Ramblings Of A Mad Writer

Goodbye

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@change-in-sonus happy birthday to the best plant mom hipster chill dude I know

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Mettaton EX Tracy Martel

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More Undertale + UNHhhh ig

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Undertale + UNHhhh is something I didn’t know needed to exist but now it’s all I live for

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Stayed up until 4:30am yesterday (today?) dicking around with my new best friend and dnd, and I gotta say as fun as it is playing with her with like just making shit up as she goes I can’t wait to join an actual campaign bc then there’s less pressure on me if I freeze and don’t know “what to do next”... there’d be other ppl and I wouldn’t have to worry so much about doing something “wrong”

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So uh, I’m dating her now and we’re starting to have weekly campaigns with friends

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“You know, this situation here poses an interesting philosophical question—”

*pause, looks at dm with a wide grin, knowing exactly what I’ve done*

“*sigh* you feel you eye start to bleed, you take 2 psychic damage for being a smartass”

*glances at ceiling* “thank you sir”

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Stayed up until 4:30am yesterday (today?) dicking around with my new best friend and dnd, and I gotta say as fun as it is playing with her with like just making shit up as she goes I can’t wait to join an actual campaign bc then there’s less pressure on me if I freeze and don’t know “what to do next”... there’d be other ppl and I wouldn’t have to worry so much about doing something “wrong”

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Just had a dream that placed a very powerful imagine in my head: megamind getting double teamed by metro man and a metro man clone

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Oh my god if I ever get tired of the mullet I can do a little padawan braid and the buzz the rest my 12 y/o self is quaking

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I did it lmao manic midnight haircut in an attempt to break free of the throes of dissociation. It kind of worked.

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Stanford “Grunkle Ford” Pines Playlist

Ah yes, the brother. The Author of the Journals. The King of NERDS. The man I hope to god every day that I’ve turned into him in my sleep. Uh, but that’s not relevant. Here’s the songs. And please don’t think I stole some of these ideas from tiktok cosplayers. It was only like two of them. The others are all mine baby~

Violet - Those Who Dream

Exorcism - Creep-P

The Mind Electric - Miracle Musical

Echo - CircusP + Crusher-P

Aishite Aishite Aishite - Kikuo

Bandito - twenty one pilots

How to Pretend - CircusP

Teenage Rebel - Chameleon Circuit

Animalistic - Creep-P

I Bet My Life - Imagine Dragons

Some Nights (Intro) - Fun.

Hyperdontia - Creep-P & Ghost

Ode To Sleep - twenty one pilots

my strange addiction - Billie Eilish

Poison (Thanks for Nothing) - Jayn

Polarize - twenty one pilots

Non-Stop - Hamilton: An American Musical

Call Me On the Ouija Board - Sharon Needles

Brand New Reality - Phineas and Ferb: Across the 1st and 2nd Dimensions

Dream Sweet in Sea Major - Miracle Musical

Not Today - twenty one pilots

Soul Like Me - Andy Black

Migraine - twenty one pilots

Yeah there’s a whole bunch of twenty one pilots and vocaloid. Whatever. Struggling to stay sane, fighting one’s own mind, hating but missing the lost brother. Adventure, depression, screaming into the void, and a little bit of “oh this guy definitely has had sex with a ghost”. That’s Sixer, and we love him. Just don’t bring up that brother of his...

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Stanley “Grunkle Stan” Pines Playlist

Oh boy, been sitting on this and Ford’s for a while. Figured if I don’t post it now I’ll forget until this hyperfixation dies and is reborn again in two years. Don’t wanna think about a life where I’m not constantly thinking about these idiots, but I know it won’t last forever :(((((

Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn? - Evelyn Evelyn

My Blood - twenty one pilots

Amsterdam - Imagine Dragons

The Hearse Song - Rusty Cage

Poison (Thanks for Nothing) - Jayn

I’ve No More ... To Give (feat. Damian Clark) - Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq

