Morning star writes

just thinking

[sadspacecookie]

Don’t drink kids. Drunk people do stupid things. You don’t wanna be doing stupid things.

- my morning after guilt

[sadspacecookie]

When did I forget how good it feels to hold your hand?

Because when you touched it with a slight smile, my stomach turned and my heart made a backflip. I forgot how to love you but you fought for a chance to teach me how to do it again. Am I desperate? No, I’m simply insanely in love you and I have been from that first day we met. Many years ago. Yet here we are still waiting, still confused scared children. All we know is the feeling but not the drill. We didn’t have a final prom dance but I will have a final say. I’ll be the last one to hold your hand, the last one to reach for you in the dark. That’s a promise.

[sadspacecookie]

“How dare you treat me like that?”- she said staring into her silver mirror not recognizing her own reflection. “You say you love me and then don’t follow up with it. Who does that?”

The rough idea of what had happened was finally kicking in. He played her the same way she played hundreds of others. Leanna was used to parading her beauty around for everyone to admire, but just as in a museum she would rarely let anyone touch it. So when she realized that one and only, the soulmate came along she was ready to greet him with open arms, allowing Marcius into her warm embrace. Marcus, however, wasn’t thrilled with the idea. He let Leanna know that she’s always occupy a space in his heart, while walking away with a sneaky sly smile.

“You could still wait for me, though it could be a few years”- he whispered before disappearing out of sight, but Leanna only shook her head in disappointment. “Who does he think he is”, she thought. “I am so beautiful, so smart, so….me. Who does he think he is to kick me to the curb?” The thoughts were racing through Leanna’s head. “I did the same thing to so many people but they were nowhere near my level. I gave you the courtesy of letting you near me but you do…that?? Maybe it’s karma? Maybe I need to learn my lesson?”

[sadspacecookie]

Gatsby was right. I don’t want to love you now, do not desire to start a new life with you. I want to have always been in your life and be the only one you’ve ever loved. I don’t want to ask for your favorite color when you text me looking for simple company, as I only crave waking up feeling your head pressing down on my chest and ruffling up your slightly damp thinning hair. I want to feel your hand ever so slightly sliding up my shirt while you’re half asleep only to ensure that I am not a fleeting fantasy or a dream you’ve dreamt for years at an end but a real person you’ve imagined yourself next to hugging your pillow. We would slowly sink to the kitchen in loose button ups and underwear, not saying a word looking over a still sleeping on a Saturday morning city, starting up the coffee machine sharing some caramel flavored hangover remedy. I want to be the girl you fell for when you were 12 and told your friends you want to marry one day, and the girl loosing whom for the second time you would never recover from. I want to be your addiction and the poison that kept you going for years, pushing you into withdrawals whenever you’d try to love someone else. I want you to be addicted to me and obsessed with every detail of my eyes and every line on my body. I want you to smile at me and lift me up in the air when I run up to you after we’ve been apart for a while and hold my sides squeezing them like I’m a child that a parent is afraid will jot across the street under the wheels of unforgiving traffic the moment they stop paying attention. I want you to sit in the next room checking up on me once every 20 minutes and carry me into bed when I fall asleep in my study. I don’t want you in every waking moment of my life or in my every step but you should still rest your head on my lap at the end of the day assuring me that we already have the eternity to share and don’t need to be glued together 24/7. I want to be free to leave but choose to stay because while we spend our days in the separate parts of the city trying to make the other one jealous, at night your eyes are the only ones I want to fall asleep looking into, knowing full well you will always choose to come back to mine too.

[sadspacecookie]

When he pulls his pants down for the first time:

[sadspacecookie]

[sadspacecookie]

[sadspacecookie]

When all you wanted was to be a master but you become a meme instead:

[sadspacecookie]

Her: he's probably thinking about other girls...

Him: Padmé was Anakin's only sexual experience because after he became a burnt sausage he couldn't get erect with a burnt dick.

[sadspacecookie]

Molly Weasley: Harry is like a son to me!!

Ginny:

[sadspacecookie]

Forgive? Easily. Forget? Bitch never. You think I'm being passive aggressive? I am. Because you hurt me and even though I'm not mad at you anymore doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We're NOT getting back. I am NOT cheating on my boyfriend. Because I love him and you have no business sliding into my DM's. Periodt.

[sadspacecookie]

I forgive you.

For everything that you've done to me

I forgive you.

For pain and suffering you brought upon me

I forgive you.

For every time you forgot about my existence

I forgive you.

For leaving me when I was at my lowest

I forgive you.

For making me cry endless nights

I forgive you.

For making me feel that I was always in the wrong

I forgive you.

For destroying my self esteem and self image

I forgive you.

For thinking you were the best I could do

I forgive you.

For disrespecting me and making me lie

I forgive you.

For using my body and forgetting I have a character

I forgive you.

For disrespecting my family

I forgive you.

For always being jealous

I forgive you.

For flirting with that girl right in front of me

I forgive you.

For ruining my friendships

I forgive you.

For the anxiety you gave me

I forgive you.

For dumping me over text

I forgive you.

For never being there

I forgive you.

For bullshit excuses

I forgive you.

For stealing a year of my life

I forgive you.

