Local Nagito Kinnie

He/him || Birthday: July 19th 2005 || Self-diagnosed pwNPD || This blog is for venting NPD stuff

[saint-amongst-men]

Welcome to My Personal Hell!

Hey, I'm Saint Amongst Men, Saint, SAM, or whatever nickname you wanna use. Idrc too much. I use he/him pronouns strictly. I kin quite a few characters and will probably switch my blog themes between them whenever I have strong enough kinshifts.

I likely have a few disorders, one of which being NPD. I decided to turn this into an NPD vent blog for myself, since it was already NPD focused, and I sort of need this since the NPD- or at least NPD traits- affect me almost daily.

My NPD can warp my sense of situations and others intentions at times. If I seem upset/angry, and I'm ranting in a vent post, do take my perspective with a grain of salt. I tend to victimize myself, get irrational, insult people a lot, etc. in that state, so I might not be the most credible until I've calmed down. I'll try to call myself out on it when it happens, though. At least once I've become rational + realized I was victimizing myself, that is. Do note it might take some time due to my ego, and/or might not actually happen at all if I'm unlucky :'P

Note that I am a firm believer in recovery and betterment for everyone. It does not matter how horrid a person is, I still believe they can change for the better and deserve good living conditions, since that is a human right in my eyes. Yes, even those people.

On a similar note: I don't feel comfortable having people who actively want to get worse/hurt other people on purpose interacting with-/trying to befriend me. I won't, like, harass you over it, as that goes against my morals, but I will block you for my own peace of mind. This ESPECIALLY goes for eating disorders and self-harm fyi

Tags:

💥 irrational/victimization npd stuff 💥 - Posts where I'm not in a sound state of mind. Usually comes with some form of self-victimization or blinded-by-rage statements. I won't count posts where I'm aware I'm being irrational, though.

📬 my old anon confessions 📬 - Reblogs of old anons I've sent in. Usually to "NPD culture is..." blogs. I don't really do these anymore, as I just do vent posts instead.

ᴺᴾᴰ ᵇˡᶦⁿᵏᶦᵉ ᵇʸ ᶜʰʳᵒⁿᶦᶜᵃˡˡʸˡᵉᵍˡᵉˢˢ ᵀʳᵃⁿˢ ᵇˡᶦⁿᵏᶦᵉ ᵇʸ ᴶᵘⁿᵃᵇᵘᵍᵍʸ

[helicalsymmetry]

8 hours of decent sleep will have you thinking things like 'i am a beautiful horse and i will never die'

[peerless-outlaw]

NPD is so fun because someone will say something that slightly threatens my ego (wasn't even directed at me) and now I have to kill them and myself.

[saint-amongst-men]

Ego so fragile I can't even have an art teacher say I'm doing something wrong (when I'm expecting praise) without almost crying and ragequitting.

[equalperson]

❌ "narcissism wasn't coined in reference to NPD/not all narcissism is clinical, so there's nothing wrong with using 'narcissistic' as an insult!"

❌ "narcissism only refers to NPD, so any use of 'narcissistic' outside of a clinical context is wrong!"

✔️ "narcissism was coined in reference to autosexuality (an unrelated phenomenon) before later referring to extreme egocentrism, which was later used to name NPD. narcissism--both as a trait and a disorder--has been used to stigmatize for decades, even in psychology and psychiatry. the use of 'narcissistic' as an insult is bigoted because it teaches/enables a false association between evil and people with the psychological disability of the same name, but the clinical description of these individuals as exhibiting 'narcissistic personality disorder' is equally troublesome and worthy of criticism."

[warriorprincesstramp]

you're so vain you probably think this vaguepost is about you

[saint-amongst-men]

Sometimes I see people in Genshin when I look for co-op that say they won't let others into their world, and I always- just for a moment- feel tempted to join. I genuinely think for that brief moment that I'd be different, and that they'd like me enough to make an exception.

It's a similar thing to when I see vague posts about other people, and I always believe for a moment they're about me, even if they mention details in the post that contradict stuff about what I'm like such as age or gender.

[saint-amongst-men]

I just remembered that I'VE HAD EXPERIENCES THAT CONFIRM THIS THOUGHT. The person's signature didn't say "no co-op," but they did mention once I was in their world that they usually always decline co-op requests due to anxiety. But somehow they let me into their world and we became friends for a little while.

