Scared To Lose you ~ Arch Manning
Arch Manning x fem!reader
summary: Arch has strong feelings for Y/N (she also does deep down), but he is scared to tell her. So he choose to avoid her, and ends up fucking things up.
word count: +2.8k (there's still more, but that's for part 2...)
content warnings: Angst, tension, emotional, fear of losing Y/N, Arch avoiding Y/N, etc (idk what else :/)
song: iloveitiloveitiloveit by Bella Kay (I'm obsessed with this one!)
author's note: So... I'm back :) I'm not sure if you guys are going to enjoy this one, but hey, I tried my best. Also, idk if ya'll want me to continue with this, or start doing something else. Ya'll tell me!! š«”
*F/N -> Friend's Name
You and Arch consider yourselves very good friends. Even though you donāt share the same group of friends, you help each other with college assignments, you always show up to support him at his games, and most importantly, youāre there for him during his worst moments. Anyone would assume youāre a couple. But that couldnāt be further from the truth. The reality is, youāve never really stopped to talk about your feelings. You both avoid the sparks that appear whenever you hug, or when your hands brush against each other while walking across campus.
Arch, however, is very clear about his feelings. Heās completely in love with you, but he avoids saying it out loudālet alone telling youābecause heās terrified of rejection and, even worse, of losing you. And thatās the last thing he wants, because it would completely destroy him.
Despite his complicated feelings, he still sees you as a loyal friend, someone he can count on at any moment. Thatās why he does everything he can to stop himself from falling even deeper for you. And by āeverything,ā I mean he tries to avoid you. He tries to get you out of his mind by spending time with other girls.
But that only makes things worse, because he canāt stop comparing them to you. And you always win.
As for you, you tell yourself that you donāt really know what you feel for Arch. Or at least, thatās what you like to believe. You push away any feelings you might have for him because youāre convinced your worlds are completely different. But lately, itās getting harder and harder to resist himāand the way your heart starts racing whenever heās around.
Itās true that youāve noticed Arch being much more distant these past few months. But youāve tried not to think too much about it. You tell yourself heās probably just busy. Still, deep down, that distance hurts even more when you see him hanging around with other girls . You went from being inseparable during your first years of college to barely seeing each other now.
For the moment, you push those thoughts aside and bring your mind back to reality.
You and your friend are on your way to a frat partyāyour second one this year, which according to her is way too little, considering she goes to one almost every week.
You park the car about ten meters away from the house, which already looks completely packed with people. The music is so loud you can hear it clearly from inside the car. With a sigh, you step out and make your way inside, trying not to bump into the crowd.
You eventually reach the kitchen, where you wait for your friendās boyfriendāwho happens to be one of the players on the university football team. The atmosphere is chaotic and electric.
The football team just won their fifth game of the season against one of their biggest rivalsāOhio State Universityāafter a last-minute comeback touchdown from Arch.
You canāt help but feel incredibly proud of him. You know how much it means to him to help the team secure such an important win against a program like Ohio.
Your eyes scan the room, searching for him, but you canāt find him anywhere. You know heās at the party, because itās literally being held at his friendsā house. Heās probably somewhere with them, so for now you decide to stay with your friend until her boyfriend arrives.
āArch was amazing today,ā your friend says, turning toward you. āAnd donāt think I didnāt notice how he was looking for you in the crowd after the game,ā she adds innocently, a knowing smile spreading across her face.
āYou can forget about that, F/N,ā you reply quickly, looking down at your shoes to avoid her gaze. āThatās literally impossible with how big the stadium is. Besides, we were surrounded by tons of girls.ā
What you fear the most is that she might notice the truth. That deep downā¦ youāre hoping for the exact opposite of what you just said. Deep down, you really hope Arch was looking for you in the crowd. The thought of him searching for someone elseās eyes in the stands would hurtāespecially after you never once took your eyes off him during the entire game.
Truth is, the only moments you truly paid attention to the game were when Arch stepped onto the field. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, your feelings for him are becoming more and more obvious. And now even more so, because you miss his presence.
A few minutes later, your friendās boyfriend finally arrives, and together you all make your way to the backyard, where most of the party seems to be happening. People are dancing, laughing, and some are even jumping into the pool completely drunk.
With a beer in your hand, you start looking for Arch again. This time, you find him. Heās sitting with his friendsāand a couple of girls who, in your opinion, are sitting way too close to him. Youāre not sure if you want to approach him or not, since you guys haven't spoken lately.
You end up deciding to raise your hand to try to get his attention, but it doesnāt work. So you apologize to your friend, promising youāll be right back, and start walking toward him. Theyāre talking loudly and enthusiastically, but the moment you arrive, everyone suddenly falls silent and stares at you as if theyāve never seen you before.