For making me feel like you loved me

I forgive you.

For your every word being a lie

I forgive you.

For waiting for 4 months to apologize

I forgive you.

For writing a paragraph on how sorry you are

I forgive you.

For acknowledging what you did to me

I forgive you.

For finally acting mature

I forgive you.

I don't hold grudges. I can't keep hate in my heart. I really forgive you and let you go. But just because I forgive you doesn't mean you can come back. Please never come back. I don't miss you and I don't need you. We are two people who's paths crossed but never merged and I'm thankful to God for both and for the lessons learned. I let you go. I forgive you.

[sadspacecookie]

Why? Why did you do that to me? I don't have any feelings for you, I want you dead. I hate you, hate you with a burning passion. I'm with someone else, I'm over you, long over you. I don't care about you, in my dreams I see myself rejecting your pathetic "I love you". Then why am I crying right now? Why is this feeling of loneliness so familiar? Why do I feel like nothing has changed? I'm with him now, I could love him, I want to be with him, want to care about him, want to show him that he matters. But then why do I see you in him? Why do I see the parallels? Again. Why am I scared to be hurt? He says he's not like you, the opposite. Maybe I just have a taste for the same sort of men. I barely talked to him for last two days because his best friend was over. I understand and I don't mind, but do I really? I mean that was always your excuse. "Busy". Always busy, always had something on your mind other than me. Getting closer, getting further just like that. Every time we met was like last time. We hit it off, partied all night, did the dirty little things behind the dark buildings, dreamed of the good times when you get a car. Well he has a car, we do the dirty little things at home now. But unlike you he likes Harry Potter and pineapple on his pizza. He wants to be seen in public with me and screw the age difference. He appreciates me, appreciates my talent and smarts...like you did. He hates having his pictures taken...like you did. He's a guy...like you were. I'm scared. I don't want to be alone, or worse hurt and alone. And I don't want to be taken and hurt. I just want to be happy, to love and to be loved, want to trust him, want to forget you ever existed, want to let go of all the problems you caused me, I want that year of my life back. You owe me.

[sadspacecookie]

Here

Presenting love and happiness

I came to you today.

I made this little drawing

In hope that you will stay.

Just wanted you to be here,

Just want a simple hug.

But I'm in isolation,

This game must have a bug.

I think you are a cutie,

My heart begins to race

Whenever it is possible

To see your sweetest face.

I wanna be together

And be so close again.

Because without attention

Malfunctioning my brain.

But soon it will be over,

And I will be with you.

Lockdown will be ending,

To meet it is a queue.

I suck at writing poems,

I guess my art's alright.

One thing I know for sure-

It's that you treat me right.

Just wanna give a thank you,

Prove that you are my world.

And praying that one day

I'll find a perfect word.

So thank you for your care,

And thank you for your praise.

Just wanna feel again

Your loving tender gaze.

I swear I'll be here,

Our future is so bright.

I miss our little moments,

Like snacking in the night.

I miss your hugs and kisses,

I miss you so so much.

I hope that you agree

That we're a perfect match.

❤❤❤

[sadspacecookie]

Healer

I don't know how or why or when

I fell for you. It was the end

Of misery and pain and tears.

Annihilated all my fears

Just by one look into my eyes.

And with your laugh my inside demon slowly dies.

I didn't see you. How? You always were around

I guess I was just too low on the ground,

Was looking for someone who cared,

For someone that I trusted or who dared

To bring me back into the light,

While I, the child of the night

Pushed everyone away

Refusing to survive another day.

Then I looked up and there were you.

At first I thought that I was through

As you did not give me attention.

Like me you lived in isolation,

Twice hurt, without love or higher feeling,

Were nothing but abandoned, beaten being.

But as I thought- behind that silent mask

Was gorgeous world, I only had to ask.

We clicked, you're mine, don't let me go,

Her eyes emit a brighter glow.

My soul is healed, all thanks to you.

Now I just hope I healed you too.

P. S. I used the reference to my older piece of writing in the line "her eyes emit a brighter glow". It could be found further down on my page, it's called Starring Deep so you can go ahead and find it. It's one of my most favorite short stories tbh.

[sadspacecookie]

Bored

You played me, tortured me, you killed,

Dismantled fantasies we built

Of life unique and life unknown...

Yet lied that those were set in stone.

You lied to me, you broke my heart.

My world just shattered, fell apart.

And I ignored all red flags,

Thought that my anxious mind just lags.

I never thought you'd lead me on.

But you got bored. Now you're gone.

[sadspacecookie]

You know, my friends hate you. But I don't. I'm still in love with you. And somehow it doesn't feel wrong, on the contrary it feels so warm, so comfortable, like that's where I belong. Around you my problems fade and become small and unimportant. You make me feel home, make me feel loved. It's in your arms where I can truly relax. Maybe I'm making a mistake, feeding myself a beautiful lie, but God this lie is so sweet, I don't want to leave it. So I will enjoy it while it lasts, I'll get the most of it. And when the lie is drained I won't be so afraid to move on. But maybe it will not drain or fade... What if it stays for long enough and turns into reality. That would be a dream come true. One beautiful dream. So please please please don't let me go this time.