Monody (feat. Laura Brehm) - TheFatRat

I Bet My Life - Imagine Dragons

Stressed Out - twenty one pilots

Orinoco Flow - Enya

Stupid In School (Live) - Brian Regan

Daddy - Danny Gonzalez

Homecoming King - Andy Black

Polarize - twenty one pilots

Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance

If I Were a Jolly Blacksmith - Galavant: Season 2 (Original Soundtrack)

Who I’d Be - Shrek: The Musical

Stickerbrush Sympathy - Yungtown

Money - That Poppy

Yo Ho Hero - The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything (Original Soundtrack)

Gotta have a balanced playlist, can’t be one-dimensional. Some silly, some serious, all Certified Grunkle bay-bee. Longing to worthy, be a hero, be someone, anyone at all. Anger, jealousy, lamentations, and of course some of that good old-fashioned Stan Pines dumbassery that we know and love. Throw in some adventure and sPoOkY vIbEs and you’ve got one amazing Hero that gives great hugs. Just be sure to not compare him to his brother...

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Oh my god if I ever get tired of the mullet I can do a little padawan braid and the buzz the rest my 12 y/o self is quaking

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I’m so tired of all this shit. Every day is the exact same and I can’t break the loop. I thought things were finally getting better but it’s just getting worse and I don’t know why or how to fix it. I cried the last hour of my shift tonight and no one noticed. I feel awful. If I wasn’t so useless at connecting with people I might have someone to talk to but instead I’m here screaming into the void hoping that no one sees but secretly wishing someone would ask if I’m ok and really mean it, not just to placate me or settle their own conscience.

I’m so tired. I need sleep. I need something good. I need my brain to rest. I need the meds to work.

I need answers. But there aren’t any. And I don’t know what to do.

I thought if I just fixed this one thing, everything else would fall into place. If I just got a job, if I just got a raise, if I just got on antidepressants, if I just got a therapist, if I just got diagnosed with ADD, if I just got attention meds, if I just had something to look forward to, if I could just figure out why the meds aren’t working, why aren’t they working, what’s wrong with me, why aren’t they working, I’m supposed to focus now, I’m supposed to remember things now, I’m supposed to finally be able to live. Nothing works. Why doesn’t anything work. I’ve been in a constant out-of-body state for days now, it’s so much worse, why can’t I just snap out of it.

I wish I remembered going to see my favorite band, I wish I remembered them playing my favorite song, I wish I remembered what year it was or what the weather was like or even what I was wearing. I can’t remember. I feel like I’m losing my mind and at this point I don’t have any hope of fixing it.

I miss not being in a fog. I miss being able to walk out of a room and remember what I just did. I miss being able to push the covers off of me and put my clothes on without having a constant stream of music or dialogue playing. I miss when social media was something I looked forward to, something I did for entertainment, not just something to melt my thoughts into to pass the time and then have no recollection of what I saw. I miss writing. I miss reading. I miss being able to know how much time has passed. I miss not just blinking and having the entire day gone.

I’m so tired. I just need peace. But everything is so loud.

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When I’m watching something in the living room and have to pause it to get something from the kitchen, I have to watch something on my phone as I go otherwise I can’t do it......... if I don’t have interesting music or a podcast or a video playing constantly, I can’t make myself do anything. Even get out of bed and go to the bathroom or get off the couch and get food. I’m in the bathroom right now but I know I won’t get up and eat dinner until I turn on something on youtube....... this sucks, I wish the meds were working and I wish I knew why they weren’t

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They tell you corporations are a platypus the government’s a platypus your teacher is a platypus society’s a platypus your parents are a platypus the media’s a platypus

But never forget cops are a platypus too

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Hhhhhhoh my god fiske and alastair from 39 clues was the start of my softness for older badass but also soft grumpy men that may or may not have faked their deaths more than once and are definitely on the run from multiple law enforcements

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Legit spent 45 minutes at work the other day working out a scene where tony takes jackie (oc) to pride and then nearly throws some hands when he hears these ace-exclusionist assholes just being dicks and Goes Off for like 10 minutes just telling these hoes what’s what and then jackie is just standing next to him like crying bc no ones really stood up for her like that and they go back to stark tower and have a lighthearted movie night and the video of tony goes viral and now he’s a meme for all the aces to use when some dumb shit is being said