Saffi Crafts

Stumbling blindly into the world of crochet and knitting

[urban-trek-thru-middle-earth]

Incorrect Lord of the Rings Quotes

[chershare]

@blackkatmagic

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

“yes, I’ve been wanting to read that!” I say with complete earnestness, as I proceed to ignore every opportunity I have to read it

[pelahnar]

“I’ve been meaning to read/watch/listen to that, but the stars are not in position, so I can’t do it yet”

[drowningbydegrees]

[clintbartons]

Incorrect The Mandalorian Quotes

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m not sure what’s a funnier interpretation of mando lying stock still for a good long while after falling down from the jawa fortress – that he’s genuinely that dazed or that he’s just taking a moment to look up at the sky and race through the five stages of grief like ‘that. did not just happen. I can’t fucking believe I got outsmarted by a bunch of little hooded red-eyed comedy goblins. maybe if I lie here a while I will discover that I’m dreaming and the razor crest is actually fine. no, I guess this is just what my life has become. and I need to find some way to carry on with that knowledge’

baby’s looking so worried b/c he can sense his new dad going through a small existential crisis

[primarybufferpanel]

I can definitely see it as needing a moment before he feels able to face life again. I mean every single day of his life is One Of Those Days but this…

[coolsaddad-blog]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[feels-for-the-fictional]

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

[marzipanandminutiae]

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

[ineptshieldmaid]

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

[squeeful]

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[last-flight-of-dickarus]

Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly

Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

“Roses are red, violets are purple,

My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”

…

My, how romantic!

[wouldthatcreationhadformedmeman]

DYING. I AM DYING.

[kiranovember]

Calling theshitpostcalligrapher! We need @theshitpostcalligrapher

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

@kiranovember u better buy this as a commission lmao

[simonalkenmayer]

This post has evolved.

[minotaur-in-my-labyrinth]

I am 100 percent all for every part of this thread. I have laughed loudly and long. Thank you, thou glorious purple-hirple rhyme.

[nanajitter]

@sebastianstansjawline @captaindibbzy I feel you would delight in this

[broadlybrazen]

this is why i’m still on tumblr. where else can i get this caliber of wonderful, magical, batshit weirdness

[systlin]

Another tidbit of Mando lore;

Mandalorians quickly figured out that Jedi mostly view blaster fire as “fun lightsaber practice”.

During the Mando-Jedi wars, they dealt with this in characteristically practical fashion; they used slugthrowers (aka ordinary firearms) instead, because if a Jedi tries to deflect a regular bullet, what happens is “A bunch of bullet shrapnel to the Jedi’s face.”

[systlin]

Jedi or sith; deflects blaster fire

Mando’ade, racking a shotgun; deflect this you wizard bitch

[little-miss-rasputin-pageant]

everyone: you can’t beat the jedi. they’ll just deflect your blasters

the mandalorians:

[aroxyroller-deactivated20230408]

[hey-stalkerlol-deactivated20210]

