it's okay to not be okay.

[sadness-and-stardust]

We run around frantically collecting scraps of memories, scaps of any living reminders we can get out hands on, as if it will bring us closer to the person. It won't, will it? The hollow, desperate attempts to revive them almost hurt more.

[sadness-and-stardust]

What are you praying for?

For our comfort?

For his life?

It isn’t working, as you can see,

As he’s still dead,

And we’re almost there inside.

So when the real things die down-

The food, the favors, the hugs,

What do we count on?

The prayers?

Some thoughts?

They hardly seem to be enough.

[sadness-and-stardust]

Sometimes I want something to hit me so hard that I crack.

Is that bad? Is it sick?

Maybe if I crack, I won’t have to worry about holding myself together anymore.

[sadness-and-stardust]

When the “How are you?”s stop coming,

When your friends’ lives are still running,

When the food they gave runs dry,

And they stop hugging when you cry,

When they all forget,

But your grief is still a threat,

What do you do then?

What do you do?

When you’re still grieving,

And everyone is leaving,

What do you do?

[sadness-and-stardust]

When I think of happiness, I always think of you.

[sadness-and-stardust]

Find people who will teach you to be kinder and softer.

[sadness-and-stardust]

I miss you, just maybe not the real you. I miss the old you, the person I remember. The person I wish you could be.

[sadness-and-stardust]

After all this time, I still dream of you. When I’m asleep, I even convince myself it’s real. But I always wake up. It never lasts.

[sadness-and-stardust]

It was such a shaking loss to walk away from you, to know that I will never find anything quite like you no matter how long and hard I search.

[sadness-and-stardust]

I just want to mean something to somebody.

[sadness-and-stardust]

We had the perfect moment, and then you went and left. Did you not feel the same as me? Did you forget?

[sadness-and-stardust]

When you walked away from me, we were happy, but some part of me knew that I would never see you again.

[sadness-and-stardust]

We could be so, so good, but I think we’re too afraid to start.

[sadness-and-stardust]

The question of what we are and what we could be lingers in the air, and we’re both too scared to ask it.

[sadness-and-stardust]

I’m still thinking about that night, how close you let me get, and the almost touch- almost.

[sadness-and-stardust]

I’m kicking myself for not asking you the right questions at the right time, because it could have changed everything.

[sadness-and-stardust]

Sometimes a current pushes you against what you know you have to do, so hard it feels like you’ll get knocked down if you defy it. No matter what, you have to push back, only harder.