dare to mutter out loud- that this day, these bitter words her dear husband and her were exchanging may just be their last. A dream she had three days ago had foretold Nikolai’s death. The shock was still setting in at thought of having to say goodbye to first born and now her magic was telling her it was her husband’s turn. When Natalia was struck down, Samara lost what little restraint she had in her. And the men who were responsible quickly learned why exactly she was called the Harbinger of Death. She torn them all to the ground as if it was nothing. Sparring no one and make their last few moments be as torturous as humanly possible. She made them all suffer a small fragment of the anguish they had caused her and she would do it all again without a second thought. But, unfortunately, word of the massacre she had left in her tracks had gotten around. They would be coming from her and, if dreams were any indication, they would gain the upper hand only Nik would stop them before they could finish the job. Once again, if fate would have it, another piece of her heart would sacrifice themselves so that she, a wasted shell of life, could live.
She couldn’t go through it again. She wouldn’t. So, she was leaving. She would lead these men far away from here, far away from the only place she had ever called home, and she would end this once and for all. If she was lucky, she might return to the man she loved and maybe, over time, be able to convince him to bring himself to meet her gaze once more. And if she was not? Then death would have finally caught up to her. She would have sparred her loved ones from endearing the same fate and, at least, in death he might be bring himself to forgive her. It was a very unlikely maybe, but it seemed like better odds than she had now- standing there with breath still flowing through her lungs.
“I never said she was,” Samara let out a whisper. She had never wanted Natalia to follow in her footsteps to begin with. Nik knew that. It was the whole reason she had been so hesitant to have kids in the first place. She was mess. A heartless killer who could cut someone down without thinking twice. She was hardly a fully functioning person and she’d be damned if her children turned out like her. “But we both knew there was no stopping her,” She stated, her stoic gaze never drifting from his hunched over form. “She was like her father in that way.” Samara had been nervous about taking Natalia along. She had never worked a job with anyone else before, but Natalia was relentless. She was heading down to the fleet with or without her mother, so, although ever bone in her body was screaming that it was a bad idea, she obliged, knowing it was still safer than their girl going in it alone. “I said ‘it should be fine’ and I tried,” She hissed between gritted teeth. Her body tensing as he stalked forwards. His hand latching onto her wrist and pulling her inside. It took everything in the Assassin’s nature to stop herself from gripping onto his throat and pinning him down out of reflex.
“What do you want me to say, Nik? What? Do you want me to say that I planned this? That I wanted this? Do you want me act like every moment she isn’t here isn’t killing me inside? Tell me, will that make things easier for you? To paint me as the monster you’ve already convinced yourself that I am inside your head?” She never raised her voice, but her words were fierce and raw all the same. Letting her hand fall back down to her side when he released her wrist. “I know. I know, Nikolai Petrov. I know I shouldn’t have never let her go. I know that it should have been me out there and, if I could go back, it would be. But, I can’t. And there is nothing I can do or say to fix that. So, if you want to yell? Yell. If you want kill me? I will gratefully hand you the knife. But, if you are going to finish me off, at least do me the privilege of being able to look me in eyes.”