āHeyā¦ā Arch says but stops abruptly realizing, he is speaking to you. He clearly wasnāt expecting you at the party. You quickly realize heās already a little drunk, which surprises you since he hasnāt been at the party for that long.
āYouā¦ humm, want to sit with us?ā he adds, making space beside him, on the outdoor sofa.
You canāt help but notice the way the girls are looking at youāand not in a friendly way. They both have the most beautiful blonde hair you have ever seen, and they keep scanning you from head to toe like theyāre silently judging you. It makes you suddenly second-guess the way you dressed tonight.
You remember your friend is still waiting for you with her boyfriend and a couple of friends from college, so you decide to turn down Archās invitation for now, even though it hurts a little.
āI left F/N waiting for me, but thank you anyway,ā you tell him with an uncomfortable smile before turning around and heading back to your friend.
You probably wonāt come back. Not unless those leeches move at least fifty meters away from him. Youāve never felt so judged by someone without them saying a single word. Those two only needed their eyes to make you feel uncomfortable.
But anyway, putting that aside, it still bothers you that you didnāt get to spend time with Arch. You feel like there are so many things you want to say to him. After all, this is the first time youāve seen each other in two weeks. You havenāt even run into him on campus, which is strange since that used to happen all the time.
āHey, youāre back already? That was fast!ā your friend says, clearly surprised, frowning her brows.
āYeah, wellā¦ itās not like I was exactly welcomed by his fan club,ā you reply, glancing back toward the two girls again. Theyāre laughing at something Arch just said, but he breaks eye contact with them to look at you, and you quickly look away, turning back toward your friend.
Your friend follows your gaze and makes a face. āHeās clearly very drunk. He doesnāt even know who heās hanging out with anymore,ā she says, trying to cheer you up. āI bet he thought one of them was you,ā she adds, raising her eyebrows before taking a sip of her beer.
I wish that was true, you think to yourself.
- A while later, you and your friend are already pretty drunk. When it comes to Beer Pong, your competitive side really kicks in.
Unfortunately, you just lost against your friendās boyfriend and his teammate, and the alcohol you had to drink is definitely hitting you now. So you decide to take a break from the games and sit down on the couchāwhich, surprisingly, is completely empty.
You lean back and stare up at the ceiling, exhausted. Maybe drinking that much wasnāt the best idea, because you can feel your mind slipping, and now all you can think about is Arch.
You close your eyes for a moment, and memories start flooding ināback to that day in the library when you were helping him study for a midterm.
You remember it like it was yesterday. How, instead of paying attention to his notes while you explained the material, he just watched you whenever you werenāt looking. How he leaned closer every time you spoke, pretending he couldnāt hear youājust to catch your scent, a fragrance he had already fallen for long ago.
Or the way, every time a strand of your hair fell in your face while you were writing, heād gently tuck it behind your ear. That moment. You remember how your heart started racing uncontrollably. The way you looked at each other afterwardā¦ and how softly he looked at you. You both felt it. The air shifted. The tension became unbearable, and you ended up cutting the tutoring session shortāeven though there were still fifteen minutes left.
A small smile forms on your lips as you remember it. That day, your heart truly skipped a beat. But it was also the day Arch started pulling away from you.
You suddenly flinch when you feel a small bump against the back of your head. You turn around to see where it came from.
A couple of guys, completely drunk, are messing around and shoving each other, accidentally hitting you. Luckily, it wasnāt too hard.
You settle back into the couch and look forward again. The kitchen is right in front of you.
And there he is.
Arch is standing inside, staring right at you. And of course, one of those girls is glued to his sideāthe same one whoās been looking at him with obvious interest.
But Archās eyes donāt leave yours. It makes you uncomfortable, so you look away for a couple of secondsā¦ but when you look back, you instantly regret it.
The girl grabs his face, forcing his attention away from you and onto her. He lowers his gaze to look at herāand she takes the chance. She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her lips against his, kissing him in a slow, sensual way. The scene immediately draws everyoneās attention, and people start cheering and whistling, encouraging them to keep going.
You look away, your chest tightening painfully, like someone just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over your head.
At this point, you canāt even tell if what youāre feeling is the alcohol or your heart breaking. The pressure in your chest becomes too much, so you stand up quickly, avoiding the kitchen completely, and rush out to the porch. Your vision blurs with tears, and no matter how hard you try to hold them back, they spill down your cheeks.
You shouldnāt be crying, you tell yourself. But itās impossible not to. After years of suppressing your feelings for Arch out of fear of losing himā¦ just seeing him with someone else hurts more than you ever expected.
You sit down on the front steps and wipe your tears with the sleeves of your sweater.