[saint-amongst-men]

This happened earlier but-

I love it when my mom is talking about how she hopes she was a good parent and/or says she was a pretty good parent. And I just have to, like, stay silent. Cuz I can't get myself to agree with her. It's really fucking awkward, man...

Like, woman, you arguably fucked me up worse than my "dad." I dunno if you can call yourself the better parent.

[saint-amongst-men]

hello you have great taste in characters and something about the way you write is really clear and concise so that's super cool

Ahhhh thank you so much! Unsure which character(s) you're referring to, but I haven't posted/mentioned a lot on my blog. I'm guessing it's Nagito since he's my theme atm.

But uh. Yeah. I do feel like I tend to create long ass sentences that run on forever. Hell, even one of my old teachers mentioned it was a problem for me, but still: Thank you!

[saint-amongst-men]

Flirting with a guy and being genuinely vulnerable with him is really fucking humbling. At least he's not judgemenral, but oml is my ego dying

[saint-amongst-men]

"I think I might have NPD" "No you don't dw :) people with NPD never question if they have NPD because they never self-refle-"

[saint-amongst-men]

Unsure if you need help with this, but I'll extend a hand just in case, since I don't know what part of your journey you're at in specific:

Even if you end up finding out you don't have it, I'd genuinely recommend taking a look at any NPD traits you(plural) may have.

Reframing it as learning about your NPD traits, and figuring out how to recognize- and cope with them can be a better way to look at it. You know, rather than "do I- or do I not have this thing."

If you have any NPD traits? Great, now you can slowly figure out how to work on it and live a healthier- and happier life as a result. If you don't? Well, now you've learnt more about yourself/selves, and might also end up being more empathetic towards people with the disorder and/or traits.

If you need a good resource to start with, I'd recommend looking up HealNPD on Youtube. He's an actual professional, and he makes great, helpful videos that are empathetic towards people with NPD.

A video of his that was a breakthrough for me was this one about feeling empty, since he explained the common trauma-related origin of NPD, and also gave some advice on how to cope with feeling empty inside. Tough tbh other videos may give more helpful advice or info, too, so just look at any video that catches your interest, really.

I doubt your friends mean any harm, as you mentioned, but keeping yourself from questioning, discovering, and working on your flaws/disordered behavior won't help anyone. Just remember to be patient with yourself, and take things at a manageable pace.

[saint-amongst-men]

"I think I might have NPD" "No you don't dw :) people with NPD never question if they have NPD because they never self-refle-"

[saint-amongst-men]

Some good tags we got here. Very yummy. 10/10 genuinely. It'd be a shame to keep them in the tags only, though, so you're getting your tags screenshotted and reblogged.

[purgedcvt]

Cool vaguepost mootie so true I completely agree is it about me

[saint-amongst-men]

When going "I'm just a creature" actually helps you recognize your own personhood. It's so stupidly simple but it works.

[niitroglycerin]

(me trying to have a normal conversation) so when are you going to get on your knees and offer me your unending devotion and worldly possessions in exchange for my acknowledgement of your existence

[saint-amongst-men]

When you post a comment on TikTok and the OP responds with "I miss pinned posts" + likes your comment. I feel like I'm on such a high right now. I am based and correct as always. My ego is flying oml.

[saint-amongst-men]

trans man npd nagito kin??? ive met my doppelgänger this is scaring me.

but i saw an older post of yours talking abt how you can’t help but feel like npd makes you more charismatic/makes people drawn to you and I’ve definitely observed that myself. when i push away the feeling of “why *wouldnt* they be drawn to me, I deserve it?” i honestly think it’s true that npd Does make you more charismatic, at least for the more grandiose types. i’m saved from a lot of the social difficulties autism would cause by my npd personally; if I didn’t know most social cues I would lose it. the self-confident mask draws other people in if they can’t see behind it. you’re a confident person with big ambitions and talk, egotypicals like a leader. those at the top are called narcs bc they know we’re the best /j

-🌀

Wait until you learn I'm also autistic (actually diagnosed) on top of that. Truly doppelgängers frfr.

But yeah, egotypicals like the appearance of confidence and self-assurance, which NPD excel at appearing as, so it's why I assumed my social success stems from my NPD traits in specific.

Basically "fake it till you make it" is actually a viable strat when it comes to being socially successful. Charisma is often just a lot of social bluffing in the egotypical and allistic world lol.

Also I really relate to the part about your NPD traits carrying the social deficits your autism causes. Like oml it's not even funny.