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Video Games

Alien: What is this game about? Human: It’s about being a soldier in a war that reduces you to nothing more than a cog in a larger machine ever churning onwards regardless of any personal dilemmas the characters have. Alien: And the chainsaw guns? Human: Oh those are just frickin bad ass. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I feel this game’s title is misleading. Human: Why do you say that? Alien: Because every enemy and character you meet in game is either screaming, shouting, or loudly yelling. Human: How does that make it misleading? Alien: This is clearly not a silent hill. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I feel terrible for this pac-man. Human: Why do you say that? Alien: He must keep devouring pills to keep the ghosts of his past from getting him and destroying any semblance of a hopeful future. Human: ………. Human: On one hand I think you’re reading way too much into it, and on the other you’re about to make me feel sad for pac-man which has never happened before in my life. ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: This commando is amazing! No wonder you’re military is so good when you have augmentations such as this. Human: Yeah. It’s even more impressive when you take into account his robot arm is made out of his wife. Alien: *Drops controller* Alien: WHAT?!?! ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: I challenge you to a battle with this game! Human: *Sees game, smiles* Human: A classic for sure, but I’m the best at it. To be fair I’ll let you pick first. Alien: I pick Oddjob. Human: You son of a- ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: This game is too complex! Human: Why do you say that? Alien: You must manage your resources, military, population capacity, and research all while fighting other player’s armies! Human: It’s easy once you get the hang of it. Alien :Only the insane would play these strategy games! Human: Well why do you think we keep winning every space war!? ———————————————————————————————————– Alien: How do you play this “minesweeper”. Human: It is a secret my people have long since lost. ———————————————————————————————————– Human: Would you like to play some Mario? Alien: No. Mario is a terrible person and I hate them. Human: That’s a bit harsh. Why do you think that? Alien: He’s a plumber that never does their job! When was the last time you saw him unclog a pipe? ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You sure you don’t want to play? It’s a great game.  Alien: *Watches in horror as they play Halo: CE*  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: So this is a team based survival game? Human: Correct. Alien: And everyone is trying to escape their terrible situation. Human: Indeed. Alien: What if one of them can’t keep up? Human: Then I guess they’re *lowers sunglasses* left for dead.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Why do animals like dogs and horses hardly ever die in your games. Human: In video games they only have one weakness. Alien: What is that?  Human: The plot.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: How are you enjoying the game. Alien: It is nothing more than an alien dating simulator.  Human: So…… Alien: It is wonderful! Human: Thought you might like it. Human: Fair warning though. If you make Tali or Garrus cry I will break your spine.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: How are you en- Human: (sees alien not touching the controller) Human: What’s wrong? Alien: I do not like this. The bad humans won the war.  Human: (sees game. sits down next to them.) Alien: The things they do to people that look different….that don’t believe what they think…. Human: I know buddy. They did terrible things.  Human: But that’s part of the reason you can’t stop playing.  Alien: (looks at human) Human: The game is about fighting the bad people. If you stop fighting them, then they will win and do even more terrible things.  Human: (puts hand on alien’s should)  Human: And you don’t look like the kinda person that’d just sit back and let that happen.  Alien: (nods, picks up controller) That’s not me.  Human: (Smiles) Damn right. Now go kill some fucking nazi scum.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: What is the point of having a gun in this game if the enemy can kill you with a simple kitchen utensil!?  Human: You got it all mixed up. The frying pan is the most powerful weapon, not the gun. ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Are all you subway tunnels filled with giant monsters?!?!? Human: Only the ones in Jersey.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: Did you win the war yet?  Alien: I haven’t even started it. Human: but it’s been three hours. What have you been doing? Alien: I’m trying to get my knight to fall in love with my mage but the stupid archer keeps getting in the way.  Human: I see you’ve discovered the real enemy then.  Human: Love triangles.  ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You sure you’ll be able to play this alone and in the dark? Alien: I’ve been to your offspring entertainment areas. I have nothing to fear from them at night.  Human: Suit yourself. (Leaves) (Next day) Human: So how’d it- Alien: KEEP THE DOORS CLOSED! THEY CAN’T GET IN IF THEY’RE CLOSED! Human: (under breath) probably shouldn’t tell them about the forth game when they pop out of the closet….. ——————————————————————————————————— Human: You don’t seem surprised by the fighting game.  Alien: In truth most of the universe thinks you humans actually hold such death tournaments.  Alien: The only surprise was coming here and finding out you actually don’t.  ——————————————————————————————————— Alien: Friend human! I have discovered the secret to beating your video games! Human: Really? What is it? Alien: They are called “Loot Boxes”. Human: Mother-of-god; they’ve gotten you too! ——————————————————————————————————— Human: What do you think? Alien: I think you humans have it backwards? Human: How so? Alien: Most of your games have aliens attacking your planet. Human: And? Alien: Do you realize how many planets you human’s have invaded in the last month alone?  Human: (ponders, then realizes something) Human: So did you cut us open as well for research on how to defeat us? Alien: At first we did, but then stopped when we realized you are either indestructible or killed by slipping on soap. It was one or the other and was very frustrating. ———————————————————————————————————  Alien: Help! I’m being chased and don’t know what to do! Human: Just sit on that bench. Alien: How will that help!? Human: Trust me. Alien: (Has character sit on bench, watches in amazement as pursuers pass by) Alien: How did that work?  Human: We humans are often blinded from what’s right in front of us.  Alien: You can not be serious. Human: Yesterday I spent a whole hour looking for my keys before I realized they were on a bungee cord on my wrist. You alien’s give us too much credit. 

[4gifs]

[siphersaysstuff]

WHY WAS THIS NOT IN THE FINAL CUT.

Or even the Special Editions. This is GREAT.

[slumberblues-deactivated2026072]

C3PO YOU FUCKER

[mechcanuck-deactivated20200506]

I have a new favorite Star Wars moment.

[kayawilkins-deactivated20210201]

The Witcher, no context

[safficrafts]

Oh, how far I’ve come.

This time last year I was just learning how to crochet. Now I’m designing my own stuff.

A shawl I’m working on atm of my own design (I’m still writing the pattern).

[safficrafts]

I’m making a lap blanket for my mother for her birthday in baby alpaca.

I originally started out using the drunken granny stitch but something went wrong...I have no idea what I did (changed hooks? Tension differences, did I drop a stitch or three???), but the right side went wonky 🤬. I put it away for a few weeks in irritation and pulled it back out last night to figure out how to fix it.

I finally decided to frog the whole thing and start again in c2c. It’s more forgiving with the edges.

[mumbojumbocrochet]

[safficrafts]

I can actually read this chart!

Reblogging for later

[safficrafts]

Just a little day project after I finished the blanket.

A scarf!

I used the drunken granny stitch for the main part and then watched a video on popcorn stitch to learn how to do the edging.

I’m not 100% happy with the wool. It’s a bit scratchy to be using on my neck (sensitive skin).

It looks pretty, though!

[safficrafts]

I started teaching myself to crochet just before Christmas to give me something to keep my hands busy.

Also because of my grandmother in a way. My cousin had a christening for her little girl coming up and this would be the first of the grandchildren to not have a blanket made for them by Nanna...

That...made me sad. So I decided to continue the tradition.

Here is my first ever project, a baby blanket for a little girl. Sized to fit a king single bed so that she can use it for many years to come.