"Arizona, this just isn't going to work anymore."
Teddy leaned against the doorframe of Arizona's room, staring at her back. Arizona was curled up in the fetal position in her bed, with her back to Teddy. She didn't move, and to anyone else, it would appear that she was asleep. Teddy knew better though.
"You need to do something different," Teddy said as she slowly took a few steps into her room.
"This isn't healthy, Arizona."
"I want to help you; please let me."
Arizona took in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before slowly letting it out.
"Just stop. Please." There was no malice in Arizona's voice. Her tone was flat and calm. She had heard everything that Teddy was saying now thousands of times before. It wasn't just Teddy who told her these things, but her own conscious. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, her own resolve began to break. Her own mind turned on her. She began to slowly give up on herself. She began to slowly give up on the possibility of ever returning to any normalcy in her life. She would never be the Arizona that she was before the accident. It wasn't even about losing her leg anymore; rather, she had lost her self, and she was becoming more and more certain that she would never find herself ever again.
"Look, I'm your friend, and I love you, and you're going to hear me out on this and not interrupt me." Teddy's voice suddenly snapped Arizona back to the present.
"Okay," came the meek reply from Arizona.
"I know that right now even the thought of leaving the apartment is too much for you. I get that, I really do. But I also know the longer you stay cooped up in here, the harder it will be. I mean, at some point you have to get out and live your life, and you need to start taking baby steps towards that."
Teddy started to feel flustered. This all sounded much better and made much more sense in her head.
Arizona shifted onto her back. She kept her eyes tightly closed, but tried her best to let Teddy's words wash over her, and actually sink in.
"So I still have a lot of Army buddies serving overseas, and it can be lonely there. I mean, they have each other, but it's still hard. Being so removed from home and what used to be your normal life is difficult. You know that, Arizona. You know that better than most people."
Teddy worried that she was starting to sound desperate. The truth was, she was. She was desperate to help her friend. Arizona hadn't been the same since the plane crash that took her leg. It wasn't the obvious lack of leg that Teddy was concerned about, but rather Arizona seemed to have become a shell of her former self. It was as if all the Arizona had been scooped out at some point.
Teddy continued to speak, but Arizona didn't hear her. It wasn't that she was trying to ignore her friend, but rather the opposite. She was stuck ruminating on things that Teddy had told her in the past. Teddy was right; she couldn't continue on like this. Something had to give. She couldn't keep slipping more and more into herself. It wasn't even herself that she was slipping into, was it? Internally, something fundamentally changed when that plane fell out of the sky. Yes, she lost her leg, but she was adjusting to that. It was as if Arizona lost the essence of who she was…of what made her Arizona and not someone else…and it was that that terrified her most.
"…so her name is Callie and she's a surgeon. She's stationed in Iraq and this is her second tour of duty over there."
Arizona snapped back to reality upon realizing that Teddy had continued talking. Arizona blinked her eyes a few times before propping herself up on her elbow to look at Teddy as she continued speaking.
"Anyway, she doesn't know anything about you. It's like a 'friend of a friend of a friend' type thing. She doesn't know that you're missing a leg, that you're a surgeon, or even that you're a doctor. And you don't have to tell her any of that stuff at first when you email her. Honestly, when I was there, a part of me lived for conversations with people back home about going to the grocery store." Teddy was concerned. She couldn't read Arizona, and kept squeezing and releasing her two hands.
Arizona stared at her friend intently. She obviously had missed much of what Teddy had said, but it seemed as if this Callie was supposed to be some sort of pen pal for Arizona. Or maybe it was Arizona who was supposed to be the pen pal for Callie? Arizona liked that idea much better. She liked the idea of it being about someone else. She liked helping other people; it's why she became a doctor. She wanted to help heal people. She felt useless in terms of trying to heal herself, but perhaps she could be an encouragement and a friend to this Callie.
Teddy shifted her weight uneasily as Arizona sat up in her bed, resting her back on the headboard. Teddy reached into her pocket as she took a few steps forward. She shoved her hand out towards Arizona, with a small piece of paper folded neatly in it.
"So, this is her email address," Teddy stated as she waited for Arizona to take the paper. She opened her mouth to speak again, but before she could, Arizona cut her off.
"Okay," she said as she took the paper from Teddy's slightly trembling hand, "I'll make sure to email her before I go to bed tonight."
Arizona smiled sweetly at her friend, who almost looked slightly panicked.
"Okay. Great!" Teddy replied as a wide grin emerged on her face. She took a step back and then turned around to leave Arizona's room. As she walked into their living room, she shut the door behind her and audibly sighed. She continued towards her room with a smug grin of self-satisfaction on her face. Maybe this whole Army pen pal thing was exactly what Arizona needed to find herself again and come out of her shell. It would allow her to be social and interact with someone, but in a very safe environment for Arizona. It would be great for Callie as well. Teddy knew all too well what it was like to be a surgeon in wartime. Light and carefree conversations about the best type of pasta would be a welcome distraction for Callie. Teddy quietly chuckled to herself as she got ready to leave for work at the hospital. This had been a genius idea, and she was more than a little proud of herself.
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