āThis is so stupid,ā you whisper to yourself, letting out an ironic laugh. You never imagined yourself crying over a guy, so you blame it on the alcohol.
Inside, people are still chanting Archās name, so you cover your ears to block it out. Right now, all you want is to go home, but you canāt leave cuz youāre drunk as fuck. So you decide to call an Uber back home.
Thereās no way youāre going back inside.
Mental note: never go to another frat party for the rest of college.
Lost in your thoughts, you donāt notice when Arch rushes out of the house, desperately looking for you.
After the girl kissed himāa girl whose name he doesnāt even rememberāhe pulled away as fast as he could. Because he knew you were watching.
Frustrated by the whole situation and the attention it drew, he tried to find you againābut you were gone.
Like crazy, he searched the entire ground floor with no luck. Until he finally rushed out onto the porch and spotted you leaning against your car across the street, completely lost in thought.
āY/N!ā he calls you.
You flinch at the sound of your name and look up, seeing Arch jogging toward you. āArchāā you try to speak, but he cuts you off.
āIāI donāt know why she kissed me,ā he blurts out quickly, closing the distance between you. āI donāt even know her, sheās just a friend of a friendā¦ā he continues, clearly upset.
āArch, stop,ā you say firmly. He goes quiet instantly, looking at you with concern. āYou donāt owe me any explanation. And I donāt understand why youāre even giving me one. I donāt care what you do with her,ā you say, trying to sound indifferent. Youāre obviously lying, and he knows it. Because no matter how hard he tries not to notice your red, teary eyesā¦ it kills him knowing itās because of him. He frowns and steps closer.
āAre you sure, Y/N?ā he asks, his tone almost accusatory. You nod. āThen why did you leave?ā he asks more softly now, almost whispering as he takes another step closer. Thereās barely a meter between you now. āWhy did you run?ā
āI didnāt run,ā you snap defensively, crossing your arms. He doesnāt reply. He just keeps staring at you, confused, his brows furrowed. āSo Iād appreciate it if you just left me alone,ā you add, hoping heāll finally turn around and walk away.
You donāt think you can handle having him this close for another second, but he doesnāt move. He just stands there, watching you, searching your face for answers. You hate feeling like this. Broken. You hate lying to him. You hate talking to him like this. But deep down, you feel like maybe he deserves it. After all, he was the one who pulled away.
Thinking about it again only makes you angrier. You spent days wondering if you did something wrongāif he got tired of you.
āWhy now, Arch?ā you ask, exhausted, letting your arms fall to your sides. āYouāve been avoiding me for daysāmonths, even!ā you let out a sarcastic laugh. āAnd now youāre talking to me like nothing happened. Why?ā
āY/Nā¦ Iām sorry,ā he says desperately, closing the small distance left between you until only a few inches separate you. He looks into your eyes, waiting for you to pull away. But you donāt.
āI was scaredāā he starts, but doesnāt finish. Instead, he lifts his hands and cups your face, his thumbs gently brushing over your cheeks with so much care and tenderness. āI was scared of losing you,ā he finally admits. Despite the way your heart is racing from his touch, you canāt help but feel even more betrayed by his words.
āAnd you thought the best way to not lose meā¦ was to push me away?ā you ask in disbelief, pulling his hands off your face. Arch has never felt more regretful in his life. He knows he messed up.
Ever since you started spending more time together, he couldnāt stop himself from falling deeper for you.
āIām sorry,ā he says again, because thereās nothing else he can say. He canāt make excusesābecause youāre right. All heās done is ruin everything. He lowers his head, ashamed. āIām sorryā¦ā he repeats, this time in a whisper. And then again. And again. Each apology makes it harder for you to hold yourself together.
You feel your eyes burning again, tears threatening to fall. You know that if you say a single word, youāll break down completelyāand thatās the last thing you want. But the moment you feel Archās arms wrap around you, pulling you into a warmth you didnāt realize how much you missedā¦ You canāt hold it in anymore. The tears fall, soaking into his jacket.
You feel Archās hands softly tracing circles on your back, holding onto you like you might slip away at any secondāwhich, right now, isnāt far from the truth.
Just then, your phone vibrates. You remember you called an Uber. Needing to stop things from going any further, you gently pull away from Arch and wipe your tears with the back of your hand.
āI need time, Arch,ā you manage to say after a moment of silence. āI need to thinkā¦ and I canāt do that right now.ā Arch just looks at you, regret written all over his face, not knowing what to say. But you donāt wait for him to speak back.
āYou should think things through too, Arch,ā you add, giving him one last look before turning and heading home, heartbroken and alone.
author's note: Sorry for the yaping š.
